the Hell No! crowd will not accept what it literally means
Quite the opposite. It's the Hell No! crowd who are saying that "all" literally means "all" in this verse.
As they do in the following verses:
1. “This is good and acceptable in the sight of our God our savior; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus: Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.” (1 Tim. 2:3-6, KJV)
2. “This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance. For to this end we both labor and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, Who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe. These things command and teach.” (1 Tim. 4:9-11)
3. “God was pleased to have all fullness dwell in Him, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things on earth or in heaven, by making peace through His blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in His sight, without blemish and free from accusation.” (Col. 1:19, 21, 22)
4. In Jesus Christ is “the restoration of all things, which God has spoken by the mouth of all His holy prophets since the world began.” (Acts 3:21)
5. The Gospel is “good tidings of great joy will be to all people.” (Luke 2:10)
6. God appointed Jesus “heir of all things, and through whom He made the universe.” (Heb. 1:2)
7. “And I, [Jesus] if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw (literally “drag” in the Greek, helkuo) all mankind unto Myself.” (John 12:32)
8. “As God gave Jesus authority over all flesh, that he should give eternal life to as many as God have Him.” (John 17:2)
9. The Father “has given all things into Jesus’ hands.” (John 13:3)
10. “Just as the result of one trespass was condemnation of all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men.” (Rom. 5:18)
11. Jesus is “able even to subdue all things to Himself.” (Phil. 3:21)
12. Jesus came “that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth in Him. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will.” (Eph. 1:10, 11)
13. “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering towards us, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” (2 Peter 3:9)
14. “The Father loves the Son and has given all things into His hands.” (John 3:35)
15. “Since by man came death, by man also came the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all died, even so in Christ all shall be made alive.” (1 Cor. 15:22)
16. Jesus “is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones, or dominions, or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” (Co. 1:15, 16)
17. “All shall know the Lord, from the least of them to the greatest of them.” (Heb. 8:11)
18. “The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men.” (Titus 2:11)
19. “Of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen” (Rom. 11:36)
20. “Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died.” (2 Cor. 5:14)
21. “Every creature which is in heaven and on the earth and under the earth and such as are in the sea, and all that are in them, I heard saying: blessing and honor and glory and power be to Him who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb, forever and ever.” (Rev. 5:13)
22. “All nations whom God has made will come and worship before Him” (Ps. 86:9)
23. God’s Spirit “will be poured out on all flesh.” (Joel 2:28)
24. “The Lord had made bare His Holy arm in the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.” (Isaiah 52:10)
25. “The glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” (Isaiah 40:5)
26. “The earth is the Lord’s and all its fullness, the world and those who dwell therein.” (Ps. 24:1)
27. “All the kings of the earth shall praise you, 0 Lord, when they hear the words of your mouth.” (Ps. 138:4)
28. “The Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy. The Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works. ALL your works shall praise you, Oh Lord.” (Ps.145:8-10)
29. “All the ends of the world shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before You. All those who go down to the dust (death) shall bow before You.” (Ps. 22:27, 29)
30. “Oh You Who hears prayer, to you all flesh will come. Iniquities prevail against me; as for our transgressions, you will provide atonement for them.” (Ps. 65:2-4)
31. “Through the greatness of your power your enemies shall submit themselves to you. all the earth shall worship You and sing praises to you.” (Ps. 66:3, 4)
32. “There is no God besides Me, a just God and Savior; there is none besides Me. Look to Me and be saved, all you ends of the earth! For I am God, and there is no other. I have sworn by Myself; the word has gone out of My mouth in righteousness, and shall not return, that to me every knee shall bow, every tongue shall take an oath. He shall say, surely in the Lord I have righteousness and strength. To Him men shall come, and all shall be ashamed who are incensed against Him. In the Lord all the descendants of Israel shall be justifed and shall glory.” (Isaiah 45:21-25)
33. “In this mountain the Lord of Hosts will make for all people a feast of choice pieces, a feast of wines on the lees, of fat things full of marrow, of well-refined wines on the lees. And he shall destroy on this mountain the surface of the covering cast over all nations. He will swallow up death forever, and the Lord will wipe away tears from all faces.” (Isaiah 25:6-8)
34. “All the nations of the earth shall be blessed.” (Gen. 18:18)
35. “All the families of the earth shall be blessed.” (Gen. 12:3, 28:14)
Romans chapter 1 through chapter 11 culminates in his emphatic declaration: “For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.” (Rom 11:32)
That's my naive reading anyway but I think I'll stick with it unless you can demonstrate that "all" doesn't mean "all" in all these verses. Do you not think Scripture is trying to tell us something important with this repetition of "all", to say nothing of all the "every's" and "whole worlds" etc. in many other verses?
Sometimes we need to put aside our preconceptions and simply listen to what the Bible is saying rather than trying to explain it away all the time with pseudo-scholarship.