How can I deal with almost unmanageable loneliness?

redletters · Jan 17, 2022

I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

Maria Billingsley · Jan 17, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

Welcome to CF. I'm sorry to hear that loneliness has consumed you. But sometimes God gives us time alone, like Jesus Christ of Nazareth in the desert for 40 days or Paul in jail or those in Christ in isolation because of their faith. It is what we do with that alone time that grows our character and strength.
You will be fine as God will not test you more than you can endure.
Be blessed and stay active on this site ! Many Christians just like you, including me are alone.

LoveGodsWord · Jan 17, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

Perhaps you can take up a hobby which can be anything from exercise to anything you are interested in where people meet together of the same interest which is a good way to make friends and keep healthy or learn something. Alternately, go out and do something for others, and get your mind off yourself and on to other things helpful to others.

Unqualified · Jan 17, 2022

vulnerable. Take a walk with someone from church. Nothing wrong with it but you’re tempted. You need a Christian to talk to. But please don’t be taken advantage of. God is good, pray about it.

HARK! · Jan 17, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

Before I can provide some insight; it would be useful to know why you are moving, and how far away are you moving.

shineyourlight · Jan 17, 2022

Hey, there

I've been struggling with some loneliness for a bit. Mind you, my social life is pretty active. I have my set of friends. However, I still feel alone.

And, that is okay.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend who recently got engaged. I never met her fiance, so I suggested that we meet up for lunch. And, I was nervous. Why? I have no stinkin' clue. I have been friends with my friend for about 11 years, but meeting her fiance made me scared.

The thing is: Do what scares you. I was scared and nervous and I was about to cancel (no joke), but I chose to do it. I chose to go out and meet up with them. And the awkward thing was that my friend even had to go to the bathroom when she first came in, so it forced me to make conversation with him (which I did).

Do something that involves meeting new people, even if it's scary. Meetup.com is a good place to start. It will take your interests and find groups near you to be a part of

redletters · Jan 17, 2022

HARK! said:
Before I can provide some insight; it would be useful to know why you are moving, and how far away are you moving.

I'm trying to move out because my current home life is incredibly unstable and bad for me. My mother and stepfather, who I live with, are addicted to drugs, fight and break things constantly, and are generally unstable emotionally. My mother actually attempted suicide while I was in the house last December, and the only reason I found out was because a coworker, who she let know (You know, instead of me, her daughter) she tried to OD, called the cops, who I had to deal with and interact with them. I actually had to put clothes on her and help get her to the ambulance. My mother has stolen money from me on numerous occasions, and both of them refuse to recover or even vaguely get their life in order. While I myself deal with drug dependence and have a SMI, I have been told by my therpists, psychiatrists, and case workers that this environment is traumatic, and I do not feel I can recover from my dependency nor my mental illness here, and I do not feel safe here. I am always on edge and every noise sends me into a panic.

I'd be moving down South (I'm currently in New York) to Georgia, which is pretty far. I'd be living with relatives on my father's side of the family, and there's nobody from my mother's side down there. So it'll be much safer for me.

redletters · Jan 17, 2022

shineyourlight said:
Hey, there

I've been struggling with some loneliness for a bit. Mind you, my social life is pretty active. I have my set of friends. However, I still feel alone.

And, that is okay.

Yesterday, I met up with a friend who recently got engaged. I never met her fiance, so I suggested that we meet up for lunch. And, I was nervous. Why? I have no stinkin' clue. I have been friends with my friend for about 11 years, but meeting her fiance made me scared.

The thing is: Do what scares you. I was scared and nervous and I was about to cancel (no joke), but I chose to do it. I chose to go out and meet up with them. And the awkward thing was that my friend even had to go to the bathroom when she first came in, so it forced me to make conversation with him (which I did).

Do something that involves meeting new people, even if it's scary. Meetup.com is a good place to start. It will take your interests and find groups near you to be a part of

That's a really good idea! Getting out of my comfort zone would probably be the best move, even if I am nervous! Meetup is a wonderful idea! I've actually tried touse it before, though most events were either online or just not in my area, but I'll try it again, and maybe I could go searching around for groups outside that! Like a book club, or something!

Thank you very much! I really do appreciate it!

HARK! · Jan 17, 2022

redletters said:
I'm trying to move out because my current home life is incredibly unstable and bad for me. My mother and stepfather, who I live with, are addicted to drugs, fight and break things constantly, and are generally unstable emotionally. My mother actually attempted suicide while I was in the house last December, and the only reason I found out was because a coworker, who she let know (You know, instead of me, her daughter) she tried to OD, called the cops, who I had to deal with and interact with them. I actually had to put clothes on her and help get her to the ambulance. My mother has stolen money from me on numerous occasions, and both of them refuse to recover or even vaguely get their life in order. While I myself deal with drug dependence and have a SMI, I have been told by my therpists, psychiatrists, and case workers that this environment is traumatic, and I do not feel I can recover from my dependency nor my mental illness here, and I do not feel safe here. I am always on edge and every noise sends me into a panic.

I'd be moving down South (I'm currently in New York) to Georgia, which is pretty far. I'd be living with relatives on my father's side of the family, and there's nobody from my mother's side down there. So it'll be much safer for me.

Oh my, this is terrible! I will keep you in prayer.

I was feeling like my life was a mess when I was in HS. I had become good friends with my Vice Principle, through various activities such as planning the school fair.

He was an older Black man, who came from the ghetto, before the Civil Rights Movement. He worked his way through college and out of the ghetto, as a prison guard. He acquired a PhD in Philosophy. He was a very wise man; and I took as much time as I could to talk to him. I would skip my lunch break every day just to sit in his office, to talk to him between his phone calls.

When I told him that I felt that my life was problematic. He asked me to go and spend time with orphans, from an orphanage in the ghetto. I asked him how that would help me. He told me that when we think that we have big problems in our lives; that if we seek to help those who have bigger problems; then suddenly our problems will not seem so big. I took his advice. I would work with a Teacher at our school who was a Christian. We would take the orphans to parks in the country; and show them that was more to life than what they saw in the orphanage; and we would show them love, that of the like that our Messiah preached.

Is there any way that you can work with your case worker; or can your case worker refer you to someone who is out helping people who are suffering worse than you? It would get you away from the turmoil at home; and you could make a real difference in helping others who might have less than you.

You could visit the lonely in nursing homes. Many churches have groups who go out to do this. Some of them sing together, or provide other forms of entertainment. We can gain much wisdom from spending time with those who have the experience of a full life.

dqhall · Jan 18, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

Before the Internet, I went to libraries. When I lived in the DC area, I had some fine libraries to use. Since the Internet came into being, I read online. I subscribe to the Washington Post. My Bible is an online World English Bible. I used BibleGateway to read verses in other versions. I subscribe to Marketwatch, a business and stock market news service. There are Kindle Books and paper books in my collection. I start to forget as soon as I put them down. I joined various online discussion groups including Facebook groups. My family talked to me by phone from time to time. A neighbor sends out clever emails to about thirty some people including me. I have two Facebook groups for my 55+ community of over 1000 homes. There are vegan Facebook groups, Biblical archaeology groups, investment groups etc. Sometimes I watched sermon or church YouTube videos. I did online dating for a year when I was about 57. I met a few women in restaurants and coffee shops. I dated two of them for more than a month. I did not have a good plan for marriage and liked my independence. My celibacy continued unabated. Since I broke my hip, I am more homebound and isolated. After many sorrows I remembered to thank Jesus as I have ample provisions and much reading material.

disciple Clint · Jan 18, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

maybe you would enjoy a pet.

Kettriken · Jan 18, 2022

redletters said:
I've actually tried touse it before, though most events were either online or just not in my area, but I'll try it again, and maybe I could go searching around for groups outside that! Like a book club, or something!

I agree with dqhall, check out your local library. They often have book clubs or discussion groups. As Hark says, volunteer opportunities are another good option.

In the mean time, pray and perhaps check out the writings of cloistered Christians of the past. They have a lot to say from an isolated perspective. I thank God that you were saved from the temptation of hook ups, and continue to pray that you would be protected from that and healed from your damaging home life.

Simon P · Jan 18, 2022

Hi redletters,

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through a challenging time. I feel you need to put first things first and focus on moving out of where you are currently. It's a toxic environment and it's not helping you to be there.

I related very much to your feeling of loneliness. I've been through similar phases in the past. You are strong - you didn't give in to the temptation of a hookup. I've not been so strong in the past when faced with a similar situation and temptation and I regret that.

Focus on moving first - can you move out sooner? Then you can focus on connecting with people. There have been a lot of good suggestions from the other replies. Remember that you always have the wonderful people in this community so you are never truly alone.

I thought you might find this article and video helpful
https://www.lighthousecommunity.glo...ssism-the-biggest-obstacle-to-optimising-life

I'm praying for you and hoping everything works out for you

mama2one · Jan 18, 2022

redletters said:
only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church.

what about your co-workers?
I worked various jobs
one place, a girl & I worked out together when we joined the same gym

another job, us co-workers got together to play cards at each other's house

you could always ask a co-worker to do something with you such as go out to lunch on Sat

Blade · Jan 18, 2022

Aw redletters you are so blessed so loved. I truly believe "loneliness" is not of God. Some lol (me) even though married 38+ years love being alone..so much better for me and the lord. Best times with Him was when it was just me and Him.

So lets take a walk

Lets step out where we can't see anything.. lets just trust YOUR Father who just happens to be the GREAT I AM and loves you so much.. everything was made as if you were the only one that would ever believe. You have no idea how special you are to Him.

So all can agree here that loneliness has to go and He will send to you some way some how in a way you can't miss it christian friends. See this is the 1st thing I do..is pray. My wife stated this job and knew no one.. it was like that for awhile so we preyed

haha not so many friends. So agree that He will answer this.. Think.. do you really believe this desire just now popped up? He already set in motion the answer but we must ask. Again I do not believe anyone has to live in with loneliness. I have always watched Him answer this.

So we agree in JESUS NAME! I pray I did not offend. Oh do you think it was just by chance you are here asking?

It just two of us agree...He will answer it. So hold on..

EnterLight · Jan 24, 2022

redletters said:
I feel so lonely all the time. I don't have any friends, the only times I see and interact with people who aren't my family are when I'm at work or church. After work and after church, I'm just alone. It feels like it's all-consuming, I have no idea how to really end it. There's nothing to get involved in nearby outside of church, and volunteering within church, and even then, there'll be a period of me alone. It's painful, I get tension in my chest and palms and arms when it gets really bad. Recently, loneliness almost drove me to sin. I thought that maybe meaningless, physical relationships with men would maybe make the loneliness stop, at least for a bit, because then maybe I'd have someone else, or someone new. I stopped myself, though, and haven't pursued any men, because I realized that's sin, and I'm in no position for anything romantic, but I still just feel so lonely. All I can really do is pray. I wish church services were a thing 7 days a week, but unfortunately, it's not for the church I've been attending.

What can I do, aside from pray? I know that God has a plan, that this loneliness has a purpose, but I'm at a loss. I know I've been reluctant to put any roots down because I'll be moving either later on this year or early next year, but I don't think I can take a whole year of this. I'm just at a loss. Thank you.

I'm not really sure what to do either. I've even stepped out my comfort zone several times. People will say how awesome I am and they love me and then a week or two fall off the planet. Its actually made me wonder if people are scared of healthy relationships and love in general. I'm not sure if I'm intimidating or people can't handle that I'm kind of an unconditional lover. Scary to think someone genuinely gives a dang about them :scratch:

I guess if you're interested you can always msg me, no strings attached and I don't want anything romantic from you.

Macchiato · Jan 24, 2022

EnterLight said:
I'm not really sure what to do either. I've even stepped out my comfort zone several times. People will say how awesome I am and they love me and then a week or two fall off the planet. Its actually made me wonder if people are scared of healthy relationships and love in general. I'm not sure if I'm intimidating or people can't handle that I'm kind of an unconditional lover. Scary to think someone genuinely gives a dang about them I guess if you're interested you can always msg me, no strings attached and I don't want anything romantic from you.

I can relate to this.

Lucy Lou · Feb 13, 2022

It is so sad to see people suffering. I can think of the song Elvis Presley sang about being alone (Where No One Stands Alone). May the Lord bless you with peace and contentment in your life beyond your dreams.
If you have already moved to Georgia and live within a reasonable driving distance of
Dalton, please look my church up. The Pastor there loves people and wants people to be happy in the Lord. And, if Dalton is not close enough, we have many other sister churches in Georgia. The website is as follows: thechurchofgodua.net
Facebook: Log into Facebook

LoveGodsWord · Feb 13, 2022

redletters said:
I'm trying to move out because my current home life is incredibly unstable and bad for me. My mother and stepfather, who I live with, are addicted to drugs, fight and break things constantly, and are generally unstable emotionally. My mother actually attempted suicide while I was in the house last December, and the only reason I found out was because a coworker, who she let know (You know, instead of me, her daughter) she tried to OD, called the cops, who I had to deal with and interact with them. I actually had to put clothes on her and help get her to the ambulance. My mother has stolen money from me on numerous occasions, and both of them refuse to recover or even vaguely get their life in order. While I myself deal with drug dependence and have a SMI, I have been told by my therpists, psychiatrists, and case workers that this environment is traumatic, and I do not feel I can recover from my dependency nor my mental illness here, and I do not feel safe here. I am always on edge and every noise sends me into a panic.

I'd be moving down South (I'm currently in New York) to Georgia, which is pretty far. I'd be living with relatives on my father's side of the family, and there's nobody from my mother's side down there. So it'll be much safer for me.

Moving away from this toxic environment is a very good choice and first step and a very good choice for you to help get your life back in order. Take your time and seek Jesus everyday in prayer and bible study. He will help you to get your life in order and knows what we need and when we need it. Claim Gods' promise in Matthew 6:33. For me personally I meet a lot of people and make new friends by joining hobby type groups (tennis, table tennis; foil surfing, learning new things and taking courses etc).

God bless :wave:

bèlla · Feb 13, 2022

Confronting the reasons for your loneliness is necessary for its erosion. It’s not enough to say you’re lonely. You have to do some digging first.

Start with why. Why am I lonely?
When did it start?
What made me feel this way?
What happens when I try to connect?
How do people respond to me at work or church?
What are my quirks and differences?
What would I change or improve if I could?
Am I a good friend?
How do I define a good friend?
Do I measure up to my expectations of others?
How is my relationship with God?
How often do I pray or converse with Him?
Have I asked for His assistance?
Am I willing to do what He wants?
Am I willing to change if necessary?

If you answer the questions (privately) you’ll have a lot to draw from and things to pray about — in and out of your life.

When you release you need to fill that space. Get a journal or use an app on your phone. Write down one positive thought every hour for 30 days. You should be in a different headspace by the end. If you continue the practice you’ll witness a shift within yourself and your outlook.

How can I deal with almost unmanageable loneliness?

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