feeling awkward after comments made in study group - should I move groups

Suzyaussie

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Ok so I have moved states and have started attending a new church and I have joined a life group that I have been going to for a couple of months now with my children.
There was a newcomer last night at the group who made comments about another members body parts. I didn't know where to look or what to think, it left me a little stunned.
I have been working on closing doors to anything remotely lustful in my life and getting closer to God, working on dealing with everything that is wrong in my walk.
Am I overreacting by feeling wrong about looking at anyone, over what they look like, especially male?
This newcomer seemed to attack anything I was saying, twisting words. I came away last night with a sense of having being under some sort of heavy suppression over me. I stayed up late to pray and put on praise and worship music to help overcome emotions and the sense of danger.
I don't know if this life group is right for us, I thought it was a safe environment but I sometimes feel like I am intruding, its been hard to strike up conversations at times with some of them in the group.
So what do I do, I don't even know who to talk to about this within the church. Do I stick this out and pray like crazy or do I find another life group?
 

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Ok so I have moved states and have started attending a new church and I have joined a life group that I have been going to for a couple of months now with my children.
There was a newcomer last night at the group who made comments about another members body parts. I didn't know where to look or what to think, it left me a little stunned.
I have been working on closing doors to anything remotely lustful in my life and getting closer to God, working on dealing with everything that is wrong in my walk.
Am I overreacting by feeling wrong about looking at anyone, over what they look like, especially male?
This newcomer seemed to attack anything I was saying, twisting words. I came away last night with a sense of having being under some sort of heavy suppression over me. I stayed up late to pray and put on praise and worship music to help overcome emotions and the sense of danger.
I don't know if this life group is right for us, I thought it was a safe environment but I sometimes feel like I am intruding, its been hard to strike up conversations at times with some of them in the group.
So what do I do, I don't even know who to talk to about this within the church. Do I stick this out and pray like crazy or do I find another life group?
I would get out of that group and avoid it like the plague. It won't do you any good. Letting the church pastor know that you feel unsafe in that group and that if you are going to be a part of a group, then it should be one in which you feel totally safe. If the pastor doesn't show understanding to your satisfaction, then that whole church may be an unsafe environment for you.
 
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Suzyaussie

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Body parts, huh? How was that received?
I was pretty speechless, others laughed, the guy it was directed to made a joke out of it. I just never expected that sort of talk in a study group.
 
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Suzyaussie

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I would get out of that group and avoid it like the plague. It won't do you any good. Letting the church pastor know that you feel unsafe in that group and that if you are going to be a part of a group, then it should be one in which you feel totally safe. If the pastor doesn't show understanding to your satisfaction, then that whole church may be an unsafe environment for you.
I now feel really awkward towards them and thankyou perhaps I should inform the pastor about it. I really don’t want to blow it out of proportion but it’s definitely not what I want to encounter in a life group.
 
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I now feel really awkward towards them and thankyou perhaps I should inform the pastor about it. I really don’t want to blow it out of proportion but it’s definitely not what I want to encounter in a life group.
The main error that people in your position make is to think that things are not as serious as they really are. What happened to you in that group is spiritual abuse, type of psychological bullying. I was a Ministry of Justice victim adviser for 10 years, dealing mainly with domestic violence victims. This type of behaviour often starts with the type of criticism that you experienced in the group. Then, when the victim stands up for themselves, the bullying escalates often into actual physical violence. What I predict, if you stay that group and stand up to the bully, she will escalate in her retaliation and work very hard to badmouth you right around the church to destroy your reputation and make you appear as a sinful, "scarlet" woman. Believe me, spiritual abuse never goes away without strong intervention. If the pastor of the church is any good, he should tell that person to cease and desist, and if she won't listen to him, he should tell the church in the next elders' meeting, and require that she leaves the church. That's what the Scripture says. This woman has sinned, and if she won't listen to the church when it tries to correct her, she should be treated as a non-believer.

The tragedy in many schools, workplaces, and churches where this type of bullying goes on, it is the victim who has to leave. This is because either management/pastor is not doing their job properly. If the church refuses to protect you from the bullying by either shutting the bully down or having her go and find another church, then you have the option of finding a good lawyer and suing for damages and emotional distress. Don't let them quote 1 Corinthians about not taking other Christians to court. This is not just an ordinary civil case. This is a serious sin and should be dealt with as such. You can go to our local courthouse and get a restraining order if necessary, and that would mean that the bullying person would have to leave the church so as not to have any contact with you.

The bottom line is that you don't have to put up with any of it from that person. You have every right to go to the pastor and tell him straight that if the woman does not cease and desist from her bullying of you, you will have no option but to go to court and get a restraining order against her. That should activate the pastor into action because one of his congregation having to go and get a restraining order would not make him look good at all.
 
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BobRyan

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I now feel really awkward towards them and thankyou perhaps I should inform the pastor about it. I really don’t want to blow it out of proportion but it’s definitely not what I want to encounter in a life group.

Is there another group you can attend?
 
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Suzyaussie

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Is there another group you can attend?
There are other life groups, I am going to speak to the pastor regarding everything that has happened. I really would like to find another ladies study group for myself. Hopefully there is a life group out there where there won't be this sort of issue happening.
 
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In my view, you're right to be alarmed about what you reported to us, but if I were you I'd return to this group at least one more time to see if: 1) anyone else shares your concern and 2) if that person and those kinds of remarks continue.

It's difficult to imagine that you are the only member to react as you did, so it might be worth giving it a little time to see if that's the new norm. If it is, find a different group.
 
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aiki

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Ok so I have moved states and have started attending a new church and I have joined a life group that I have been going to for a couple of months now with my children.
There was a newcomer last night at the group who made comments about another members body parts. I didn't know where to look or what to think, it left me a little stunned.
I have been working on closing doors to anything remotely lustful in my life and getting closer to God, working on dealing with everything that is wrong in my walk.
Am I overreacting by feeling wrong about looking at anyone, over what they look like, especially male?
This newcomer seemed to attack anything I was saying, twisting words. I came away last night with a sense of having being under some sort of heavy suppression over me. I stayed up late to pray and put on praise and worship music to help overcome emotions and the sense of danger.
I don't know if this life group is right for us, I thought it was a safe environment but I sometimes feel like I am intruding, its been hard to strike up conversations at times with some of them in the group.
So what do I do, I don't even know who to talk to about this within the church. Do I stick this out and pray like crazy or do I find another life group?

Another member's body parts? Are we talking his...y'know...southern regions? I sure hope not. If so, make a stink about it. Such talk is grossly inappropriate for believers.

Ephesians 4:29
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.


Ephesians 5:3-4
3 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;
4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.


Colossians 4:6
6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.


Luke 6:45
45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.


I was in a Men's Life Group at my church several years ago now and the "facilitator" decided to play a video clip of a young preacher who was using foul language as he gave his sermon. I was appalled both at the rotten language used in the "sermon" and that the "facilitator" of the Life Group had chosen to subject us to it. I was only a few weeks into my participation in the Life Group and had already had a few...moments with the group, challenging some crazy statements that were being made about the Christian faith, and so the "facilitator" was looking to see my reaction, in particular, to the coarse remarks in the video clip. I didn't disappoint. After the clip was done, and the "facilitator" asked for my reaction to it, I quoted to the group all the verses above and asked them to square what they had just heard from the foul-mouthed preacher with the verses I'd just given them. There was silence, of course. And then, a grudging, mumbling acknowledgment that the swearing preacher was way out-of-line. Later, the "facilitator" came to me privately to apologize for showing the video clip.

None of this would have happened if I'd not pushed back against the current of thinking in the Life Group. The men in the LG would have gone on to approve - maybe even emulate - the corrupt communication of the young pastor in the video clip! I could have shrunk back, demanding I be made to feel safe and fully-supported in my views before I spoke out against the cursing preacher. I was, after all, the only one in the Men's LG who was willing to challenge the foul sermonizing; I was alone against the group. But, I don't see this "stop bullying me" stuff in Scripture; I don't see the "you're all responsible for how I feel" thinking in the Bible. Instead, it was often in the face of very severe resistance and persecution that the truth and light was shared. Paul didn't cry out in shrill tones, "You're not making me feel good, y'know! Listen to me, make me feel safe and loved, or I'm leaving!" No, instead he endured great trials and pain for the sake of the Church - even when, as he did, he was reviled for his work. But Paul was simply following the bold, unyielding, self-sacrificing example of his beloved Saviour, who came unto his own and was rejected of them, preaching the truth to the lost, and dying at their hands to redeem them. There was no protesting cry against bullying, or of being made to feel unsafe. There'd have been no atonement if this had been his response to the enmity of those he'd come to save.

We must all be salt and light, even within the Church. Sometimes, the rot of sin is worst within the Body of Believers. And so, we have Paul's words to his brothers and sisters in Christ:

Ephesians 5:7-12
7 Therefore do not be partakers with them;
8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light
9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),
10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.

2 Timothy 4:1-4
1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:
2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.
3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions,
4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths
.

(See also: 1 Corinthians 5)

 
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FutureAndAHope

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Ok so I have moved states and have started attending a new church and I have joined a life group that I have been going to for a couple of months now with my children.
There was a newcomer last night at the group who made comments about another members body parts. I didn't know where to look or what to think, it left me a little stunned.
I have been working on closing doors to anything remotely lustful in my life and getting closer to God, working on dealing with everything that is wrong in my walk.
Am I overreacting by feeling wrong about looking at anyone, over what they look like, especially male?
This newcomer seemed to attack anything I was saying, twisting words. I came away last night with a sense of having being under some sort of heavy suppression over me. I stayed up late to pray and put on praise and worship music to help overcome emotions and the sense of danger.
I don't know if this life group is right for us, I thought it was a safe environment but I sometimes feel like I am intruding, its been hard to strike up conversations at times with some of them in the group.
So what do I do, I don't even know who to talk to about this within the church. Do I stick this out and pray like crazy or do I find another life group?

You sound like you are a woman of the Spirit of God. I would say don't retreat when sin shows its head. Greater is God in you than the one who is in the world. Every group will have some people dominated by the flesh, or sin. Keep going, see how you gel with the other members. If you find the group fleshly dominated then leave, but don't let one bad experience stop you from getting to know others.
 
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Suzyaussie

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Another member's body parts? Are we talking his...y'know...southern regions? I sure hope not. If so, make a stink about it. Such talk is grossly inappropriate for believers.

Ephesians 4:29
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.


Ephesians 5:3-4
3 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints;
4 and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.


Colossians 4:6
6 Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer every man.


Luke 6:45
45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.


I was in a Men's Life Group at my church several years ago now and the "facilitator" decided to play a video clip of a young preacher who was using foul language as he gave his sermon. I was appalled both at the rotten language used in the "sermon" and that the "facilitator" of the Life Group had chosen to subject us to it. I was only a few weeks into my participation in the Life Group and had already had a few...moments with the group, challenging some crazy statements that were being made about the Christian faith, and so the "facilitator" was looking to see my reaction, in particular, to the coarse remarks in the video clip. I didn't disappoint. After the clip was done, and the "facilitator" asked for my reaction to it, I quoted to the group all the verses above and asked them to square what they had just heard from the foul-mouthed preacher with the verses I'd just given them. There was silence, of course. And then, a grudging, mumbling acknowledgment that the swearing preacher was way out-of-line. Later, the "facilitator" came to me privately to apologize for showing the video clip.

None of this would have happened if I'd not pushed back against the current of thinking in the Life Group. The men in the LG would have gone on to approve - maybe even emulate - the corrupt communication of the young pastor in the video clip! I could have shrunk back, demanding I be made to feel safe and fully-supported in my views before I spoke out against the cursing preacher. I was, after all, the only one in the Men's LG who was willing to challenge the foul sermonizing; I was alone against the group. But, I don't see this "stop bullying me" stuff in Scripture; I don't see the "you're all responsible for how I feel" thinking in the Bible. Instead, it was often in the face of very severe resistance and persecution that the truth and light was shared. Paul didn't cry out in shrill tones, "You're not making me feel good, y'know! Listen to me, make me feel safe and loved, or I'm leaving!" No, instead he endured great trials and pain for the sake of the Church - even when, as he did, he was reviled for his work. But Paul was simply following the bold, unyielding, self-sacrificing example of his beloved Saviour, who came unto his own and was rejected of them, preaching the truth to the lost, and dying at their hands to redeem them. There was no protesting cry against bullying, or of being made to feel unsafe. There'd have been no atonement if this had been his response to the enmity of those he'd come to save.

We must all be salt and light, even within the Church. Sometimes, the rot of sin is worst within the Body of Believers. And so, we have Paul's words to his brothers and sisters in Christ:

Ephesians 5:7-12
7 Therefore do not be partakers with them;
8 for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light
9 (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth),
10 trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord.
11 Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them;
12 for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.

2 Timothy 4:1-4
1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom:
2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.
3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions,
4 and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths
.

(See also: 1 Corinthians 5)

Thankyou yes I have been going back into scripture and I am regularly looking at Ephesians. I am wanting to keep my mind clear of impure thoughts. It’s not easy with all the bombardment from social media and others behaviours. God told me to fight and fight against the evil of this world I shall!
Last night I was lead to 2 Corinthians Ch 4. I especially took note of verses 6 -10 .
Thankyou to everyone who has given me advice, I will be bringing it to the attention of the church and will get advice from my pastor of whether to keep attending or move to another life group.
 
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SkyWriting

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Ok so I have moved states and have started attending a new church and I have joined a life group that I have been going to for a couple of months now with my children.There was a newcomer last night at the group who made comments about another members body parts. I didn't know where to look or what to think, it left me a little stunned. I have been working on closing doors to anything remotely lustful in my life and getting closer to God, working on dealing with everything that is wrong in my walk. Am I overreacting by feeling wrong about looking at anyone, over what they look like, especially male? This newcomer seemed to attack anything I was saying, twisting words. I came away last night with a sense of having being under some sort of heavy suppression over me. I stayed up late to pray and put on praise and worship music to help overcome emotions and the sense of danger. I don't know if this life group is right for us, I thought it was a safe environment but I sometimes feel like I am intruding, its been hard to strike up conversations at times with some of them in the group. So what do I do, I don't even know who to talk to about this within the church. Do I stick this out and pray like crazy or do I find another life group?

You stated this person was a newcomer to the group and if he infects others, then yes. But I'd give the group the opportunity to figure out how to handle this character. With lots of prayer, the group may be able to create an environments where he "shapes up". The feeling you had might be God working on you.

Love is when you are concerned. Love is not always honey and daisies.
 
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