Young single guy……and struggles

Blaise N · Oct 19, 2021

Hi everyone,

It’s been awhile since I’ve reached out.And I’d like to ask the community for advice.

I’m currently single at 19,but for most of my adolescence I was addicted and enslaved to inappropriate contentography,in which I quit forever a little over a month and a half ago.

However the struggle with sexual desires have been real and to my opinion, a burden.Though I know the answers to other tough biblical questions,one still lingers that I cannot find an answer to.

I can’t rationalize why,I,a single young Christian guy,have sexual urges,and nothing and nowhere to release them except marriage.I understand fully what the strict and forbidden outlets are(inappropriate contentography,masturbation,fornication,etc) and make no intention or plan to indulge in them (again;inappropriate contentography).But the question still lingers “why do I as a single have to wait and wait and have so much desire but nowhere to release it?”

I have always been very polite and very courteous in the presence of a Girl and/or Woman.I have never made any type of worldly “over confident,rebellious,stamina driven” approach towards any girl or woman.I respect women and girls very much and am sure to keep track of my manners when around them.I used to let my eyes wander,but now I have disciplined myself to use the “chin up” exercise,I know whenever I notice an attractive woman to bounce my eyes,and I discipline myself hard everyday.But I also must confess a very bad thought process,I used to,for a short- long time period,used to try to attract the attention of any female of any age and of any status to lust after me.In which I’m ashamed of doing.Though that does happen very rarely anymore,I still discipline myself.
But could someone answer that question for me?

Also I’d like to ask for the advice of fellow Christians on a certain matter.

I have a female friend with whom I’ve been friends with for awhile now.I’m respectful,funny,and attentive to her.I’ve taken her to nice restaurants a handful of times and given her a couple friendship gifts.She,one time,when I was driving her home,passed by a church which she stated she once did VBS in.But I’m not completely certain she’s a Christian,or if she’s a self proclaimed Christian.I really like her,but I’m refusing to date her unless I know for certain she’s a Christian.

could someone help?

JustSomeBloke · Oct 19, 2021

Blaise N said:
Also I’d like to ask for the advice of fellow Christians on a certain matter.

I have a female friend with whom I’ve been friends with for awhile now.I’m respectful,funny,and attentive to her.I’ve taken her to nice restaurants a handful of times and given her a couple friendship gifts.She,one time,when I was driving her home,passed by a church which she stated she once did VBS in.But I’m not completely certain she’s a Christian,or if she’s a self proclaimed Christian.I really like her,but I’m refusing to date her unless I know for certain she’s a Christian.

could someone help?

You'll have to ask her, or wait for her to raise the topic. If you keep socialising with her, hopefully the right time will come up to ask her about it. Maybe just driving past the same church again will create the right opportunity. She's already mentioned it once, so it's easy for you to ask again next time. Just ask her about it next time you drive past. If you have also done VBS then it should be easy to talk about it. If you haven't then it's easy to position yourself as interested in doing VBS and wanting to know more.

Good luck.

dqhall · Oct 19, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone,

It’s been awhile since I’ve reached out.And I’d like to ask the community for advice.

I’m currently single at 19,but for most of my adolescence I was addicted and enslaved to inappropriate contentography,in which I quit forever a little over a month and a half ago.

However the struggle with sexual desires have been real and to my opinion, a burden.Though I know the answers to other tough biblical questions,one still lingers that I cannot find an answer to.

I can’t rationalize why,I,a single young Christian guy,have sexual urges,and nothing and nowhere to release them except marriage.I understand fully what the strict and forbidden outlets are(inappropriate contentography,masturbation,fornication,etc) and make no intention or plan to indulge in them (again;inappropriate contentography).But the question still lingers “why do I as a single have to wait and wait and have so much desire but nowhere to release it?”

I have always been very polite and very courteous in the presence of a Girl and/or Woman.I have never made any type of worldly “over confident,rebellious,stamina driven” approach towards any girl or woman.I respect women and girls very much and am sure to keep track of my manners when around them.I used to let my eyes wander,but now I have disciplined myself to use the “chin up” exercise,I know whenever I notice an attractive woman to bounce my eyes,and I discipline myself hard everyday.But I also must confess a very bad thought process,I used to,for a short- long time period,used to try to attract the attention of any female of any age and of any status to lust after me.In which I’m ashamed of doing.Though that does happen very rarely anymore,I still discipline myself.
But could someone answer that question for me?

Also I’d like to ask for the advice of fellow Christians on a certain matter.

I have a female friend with whom I’ve been friends with for awhile now.I’m respectful,funny,and attentive to her.I’ve taken her to nice restaurants a handful of times and given her a couple friendship gifts.She,one time,when I was driving her home,passed by a church which she stated she once did VBS in.But I’m not completely certain she’s a Christian,or if she’s a self proclaimed Christian.I really like her,but I’m refusing to date her unless I know for certain she’s a Christian.

could someone help?

If you are interested in marriage, you might need job skills and career goals. Chin ups may strengthen, but a good job will feed more than one.

Phronema · Oct 19, 2021

Blaise N said:
“why do I as a single have to wait and wait and have so much desire but nowhere to release it?”

Good on you for giving those things up. You will only benefit from such a difficult decision.

It's important to understand why we reproduce the way that we do. That is of course because we are no longer in the Garden of Eden, and our mode of reproduction is one of a fallen world. So it was given to us by God to be used for its God given intention. We are all given the desire to want to reproduce to ensure the perpetuation of our species, and at this stage of your life that desire is higher than it will likely ever be. It only gets easier for we males as you get older. In order for reproduction to be sinless we are to partake of the act only after we are in a marriage which has been blessed before God in a church as Christians. That's why marriage is, or in many churches was a sacrament which is one of the Holy Mysteries so as to receive the blessing of God over the union with our spouse. It's also important to understand that once in a marriage we are constantly working to assist in the salvation of our spouse until our dying breath out of love for her. So reproduction is to be reserved for our spouse only.

Further this is to show obedience to God. It was originally our disobedience by partaking of the Tree of Knowledge that got us removed from the Garden of Eden.

Edit: To make things easier keep yourself busy when possible. Idle hands will only lead to problems. In addition pray unceasingly as St. Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. If you feel yourself begin to commune with the sin then pray, and cry out to Christ for help. Try not to put yourself in a situation where the sin becomes "easy" to accomplish. Finally remember the Final Judgement. Christ is our harshest judge, but also our best defense.

Blaise N said:
I have a female friend with whom I’ve been friends with for awhile now.I’m respectful,funny,and attentive to her.I’ve taken her to nice restaurants a handful of times and given her a couple friendship gifts.She,one time,when I was driving her home,passed by a church which she stated she once did VBS in.But I’m not completely certain she’s a Christian,or if she’s a self proclaimed Christian.I really like her,but I’m refusing to date her unless I know for certain she’s a Christian.

I would ask her. You could invite her to church, and that may give you an opportunity to spend more time with her.

Lost4words · Oct 19, 2021

Offer up all these things to Jesus my friend. Lay them at His feet. All your struggles. Trust in Jesus.

Life is not at all easy. We are human and weak. God knows this.

Be strong. Persevere in prayer. Talk to Jesus.

God bless and guide you...

jameshjr · Oct 19, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone,

Hello Blaise, i hope my message will be of help to you.

To answer your question: we sin because we are sinners. Without God we are dead/enslaved to sin (ephesians 2:1). Without God intervening in our lives and saving us, we do not even know/care/believe that we are sinners (therefore i know that you have been redeemed by God, because you are aware of this and repenting because of it).

God from his mercy has redeemed you, and this is a continual process:

Phillipians 1:6

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Therefore we are all works in progress, but rest assured God has started His work in you and will make you perfect for His son Jesus Christ.

I am the same as you, i still sin on this point. I repent and move on, and trust God to carry out His will in me.

On your final question, unless you already know the answer, i would ask her. i.e. could you message her and say, "i was just thinking of you and what you said when we went past the church the other day: do you still go? or are you still a christian etc.

Girls like to know that you are thinking about them. you cant miss.

Sketcher · Oct 19, 2021

Blaise N said:
Hi everyone,

It’s been awhile since I’ve reached out.And I’d like to ask the community for advice.

I’m currently single at 19,but for most of my adolescence I was addicted and enslaved to inappropriate contentography,in which I quit forever a little over a month and a half ago.

However the struggle with sexual desires have been real and to my opinion, a burden.Though I know the answers to other tough biblical questions,one still lingers that I cannot find an answer to.

I can’t rationalize why,I,a single young Christian guy,have sexual urges,and nothing and nowhere to release them except marriage.I understand fully what the strict and forbidden outlets are(inappropriate contentography,masturbation,fornication,etc) and make no intention or plan to indulge in them (again;inappropriate contentography).But the question still lingers “why do I as a single have to wait and wait and have so much desire but nowhere to release it?”

I have always been very polite and very courteous in the presence of a Girl and/or Woman.I have never made any type of worldly “over confident,rebellious,stamina driven” approach towards any girl or woman.I respect women and girls very much and am sure to keep track of my manners when around them.I used to let my eyes wander,but now I have disciplined myself to use the “chin up” exercise,I know whenever I notice an attractive woman to bounce my eyes,and I discipline myself hard everyday.But I also must confess a very bad thought process,I used to,for a short- long time period,used to try to attract the attention of any female of any age and of any status to lust after me.In which I’m ashamed of doing.Though that does happen very rarely anymore,I still discipline myself.
But could someone answer that question for me?

Also I’d like to ask for the advice of fellow Christians on a certain matter.

I have a female friend with whom I’ve been friends with for awhile now.I’m respectful,funny,and attentive to her.I’ve taken her to nice restaurants a handful of times and given her a couple friendship gifts.She,one time,when I was driving her home,passed by a church which she stated she once did VBS in.But I’m not completely certain she’s a Christian,or if she’s a self proclaimed Christian.I really like her,but I’m refusing to date her unless I know for certain she’s a Christian.

could someone help?

Good for you re: the inappropriate content, but I hate to be the one to tell you that you don't know if it's out of your life yet. There are people who go back to it after longer than that.

I don't say this to discourage you, but to make you aware about the nature of people. You're a person and if you marry it will be to a person. If she says she quit bad stuff a month and a half ago, good for her but you keep an eye on her behavior because she can easily go back.

If you like this young lady, ask her if she is a believer, and ask her out on a date. I can't tell you which order is the proper one in your circumstance, but you need to fish or cut bait here, and you need to have a decent idea of where her faith is at to make your decision. If you just stay in this zone that you're in, nothing will happen. Sometimes it's for the best, but sometimes it's not.

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Young single guy……and struggles

Blaise N

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JustSomeBloke

Unacceptable Fringe Minority

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dqhall

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Phronema

Orthodox Christian

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Lost4words

Jesus I Trust In You

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jameshjr

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Sketcher

Born Imperishable

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