I'm a little bit scared of myself at the moment

SaltandLightTeacher · Oct 15, 2021

So I've been struggling a lot with my mental health over the last few weeks, and I am currently staying on the sixth floor of a hotel, with a window that opens partially without a fly screen. I opened this window tonight and wondered 'If this can open more, I can commit suicide this way.' I then was somewhat curious and checked if my head could fit, thankfully it didn't. I'm not entirely sure what I would have done if it did. I don't think I would have jumped, but maybe just stared from the edge before backing down.
I've had some suicidal thoughts recently, but my family and faith have prevented me from seriously considering it. But the feeling about the window has shaken me up a bit, I didn't realise I was that unhappy.

Estrid · Oct 15, 2021

SaltandLightTeacher said:
So I've been struggling a lot with my mental health over the last few weeks, and I am currently staying on the sixth floor of a hotel, with a window that opens partially without a fly screen. I opened this window tonight and wondered 'If this can open more, I can commit suicide this way.' I then was somewhat curious and checked if my head could fit, thankfully it didn't. I'm not entirely sure what I would have done if it did. I don't think I would have jumped, but maybe just stared from the edge before backing down.
I've had some suicidal thoughts recently, but my family and faith have prevented me from seriously considering it. But the feeling about the window has shaken me up a bit, I didn't realise I was that unhappy.

After a deeply traumatic experience I found myself on the
balcony, 17 floors above the sidewalk.

I put one leg over the rail.

I'm still here, because I could not do that to my Mom.

Later, I read of a man who survived jumping from San Francisco's
Golden gate Bridge.

He said as soon as he let go, he changing his mind.

brinny · Oct 15, 2021

Huggggs and prayers for both of you.

i'm thankful you both are still here. (((hug)))

1watchman · Oct 15, 2021

Suicide is often the whisper of Satan in the mind to get souls to end their life. Does one really want to listen to Satan or our Creator-God, who loves His people? If one needs help with mental problems, there is medication that can help some; but the real need is the care and love of God. That comes by first reading the Gospels and seeing the love and care of God through His "...beloved Son": the Lord Jesus (read John 3; John 14 and know Him who can be your caretaker). With Jesus Christ in our heart and daily walk as our 'best Friend', we will have the care of God and peace and blessing daily. The choice is yours, friend, as to where you put your confidence!

Kristen.NewCreation · Oct 18, 2021

I've been there before - the struggle with life and death thoughts can be draining and confusing. There is hope, even in the difficult days I've learned that if I just hold on, there are better days ahead.

I'm glad you are still here and that you have chosen life. I personally have found counseling to be helpful to sort out the confusion in my head with thoughts of life and death. The confusion, the fear, sadness and other emotions that sometimes don't make sense, and the traumas that need to have been resolved.

Don't give up. Hold fast. I'm praying for you.

anna ~ grace · Oct 18, 2021

Has anything else been going on in your life that would cause you to have these feelings? Prayers, salt. I have been there, too. Christ be with you, strengthen you, and give you His peace.

One thought that has sustained me and kept me from going over the edge has been “Christ is worth it”. He loves me. He did not do anything to me that would make me feel this way; it’s not His fault. He died for me, He loves me, and He wants me to keep going. He is worth it. That thought has helped me not do something stupid and irreversible a few times over.

The same is true for you, too. Feel free to talk to folks on here about anything that is bothering you, or making life difficult. A lot of us have been through some rough stuff, and we can relate.

LukeChester · Oct 23, 2021

It's sad to read your story, and I hope you feel better now. Unfortunately, a lot of people struggle with mental health issues now, as never before. Both children and adults. We all need to support each other but in my modest opinion, we shouldn't hesitate to contact professionals. If you or someone else here need help, here is a contact list of different mental health services across different countries. Some of them are worldwide. Hope it helps, and stay safe!

Gottservant · Oct 31, 2021

Suicidal thoughts are funny: you actually get more relief if you see them through, than if you restrain yourself to begin with.

The point is that the relief is not lasting.

Lost4words · Oct 31, 2021

Been there myself. I often ask god to take me. Selfish i know. Life can be very painful indeed. Both physically and mentally.

I try to offer up my sufferings to God, daily.

Life can suck big time. I know. But, we have to keep our sights set on God, however hard it gets.

God bless all who are suffering.

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I'm a little bit scared of myself at the moment

SaltandLightTeacher

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Estrid

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brinny

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1watchman

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Kristen.NewCreation

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anna ~ grace

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LukeChester

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Gottservant

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Lost4words

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