I am choking in fear

Savedbygrace2019 · Dec 2, 2021

Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

Tigger45 · Dec 2, 2021

God loves you and welcome to CF!

SarahsKnight · Dec 2, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

I am praying that the Lord will give you peace from your fears and anxieties, Madam. Living in that kind of daily fear, that somehow someway you have done or said something to make it all for naught, or that somehow you've never really "trusted" or "loved" Jesus Christ even thus He will reject you, I know it can't be easy.

Surely He hears your cries for mercy and a heart that loves Him - a love that casts out all fear

Friedrich Rubinstein · Dec 2, 2021

Welcome to the forums, fellow child of God!

Job3315 · Dec 2, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

The thing about Christianity (believe and be a follower of Jesus) is that it is by faith. Even Jesus said blessed are those who believe without seeing. As you grow in Christ, by developing a relationship with Him, you will start noticing patterns as how He communicates with you and that brings you peace.

There's a fear that comes in the way of "respect", that is the holy fear of God, but as you grow it becomes like a sorrow, you don't sin because you understand what He did for you on the cross that you don't have the heart to sin against Him because He does't deserve it.

The fear you are describing is doubt, that is not a holy fear (respect). That kind of fear comes from the enemy and the way you remove it is by believing and declaring what the Lord says about you (even if you don't understand it); you are a child of God, He bought you with the sacrifice of Jesus, He loves you, He cares for you...all of that is through faith (believing what He says about you). If the Father said it about the Jews and Jesus, it means it is ours as well.

People can't lose salvation, people can only depart from it. That is not a decision the Father makes, that is our own decision, and by the way you are talking, as your pastors wife said, you do have faith. Just keep fighting the good fight, eventually you'll be able to rest once you are steadfast in your beliefs.

Ceallaigh · Dec 2, 2021

The problem you're dealing with isn't not believing good enough or doing good enough or whatever. It's that you don't trust Jesus enough. Which isn't something Jesus holds against you. You're looking at your own faults and weaknesses and when we do that we all experience fear and doubt, because none of us are good enough on our own. Jesus took care of all that for us, and He is holding you in his loving arms and won't let go.

You might find this encouraging. It's a short video of a young woman dealing with similar fears, who's given some good and comforting answers:

iLearn · Dec 2, 2021

You just lack faith.
It's by faith you are saved, you just need to believe that more than you believe in your own reality.

royal priest · Dec 2, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

You're secure in Christ. Even so, your testimony of struggle bears all the marks of a saved person. Keep up the good fight!

Jake Arsenal · Dec 2, 2021

Read the Gospels and Romans. Take comfort in Jesus.

Mark 9:24

Tolworth John · Dec 3, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
What if I don't believe in Jesus enough.

John 3: 16 says believe in Jesus, it does not say by how much we believe or anything about the quality of that belief.

Something else for you to think about.
Non Christians do not worry that they are not Christian. Only Christians worry about their relationship with Jesus.

None of us is good enough, none of us deserve the love, mercy and grace Jesus lavishes upon us.

May I suggest that when your fears overtake you, that you spend time thanking and praising God for what he has done for you.
Don't look at or examine yourself look at Jesus.

Joined2krist · Dec 3, 2021

Great to have you here. Read through Romans, it will help

klutedavid · Dec 3, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

You are saved by believing in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

We do not generate our own salvation and it's not based on how we feel, or even how we think.

God has promised that everyone who calls on the name of Jesus Christ will be saved. There are no 'ifs' or 'buts' about it. What God has promised cannot be undone and it will be fulfilled.

In fact, you are already seated with Christ in heaven.

Ephesians 2:6
And raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus.

Colossians 1:13-14
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

This reconciliation we have in Christ Jesus is permanent, guaranteed by God Himself.

Relax, your salvation is in God's hands.

Mayflower1 · Dec 3, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

Welcome to CF SavedbyGrace. If You have confessed with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believed in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you are saved. Father, I pray these feelings of doubt and fear will leave her, so SavedbyGrace can think clearly and she will be at peace. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Andrewn · Dec 3, 2021

Welcome to the CF. Hope you enjoy the fellowship and discussions.

Aussie Pete · Dec 3, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

Now you need to exercise faith. You need to let God's word rule you, not thoughts and feelings. For example, Jesus said that no one could come to Him unless they were drawn by the Father. He also said that He would reject no one who came to Him. So if God drew you and Jesus accepts you, you have no problem. You are saved. If you are looking at yourself, you will find nothing to hold on to. Hebrews tells us to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith. Now that is something you can hold onto.

My advice is to start thanking God for saving you. Start looking at all that God has done for you in Christ and thanks Him for it. For example, you are a new creation in Christ. You are born again by the imperishable "seed" (word of God). It is of God that you are in Christ Jesus. If God put you into Christ, who can take you out? God has given you new life in Christ. The life of Christ cannot die, so how can you perish? Christ is your life, you died and your life is hidden in God with Christ. Declare these truths, out loud if you can.

So no more asking God to save you. He has already. Doubt your doubts. Stand on God's promises instead.

Sunshinee777 · Dec 3, 2021

Hi and welcome :wave:

When we face troubles, reach for the bible.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

eleos1954 · Dec 3, 2021

Savedbygrace2019 said:
Hello. I've been saved for almost 3 years now. Or so I thought. I have so much doubt on my salvation it's sickening. Almost every time I pray, it's asking to be saved. 3 years ago, I was laying in bed one night, when the thought of my heart stopping and what happened after that sent me on weeks worth of total meltdowns. The fear of death was making me live my life in complete fear. Long story short. I went online to look up near death experiences when I came across a video someone made about their vision of God and judgement day. A voice in my heart said I could still go to God. I went outside that night, not knowing what I was going to say. It just poured out. I was crying so hard, I told God I deserved hell. I meant it too. In another prayer I told God I wanted to live for Him, but I knew I couldn't do that without Jesus. Well, after that event my life changed drastically. I don't cuss (I slipped up literally a handful of times) video games are not the center of my life, but what if im just pretending? Look. I'm terrified, what if I didn't get saved, what if I die and wake up to the terrifying reality that I was only putting on a show and I never was saved, what if im left behind. What if I don't believe in Jesus enough. I know it sounds crazy. I even went to my preachers wife, she said the way I talked, and the way I wanted to live really did sound like I was saved. She said the preacher said my testimony was so clear. I'm terrified, I seriously really am. I've prayed thousands of times. I can't find peace, I am feeling so scared.

Welcome to CF .... may you find answers to your many questions.

sunshineforJesus · Dec 3, 2021

Hi and welcome here.
I pray you find peace and comfort in Jesus Christ.

I am choking in fear

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Pray like your life depends on it!

Jesus Christ is this Knight's truth.

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May God be with you and bless you.

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debtor to grace

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Hello my Name is "Child of the One True King"

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God is Love

is so in love with God

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