Feeling like giving up

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Seeking out counseling from a Christian source might be a good idea to start. Praying for you to find comfort in this hardship.

Hang it all on the cross. Let God's grace sustain you. I have thoughts im not proud of but do I give up Hope? No I hope even more in God's grace.

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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God really really loves you and no matter what sin you have committed, Jesus can save you. He died on the cross for all of us. God loves you and Jesus is our Lord and Saviour

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Hello Job405, iam sorry that you are having such difficulty.

First and foremost if you had the spirit then you still have it:

"My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand." John 10:29

you couldn't have the spirit if you were not saved and if you are saved you cannot lose your salvation.

As to the struggles that you are having, i believe that your having stopped reading and praying is a big reason for this. Perhaps God is trying to teach you that you cannot do well without putting Him at the centre of your life.

Finally, it sounds like you are over-thinking things. are you getting out and about?

"The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone." Genesis 2:18.

I hope this helps you. God bless.

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Job405 said:

I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible.

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Then your relationship with Him is not being strengthened ... so is why you are experiencing what you are experiencing .... having the feelings you are having.

Need to return to your first love.

Revelation 2:4

But I have this against you, that you have left your first love.

If it was a bad sin you could have injured your relationship with God temporarily. Did you repent- be sincerely sorry to God for this. I often find myself all on my own with only my faith to carry me. Maybe buy a commentary if you want continued understanding. I always say there is no conversational Jesus. Only very rarely does He speak to me but I always feel forgiven.
Don’t give up that’s what the devil wants. I think you are having mental health issues. Nobody else experiences evil this way. You need some perspective on this evil. Reading your Bible will show you the right way. Don’t talk to the voices or they will lead you astray. They are your flesh and thoughts. They can’t please God. I know I’m there too. As you see they lead to sin.
So get close to God again. Trust Him if he doesn’t speak to you. And fight these evil thoughts that try to take over. Read Phil 4 and 2cor10:3-5. You have weapons, use them. Say to yourself I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. Fill your mind with good, take thoughts captive, read your bible, go against the grain of your natural mind. Strengthen your joy and hope. You have not failed. Only if you quit do you fail. God is good and merciful, he will not let you go.
But things change for the better, be positive. You mind is your enemy. Be faithful to Him. Humble yourself in the sight of the lord and he will lift you up. To his instruction……

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Hang in there Job405,

I understand what u are going through. I am having a similar battle. I would like to encourage you as I encouraging me right now to get back into the Word of God and pray. I know with the depression and fears and whatever else is happening in your life, it can be difficult..I know but push we must. Even if it's a chapter or two...get something from what u are reading. Allow God to speak to your heart through His Word. I read YouVersion online so I can highlight whatever verses I want and write prayers to God as the scripture relates to me in that moment. If I have a physical Bible, I just underline it with a pen.

Job405, I know in times like this you maybe feeling so alone but there are others like us going through with u. I have taken the advice of many here who have said get into the Word and pray to God and can safely come back to these forums a year later a say I am being delivered from these fears. It's doesn't happen overnight. God will come. He promised He would.

He loves you. He really, really does.

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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While reading your post, I was struck by how ironic your username was...try reading Job again, it may help, to see how much The Lord blessed him in the end. Praying for your deliverance from this... Numbers 6 :24-26

Job 42:
12
Now the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning; for he had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand camels, one thousand yoke of oxen, and one thousand female donkeys.
13 He also had seven sons and three daughters.
14 And he called the name of the first Jemimah, the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-Happuch.
15 In all the land were found no women so beautiful as the daughters of Job; and their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers.
16 After this Job lived one hundred and forty years, and saw his children and grandchildren for four generations.
17 So Job died, old and full of days.

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Hello Job nice to meet you.

Firstly I will say that as Christians God never leaves us or forsakes us so do not think that God has ever left you and says to us "The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee." - Jeremiah 31:3. God knows that without him we can not do anything. Sometimes he needs to teach us these things (Matthew 15:1-5) to show us that unless out faith in entirely in His Word alone then we have no strength to do anything at all but sin and evil because without Jesus we are slaves to another master.

The good new however is that as we believe God's Word God promises to give us the strength and power to follow him and to do what he wants us to do and to change our heart to love and follow him *see John 3:3-7; 1 John 3:6-9; Hebrews 8:10-12 from Jeremiah 31:31-34 and Ezekiel 36:24-27.

How is the question your asking right? The answer is the very moment and second you believe Gods' Word through faith! If is written in the scriptures "we are saved by Gods' grace THROUGH FAITH it is a free gift of God and not of works lest any man should boast" - Ephesians 2:8-9 and again "For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten sin that whosoever BELIEVES on him shall not perish but have everlasting life," -John 3:16

According to the scriptures it is not Gods will that we sin but if any man sins we have an advocate with the father Jesus Christ the righteous (1 John 2:1-4) and again it is written "If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us for our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" - 1 John 1:9.

You may ask the question now when am I forgiven for my sins and made right with God?

The moment you accept God's promised free gift of Jesus and BELIEVE His promise to you! The moment you confess your sins and in repentance believe Gods' Word he forgives you. This is Gods promise to you of forgiveness. There is nothing we can do to earn it. Your sins are forgiven you the very moment you hold out your hand of faith and believe God's Word. Thank Jesus now and believe his Word that he loves you and has forgiven you for all of your sins as you confess them and in heart turn away from them. Your salvation is NOW the very moment you believe and choose to follow God's Word.

Temptation to sin in our thoughts is not sin it is only temptation to turn away from God by the evil one. According to the scriptures God wants us to cast away these evil thoughts and replace them with good ones (see 2 Corinthians 10:5).

Don't be tempted to turn away from Gods' Word and prayer as it is only through faith in God's Word and prayer that God gives us His power to follow him (please read 2 Peter 1:3-4 and John 8:31-36) and change our hearts and lives and is our strength to resist the devil who will then flee from us.

Your salvation is NOW dear friend as you choose NOW to believe....

God bless

Job405 said:

. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

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You have a mental illness, OCD and need to recognise what this involves in your life and how to adopt strategies' for dealing with it.
Blaming demons for an illness is pointless.

As 25 tips for succesfully treating your OCD says:-
1. Always expect the unexpected. You can have an obsessive thought at any time or any place. Don’t be surprised when old or even new ones occur. Don‘t let it throw you. Be prepared to use your therapy tools at any time, and in any place. Also, if new thoughts appear, be sure to tell your therapist so you can keep them informed.

2. Be willing to accept risk. Risk is an integral part of life, and as such it cannot be completely gotten rid of. Remember that not recovering is the biggest risk of all.

3. Never seek reassurance from yourself or others. Instead, tell yourself the worst will happen, is happening, or has already happened. Reassurance will cancel out the effects of any therapy homework you use it on and prevent you from improving. Reassurance-seeking is a compulsion, no matter how you may try to justify it.

4. Always try hard to agree with all obsessive thoughts — never analyze, question, or argue with them. The questions they raise are not real questions, and there are no real answers to them. Try not to get too detailed when agreeing — simply say the thoughts are true and real.

5. Don’t waste time trying to prevent or not think your thoughts. This will only have the opposite effect and lead to thinking more thoughts. Studies have shown that you cannot effectively stop or push down particular thoughts. Your motto should be, “If you want to think about them less, think about them more.”

6. Try to not be a black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinker — don’t tell yourself that one slip up means you are now a total failure. If you slip and do a compulsion, you can always turn it around and do something to cancel it. The good news is that you are in this for the long haul, and you always get another chance. It is normal to make mistakes when learning new skills, especially in therapy. It happens to everyone now and then. Accept it. Even if you have a big setback, don’t let it throw you. Remember the saying, “A lapse is not a relapse.” This means that you never really go back to square one. To do that, you would have to forget everything you have learned up to that point, and that really isn’t possible. Also remember the sayings, “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat,” (F. Scott Fitzgerald) and as they say in AA, “You can always start your day over.”

International OCD Foundation | 25 Tips for Succeeding in Your OCD Treatment

Please read, re read and discuss these tips with your family, minister, friends, doctor and theapist and above all put them into practise.

Job405 said:

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence.

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God can seem to be silent, but He is quiet . . . in His love. But we can be listening to all that noisy stuff. So, be careful about what you listen to. God is quiet to encourage us.

Job405 said:

I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Well, what about people who are a good example for you? You could say these are the living message of Jesus. We need to share with brothers and sisters in Jesus . . . so we can discover the love meaning of God's word.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

If we feed on the noisy stuff that is not in God's gentle and quiet love, yes we can get worse. But as we invest in trusting only God and how only God is able in us . . . He brings us to better than all we can try, ourselves

And we discover how no one can mess with Him in us >

"You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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You've gotten great encouragement already Job so I'm going to keep it short. Please don't give up Job, I know it's easier said than done when things just keep going downhill. I'm in the same predicament, maybe not exactly the same but something similar to what you've described. It might just all be a mental health related issue? Or perhaps a combination of mental/physical and spiritual? There's only one who knows and that is GOD. I think we need to somehow let ourselves be reminded of the WORD cause He speaks to us through the Word. We need to draw near to Him. I pray that He gives you a sound mind, the deliverence and peace only He can give, in Jesus name!
Matthew 7:7
James 4:8

Job405 said:

I love Jesus and want a relationship with Him. I want to be a child of God and follow Him. But it feels like whatever I do, the situation only gets worse. I try to follow Christ, but only end up in deception. In 2019-2020 I followed what I thought was God, but it was a demonic entity pretending to be God. This was revealed to me in spring 2020. Now I am not sure if I still have the Holy Spirit, I think I may have lost Him in October 5, 2019, when I did a severe sin against the Spirit. This demonic entity is still with me and now is openly evil, it puts evil thoughts in my mind and tries to make me stumble at every step, twisting every thought against God or myself. It says Jesus has come in the flesh, so either God sent it or it's not a spirit, but instead some sort of mental health issue.

I pray for freedom, guidance and wisdom, but all I get is silence. I'm not sure I have had a prayer really answered in a long time.

In addition to this demonic entity there is another entity that answers when I pray to God, it gives me nice feelings about Jesus but I don't know if it is just my subconscious, a split personality or something else.

I'm just tired of all the deception, I don't know what to do, I don't know if God is even with me anymore. I still believe, but it feels like I just know who God is but I maybe don't have a personal relationship with Him anymore.

I feel like giving up. It's been 2 years now and nothing has improved, everything just gets worse. I have more or less stopped praying and reading the Bible. I believe in the Bible, but I don't get much out of it anymore, the Spirit doesn't open it up like He used to when I was a baby Christian.

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Hi Job - I know I've responded to similar posts before, so I'll just briefly sum up my thoughts about this one:
1. OCD can make us feel like we have two "opposite" desires or personalities.
2. Our only option is to keep moving forward.
3. The most effective way to deal with OCD is to keep living our lives without getting tangled up in its doubts and fears. In your case, that would look like choosing to follow God no matter how you feel. It's the same as with any obsession. Someone with, say, a harm obsession has to choose to keep being around people even though he feels like he's a terrible person who's going to lash out and kill someone. Everything in him tells him he's an awful person, he wants to hurt people, etc., etc. Our OCD brains are smart enough to actually generate feelings like that, which feel real. So a lot of our energy is taken up in trying to figure out if we really are who our OCD says we are, but in the end, all the ruminating we do about our obsessive fears is unproductive. We only have two choices: listen to the obsessive fears and run away from everything they're telling us not to do, or decide not to listen to them and move forward with our lives. Since the obsessive fears turn out not to be true in the end, and we eventually realize that, moving forward is always the best option!

Job405 said:

No this is more like some sort of split personality, and I may have two of them. One tells me its a demon and its always blaspheming God in my mind and what not. The other seems to think it is God, and makes me feel good feelings about Jesus.


I'm in the dark without a light, I don't know which way is forward.


Other than believing in Jesus I don't know how to follow God. Last time I really tried, this demonic entity in my mind pretended to be God and made me into a false prophet, spreading lies in God's name. I sinned severely! I'm worried it could happen again as I don't feel God leading me. What if I have lost God and try to follow Him but end up in deception because He is not telling me what to do?

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What lies, exactly, did you spread? And what made you think that you had a demonic entity in your mind?