Could it be possible that one would never see themselves getting married and having kids?

JohnB445

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Title was too long, so the end of the title would be: But ended up getting married and having kids anyways?

I am 23 this year, none of this has ever been on my mind.

But I do think about it, because what if this is the reality of the future?

I wouldn't want to do things right now, that would inhibit my chances of a good partner and also parent. And I would think more deeply about my actions and the way I live.

Because I noticed, when people depend on me that I tend to be more responsible as a person. Because I don't want them suffering for my mistakes as well.

I don't know where the future will go, part of me thinks this will never happen. But how many people thought they would of never gotten married and had kids and it did happen?

From what I know my dad, thought he would of never had been a father and wasted his 20's a way, only to later get married, and have kids later on. I'm sure if he knew this would of been his future he would of sharpened up much quicker.

I just don't want to do things I will regret later on. Because the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on.
 

com7fy8

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the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on.
:prayer:

What you need to do is what we all need to d:prayer:
 
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PloverWing

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I think I'd set aside the question of marriage and think of it this way: Live your life so that your 50-year-old self or your 80-year-old self won't look back with regret.

That might mean being morally responsible. If you're going to look back and say "I wish I hadn't hurt this person so much", then change what you're doing.

Or, professionally responsible: "I wish I'd learned to be a pilot/novelist/chemist/etc." If you think you'll have regrets like that, then give your dream a try now, if you can.

But also, it might mean doing things for fun. "I wish I'd seen Paris." "I wish I'd gone bungee-jumping." "I wish I'd spent more time having fun with my friends." Seize those opportunities too.
 
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JesusTheMessiah

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Title was too long, so the end of the title would be: But ended up getting married and having kids anyways?

I am 23 this year, none of this has ever been on my mind.

But I do think about it, because what if this is the reality of the future?

I wouldn't want to do things right now, that would inhibit my chances of a good partner and also parent. And I would think more deeply about my actions and the way I live.

Because I noticed, when people depend on me that I tend to be more responsible as a person. Because I don't want them suffering for my mistakes as well.

I don't know where the future will go, part of me thinks this will never happen. But how many people thought they would of never gotten married and had kids and it did happen?

From what I know my dad, thought he would of never had been a father and wasted his 20's a way, only to later get married, and have kids later on. I'm sure if he knew this would of been his future he would of sharpened up much quicker.

I just don't want to do things I will regret later on. Because the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on.

No matter what you do, do it without fear! As christians we have to fear only sin and God. Don‘t fear that you will regret something. There‘s no reason for that.

You can be sure of two things: one, that you will have regrets, because we can‘t live a perfect life, sometimes we do things that aren‘t that good and two, coming to God and listening to him assures us that we take the best decision in following him, so that we‘ll be with him forever in the afterlife.

If want to know what options are best for you here on earth, just ask God for his enlightenment, but not out of fear of anything - just like you would ask your father for an advice.

Be blessed,

Manno
 
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Sketcher

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Title was too long, so the end of the title would be: But ended up getting married and having kids anyways?

I am 23 this year, none of this has ever been on my mind.

But I do think about it, because what if this is the reality of the future?

I wouldn't want to do things right now, that would inhibit my chances of a good partner and also parent. And I would think more deeply about my actions and the way I live.

Because I noticed, when people depend on me that I tend to be more responsible as a person. Because I don't want them suffering for my mistakes as well.

I don't know where the future will go, part of me thinks this will never happen. But how many people thought they would of never gotten married and had kids and it did happen?

From what I know my dad, thought he would of never had been a father and wasted his 20's a way, only to later get married, and have kids later on. I'm sure if he knew this would of been his future he would of sharpened up much quicker.

I just don't want to do things I will regret later on. Because the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on.
It definitely happens. A good friend of mine, whom I met after he had become a Christian, became a Christian in jail. Even after he completed his sentence, his conviction follows him, making finding jobs and living arrangements much harder than otherwise. And, he's not what most people would consider attractive. And, he didn't want to be a father, in part because of his past. But, he ended up getting married and having kids anyway. This is in spite of backsliding almost to the point of falling away. But what he says about that is, "if you don't break it, God doesn't have to fix it." Not that God has to fix it anyway, of course. But don't do the dumb and immoral things that he did. Don't put the Lord to the test like that.
 
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Aussie Pete

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Title was too long, so the end of the title would be: But ended up getting married and having kids anyways?

I am 23 this year, none of this has ever been on my mind.

But I do think about it, because what if this is the reality of the future?

I wouldn't want to do things right now, that would inhibit my chances of a good partner and also parent. And I would think more deeply about my actions and the way I live.

Because I noticed, when people depend on me that I tend to be more responsible as a person. Because I don't want them suffering for my mistakes as well.

I don't know where the future will go, part of me thinks this will never happen. But how many people thought they would of never gotten married and had kids and it did happen?

From what I know my dad, thought he would of never had been a father and wasted his 20's a way, only to later get married, and have kids later on. I'm sure if he knew this would of been his future he would of sharpened up much quicker.

I just don't want to do things I will regret later on. Because the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on.
I was not interested in marriage and family. I had an attitude that I would not want to marry someone who would marry me. Not the best self image. A couple of girls showed interest. I made sure that they knew where I was at.

I ended up marrying in my mid 30's. I had a change of heart about that time. It did not work out so well. However, a lot of good came out of it as well as the chronic disaster that is divorce. I've not remarried and I find it hard to imagine that I will. I'm 70. A good marriage is hard work and a great blessing. I am too comfortable to be bothered looking for a wife now.
 
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JohnB445

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No matter what you do, do it without fear! As christians we have to fear only sin and God. Don‘t fear that you will regret something. There‘s no reason for that.

You can be sure of two things: one, that you will have regrets, because we can‘t live a perfect life, sometimes we do things that aren‘t that good and two, coming to God and listening to him assures us that we take the best decision in following him, so that we‘ll be with him forever in the afterlife.

If want to know what options are best for you here on earth, just ask God for his enlightenment, but not out of fear of anything - just like you would ask your father for an advice.

Be blessed,

Manno

If Sin and God are the only things I need to fear, then I am relieved. Because I fear much more worldly things
 
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JesusTheMessiah

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If Sin and God are the only things I need to fear, then I am relieved. Because I fear much more worldly things

We still have to live our life and make the best out of it but without fear and worries, fully trusting on our Lord.

„But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.“
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:33

„Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.“
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7‬
 
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Kenny Benson

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1 Corinthians 7:28
"But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you."

From the time I was a teenager, I knew that I did not want to have children of my own. Not because I didn't want them but because I knew that I was emotionally attracted to much older women who were past child bearing years. That in itself is a big problem for me. I broke my parents heart because I chose a wife who cannot give them grandchildren.

This verse led me to believe that Jesus was advising a celibate life for his followers to prevent them from heartache. Of course, this would have prevented new believers from being born. And I think Jesus wanted his followers to convert people to Christianity, rather than birthing them. But Jesus, being loving and kind, understood the weakness of the flesh and gave them marriage as a tool- the next right thing.

If I felt I had done the right, I would not have found my way here. I'm dealing with the problems that Jesus wanted to spare me from.

I do believe that God made us who we are, and it is our challenge to make the best of it, according to his will, which can be found through prayer. That's what I'm left with and what I'm leaving you with as my final thought.
 
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JohnB445

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1 Corinthians 7:28
"But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you."

From the time I was a teenager, I knew that I did not want to have children of my own. Not because I didn't want them but because I knew that I was emotionally attracted to much older women who were past child bearing years. That in itself is a big problem for me. I broke my parents heart because I chose a wife who cannot give them grandchildren.

This verse led me to believe that Jesus was advising a celibate life for his followers to prevent them from heartache. Of course, this would have prevented new believers from being born. And I think Jesus wanted his followers to convert people to Christianity, rather than birthing them. But Jesus, being loving and kind, understood the weakness of the flesh and gave them marriage as a tool- the next right thing.

If I felt I had done the right, I would not have found my way here. I'm dealing with the problems that Jesus wanted to spare me from.

I do believe that God made us who we are, and it is our challenge to make the best of it, according to his will, which can be found through prayer. That's what I'm left with and what I'm leaving you with as my final thought.

My parents, my mom especially was hoping I'd marry or have kids.
I don't understand why. My sister on the other hand is marrying somebody but decided to not have kids.
And it seems the thought of the family line ending bothers them.
 
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bèlla

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I didn’t want to marry or dream of weddings. Nor did my parents tell us we had to. We weren’t pressured about marriage or children by them or loved ones.

Their approach enabled us to broach relationships differently. They weren’t a crutch or a necessity for happiness. We didn’t bemoan time alone or singleness. It wasn’t a badge of shame.

I didn’t give much thought to children. I didn’t want a lot. One was fine. I wanted a girl. I had her and I was content. Her father was the first to mention marriage. The trend continued as years passed. They were always the initiators. It wasn’t on my radar.

When I returned to church I heard about it frequently. My parents and extended family are believers. But their perspective differed sharply from the one I encountered. I likened it to a life mission. Obsessively pursued at times. I couldn’t relate to their ideals or beliefs on the subject.

I read a lot of books, attended events, and small groups. But I eventually laid them down and turned to the Lord. He was there throughout my experiences and my closest Confidant. I shared minimally on occasion to gauge their response. I had the Lord’s word already. But I wanted to see what they’d say. I learned important lessons on advice in that period. I apply them to this day.

I reached a point when I told Him I didn’t want to marry. I knew what I wanted. But hadn’t encountered it in a Christian. He reiterated the necessity for marriage and its relation to my calling. I agreed and started again.

The pandemic was the turning point. I flushed my head. Abandoned the should’s. And simplified my approach. What I needed most wasn’t found in books, sermons, or the things I heard. One quality that inspired my no and unwillingness to settle.

An impromptu conversation was the catalyst. I made a comment about someone I dated in the past. The truth startled me. The Holy Spirit had me write him. He hadn’t replied and I stopped. But the Lord had me continue.

This went on for awhile. I was writing my way to the truth and opening. He was clueless. He saw the notes unexpectedly when he had to confirm something via email. And he read them in one sitting and responded in the morning.

I was on his heart as well. We’d reached the same conclusion simultaneously. That was His choice. And I knew it. He brings me closer to God and brings out the best in me. I couldn’t marry another.
 
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Waymarker

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..the way I see myself living as of now wouldn't be good if I were to continue living the way I am if I were to get married and so on...

Jesus and Paul never married, but some of the disciples were married, so whatever floats your boat..:)
Personally I never married because I'd have felt trapped as a "family man", and I never wanted kids anyway.
The downside is that I've had to put up with the dull ache of loneliness which comes and goes in waves, but I've got used to it and actually enjoy living on my own because there's a simple uncluttered quality about it.
True story- I know a christian street preacher who got married in his 40's and it was a disaster, she was a nice woman but the duties and financial worries of married life wore him down and they never had kids.
I visited them once and noticed a big dent in their wooden living room door. He told me later he'd punched the door in frustration and anger when he felt married life was getting on top of him.
She later died of diabetic complications after about 5 years of marriage and he's alone again, he misses her but I think the episode made him realise he likes being single again.

PS- My surname goes back unchanged to before 1066 and when I die it'll be the end of our family line, but there are plenty of other people in the world with the same surname so the name won't vanish from this planet..:)
 
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Cute Peonies

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PS- My surname goes back unchanged to before 1066 and when I die it'll be the end of our family line, but there are plenty of other people in the world with the same surname so the name won't vanish from this planet..:)

I thought most men wanted kids to carry on their name. Quite shocked right now but well ... ^^
 
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mama2one

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how many people thought they would of never gotten married and had kids and it did happen?

I was happy being single & had recently graduated college

told husband on our second date that I was never getting married...he said "never is a long time"

two mos after our first date, he asked me to marry him & I said yes
 
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mama2one

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5 yrs into marriage, we were happy as a couple
busy working, volunteering, taking vacations
kids didn't come up

however, God led us to adopt a child
it took over 4 yrs of waiting & we came close to giving up
when we got "the call" that said "you have a daughter", we learned her name translated to "Blessing"

talk about confirmation from God
she has truly been a blessing
 
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bèlla

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Same here, as in the end of the family line. I'm an only child. Consequently, I've heard the word "selfish" used a lot.

That’s unfortunate. While I understand the parental desire for children. There’s better ways to go about it than giving them guilt trips.
 
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bèlla

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True story- I know a christian street preacher who got married in his 40's and it was a disaster, she was a nice woman but the duties and financial worries of married life wore him down and they never had kids.

I used to talk to someone in the past. We were very attracted to one another. But I knew I couldn’t live with him. No matter how much he tried to change my mind or wear me down I wouldn’t relent.

He’d never let me go. Getting free would be a battle. And marriage would be a mistake. Sometimes you have to look beyond your feelings and look at the situation rationally.
 
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