Approval of divorce and remarriage

deusartemlux · Jan 28, 2022

Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

TzephanYahu · Jan 28, 2022

Hi @deusartemlux

I understand your dilemma.

I think the matter of divorce is more involved than simply "Christ condemned it". I mean no disrespect in saying that. But understanding the original process of divorce, the original language used in the NT, the culture of the time and the huge political scandal of the Messiah's day plays alot into His comments on divorce.

Now, the circumstances of your brother in law's divorce should play into your decision here. If you felt he dealt wickedly and decietfully with his ex and divorced her in order to marry another, yes perhaps it isn't a good thing to go. However, if he divorced and eventually met another whom he loved and wanted to marry, I see no issue with attending this wedding.

But don't not goto the wedding "..for the Bible tells me so!", because it doesn't. Then, when others learn why you didn't attend, the Lord's name and the faith will be spoken ill of, and surely it will not attract a non-believer closer to God in hearing of it. Remember who the Lord would sit and eat with.

In summary, divorce is a deeply involved matter and it is in the Scriptures too. Yahweh understands the context of relationships and our trials and, even though the blanket rule is do not divorce, sometimes it is unstoppable. So, if you don't feel like your brother in law acted wickedly with intent to his ex, don't risk appearing "holier than thou" over this matter towards him, lest he judges the faith and even God. Of course, you need to take his ex's feelings into consideration as well if your attendance would hurt them greatly.

I hope you that gives you a different point of view to consider.

Peace

miamited · Jan 28, 2022

Hi @deusartemlux

deusartemlux said:
However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding?

Personally, I'm questioning why you would even be attending your 'brother in laws' new wedding. Wouldn't your brother in law be the ex-husband of your sister? Why would you feel compelled to go to his wedding?

However, to address your point, God hates divorce. No Jesus did not give approval of divorce for adultery. What Jesus said was that except in the case of adultery, a man divorcing his wife would make her an adulterer. He was merely explaining to the children of Israel that even outside of adultery, divorce would make both partners adulterers. But in the case of an adulterous relationship during a marriage, the two were already implicated as adulterers in God's eyes. And the two became one flesh. God hates divorce, is and always has been the standard for divorce. So, no matter what one's reasons are for getting a divorce...God hates it!! In God's sight, once we have chosen a partner in marriage, (and no that doesn't mean that it has to be blessed by a Catholic priest) then that relationship has been sealed by God and can never be broken. Yes, just as in Jesus' day, this can be a hard lesson to those who are already divorced, but I believe that we are better off accepting that we have sinned and seeking God's forgiveness through confession than trying to justify our sin to ourselves and pretend that we're ok with God.

However, most of us sin pretty regularly and for the sin of divorce and for any other of our many, many sins we can be thankful to God that He sent His Son to make atonement for our sin.

God bless,
Ted

RaymondG · Jan 28, 2022

miamited said:
Personally, I'm questioning why you would even be attending your 'brother in laws' new wedding. Wouldn't your brother in law be the ex-husband of your sister? Why would you feel compelled to go to his wedding?

Your Wife's brother is also considered your brother-in-law. Therefore it would be highly likely for your wife to desire to attend all her brother's wedding and have her husband attend with her....

RaymondG · Jan 28, 2022

deusartemlux said:
Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

Do unto other's as you would have them do unto you.

You have an interpretation and view of scripture. You now have a opportunity to shun or show kindness to one who disagrees with your interpretation, or who just do not follow your personal standards of morality.

If you would like for others, who disagree with something you do or say, to shun you and refuse to participate in anything you are involved in, because of it.....That do ye also, to your brother-in-law.

Whether I believe what he is doing is right or wrong, is beyond the scope of your question...and not enough information has been given to determine this.

Albion · Jan 28, 2022

deusartemlux said:
Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

I don't believe that merely being in attendance "compromises" you, no. And your reason for being there is to be kind to all the other relatives present, not to be affirming something about the groom.

In addition, you don't know (I assume) all the details of the divorce from his first wife. These could affect the rightness or wrongness of this second marriage which, after all, is something for God to judge.

Maria Billingsley · Jan 28, 2022

deusartemlux said:
Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

I belive Jesus Christ of Nazareth was often seen with all kinds of sinners. He did not condone their sin however He engaged with them in order to reveal the Kingdom of God. He has now handed this mantel to His Body of believers.
Blessings

miamited · Jan 28, 2022

RaymondG said:
Your Wife's brother is also considered your brother-in-law. Therefore it would be highly likely for your wife to desire to attend all her brother's wedding and have her husband attend with her....

Hi @RaymondG

Thanks! I guess that's my brain gas release for today.

God bless,
Ted

Sketcher · Jan 28, 2022

deusartemlux said:
Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

I wouldn't have a clear conscience about attending myself.

deusartemlux · Jan 31, 2022

TzephanYahu said:
Hi @deusartemlux

But don't not goto the wedding "..for the Bible tells me so!", because it doesn't. Then, when others learn why you didn't attend, the Lord's name and the faith will be spoken ill of, and surely it will not attract a non-believer closer to God in hearing of it. Remember who the Lord would sit and eat with.

Peace

Deeply considering this. Thank you!

deusartemlux · Jan 31, 2022

miamited said:
Hi @deusartemlux

Personally, I'm questioning why you would even be attending your 'brother in laws' new wedding. Wouldn't your brother in law be the ex-husband of your sister? Why would you feel compelled to go to his wedding?

However, to address your point, God hates divorce. No Jesus did not give approval of divorce for adultery. What Jesus said was that except in the case of adultery, a man divorcing his wife would make her an adulterer. He was merely explaining to the children of Israel that even outside of adultery, divorce would make both partners adulterers. But in the case of an adulterous relationship during a marriage, the two were already implicated as adulterers in God's eyes. And the two became one flesh. God hates divorce, is and always has been the standard for divorce. So, no matter what one's reasons are for getting a divorce...God hates it!! In God's sight, once we have chosen a partner in marriage, (and no that doesn't mean that it has to be blessed by a Catholic priest) then that relationship has been sealed by God and can never be broken. Yes, just as in Jesus' day, this can be a hard lesson to those who are already divorced, but I believe that we are better off accepting that we have sinned and seeking God's forgiveness through confession than trying to justify our sin to ourselves and pretend that we're ok with God.

However, most of us sin pretty regularly and for the sin of divorce and for any other of our many, many sins we can be thankful to God that He sent His Son to make atonement for our sin.

God bless,
Ted

Yes. It's my wife's brother. (cant figure out how to update my profile to reflect I'm married now). My wife and I have had great conversation on this and she totally agrees with my assessment of the divorce. We just don't know if we ought to attend. Thank you for this. I do feel compelled to go (because its my wife's brother!) While she is open to study and come to the right conclusion, she definitely wants to show support for family (and me too!) and that's hard to know where my conscience and bias are leading me. Guess we need to pray and talk more lol! THANK you so much for you reply! I really want to restudy the passage because what you said about Christ's words make total sense!

Sophrosyne · Jan 31, 2022

I would consider the reasons that he divorced and also the quality of the new marriage plus with careful consideration of his faith in God. If someone isn't a Christian we cannot expect them to follow the Bible at all.
I don't know if God allowed divorce until the time of Jesus or it was a new thing or not the Bible doesn't mention divorce in the old testament in any way that can give us a clue as to the conditions allowed prior to Jesus. It may likely be that the judges in charge that allowed it originally got more and more lenient allowing divorces for any trivial thing imaginable to the point that Jesus put his foot down and essentially told people they need to take their vows seriously as typical vows leave no out for flimsy excuses.

Personally I'm no fan of divorce but I've seen married couples that are just plain miserable and also abuse in marriage that leads to great harm and sin that divorce can stop that. Women that divorce men for beating them almost to death aren't breaking their vows as the person that they married already broke the contract. A marriage contract is a 2-way street both are supposed to love and that love is supposed to be self sacrificing and when one person gives and sacrifices the other does not then one is married and the other isn't by their own actions.

My huge issue with divorce is a lot of people who remarry repeat the same behavior over again either by choosing to marry the next bad person or by acting the same way to their new spouse that is wrong. God certainly isn't happy with bad marriage but I believe he is happy with good ones and I also think if one truly repents of divorcing God will forgive them as far as the east is from the west. Likewise we should try and forgive people of divorce and encourage them to not repeat the same mistake in the next marriage. Even Paul said it is better to marry if you lust for one another than be single, some divorced never remarry at all but continue to sleep around is that less sinful or being married to a loving spouse?

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

deusartemlux said:
Hello all!

Posting a problem / quandary that's been troubling me lately. I have a personal belief that Divorce is wrong. I also see that divorce is clearly spoken against by the Scriptures.

Here's my question. I see clearly that Christ condemned divorce for any reason but adultery. However, my brother in law is divorced and now marrying a new woman. Would I be compromising by attending his second wedding? Or does agreeing and affirming our Lord's teaching mean I should not attend?

I would love thoughtful, biblical answers. Feel free to challenge me. I want to do the Lords will.

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

I honestly think it depends on the situation, I've been struggling with to divorce my husband or not, I knew when I got married it was a covenant, also I didn't expect my husband to cheat and more than once, the last affair was last yr, it's been a yr and I'm not any better, im pretty sure I have betrayal trauma or a trauma bond, it doesn't help if the one who cheated blames you, he hasn't emotionally been here for me, he is passive aggressive, he is also an addict, everyone in my life want me to divorce him, even after everything I struggle with leaving, also I recently start to feel he is a covert narcissist, so yeah God hates divorce but does give us reasons to leave, when he cheated he broke our covenant, a new one needs to be made, really all we have is a piece of paper, idk am I wrong? Either way im having and been having a hard time deciding even though I knew in my heart that this relationship is toxic and unhealthy, I know God will honor what I choose either way, I just wish he would give me a answer what to do, honestly I believe he has already but I'm letting fear lead me, i somtimes just want to leave, I have Even asked him to let's just get divorced, nope he will not agree, but he also won't give me or the marriage 100 percent, I think guilt is what keeps me, his fear of abandonment, im also an empath, so I do believe me being sensitive keeps me in the marriage and I know that nothing is impossible with God, I know I can not fix or heal him, I also think leaving him might be best for him, im the only one ge has, he needs everything stripped from him so he only has God to run to, he believes in God, read the word daily, but I see no fruit of the spirit, I have told him this, so yeah this is where I'm at. I have also been married before, he had an affair and he left, I want to work on our marriage he did not, so he divorced me, he was not a addict, narcissist, was not toxic, we married young, he wasn't happy he thought he found better so he left to be with her, they never married, they were together for over 10 yrs she ended up being a narcissist, they are no longer together, God will not bring you a spouse while you are already married, he can't it's impossible. I'm human, I make mistakes but I can learn from them and work on myself.

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

miamited said:
Hi @deusartemlux

Personally, I'm questioning why you would even be attending your 'brother in laws' new wedding. Wouldn't your brother in law be the ex-husband of your sister? Why would you feel compelled to go to his wedding?

However, to address your point, God hates divorce. No Jesus did not give approval of divorce for adultery. What Jesus said was that except in the case of adultery, a man divorcing his wife would make her an adulterer. He was merely explaining to the children of Israel that even outside of adultery, divorce would make both partners adulterers. But in the case of an adulterous relationship during a marriage, the two were already implicated as adulterers in God's eyes. And the two became one flesh. God hates divorce, is and always has been the standard for divorce. So, no matter what one's reasons are for getting a divorce...God hates it!! In God's sight, once we have chosen a partner in marriage, (and no that doesn't mean that it has to be blessed by a Catholic priest) then that relationship has been sealed by God and can never be broken. Yes, just as in Jesus' day, this can be a hard lesson to those who are already divorced, but I believe that we are better off accepting that we have sinned and seeking God's forgiveness through confession than trying to justify our sin to ourselves and pretend that we're ok with God.

However, most of us sin pretty regularly and for the sin of divorce and for any other of our many, many sins we can be thankful to God that He sent His Son to make atonement for our sin.

God bless,
Ted

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

So even when someone is in a toxic marriage and have been manipulated, used, lied to, deceived, abused? God knows both individuals hearts when they made the covenant, what if it was all manipulation on one side? I'm the manipulated one, this is my struggle, he literally has almost destroyed me, but I'm still questioning divorce or not? It's not easy when your the one going threw it and everyone is against the marriage. I honestly believe either way I go God will honor my decision.

Jesse Dornfeld · Aug 13, 2022

Tough call. One might make a similar issue with going to a Gay marriage ceremony.

I think you have to listen to your own conviction here. While Christ said divorce is only permissible under adultery (actually it is sexual immorality) I think if a husband is beating his wife every night, she is only doing what God would want by divorcing a man like this. Paul also says if you get married as a non-Christian and then you become a Christian and your spouse leaves you, you don't have to stay married to them. So neglect is also a reason for divorce and I think we can all admit that beating your spouse physically is worse than neglect.

I pray you find wisdom in this. It is a tough call.

Hannah66 · Aug 13, 2022

What was the biblical reason for the divorce?

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

Jesse Dornfeld said:
Tough call. One might make a similar issue with going to a Gay marriage ceremony.

I think you have to listen to your own conviction here. While Christ said divorce is only permissible under adultery (actually it is sexual immorality) I think if a husband is beating his wife every night, she is only doing what God would want by divorcing a man like this. Paul also says if you get married as a non-Christian and then you become a Christian and your spouse leaves you, you don't have to stay married to them. So neglect is also a reason for divorce and I think we can all admit that beating your spouse physically is worse than neglect.

I pray you find wisdom in this. It is a tough call.

The abuse is covert, not physical, sexual or verbal. Covert narcissist abuse. Yes I agree, I believe I know what I have to do it's just doing it and I am almost there. Someone told me once the thing you don't want to do is the thing God is telling you to do.

Jessica Ryan · Aug 13, 2022

Hannah66 said:
What was the biblical reason for the divorce?

Well sex outside the marriage.

Approval of divorce and remarriage

Solus Christus

Active Member

Ted

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Facilitator

Well-Known Member

Ted

Born Imperishable

Solus Christus

Solus Christus

Let Your Light Shine.. Matt 5:16

Empath

Empath

Empath

Empath

Slave to Christ

Active Member

Empath

Empath

Similar threads