Accused of FB creeping?

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

Though this happens rarely, I had on occasion been accused of "profile creeping" with a woman online. I'm a member of this Facebook singles group and there are sometimes topics that come up when it comes to dating.

I would participate in the discussion as well, the recent discussion is about the selection of men... and I'd sometimes click on some of the ladies profiles to see where they live. One lived very local to me in a rather rural town.

I commented, "Hey, I bet where you live the pickings are limited to mostly married people retirees (AARP members) lol!". Then she accused me of creeping her profile. I was like "Um, it's out there publicly to see...so no reason for you to find it creepy because you put yourself out there like that, lol"

I've been accused of this one time before, with a woman I met in real life and later we added each other. I asked about one of her photos, not knowing how long ago that pic was taken and was accused of "creeping" through photos.

I am like "You put yourself out there, what did you expect? It is public for all to see!"

My point is, isn't it unfair to label a guy as "creepy" for doing this?!

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

Facebook isn't the best.

I've been creeped. It isn't just guys creeping women. Employers use facebook to check up on you. I've had problems concerning people trying to gain access to my profile, friends and family, with ulterior motives.

Then to have someone come along, rather innocently even, and drop a comment on a photo I really didn't want to be accessible and reveal information I didn't want revealed on a public page is rather nerve racking. It creates an open door to those with ulterior motives. At least you can control those comments but it gets to be a pain to have to explain this to people with no regard or awareness.

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
Then to have someone come along, rather innocently even, and drop a comment on a photo I really didn't want to be accessible and reveal information I didn't want revealed on a public page is rather nerve racking. It creates an open door to those with ulterior motives. At least you can control those comments but it gets to be a pain to have to explain this to people with no regard or awareness.

Well, if the commenter revealed something that was actually private (like something told to them in confidence), then I can see that how that can be unsettling. But your city is obviously published, so..... *shrug*

"Some are of the mind of, "Well, don't put yourself out there like that " or "If you don't like it, delete your FB account". Plus it's a "Singles" group, so don't tell me people are not clicking and looking to get an idea of what the person is about.

But really, the onus IS on the person putting themselves out there.

I do recall some people having to remove their dating profile because they were being contacted by people that already knew them in real life, ie co-workers/collogues.

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

ThisIsMe123 said:
But really, the onus IS on the person putting themselves out there.

Well, that's your problem right there. You're showing a lack of consideration.

IntriKate · Oct 16, 2021

It isn't hard to lock your profile from being viewed. Some people just like drama, if they didnt want it looked at why leave it open .

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
Well, that's your problem right there. You're showing a lack of consideration.

Lack of consideration? For what? Like I said, it's out there in the wild. Now it would be lack of consideration if it was something told to me in confidence by said person and I revealed it publicly.

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

IntriKate said:
It isn't hard to lock your profile from being viewed. Some people just like drama, if they didnt want it looked at why leave it open .

Yeah, some people like to stir the pot. I was actually trying to post something relate-able as this area is quite lacking in single/available people in these smaller towns.

I was hoping for more of a "Yeah, you got that right, the selection is of a 'Deliverance' type , lol"

You know...building rapport by ice breaking with something relate-able to those that live in these parts.

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

ThisIsMe123 said:
Lack of consideration? For what? Like I said, it's out there in the wild. Now it would be lack of consideration if it was something told to me in confidence by said person and I revealed it publicly.

Lack of consideration for the reality of the situation. You're too concerned with who's to blame. I get that you feel defensive after being accused, but this isn't the attitude to be approaching women with in the first place.

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
Lack of consideration for the reality of the situation. You're too concerned with who's to blame. I get that you feel defensive after being accused, but this isn't the attitude to be approaching women with in the first place.

The reality of the situation is that she put herself out there. That's real. Apparently, she couldn't deal with that reality.

I've rarely had problems with women that would have a problem with this...they usually respond in kind with a good laugh and don't get all uppity about it.

IntriKate · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
Lack of consideration for the reality of the situation. You're too concerned with who's to blame. I get that you feel defensive after being accused, but this isn't the attitude to be approaching women with in the first place.

Women are not always the victim's stop trying to portray him as some sort of predator Theres a lot of women on social media who lap up the attention from one selfie after another and others who dont take responsibility as adults and set very basic security and privacy settings.
People are allowed to share how they feel in the face of absurd accusations.

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

ThisIsMe123 said:
The reality of the situation is that she put herself out there. That's real. Apparently, she couldn't deal with that reality.

I've rarely had problems with women that would have a problem with this...they usually respond in kind with a good laugh and don't get all uppity about it.

I see, so you're one of those guys who thinks women should be accessible so long as they are not kept under guard, lock and key. Well, with that attitude I would not even be approaching women on facebook.

IntriKate · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
I see, so you're one of those guys who thinks women should be accessible so long as they are not kept under guard, lock and key. Well, with that attitude I would not even be approaching women on facebook.

Bit of an overreaction....

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

IntriKate said:
Women are not always the victim's stop trying to portray him as some sort of predator Theres a lot of women on social media who lap up the attention from one selfie after another and others who dont take responsibility as adults and set very basic security and privacy settings.
People are allowed to share how they feel in the face of absurd accusations.

I did nothing of the sort. I told him he should be polite.

And he asked.

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

IntriKate said:
Bit of an overreaction....

You could learn some manners yourself.

IntriKate · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
You could learn some manners yourself.

You clearly have issues, get some help. What you said to him was rude, plain and simple . They were in a singles group and she didn't seem to care enough about privacy leaving her profile open.

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
I did nothing of the sort. I told him he should be polite.

And he asked.

I was polite, not sure what made you think otherwise.

TheWhat? · Oct 16, 2021

IntriKate said:
You clearly have issues, get some help.

This is the most absurd thing I've seen here in a while. You're obviously trolling.

IntriKate · Oct 16, 2021

TheWhat? said:
This is the most absurd thing I've seen here in a while. You're obviously trolling.

No not trolling, just stating a view.

Sketcher · Oct 16, 2021

Possible that it's teasing to scratch her own back ("yeah, here's another guy looking at me"). Maybe it's flirtatious, maybe not, I can see either way.

There are women who will deliberately dress in a way that shows themselves off, and then call out people for looking at them. But if they didn't want to be noticed, they wouldn't have gone with that outfit. They would have gone with the t-shirt and sweatpants instead when they were running to the grocery store or wherever, but they didn't. The same attitude can bleed over into how women present themselves on social media. Possible that you're dealing with that.

ThisIsMe123 · Oct 16, 2021

Sketcher said:
Possible that it's teasing to scratch her own back ("yeah, here's another guy looking at me"). Maybe it's flirtatious, maybe not, I can see either way.

There are women who will deliberately dress in a way that shows themselves off, and then call out people for looking at them. But if they didn't want to be noticed, they wouldn't have gone with that outfit. They would have gone with the t-shirt and sweatpants instead when they were running to the grocery store or wherever, but they didn't. The same attitude can bleed over into how women present themselves on social media. Possible that you're dealing with that.

From how you describe it...it's like she is only okay with it, if she thinks you're cute...otherwise, it's considered creepy.

It's considered "flirting" if she finds you attractive, if not it's "sexual harassment" lol

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