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WolfGate · Dec 15, 2021

She acknowledged that if she was not in a relationship, she might fall to the temptation of $10M. That sounds pretty self-aware - even though she was discussing a hypothetical that isn't going to happen. The way you are reacting makes me think she is a lot more self-aware than you are. We all, as fallen people, have our own temptations to sin that would be hard to resist. If you understood that, you would understand you have your own as well, and that should lead you to grace for her. As it is, hopefully she will forgive you for your reaction to her.

Also, be glad that she believes being in a relationship would prevent her from giving in to that temptation.

trophy33 · Dec 15, 2021

partinobodycular said:
So a meaningless, loveless, only for personal benefit, relationship is justified by it's length?

Yes, marriage is a monogamous promise for life. Thats what makes it a marriage, basically.

And if they did it for personal benefit, then it was not meaningless. And love is how you act, not how you feel.

partinobodycular · Dec 15, 2021

myst33 said:
And if they did it for personal benefit, then it was not meaningless.

My point exactly...the prostitute...and the bride who marries for benefit are under the same motivation. The length, or commitment level of that relationship only speaks to the value that each of them puts on the exchange. It doesn't speak to the virtuousness of the exchange itself, only the benefit to be derived from it.

trophy33 · Dec 15, 2021

partinobodycular said:
My point exactly...the prostitute...and the bride who marries for benefit are under the same motivation. The length, or commitment level of that relationship only speaks to the value that each of them puts on the exchange. It doesn't speak to the virtuousness of the exchange.

Its like saying that making business or shopping in a mall is prostitution because there is some value exchange.

It seems to me you are making a logical fallacy when you equate two different things based on some common property they may share. Marriage is marriage and prostitution is prostitution, even though you can find some similar props like for example two sides involved and some benefits for them.

partinobodycular · Dec 15, 2021

myst33 said:
Its like saying that corporate business is prostitution because there is some value in exchange.

You are making a logical fallacy when you equate two different things based on some common property they may share.

I understand that this isn't a popular position. But logically it follows, at least to me. If you're doing something solely for personal gain, and not for inner enrichment, then just like sexual prostitution, marriage sometimes falls into the category of prostitution. So too do a great many things. Perhaps we should all reexamine what we do, and why we do it.

But more importantly, we should remember to be wary of casting stones.

The OP was perhaps judging a bit more harshly than he should have.

trophy33 · Dec 15, 2021

partinobodycular said:
I understand that this isn't a popular position. But logically it follows, at least to me. If you're doing something solely for personal gain, and not for inner enrichment, then just like sexual prostitution, marriage sometimes falls into the category of prostitution. So too do a great many things. Perhaps we should all reexamine what we do, and why we do it.

But more importantly, we should remember to be wary of casting stones.

The OP was perhaps judging a bit more harshly than he should have.

Dogs have legs, humans have legs --> dogs are humans.
Marriage benefits the sides, prostitution benefits the sides --> marriage is prostitution.

This is the logical fallacy I see in your reasoning.

dqhall · Dec 15, 2021

pescador said:
Saying that she won't have sex outside of marriage for $10,000,000?

Talk is cheap. First she would have sex with a stranger, then she said she would not if she was in a relationship. Perverts and prostitutes have sex with strangers.

Peter J Barban · Dec 16, 2021

The fact that she told this (2 scenarios) to you means she's sending a message. The actual specifics of her hypothetical are not vital. Why would she say this to her boyfriend? What is her intent? We often use humor to say things that would otherwise cause offense. But what is the message?

Here are the three possibilities I judge most likely:

1. She thinks that you are too uptight and wants you to loosen up. She isn't actually interested in sex for money.

2. This is the boyfriend test: "a premeditated social challenge set up by a man or a woman, but usually a woman, to test and assess the target’s reaction to the social challenge."
In this case, she wants you to push back and say how you would never let her do such a thing. Are you willing to fight for her (the whole alpha male thing)?

3. She really thinks money for sex is no big deal and wants to let you know in an indirect way of her possible unfaithfulness if the right opportunity presents itself. Look at her past relationships to see how likely this is.

She is definitely sending you a message, now it's your challenge to figure it out and respond appropriately.

FireDragon76 · Dec 16, 2021

I don't see it as a problem. It's a very hypothetical situation.

Walk K. · Dec 16, 2021

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Tinker Grey · Dec 16, 2021

Walk K. said:
Thanks for the input everyone. It seems like most people think I am overreacting. Although, I'm a little confused as to why this being a hypothetical makes much of a difference in terms of what it says about someone's values.

That being said, what do you think the appropriate reaction I should have is? How would you'll react if your partner told you something like this? Am I right to feel hurt by this statement?

The same way I'd react if my spouse told me that some actor was cute. Not at all.

comana · Dec 16, 2021

Walk K. said:
Thanks for the input everyone. It seems like most people think I am overreacting. Although, I'm a little confused as to why this being a hypothetical makes much of a difference in terms of what it says about someone's values.

That being said, what do you think the appropriate reaction I should have is? How would you'll react if your partner told you something like this? Am I right to feel hurt by this statement?

Talk with her about your feelings. While I do think you are overreacting, that does not mean that your feelings are not genuine. If you keep this inside and let it fester you will damage the relationship anyway. Better to have an honest discussion about why you feel the way you do about what she said.

Peter J Barban · Dec 16, 2021

It all depends on what kind of person she is and what you want from the relationship.

Do you worry she will stray in your relationship?
Do you worry that your values are incompatible?
Do you worry you just don't understand her? Or she doesn't understand you?

ViaCrucis · Dec 16, 2021

Yes, overreacting. Very much so.

-CryptoLutheran

Sparagmos · Dec 16, 2021

Walk K. said:
I was having a conversation with my girlfriend about exhorbant sums of money people pay for sex after seeing an instagram post on the subject. She joked about having sex with a stranger for $1 million. I didn't find this funny, and I asked her seriously if she would do that. She replied that she would not. But she followed up with "if someone offered me $10 million, and I wasn't in a relationship, I'd consider it depending on the person. I am seriously disgusted by this, and I'm considering ending things over it. I'm concerned that we are seriously misaligned in terms of values. I view this as selling your soul.

All of my secular friends think I'm WAY overreacting to this hypothetical that will never happen. What do you'll think? Am I blowing this out of proportion? I do have a tenancy to do so. How should I go about discussing this with her?

Some background: We are both somewhat Christian, but have not attended church in a while. I grew up Catholic, but consider myself non denominaltional now. We have both expressed desire to find a church in our area and attend together. We are in our late twenties and have been dating for about a year. We love eachother, but this is seeming like a big red flag to me in terms of compatability.

Are you so sure you wouldn’t have sex with a stranger for 10 million? Setting aside that it’s a ridiculous scenario that has never happened anywhere, ever. You probably sin all the time. If you could become incredibly wealthy in exchange for one sinful act could you really resist?

Sparagmos · Dec 16, 2021

myst33 said:
Marriage (even when made for rational reasons instead of romantic feelings) is not a prostitution, because marriage is a monogamous covenant for life. Which is the opposite to prostitution which is a one time transaction of sex for money.

So how much worse to have sex in exchange for material gain over and over!

RDKirk · Dec 16, 2021

partinobodycular said:
So a meaningless, loveless, only for personal benefit, relationship is justified by it's length?

By its fidelity.

partinobodycular · Dec 16, 2021

RDKirk said:
By its fidelity.

Then is slavery justified by the same means?

RDKirk · Dec 16, 2021

partinobodycular said:
Then is slavery justified by the same means?

Slavery is not based on fidelity, it's based on power. Fidelity is not a choice for a slave.

mama2one · Dec 16, 2021

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