Perhaps I'll Remain Lutheran Until The Next Pope

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 13, 2022

I know that seems cowardly, but ever since I lost my spiritual mother and real mom, I have no actual one-to-one guidance. I was hoping to be my s.m. 's disciple until the Lord called us both home. Perhaps I had a romantic view of it, but I wanted the sort of relationship Therese had with her older sisters. But, things were such between my spiritual mother and I, that I have been psychologically and emotionally damaged. (She accused me of all sorts of things and denied me forgiveness).

That is why I am now so passionate about knowing that I am permanently and always forgiven. I am trying to recover my dignity and sense of worth; that I am not a bad or offensive person, but I have no one to really embrace me and bring out the gifts and vision of Christ that I have. I would go back to my s.m. if asked though, if I knew for certain that she wouldn't betray my trust again. I love her very much, more than my own life. Which created something of a problem because I gave her too much control.

Honestly, I just need God's love, in a very particular way, in a way that invites me in with all my particularities. My family and friends love me and I am grateful for that, please don't think that I'm not. I just wish I could find a sister or mother superior that would be a replacement of sorts for the spiritual mother that I lost. I always wanted to join the convent, but it doesn't seem to be my calling. It's as if I am stuck between two worlds; my desires and my duties. I don't resent my duties. I recognize that God has placed them in my life for a reason and I love taking care of my sister.

Yet, I am no longer Catholic and do not have access to such a person. It's a catch-22 because I need a spiritual mother to be and remain Catholic. That may seem strange, but people are like sacraments to me and I am a sponge; I soak up but I also dry out.

So, maybe I'll just remain a noncommuning member of the little Lutheran church that I attend and keep an eye on what the future holds for the next pontiff. I will never be able to enter a convent. I am past the age and I want my sister to have a long life. But maybe a sister or mother will reach out to me? --- Sooner rather than later.

I would, some years from now, like to write a little booklet on Forgiveness, based upon what I have experienced these past few years.
----
PS. I do speak to my Pastor and am so grateful for him as well but it's not quite the same.

Jake Arsenal · Jan 13, 2022

Rest In Jesus.

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

Matthew 11:28-30
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 13, 2022

My experience the last 2 years. I have spiritually murdered others and they have killed me likewise:

Halbhh · Jan 13, 2022

Thatgirloncfforums said:
I know that seems cowardly, but ever since I lost my spiritual mother and real mom, I have no actual one-to-one guidance. I was hoping to be my s.m. 's disciple until the Lord called us both home. Perhaps I had a romantic view of it, but I wanted the sort of relationship Therese had with her older sisters. But, things were such between my spiritual mother and I, that I have been psychologically and emotionally damaged. (She accused me of all sorts of things and denied me forgiveness).

That is why I am now so passionate about knowing that I am permanently and always forgiven. I am trying to recover my dignity and sense of worth; that I am not a bad or offensive person, but I have no one to really embrace me and bring out the gifts and vision of Christ that I have. I would go back to my s.m. if asked though, if I knew for certain that she wouldn't betray my trust again. I love her very much, more than my own life. Which created something of a problem because I gave her too much control.

Honestly, I just need God's love, in a very particular way, in a way that invites me in with all my particularities. My family and friends love me and I am grateful for that, please don't think that I'm not. I just wish I could find a sister or mother superior that would be a replacement of sorts for the spiritual mother that I lost. I always wanted to join the convent, but it doesn't seem to be my calling. It's as if I am stuck between two worlds; my desires and my duties. I don't resent my duties. I recognize that God has placed them in my life for a reason and I love taking care of my sister.

Yet, I am no longer Catholic and do not have access to such a person. It's a catch-22 because I need a spiritual mother to be and remain Catholic. That may seem strange, but people are like sacraments to me and I am a sponge; I soak up but I also dry out.

So, maybe I'll just remain a noncommuning member of the little Lutheran church that I attend and keep an eye on what the future holds for the next pontiff. I will never be able to enter a convent. I am past the age and I want my sister to have a long life. But maybe a sister or mother will reach out to me? --- Sooner rather than later.

I would, some years from now, like to write a little booklet on Forgiveness, based upon what I have experienced these past few years.
----
PS. I do speak to my Pastor and am so grateful for him as well but it's not quite the same.

It's very needed for us all to take communion, and in Lutheran churches I know (being in one about 11 years now) that we hear and know and believe that the elements are the Body and Blood of Christ (we believe in the real presence of Christ in the elements). That's why when given communion you will hear the pastor say to you: "The Body of Christ" and then for the wine: "The Blood of Christ given for you"

Don't put partaking in communion off into some unknown future time. Begin this Sunday.

A good Lutheran church is really catholic generally -- it welcomes all Christian believers: the entire Church. And we don't exclude anyone who is His from communion.

tz620q · Jan 18, 2022

Thatgirloncfforums said:
Yet, I am no longer Catholic and do not have access to such a person. It's a catch-22 because I need a spiritual mother to be and remain Catholic. That may seem strange, but people are like sacraments to me and I am a sponge; I soak up but I also dry out.

On forgiveness, I was watching a program with Mother Anjelica, the woman who started EWTN, and she said in her tight-mouthed, stern way, "It is the height of arrogance when people think they can put themselves outside of God's forgiveness." So forgiveness is always there; but forgiveness is conditioned on your being able to forgive. Perhaps to move onwards you need to forgive those in your past.

As far as the dryness, I would like to tell you of a vision I had once. I woke up one morning opened my eyes and could see only blackness. I somehow realized that I was seeing the sanctuary of my local parish and there were two large paschal candles (the tall ones that burn all year) that had burned down and were about to go out. I sensed that these stood for my priest and deacon who were holy men that had led me to faith but were both getting older and moving on. This had troubled me that I would be left without their spiritual directions. I related this vision to a holy woman in our church who ran our adult education programs and she asked me this question, "Did you see the red tabernacle candle in the church?" I said no and she said that I was focusing on men and not on Christ. Since then, many people have entered my life and helped me. I don't always avoid periods of spiritual dryness; but now I know where my focus should be. May God bless you and guide you today and always.

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 19, 2022

I don't believe that I am outside of God's forgiveness, but forgiveness is more than an aquittal, it is an aquittal that gives freedom.All Christians are made in the image of God and we each are members of one another. When a Christian fails to forgive another, he is speaking in the name of Christ, 'I, a Christian will not forgive you and will not reconcile with you'. Such an attitude is antithetical to the Gospel that we are suppose to live out. Likewise, Christ is with us, but he is with us through the Church. Again, we are the Church, we are God's grace in each other's lives. Missing one another does not distract from Christ. Remember, Paul said, 'It is better that I remain here for your sake'.

tz620q said:
On forgiveness, I was watching a program with Mother Anjelica, the woman who started EWTN, and she said in her tight-mouthed, stern way, "It is the height of arrogance when people think they can put themselves outside of God's forgiveness." So forgiveness is always there; but forgiveness is conditioned on your being able to forgive. Perhaps to move onwards you need to forgive those in your past.

As far as the dryness, I would like to tell you of a vision I had once. I woke up one morning opened my eyes and could see only blackness. I somehow realized that I was seeing the sanctuary of my local parish and there were two large paschal candles (the tall ones that burn all year) that had burned down and were about to go out. I sensed that these stood for my priest and deacon who were holy men that had led me to faith but were both getting older and moving on. This had troubled me that I would be left without their spiritual directions. I related this vision to a holy woman in our church who ran our adult education programs and she asked me this question, "Did you see the red tabernacle candle in the church?" I said no and she said that I was focusing on men and not on Christ. Since then, many people have entered my life and helped me. I don't always avoid periods of spiritual dryness; but now I know where my focus should be. May God bless you and guide you today and always.

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 19, 2022

When I was confirmed, I had to promise to adhere to the teachings of the LCMS. I have been struggling ever since to do so.

Halbhh said:
It's very needed for us all to take communion, and in Lutheran churches I know (being in one about 11 years now) that we hear and know and believe that the elements are the Body and Blood of Christ (we believe in the real presence of Christ in the elements). That's why when given communion you will hear the pastor say to you: "The Body of Christ" and then for the wine: "The Blood of Christ given for you"

Don't put partaking in communion off into some unknown future time. Begin this Sunday.

A good Lutheran church is really catholic generally -- it welcomes all Christian believers: the entire Church. And we don't exclude anyone who is His from communion.

Paidiske · Jan 19, 2022

I wonder whether, if you could find a woman to act as your spiritual director, that might help?

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 21, 2022

Paidiske said:
I wonder whether, if you could find a woman to act as your spiritual director, that might help?

That's what I would like to do.

Tigger45 · Jan 21, 2022

Cough…cough…Can’t for the life of me think of where she’d fine one…cough…cough… :mmh:

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 21, 2022

Tigger45 said:
Cough…cough…Can’t for the life of me think of where she’d fine one…cough…cough…

Where?

Paidiske · Jan 21, 2022

Honestly, if you google "spiritual directors [your area]" that would be a good starting point. In most big cities there will be one or two places which could help match you with a spiritual director.

Thatgirloncfforums · Jan 22, 2022

Paidiske said:
Honestly, if you google "spiritual directors [your area]" that would be a good starting point. In most big cities there will be one or two places which could help match you with a spiritual director.

Thank you. I will give it a try

Perhaps I'll Remain Lutheran Until The Next Pope

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