Help I’m struggling with unwanted hate

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

Hi everyone

I’m coming back today to seek emergency help.Today while I was working,I believed and trusted in Jesus and confessed him as lord and savior and believe in him in my heart.Right when I thought everything was ok,my anxiety spiraled once again into chaos.Basically in a prior post I spoke of how great my beginning of being a Christian was,but I began to think that it was because I believed Arminian theology,I believed wholeheartedly that God wanted to save me and he loves me and wants me to repent.But when I learned of reformed theology,that’s when that “God wants to save me” changed into “God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me” and that’s where I believe the birth of a fear of hell began.

This all went through my head in a matter of seconds then like yesterday,I thought “If God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me or want a relationship with him then I hate him” now this sent fear so bad,so intense,so unbelievably powerful im still shaking in fear an hour later,I felt nothing for countless minutes then began to think “How can I love someone and want to follow someone who doesn’t want me?”I began to feel so hopeless,with only one option,to turn to Jesus.

However I still keep saying to Jesus “I don’t hate you”,but I feel like and scared that I’m becoming an atheist,Iv,I’m the past hour have even thought “I’d rather be in hell than in heaven with a God who doesn’t want to love me”,that shocked more fear into me.I’m now scared and depressed that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin and/or apostasy.It’s all over the doctrine of election,I don’t want to hate God,and I’ve never thought this up until today and yesterday.I’ve thought what’s the point of following Jesus if I’m not an elect.

Could anyone please help,especially a Calvinist help me.Does God want me to be in a relationship with him.I don’t want to upset anyone who has repeatedly helped me ,but I’m so scared,I have no desire to sin or take the lords name in vain.I love the Christian life,and I love a relationship with Jesus.I don’t deny who Jesus is,I believe who Jesus is who he says he is. Could someone help me understand why I’m going through this.I’m so scared of and refuse becoming a atheist or agnostic.I’m scared of Gods wrath and scared that I’m a false Christian.

LoveGodsWord · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone

I’m coming back today to seek emergency help.Today while I was working,I believed and trusted in Jesus and confessed him as lord and savior and believe in him in my heart.Right when I thought everything was ok,my anxiety spiraled once again into chaos.Basically in a prior post I spoke of how great my beginning of being a Christian was,but I began to think that it was because I believed Arminian theology,I believed wholeheartedly that God wanted to save me and he loves me and wants me to repent.But when I learned of reformed theology,that’s when that “God wants to save me” changed into “God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me” and that’s where I believe the birth of a fear of hell began.

This all went through my head in a matter of seconds then like yesterday,I thought “If God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me or want a relationship with him then I hate him” now this sent fear so bad,so intense,so unbelievably powerful im still shaking in fear an hour later,I felt nothing for countless minutes then began to think “How can I love someone and want to follow someone who doesn’t want me?”I began to feel so hopeless,with only one option,to turn to Jesus.

However I still keep saying to Jesus “I don’t hate you”,but I feel like and scared that I’m becoming an atheist,Iv,I’m the past hour have even thought “I’d rather be in hell than in heaven with a God who doesn’t want to love me”,that shocked more fear into me.I’m now scared and depressed that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin and/or apostasy.It’s all over the doctrine of election,I don’t want to hate God,and I’ve never thought this up until today and yesterday.I’ve thought what’s the point of following Jesus if I’m not an elect.

Could anyone please help,especially a Calvinist help me.Does God want me to be in a relationship with him.I don’t want to upset anyone who has repeatedly helped me ,but I’m so scared,I have no desire to sin or take the lords name in vain.I love the Christian life,and I love a relationship with Jesus.I don’t deny who Jesus is,I believe who Jesus is who he says he is. Could someone help me understand why I’m going through this.I’m so scared of and refuse becoming a atheist or agnostic.

Read John 3:16; Ephesians 2:8-9; John 8:31-36; John 17:17; 1 John 4:8 and continue in faith to believe Gods' Word. God loves you and wants what is best for you always!

God bless

Halbhh · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone

I’m coming back today to seek emergency help.Today while I was working,I believed and trusted in Jesus and confessed him as lord and savior and believe in him in my heart.Right when I thought everything was ok,my anxiety spiraled once again into chaos.Basically in a prior post I spoke of how great my beginning of being a Christian was,but I began to think that it was because I believed Arminian theology,I believed wholeheartedly that God wanted to save me and he loves me and wants me to repent.But when I learned of reformed theology,that’s when that “God wants to save me” changed into “God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me” and that’s where I believe the birth of a fear of hell began.

This all went through my head in a matter of seconds then like yesterday,I thought “If God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me or want a relationship with him then I hate him” now this sent fear so bad,so intense,so unbelievably powerful im still shaking in fear an hour later,I felt nothing for countless minutes then began to think “How can I love someone and want to follow someone who doesn’t want me?”I began to feel so hopeless,with only one option,to turn to Jesus.

However I still keep saying to Jesus “I don’t hate you”,but I feel like and scared that I’m becoming an atheist,Iv,I’m the past hour have even thought “I’d rather be in hell than in heaven with a God who doesn’t want to love me”,that shocked more fear into me.I’m now scared and depressed that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin and/or apostasy.It’s all over the doctrine of election,I don’t want to hate God,and I’ve never thought this up until today and yesterday.I’ve thought what’s the point of following Jesus if I’m not an elect.

Could anyone please help,especially a Calvinist help me.Does God want me to be in a relationship with him.I don’t want to upset anyone who has repeatedly helped me ,but I’m so scared,I have no desire to sin or take the lords name in vain.I love the Christian life,and I love a relationship with Jesus.I don’t deny who Jesus is,I believe who Jesus is who he says he is. Could someone help me understand why I’m going through this.I’m so scared of and refuse becoming a atheist or agnostic.

What you hate i think is a (man made debate) doctrine you are reacting to.
Ignore doctrinal debates like that one. Forget 'Arminian theology', and any claim about it, for or against it, whatever. It's useless to put your faith focus on!. In the end, those debates are totally irrelevant. Truly.

Instead, listen to the only perfect Teacher who knows all things and is always saying the perfect truth you actually need!

Christ Jesus.

Listen to His words, first and last.

He has every doctrine you'll need, and perfect in wording. We can't improve on His words

Matthew 3 NIV

fhansen · Nov 23, 2021

We really need to realize that God is love, and loves all and wants all to come to repentance, to come to Him, rather than playing with the question about whether or not He loves and favors some more than others. Heck, we can't even know with 100% certainty whether or not our names are written in the Book of Life anyway; only He knows with that kind of certainty-and He judges by our hearts. You already believe, so just want what He wants, to have your heart in the right place, pure, full of love. He'll work in and with you to get you there and won't turn down a scincere prayer for anything like that. Trust.

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

fhansen said:
We really need to realize that God is love, and loves all and wants all to come to repentance, to come to Him, rather than playing with the question about whether or not He loves and favors some more than others. Heck, we can't even know with 100% certainty whether or not our names are written in the Book of Life anyway; only He knows with that kind of certianty-and He judges by our hearts. You already believe, so just want what He wants, to have your heart in the right place, pure, full of love. He'll work in and with you to get you there and won't turn down a scincere prayer for anything like that. Trust.

But the scary thing Is I willingly thought “I’d hate God if he doesn’t or didn’t want to save me or want to know me” this is what scared me,that was 2 hours ago and I’m still shaking in fear.I’m scared I committed the unpardonable sin.Hate is a strong word,and I guess I’d be angry not hateful,but I would think “why doesn’t Jesus care?,doesnt he care about me or want to save me” I’m afraid that since I said I’d hate him it makes me an unbeliever because the Bible says unbelievers hate God and are under his judgements wrath.

fhansen · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
But the scary thing Is I willingly thought “I’d hate God if he doesn’t or didn’t want to save me or want to know me” this is what scared me,that was 2 hours ago and I’m still shaking in fear.I’m scared I committed the unpardonable sin.Hate is a strong word,and I guess I’d be angry not hateful,but I would think “why doesn’t Jesus care?,doesnt he care about me or want to save me” I’m afraid that since I said I’d hate him it makes me an unbeliever because the Bible says unbelievers hate God and are under his judgements wrath.

I can only say that God is uncompromisingly on your side, and never vindictive, petty, or looking for a way to "get" us, but just the opposite. Read 1 Cor 4-8 and contemplate the fact that the content there actually goes far in describing the nature of God.

Sketcher · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
But the scary thing Is I willingly thought “I’d hate God if he doesn’t or didn’t want to save me or want to know me” this is what scared me,that was 2 hours ago and I’m still shaking in fear.I’m scared I committed the unpardonable sin.Hate is a strong word,and I guess I’d be angry not hateful,but I would think “why doesn’t Jesus care?,doesnt he care about me or want to save me” I’m afraid that since I said I’d hate him it makes me an unbeliever because the Bible says unbelievers hate God and are under his judgements wrath.

That's not the unpardonable sin. That is a hypothetical situation which Calvinism teaches is true of at least some unbelievers. You and God both know that's not true of you.

turkle · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
But the scary thing Is I willingly thought “I’d hate God if he doesn’t or didn’t want to save me or want to know me” this is what scared me,that was 2 hours ago and I’m still shaking in fear.I’m scared I committed the unpardonable sin.Hate is a strong word,and I guess I’d be angry not hateful,but I would think “why doesn’t Jesus care?,doesnt he care about me or want to save me” I’m afraid that since I said I’d hate him it makes me an unbeliever because the Bible says unbelievers hate God and are under his judgements wrath.

The question is not "why doesn't Jesus care?". The question is why you are obsessing over lies. I'm thinking that perhaps you are not familiar with the Bible. Read the Gospels. Ask God to open your eyes as you do. Then you will see that Jesus loved you enough to die for you.

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

turkle said:
The question is not "why doesn't Jesus care?". The question is why you are obsessing over lies. I'm thinking that perhaps you are not familiar with the Bible. Read the Gospels. Ask God to open your eyes as you do. Then you will see that Jesus loved you enough to die for you.

I was raised to know Jesus wants to save me and wants me to be with him,with calvainism its “only the elect are who Jesus wished to save” and I am scared that how could Jesus not choose me to be an elect if that’s true.I’m scared that I ever said I’d hate him,I’m so worried

pescador · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone

I’m coming back today to seek emergency help.Today while I was working,I believed and trusted in Jesus and confessed him as lord and savior and believe in him in my heart.Right when I thought everything was ok,my anxiety spiraled once again into chaos.Basically in a prior post I spoke of how great my beginning of being a Christian was,but I began to think that it was because I believed Arminian theology,I believed wholeheartedly that God wanted to save me and he loves me and wants me to repent.But when I learned of reformed theology,that’s when that “God wants to save me” changed into “God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me” and that’s where I believe the birth of a fear of hell began.

This all went through my head in a matter of seconds then like yesterday,I thought “If God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me or want a relationship with him then I hate him” now this sent fear so bad,so intense,so unbelievably powerful im still shaking in fear an hour later,I felt nothing for countless minutes then began to think “How can I love someone and want to follow someone who doesn’t want me?”I began to feel so hopeless,with only one option,to turn to Jesus.

However I still keep saying to Jesus “I don’t hate you”,but I feel like and scared that I’m becoming an atheist,Iv,I’m the past hour have even thought “I’d rather be in hell than in heaven with a God who doesn’t want to love me”,that shocked more fear into me.I’m now scared and depressed that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin and/or apostasy.It’s all over the doctrine of election,I don’t want to hate God,and I’ve never thought this up until today and yesterday.I’ve thought what’s the point of following Jesus if I’m not an elect.

Could anyone please help,especially a Calvinist help me.Does God want me to be in a relationship with him.I don’t want to upset anyone who has repeatedly helped me ,but I’m so scared,I have no desire to sin or take the lords name in vain.I love the Christian life,and I love a relationship with Jesus.I don’t deny who Jesus is,I believe who Jesus is who he says he is. Could someone help me understand why I’m going through this.I’m so scared of and refuse becoming a atheist or agnostic.I’m scared of Gods wrath and scared that I’m a false Christian.

Blaise, you wrote "I love the Christian life, and I love a relationship with Jesus." That's all that is necessary! Stop listening to doctrinal interpretations, etc. which, in the long run, are irrelevant.

You are not a "false Christian"!!

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

pescador said:
Blaise, you wrote "I love the Christian life, and I love a relationship with Jesus." That's all that is necessary! Stop listening to doctrinal interpretations, etc. which, in the long run, are irrelevant.

You are not a "false Christian"!!

If I could ask,could God forgive me for saying id hate him if he doesn’t want to save me,can he forgive me?

fhansen · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
If I could ask,could God forgive me for saying id hate him if he doesn’t want to save me,can he forgive me?

It's a done deal-He already wants to save you anyway-despite yourself, your sin, and any ideas you might have about Him.

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

fhansen said:
It's a done deal-He already wants to save you anyway-despite yourself, your sin, and any ideas you might have about Him.

I couldn’t figure out how I could say I’d hate God.

fhansen · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
I couldn’t figure out how I could say I’d hate God.

He's got really big shoulders. And we're just humans. He knows: our weaknesses, limitations, foolishness et al.

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

fhansen said:
He's got really big shoulders. And we're just humans. He knows-our weaknesses, limitations, foolishness et al.

I’m not defending what I said,but i jumped to that conclusion because I would be so hurt if that was the truth.Apart from Jesus I have nothing and nobody,and I know that to depart from Jesus,not to believe in him,or hate hi
Will lead me straight to hell.I half feel regret and half don’t,I’m very confused,and I’m scared that I can’t repent from thT

aiki · Nov 23, 2021

www.soteriology101.com

fhansen · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
I’m not defending what I said,but i jumped to that conclusion because I would be so hurt if that was the truth.Apart from Jesus I have nothing and nobody,and I know that to depart from Jesus,not to believe in him,or hate hi
Will lead me straight to hell.I half feel regret and half don’t,I’m very confused,and I’m scared that I can’t repent from thT

Just remember, He's not the God of confusion but of order, peace, a sound mind, of love. This is about Him and His attitude towards you as much as it is about anything else:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Cor 13:4-8

returntosender · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone

I’m coming back today to seek emergency help.Today while I was working,I believed and trusted in Jesus and confessed him as lord and savior and believe in him in my heart.Right when I thought everything was ok,my anxiety spiraled once again into chaos.Basically in a prior post I spoke of how great my beginning of being a Christian was,but I began to think that it was because I believed Arminian theology,I believed wholeheartedly that God wanted to save me and he loves me and wants me to repent.But when I learned of reformed theology,that’s when that “God wants to save me” changed into “God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me” and that’s where I believe the birth of a fear of hell began.

This all went through my head in a matter of seconds then like yesterday,I thought “If God doesn’t want to save me or want to love me or want a relationship with him then I hate him” now this sent fear so bad,so intense,so unbelievably powerful im still shaking in fear an hour later,I felt nothing for countless minutes then began to think “How can I love someone and want to follow someone who doesn’t want me?”I began to feel so hopeless,with only one option,to turn to Jesus.

However I still keep saying to Jesus “I don’t hate you”,but I feel like and scared that I’m becoming an atheist,Iv,I’m the past hour have even thought “I’d rather be in hell than in heaven with a God who doesn’t want to love me”,that shocked more fear into me.I’m now scared and depressed that I’ve committed the unpardonable sin and/or apostasy.It’s all over the doctrine of election,I don’t want to hate God,and I’ve never thought this up until today and yesterday.I’ve thought what’s the point of following Jesus if I’m not an elect.

Could anyone please help,especially a Calvinist help me.Does God want me to be in a relationship with him.I don’t want to upset anyone who has repeatedly helped me ,but I’m so scared,I have no desire to sin or take the lords name in vain.I love the Christian life,and I love a relationship with Jesus.I don’t deny who Jesus is,I believe who Jesus is who he says he is. Could someone help me understand why I’m going through this.I’m so scared of and refuse becoming a atheist or agnostic.I’m scared of Gods wrath and scared that I’m a false Christian.

Believe in what God says. There are many theologies that are not necessarily right. If it brings you down, leave it.God loves you.
Happy thanks giving.

Blaise N · Nov 23, 2021

returntosender said:
Believe in what God says. There are many theologies that are not necessarily right. If it brings you down, leave it.

I regret so much thinking that “I’d hate God if he didn’t want to save or love me” I’m in so much sorrow and grief about it.I keep asking God for forgiveness

returntosender · Nov 23, 2021

Blaise N said:
I regret so much thinking that “I’d hate God if he didn’t want to save or love me” I’m in so much sorrow and grief about it.I keep asking God for forgiveness

God has forgiven you now you must do the same.
If you doubt that he has then it shows lack of faith. You can't do anything to lose God's love for you except reject him an that is not a one time rejection it is over a long period of time. Think how many would be lost over discouragement in God. Heaven would be sparce if not empty. Give God more credit and stop relying on man for information about God. Stay with the source

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