- Aug 3, 2018
- 39
- 32
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Republican
I recently drank again after being sober more than five years. I feel so much shame and remorse. I know I sinned against the Lord and I regret it so very much.
I don't really understand what happened. I thought I was pretty strong in my sobriety, but since the shut down my depression has greatly increased and my anxiety has skyrocketed. I've also felt this sense of despair and hopelessness that I couldn't shake.
A big mistake I made (that I realize now in retrospect) was filling my head with garbage TV shows and world influences instead of reading the Bible and praying. I slowly drifted away from the Lord. It was subtle so I didn't really see what was happening. I was still going to church, still praying, still reading my Bible a little, but all of it was getting crowded out by social media, YouTube and numerous Real Housewives shows that highlight drinking, greed, selfishness, etc. I told myself I needed the distraction from my stress but what was really happening was I opened the door to sinful influences.
Then one day I told myself I could just have a few drinks, that I would be fine. It was no big deal.
Well, I did just have a few drinks the first few times, and I felt horribly guilty the next morning I could hardly function. I know drinking separates me from God. I know he doesn't want me to drink. But starting again triggered the obsession, so then I drank again a week or so later and got drunk. I didn't drive or hurt anyone, but I was drunk.
I have repented and asked God for help. I know I need him and cannot stay sober without him. I can't even live without him. I was absolutely miserable while drinking due to the shame.
I would appreciate prayers. I am going to call someone I met a an AA meeting. I'm hoping she can sponsor me. I am erasing a bunch of TV shows from my DVR and replacing them with Christian podcasts and sermons. I'm reading by Bible every day and praying more.
I believe this was a spiritual attack. What upsets me if I wasn't braced for it at all. I should've been. I'm in my 50s and have been a Christian over 25 years. I've been through many other stressful events before the COVID situation (including a marital separation) and never drank, so I don't know why I succumbed this time. It scared me.
I don't really understand what happened. I thought I was pretty strong in my sobriety, but since the shut down my depression has greatly increased and my anxiety has skyrocketed. I've also felt this sense of despair and hopelessness that I couldn't shake.
A big mistake I made (that I realize now in retrospect) was filling my head with garbage TV shows and world influences instead of reading the Bible and praying. I slowly drifted away from the Lord. It was subtle so I didn't really see what was happening. I was still going to church, still praying, still reading my Bible a little, but all of it was getting crowded out by social media, YouTube and numerous Real Housewives shows that highlight drinking, greed, selfishness, etc. I told myself I needed the distraction from my stress but what was really happening was I opened the door to sinful influences.
Then one day I told myself I could just have a few drinks, that I would be fine. It was no big deal.
Well, I did just have a few drinks the first few times, and I felt horribly guilty the next morning I could hardly function. I know drinking separates me from God. I know he doesn't want me to drink. But starting again triggered the obsession, so then I drank again a week or so later and got drunk. I didn't drive or hurt anyone, but I was drunk.
I have repented and asked God for help. I know I need him and cannot stay sober without him. I can't even live without him. I was absolutely miserable while drinking due to the shame.
I would appreciate prayers. I am going to call someone I met a an AA meeting. I'm hoping she can sponsor me. I am erasing a bunch of TV shows from my DVR and replacing them with Christian podcasts and sermons. I'm reading by Bible every day and praying more.
I believe this was a spiritual attack. What upsets me if I wasn't braced for it at all. I should've been. I'm in my 50s and have been a Christian over 25 years. I've been through many other stressful events before the COVID situation (including a marital separation) and never drank, so I don't know why I succumbed this time. It scared me.
