Relentless torture

Blaise N said:

Am I being punished?

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Blaise N said:

I’m even doubting Gods existence

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Blaise N said:

Hi everyone


I’m reaching out this morning in a emotionless panic.Like I explained in a post yesterday,I’ve been experiencing relentless intrusive thoughts that have now caused me apathy and to know I still care about Jesus I feel like I’m forcing myself to worry so I still am assured I care.I can’t feel any emotions and I fee completely apathetic,and right fee like I don’t have a fear of the lord,and my mind is constantly tormenting me with apostasy.It’s so bad that I don’t even worry about apostasy.


I’m even doubting Gods existence unwillingly because of this,and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.


I have haven’t committed any sin,I haven’t blasphemed God,I haven’t disobeyed him,I haven’t done anything wrong,to be sure I’ve prayed “I love you Jesus” probably 100 times since yesterday evening,and I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and cried and cried out for help,and it’s not going away.Why am I being punished?,why isn’t God taking this away and bringing all my emotions back?,I don’t know what I’ve done so horribly To earn a punishment like this.I can’t even think straight because of how racing the thoughts are.I’ve even said to God “please let me die” once last night;I think I even fell asleep early because of how much stress I’m in and slept for 12 hours.I must’ve asked God for help 30 times and begged him to take this anxiety away.


Am I being punished?

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Blaise N said:

I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.

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Blaise N said:

Hi everyone


I’m reaching out this morning in a emotionless panic.Like I explained in a post yesterday,I’ve been experiencing relentless intrusive thoughts that have now caused me apathy and to know I still care about Jesus I feel like I’m forcing myself to worry so I still am assured I care.I can’t feel any emotions and I fee completely apathetic,and right fee like I don’t have a fear of the lord,and my mind is constantly tormenting me with apostasy.It’s so bad that I don’t even worry about apostasy.


I’m even doubting Gods existence unwillingly because of this,and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.


I have haven’t committed any sin,I haven’t blasphemed God,I haven’t disobeyed him,I haven’t done anything wrong,to be sure I’ve prayed “I love you Jesus” probably 100 times since yesterday evening,and I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and cried and cried out for help,and it’s not going away.Why am I being punished?,why isn’t God taking this away and bringing all my emotions back?,I don’t know what I’ve done so horribly To earn a punishment like this.I can’t even think straight because of how racing the thoughts are.I’ve even said to God “please let me die” once last night;I think I even fell asleep early because of how much stress I’m in and slept for 12 hours.I must’ve asked God for help 30 times and begged him to take this anxiety away.


Am I being punished?




Update-1:20pm January 12:


My anxiety is getting worse,I can’t feel any desire for the lord and am very scared I’m becoming an atheist,I hate atheists and atheism and have severe atheophobia,I’m also scared of them.I keep having to force myself to keep God on my mind and I feel completely emotionless and apathetic,I’m scared so badly that I’m not scared about apostasy I’m crying and crying and crying for God to take the bad thoughts and feelings away,please pray for me,around lunchtime I said to the “Lord please I trust in you to sustain me” after that small moment of of peace when I put my mind back onto God I began to feel very worried and afraid about not being worried.I’m trying so hard,the hardest in my life to hope in God but doubt and apathy blocks that from me.Right now I’m even crying because I can’t feel fear or worry.
I can’t figure out how much more crying and begging I have to do for God to help me.


How much more do I have to cry for his help?

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Blaise N said:

Medication imbalance is a very likely possibility

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Blaise N said:

Hi everyone


I’m reaching out this morning in a emotionless panic.Like I explained in a post yesterday,I’ve been experiencing relentless intrusive thoughts that have now caused me apathy and to know I still care about Jesus I feel like I’m forcing myself to worry so I still am assured I care.I can’t feel any emotions and I fee completely apathetic,and right fee like I don’t have a fear of the lord,and my mind is constantly tormenting me with apostasy.It’s so bad that I don’t even worry about apostasy.


I’m even doubting Gods existence unwillingly because of this,and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.


I have haven’t committed any sin,I haven’t blasphemed God,I haven’t disobeyed him,I haven’t done anything wrong,to be sure I’ve prayed “I love you Jesus” probably 100 times since yesterday evening,and I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and cried and cried out for help,and it’s not going away.Why am I being punished?,why isn’t God taking this away and bringing all my emotions back?,I don’t know what I’ve done so horribly To earn a punishment like this.I can’t even think straight because of how racing the thoughts are.I’ve even said to God “please let me die” once last night;I think I even fell asleep early because of how much stress I’m in and slept for 12 hours.I must’ve asked God for help 30 times and begged him to take this anxiety away.


Am I being punished?




Update-1:20pm January 12:


My anxiety is getting worse,I can’t feel any desire for the lord and am very scared I’m becoming an atheist,I hate atheists and atheism and have severe atheophobia,I’m also scared of them.I keep having to force myself to keep God on my mind and I feel completely emotionless and apathetic,I’m scared so badly that I’m not scared about apostasy I’m crying and crying and crying for God to take the bad thoughts and feelings away,please pray for me,around lunchtime I said to the “Lord please I trust in you to sustain me” after that small moment of of peace when I put my mind back onto God I began to feel very worried and afraid about not being worried.I’m trying so hard,the hardest in my life to hope in God but doubt and apathy blocks that from me.Right now I’m even crying because I can’t feel fear or worry.
I can’t figure out how much more crying and begging I have to do for God to help me.


How much more do I have to cry for his help?

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MMXX said:

I would say so. What you wrote in your first post doesn't sound like a spiritual issue really, it strikes me as really messed up brain chemistry.

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Blaise N said:

Concerning your previous post I’ll be very very very cautious around that man he’s a false teacher preaching the word of faith movement and it’s completely unbiblical so please be cautious with who you advised to view

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Blaise N said:

I meant no offense by it, the word of faith aka Prosperity Gospel, is a movement is a false doctrine, that’s why I gave you warning, a brother supposed to warn his family members!

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chad kincham said:

Cessationism is the false doctrine.

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Blaise N said:

Hi everyone


I’m reaching out this morning in a emotionless panic.Like I explained in a post yesterday,I’ve been experiencing relentless intrusive thoughts that have now caused me apathy and to know I still care about Jesus I feel like I’m forcing myself to worry so I still am assured I care.I can’t feel any emotions and I fee completely apathetic,and right fee like I don’t have a fear of the lord,and my mind is constantly tormenting me with apostasy.It’s so bad that I don’t even worry about apostasy.


I’m even doubting Gods existence unwillingly because of this,and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.


I have haven’t committed any sin,I haven’t blasphemed God,I haven’t disobeyed him,I haven’t done anything wrong,to be sure I’ve prayed “I love you Jesus” probably 100 times since yesterday evening,and I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and cried and cried out for help,and it’s not going away.Why am I being punished?,why isn’t God taking this away and bringing all my emotions back?,I don’t know what I’ve done so horribly To earn a punishment like this.I can’t even think straight because of how racing the thoughts are.I’ve even said to God “please let me die” once last night;I think I even fell asleep early because of how much stress I’m in and slept for 12 hours.I must’ve asked God for help 30 times and begged him to take this anxiety away.


Am I being punished?




Update-1:20pm January 12:


My anxiety is getting worse,I can’t feel any desire for the lord and am very scared I’m becoming an atheist,I hate atheists and atheism and have severe atheophobia,I’m also scared of them.I keep having to force myself to keep God on my mind and I feel completely emotionless and apathetic,I’m scared so badly that I’m not scared about apostasy I’m crying and crying and crying for God to take the bad thoughts and feelings away,please pray for me,around lunchtime I said to the “Lord please I trust in you to sustain me” after that small moment of of peace when I put my mind back onto God I began to feel very worried and afraid about not being worried.I’m trying so hard,the hardest in my life to hope in God but doubt and apathy blocks that from me.Right now I’m even crying because I can’t feel fear or worry.
I can’t figure out how much more crying and begging I have to do for God to help me.


How much more do I have to cry for his help?




Update 6:43-January 12:

my anxiety has Gotten better but I’m worried as to wether I’ve committed apostasy and scared I’ve lost my fear of the lord because I don’t feel any reverence for him but I do still refuse to sin,I can resist sin temptation but I’m worried I’m doing that out of my own strength.I resist sin because I want to know im still a Christian and have the Holy Spirit.I’m also afraid I’ve committed apostasy and am simply forcing myself to do Christian things so I’m assured I’m still a Christian(if that makes any sense)

please can someone elaborate what an apostate is?




Update 8:26am-January 13:

I awoke this morning to horrible anxiety and the scary thought of having committed apostasy.Ever since 2 days ago I’ve been bombed with thoughts/voices of things atheists I’ve encountered have asked me which keep cycling Everytime I tell Jesus I love him and I’ll follow him always.
Please note:I am going to type the things,please if you have OCD or intrusive thought problems please don’t scroll any further….

So here they are:

-Why would a loving God send people to hell?
-Religion is fear based
-God is unfair
-Christians are brainwashed

Update thoughts 9:55am January 13:
These are even worse….
-Reality is life is hopeless
-Belief in God is an illusion



Even as I type these I’m having anxiety:these are the things that I keep thinking,and I’m actually scared because of them.Even worse when I thought I may have had a calm moment everything went bad again.Basically what I know is an apostate is relieved that they aren’t a Christian anymore and I was having feelings that “I don’t have to follow any of those rules anymore” and that thought scared me senseless,it scared me even more when I felt ok with that thought.I love being with Jesus and his relationship with me.What has brought me some hope and assurance is that faith isn’t mine to lose and it’s Gods gift and he’ll sustain me.



I’m hurting very bad from this





Update 2:14pm-January 13:

My evening has been rough,I’ve been scared senseless about being in denial about it being an atheist.I know I’m not.but I can’t convince myself,I don’t like atheists and I don’t agree with anything they say.But my mind and body keeps wanting me to accept that,plus whenever I think of the thought of telling my family if I was I would be heartbroken and I would probably spend the rest of my life in an insane asylum.
What has been happening this past 3 hours has been very very scary and hard.And I’m worried very badly that “what if I’m an atheist,your an atheist,you conclude you don’t believe in God,just come to the conclusion God isn’t real” and I’ve been seriously doubting if God is there,unwillingly.I’ve been worried about not being worried,worried about having a seared conscience,and the worst one which I feel like I’m the only one to suffer from,I worry that God isn’t real but worry at the same time that since he is I’m afraid I’ve committed apostasy and he’ll never forgive or love me.

I’m just very confused.And heartbroken that the one I love the most out of anything and anyone in the world is hiding his face from me.I must’ve said I love you Father God 50 times alone today,I’ve asked God many times to “please sustain Me” but I keep on fighting,and I haven’t stopped praying.I can’t even figure out why I think I’m an atheist,I don’t agree with anything atheists say,I don’t want fame or fortune,I don’t want sex or drugs or alcohol,I don’t want parties or lawlessness,and I don’t want to live without God! I need Gods hope,assurance,peace,and help in my life. Earlier today,which I think back on in hope,is I worried God wasn’t real because I want him to be.But still the fear of being an atheist or unbeliever deep down scares me,I’ve asked God in many prayers as just in case precautions to forgive me if I have any sort of unbelief or apostasy in my heart.
Please can anyone ask the gracious lord for help for me?



update 3:00pm-January 13:


Another scary thought passed my mind,my heart and mind have been thinking about the future,and when I was praying I said to the Lord “Please Father God please sustain me for life” and my heart all of a sudden said “wow that’s long that’ll be boring” and it scared shock into me,I’ve been trying to correct it by repeating it but my heart won’t change,and it’s scaring me,even now I feel like this is a burden to great to bear and tempted to fall away but I’m refusing.Please help

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Blaise N said:

Hi everyone


I’m reaching out this morning in a emotionless panic.Like I explained in a post yesterday,I’ve been experiencing relentless intrusive thoughts that have now caused me apathy and to know I still care about Jesus I feel like I’m forcing myself to worry so I still am assured I care.I can’t feel any emotions and I fee completely apathetic,and right fee like I don’t have a fear of the lord,and my mind is constantly tormenting me with apostasy.It’s so bad that I don’t even worry about apostasy.


I’m even doubting Gods existence unwillingly because of this,and I can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong.


I have haven’t committed any sin,I haven’t blasphemed God,I haven’t disobeyed him,I haven’t done anything wrong,to be sure I’ve prayed “I love you Jesus” probably 100 times since yesterday evening,and I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and cried and cried out for help,and it’s not going away.Why am I being punished?,why isn’t God taking this away and bringing all my emotions back?,I don’t know what I’ve done so horribly To earn a punishment like this.I can’t even think straight because of how racing the thoughts are.I’ve even said to God “please let me die” once last night;I think I even fell asleep early because of how much stress I’m in and slept for 12 hours.I must’ve asked God for help 30 times and begged him to take this anxiety away.


Am I being punished?




Update-1:20pm January 12:


My anxiety is getting worse,I can’t feel any desire for the lord and am very scared I’m becoming an atheist,I hate atheists and atheism and have severe atheophobia,I’m also scared of them.I keep having to force myself to keep God on my mind and I feel completely emotionless and apathetic,I’m scared so badly that I’m not scared about apostasy I’m crying and crying and crying for God to take the bad thoughts and feelings away,please pray for me,around lunchtime I said to the “Lord please I trust in you to sustain me” after that small moment of of peace when I put my mind back onto God I began to feel very worried and afraid about not being worried.I’m trying so hard,the hardest in my life to hope in God but doubt and apathy blocks that from me.Right now I’m even crying because I can’t feel fear or worry.
I can’t figure out how much more crying and begging I have to do for God to help me.


How much more do I have to cry for his help?




Update 6:43-January 12:

my anxiety has Gotten better but I’m worried as to wether I’ve committed apostasy and scared I’ve lost my fear of the lord because I don’t feel any reverence for him but I do still refuse to sin,I can resist sin temptation but I’m worried I’m doing that out of my own strength.I resist sin because I want to know im still a Christian and have the Holy Spirit.I’m also afraid I’ve committed apostasy and am simply forcing myself to do Christian things so I’m assured I’m still a Christian(if that makes any sense)

please can someone elaborate what an apostate is?




Update 8:26am-January 13:

I awoke this morning to horrible anxiety and the scary thought of having committed apostasy.Ever since 2 days ago I’ve been bombed with thoughts/voices of things atheists I’ve encountered have asked me which keep cycling Everytime I tell Jesus I love him and I’ll follow him always.
Please note:I am going to type the things,please if you have OCD or intrusive thought problems please don’t scroll any further….

So here they are:

-Why would a loving God send people to hell?
-Religion is fear based
-God is unfair
-Christians are brainwashed

Update thoughts 9:55am January 13:
These are even worse….
-Reality is life is hopeless
-Belief in God is an illusion



Even as I type these I’m having anxiety:these are the things that I keep thinking,and I’m actually scared because of them.Even worse when I thought I may have had a calm moment everything went bad again.Basically what I know is an apostate is relieved that they aren’t a Christian anymore and I was having feelings that “I don’t have to follow any of those rules anymore” and that thought scared me senseless,it scared me even more when I felt ok with that thought.I love being with Jesus and his relationship with me.What has brought me some hope and assurance is that faith isn’t mine to lose and it’s Gods gift and he’ll sustain me.



I’m hurting very bad from this





Update 2:14pm-January 13:

My evening has been rough,I’ve been scared senseless about being in denial about it being an atheist.I know I’m not.but I can’t convince myself,I don’t like atheists and I don’t agree with anything they say.But my mind and body keeps wanting me to accept that,plus whenever I think of the thought of telling my family if I was I would be heartbroken and I would probably spend the rest of my life in an insane asylum.
What has been happening this past 3 hours has been very very scary and hard.And I’m worried very badly that “what if I’m an atheist,your an atheist,you conclude you don’t believe in God,just come to the conclusion God isn’t real” and I’ve been seriously doubting if God is there,unwillingly.I’ve been worried about not being worried,worried about having a seared conscience,and the worst one which I feel like I’m the only one to suffer from,I worry that God isn’t real but worry at the same time that since he is I’m afraid I’ve committed apostasy and he’ll never forgive or love me.

I’m just very confused.And heartbroken that the one I love the most out of anything and anyone in the world is hiding his face from me.I must’ve said I love you Father God 50 times alone today,I’ve asked God many times to “please sustain Me” but I keep on fighting,and I haven’t stopped praying.I can’t even figure out why I think I’m an atheist,I don’t agree with anything atheists say,I don’t want fame or fortune,I don’t want sex or drugs or alcohol,I don’t want parties or lawlessness,and I don’t want to live without God! I need Gods hope,assurance,peace,and help in my life. Earlier today,which I think back on in hope,is I worried God wasn’t real because I want him to be.But still the fear of being an atheist or unbeliever deep down scares me,I’ve asked God in many prayers as just in case precautions to forgive me if I have any sort of unbelief or apostasy in my heart.
Please can anyone ask the gracious lord for help for me?



update 3:00pm-January 13:


Another scary thought passed my mind,my heart and mind have been thinking about the future,and when I was praying I said to the Lord “Please Father God please sustain me for life” and my heart all of a sudden said “wow that’s long that’ll be boring” and it scared shock into me,I’ve been trying to correct it by repeating it but my heart won’t change,and it’s scaring me,even now I feel like this is a burden to great to bear and tempted to fall away but I’m refusing.Please help

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Iaras said:

HOW ARE YOU NOW? DID YOU OVERCOME THIS PROBLEM WE ARE VERY VERY VERY HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM I HAVE 3MONTHS TORMENTED



HOW ARE YOU NOW? DID YOU OVERCOME ALREADY ? WE ARE VERY VERY VERY THE SAME PROBLEM AS I AM RIGHTNOW I'VE BEEN TORMENTED 3MONTHS AND SO ON THIS IS TERRIFYING

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