Narcissism..

Sparagmos said:

Yes that’s weird for sure! "This time?!"

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It was so bizarre I read it to my aunt. She told me he meant it the way it sounded. There was no intention of offense in ‘that’ instance. But others would follow. They did of course. He doesn’t apologize.

We had not spoken for a whole month because of the disagreement and she had reached out to me to get together again. So she wanted me back in her life, but wasn’t going to demean herself by apologizing.

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I’ve apologized in the past when his behavior compelled a negative response. Sometimes the Lord told me to. I admitted that was the case and I was doing so obediently, but I meant what I said.

I don’t say it anymore. I have enough emotional distance to ignore him. He’s usually calm but a specific subject sets him off.

2PhiloVoid said:

... and I was just all like, "Wh..wh..what??!!" I knew at that point something wasn't quite right with him.

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~lol~ Yeah, he’s off his rocker and gave you a heads up. I can’t say I’ve heard the same or done it.

bèlla said:

~lol~ Yeah, he’s off his rocker and gave you a heads up. I can’t say I’ve heard the same or done it.

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Well, next time he says that, send him to me....

... that way we can see how a narcissist (like him) deals with a person who has admitted anger management issues (like me).

It ought to be interesting ...

bèlla said:

~lol~ Yeah, he’s off his rocker and gave you a heads up. I can’t say I’ve heard the same or done it.

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Y'know, I just realized I wasn't reading your response correctly. Lol! I thought you were talking about your guy when (I now think) you were actually referring to my guy.

... but either way, send them ALL my way! I can tak'em!!!

MehGuy said:

Are you a narcissist? No

Have you ever been hurt by one? Sure

Did you grow up with a narcissistic parent? Yes

Significant other? Do you believe narcissism is due more to nature or nurture? Due to sin.

A mix between the two? Evolutionary origins? How much sympathy and tolerance do you have towards them? See below

Do you find yourself attracted to men or women who exhibit this trait? No

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The biggest battles we face are within ourselves. Self centeredness .... we all have this tendency but to varying degrees (some worse than others). Self centeredness comes from the influence of sin.

Love of self is the basic sin, from which all others flow. The moment a man/woman makes his own will the centre of life, divine and human relationships are destroyed

For those who are chronic with it .... I just ignore their demeanor and try to find the good in them ... and point them to a better way ..... Jesus.

MehGuy said:

Are you a narcissist? Have you ever been hurt by one? Did you grow up with a narcissistic parent? Significant other? Do you believe narcissism is due more to nature or nurture? A mix between the two? Evolutionary origins? How much sympathy and tolerance do you have towards them? Do you find yourself attracted to men or women who exhibit this trait?

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I might be. I don’t experience shame or guilt. But I might just be a jerk.

eleos1954 said:

The biggest battles we face are within ourselves. Self centeredness .... we all have this tendency but to varying degrees (some worse than others). Self centeredness comes from the influence of sin.

Love of self is the basic sin, from which all others flow. The moment a man/woman makes his own will the centre of life, divine and human relationships are destroyed

For those who are chronic with it .... I just ignore their demeanor and try to find the good in them ... and point them to a better way ..... Jesus.

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Yet, you shall love your fellow as yourself.

Suppose that would mean having an honest and correct opinion of oneself,

not too high and not too low.

Just think what a waste, thinking you are a duck when the whole time you are an eagle, and vice-versa.

MehGuy said:

Interesting. Personally I easily experience the emotions of shame and guilt. Although I do like feeling guilty for things. Consequently I believe narcissism can exist under such a mindset and is probably something exploited by some religious people. Shame on the other hand.. is something I do not like on any level, so probably less of a capability for narcissism there. The emotion of guilt is more social, and shame anti-social. Guilty people feel good confessing things, shameful people just want to hide.

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For years I thought everyone else was putting an act when they went on about it. But when I did my undergrad and post grad in psychology and CBT it became clear that they weren’t.

Larnievc said:

For years I thought everyone else was putting an act when they went on about it. But when I did my undergrad and post grad in psychology and CBT it became clear that they weren’t.

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Well, at least you didn't have to find out the hard way that they weren't kidding ... !

Narcissists can teach us by example. It isn't difficult to identify character defects of others. But we can learn things that seem undesirable when we see them displayed by someone else. I'll use my alcoholic father as an example. I grew into an alcoholic at an early age. I went to treatment center at age nineteen. I fell back into drinking till age 27. When I was two I lost having my father in my life due to divorce. I was raising three young children with my wife and was on the same track my dad followed. I would have lost my family and forced my children to grow up without me in their lives. I learned from my father's mistakes and haven't had a drink of alcohol since 1995. We managed to raise the kids together and they are my joy in life. We recovering alcoholics have to be a bit selfish to maintain our sobriety. I have seen narcissistic tendencies in myself, especially when observing those with the disorder. I try to adjust my character and correct my flaws so I don't behave like a narcissist. I'm always trying to learn from examples demonstrated by others as well as my own experiences.

MehGuy said:

To further clarify, you have at least once in your life experienced the feelings of guilt and shame? These emotions are not alien to you?

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If I have I can’t recall it. I experience worry I’ll be caught and blamed but that’s it.

MehGuy said:

Wow, I find that pretty remarkable. As someone who is prone to being plagued with guilt and shame.. I find it somewhat sad that the reality I experience doesn't have to be that way. Curious.. were you never very spiritual? Atheist at an early age?

Especially shame.. been trying to desensitize myself to that one for a while now.

Have you ever been diagnosed with anything?

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No, never been in any way spiritual. When I was a kid I remember being scared I would go to hell because a vicar came to our school and said we would go to hell.

But that wore off.

No, I’ve never been diagnosed with anything.

1rreducibly Complex said:

Could it be fair to say narcissists have love for themselves. And love for no one else.

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No, the opposite can be true, that the narcissist can be hollow and so severely lacking in self esteem that any indication that someone else doesn't esteem them that they are thrown into a tizzy. I don't think they love themselves or anyone else, but they crave the love and adulation of others.

Which trends towards being a sociopath.

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A lot of sociopaths just don't care what other people think to the point that they can lie and deceive with impunity.

DaisyDay said:

No, the opposite can be true, that the narcissist can be hollow and so severely lacking in self esteem that any indication that someone else doesn't esteem them that they are thrown into a tizzy. I don't think they love themselves or anyone else, but they crave the love and adulation of others.

A lot of sociopaths just don't care what other people think to the point that they can lie and deceive with impunity.

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Being needy and wanting attention due to insecurities or emptiness trends toward the opposite of ego.

Narcissism correlates with egomania.