I have had a rough 13 years of marriage, starting with loosing 2 children, having a miscarriage, a cancer scare, and having 2 children with mild disabilities. However my biggest struggle is my husband committing adultery during the full 13 years, not even changing after burying his children. Our priests are sure that this time his repentance will be true (he's repented over 20 times and gone back each time) and claim they will follow him through. How do I cope with this once again? I feel divorce is not an option for the kids best interest.
Child Loss, Cheating Husband and disabilities, how to cope?
- Thread starter ButterflyJA
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Hi,
I don’t know the Bible in and out or anything like that.. and I wish I could give you a verse.. but all I am going to say is I am sorry your heart is breaking the way it is.. I understand the devastation of broken promises.. but from my experience it always makes me lean in to Christ and depended on him… because who needs the love of man when the one who loves you the most tells you you are beautiful, strong, special, never forsaken and he will even leave the 99 to go find you…
I don’t know the Bible in and out or anything like that.. and I wish I could give you a verse.. but all I am going to say is I am sorry your heart is breaking the way it is.. I understand the devastation of broken promises.. but from my experience it always makes me lean in to Christ and depended on him… because who needs the love of man when the one who loves you the most tells you you are beautiful, strong, special, never forsaken and he will even leave the 99 to go find you…
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- Oct 4, 2010
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Hi @ButterflyJA
I'm sorry for your loss. Certainly the pain of losing a child is likely one of the greatest sufferings that a human being can come up against. A wandering husband surely adds to that pain and I commend you for your perseverance in your marriage. Despite all the wonderful examples of happy marriages seen in romcoms and the Hallmark Channel, marriage is hard. God, in fact, hates divorce and I believe for very good cause. It always rips out the feeling of trust and security that children should have in their parents.
First order of business would be to strengthen your prayer requests to God concerning your situation. Hannah is a wonderful example in the Scriptures of a mother/wife whose prayers were diligent...and finally answered. The only encouragement I can give you is to work at trying to be a 'seductive' wife and see if that might change his wandering habit, but honestly, once someone tastes the fruit of sin, it does become a sought after taste. I know that encouragement is likely hard to hear, but it really is the only part of your marriage togetherness that you can control. Secondly, if he is amenable, I'd strongly encourage some Christian counseling. Do you and your husband read the Scriptures? If so, you might encourage doing that together for 20 minutes before bed or when waking up.
Consider too, the example of Hosea. God called him to marry a prostitute who was unfaithful to him, but he persevered throughout.
God bless you,
Ted
I'm sorry for your loss. Certainly the pain of losing a child is likely one of the greatest sufferings that a human being can come up against. A wandering husband surely adds to that pain and I commend you for your perseverance in your marriage. Despite all the wonderful examples of happy marriages seen in romcoms and the Hallmark Channel, marriage is hard. God, in fact, hates divorce and I believe for very good cause. It always rips out the feeling of trust and security that children should have in their parents.
First order of business would be to strengthen your prayer requests to God concerning your situation. Hannah is a wonderful example in the Scriptures of a mother/wife whose prayers were diligent...and finally answered. The only encouragement I can give you is to work at trying to be a 'seductive' wife and see if that might change his wandering habit, but honestly, once someone tastes the fruit of sin, it does become a sought after taste. I know that encouragement is likely hard to hear, but it really is the only part of your marriage togetherness that you can control. Secondly, if he is amenable, I'd strongly encourage some Christian counseling. Do you and your husband read the Scriptures? If so, you might encourage doing that together for 20 minutes before bed or when waking up.
Consider too, the example of Hosea. God called him to marry a prostitute who was unfaithful to him, but he persevered throughout.
God bless you,
Ted
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I just wanted to add, allow God to show you your internal treasures as a wife.. let him allow you to love yourself as he does.
You’re husband did the only thing that allows for divorce but it is honorable that you chose to stay. However, you don’t have to change or seduce him in to wanting only you.
I pray that Jesus shows you his love and how beautiful he made you. And you become so confident in his love and the love he placed in you that you confidently have enough love and joy to give to a silly man who is stumbling in the dark.. but God will shine his light on you so brightly that your husband can’t help but see it.
You’re husband did the only thing that allows for divorce but it is honorable that you chose to stay. However, you don’t have to change or seduce him in to wanting only you.
I pray that Jesus shows you his love and how beautiful he made you. And you become so confident in his love and the love he placed in you that you confidently have enough love and joy to give to a silly man who is stumbling in the dark.. but God will shine his light on you so brightly that your husband can’t help but see it.
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- Jan 11, 2012
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Hi and welcome to the forum in Jesus name it's a great place to be for fellowship with other Christians and for having Christians who care for you and will pray for you.
I pray for God to overwhelm you with his presence and peace, also to protect you and your family from the evil one who causes so much trouble and strife in families.
God bless in Jesus name.
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- Oct 7, 2018
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Welcome to CF. I am sorry to hear about your struggles. It is an honorable thing to keep the marriage going. I just want to point out one thing, repentance means to " change your mind", "go in another direction". I fear your husband has not repented because he is still on the wrong path. Only the power of His Holy Spirit can direct your husband into true repentance. It starts with loving the Lord your God more than the sin. Maybe witness this to him.
Blessings
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- Oct 4, 2010
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Hi @ButterflyJA
Just wanted to clarify something as I understand the Scriptures. I don't believe that Jesus ever gave approval of divorce. The Scriptures are fairly clear that God hates divorce and I honestly can't imagine Jesus giving approval of something that he knows his Father hates.
In reading the words of Jesus concerning divorce, what he seems to be saying is that whether or not one is considered an adulterer depends on whether or not they were unfaithful to their marriage vows as regards sexual relations. His comment is that in the case of one spouse committing adultery before any divorce, then that person has already identified themselves as an adulterer. But he is making clear that in all other cases, then it is the charge and action of the divorce, that makes the other spouse an adulterer. In fact, when Jesus, in explaining to Israel that Moses did give them a law by which they could divorce an unfaithful spouse, he made it clear that Moses did that because their hearts were hard. So, I think it should be pointed out that even if we do believe that Jesus approved of divorce as regards an unfaithful spouse...it's because the one who seeks the divorce has a hard heart.
So, I don't really subscribe to the thinking that God sees divorce as OK if a spouse has committed adultery. That's just another sin for which God expects His children to forgive, and of course, also makes even more important that we make sure that a marriage candidate is also a 'born again' believer and not just a hanger on of the faith. Many of us, myself included, are not very careful about weighing a prospective spouses faithfulness to God. Many of us were not even of God ourselves when we got married, which Paul addresses. Which often culminates in situations such as yours.
God bless,
Ted
Just wanted to clarify something as I understand the Scriptures. I don't believe that Jesus ever gave approval of divorce. The Scriptures are fairly clear that God hates divorce and I honestly can't imagine Jesus giving approval of something that he knows his Father hates.
In reading the words of Jesus concerning divorce, what he seems to be saying is that whether or not one is considered an adulterer depends on whether or not they were unfaithful to their marriage vows as regards sexual relations. His comment is that in the case of one spouse committing adultery before any divorce, then that person has already identified themselves as an adulterer. But he is making clear that in all other cases, then it is the charge and action of the divorce, that makes the other spouse an adulterer. In fact, when Jesus, in explaining to Israel that Moses did give them a law by which they could divorce an unfaithful spouse, he made it clear that Moses did that because their hearts were hard. So, I think it should be pointed out that even if we do believe that Jesus approved of divorce as regards an unfaithful spouse...it's because the one who seeks the divorce has a hard heart.
So, I don't really subscribe to the thinking that God sees divorce as OK if a spouse has committed adultery. That's just another sin for which God expects His children to forgive, and of course, also makes even more important that we make sure that a marriage candidate is also a 'born again' believer and not just a hanger on of the faith. Many of us, myself included, are not very careful about weighing a prospective spouses faithfulness to God. Many of us were not even of God ourselves when we got married, which Paul addresses. Which often culminates in situations such as yours.
God bless,
Ted
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Albion
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Hello, Butterfly. In my view, there is no good way out of this situation. Both divorce and staying together for the sake of the children can be miserable choices.
If there were some way for your husband this time to really demonstrate his commitment to changing his ways, that might be the best approach, at least in the short run; but him simply promising one more time to stay faithful seems to be worthless.
If there were some way for your husband this time to really demonstrate his commitment to changing his ways, that might be the best approach, at least in the short run; but him simply promising one more time to stay faithful seems to be worthless.
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Thank you Ted, I appreciate your comments and thoughts. I also feel the same as to Divorce, so I dont feel it an option. I will strengthen my prayers as you mention and will read more on Hosea. I truly appreciate the replies you sent
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Thank you Albion, I also feel trapped as you say, therefore my post on this blog. I also feel alone as no one can comprehend just how wicked he has been all these years, he has been totally double face. He has a twin brother that knew nothing about his habits, even though he started at a young age.
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Thank you Maria, thats exactly right, I don't feel he has ever had a true repentance. However I also struggle with "Forgiving 70 x 7" as the bible teaches us. I feel I have no option but to keep living along with him going on in sin, which is a huge burden to carry
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- Aug 30, 2008
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It is hard to know what to say. Biblically you do not need to remain in the relationship, because Jesus said adultery was a reason you could annul the marriage. However, you have stated that you do not want that for the sake of the kids. All I can really do is pray that God grant you wisdom, peace, and comfort. I will pray for you and your family.
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I am sorry about everything you have gone through.. I would like to remind you that, Christ is your only & true husband. If you hold on to that bit, that's you sorted & the yoke will become lighter to carry, whether you decide to stay on or leave him.
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