Feel like I'm always anxious, guilty or scared, especially as a new teacher

SaltandLightTeacher said:

Hi all, lately I've been obsessing over past mistakes and getting scared of hurting my students. I work at a Special Ed school, which is a rather high risk environment. I find myself obsessing over every mistake I make. Today, an incident that happened when I was working as an assistant of sorts at the school before I became a teacher is haunting me.

This was months ago. I was with a more experienced and regular working assistant who asked me if I could help her with taking a student to the toilet. At one point we tried to get them to stand, only to realise that the orthotics on their feet meant they couldn't get a grip and I ended up supporting their weight rather awkwardly. I apologised to the student for all of the trouble, but I'm haunted by the fact that I might have accidentally hurt them in the process or left a bruise.

The student was non-verbal, but they didn't show obvious pain, maybe some annoyance, but they were very sweet and smiling at me afterwards. This student is incredibly kind and loving and I would hate to hurt them in any way. My co-worker didn't seem to think anything of it either. I didn't hear of any injuries later, and it honestly slipped my mind until now. But it suddenly came back and even though I know my sins are forgiven I'm just one ball of fear and anxiety right now. I have no way of knowing if I accidentally caused harm or not at this point, and can only pray that I didn't hurt them.

Sorry for the long post, I just really wanted to get this fear off my chest. I'm really sick of feeling guilty all of the time because of this loop of obsessing over my mistakes. Every time I work through one, another mistake pops up. It's exhausting. Even though I know intellectually I'm forgiven I still feel terrible. Please pray for me.

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Please understand dear struggler that you are heeding the wrong voices in your heart and mind, such are the forces of darkness trying to control your life with fear and lies about you and about God and about your neighbour. In such spirits of being you learn nothing good, only bad life comes your way. They are the forces of the air Ephesians tells us about.

So please learn to listen to the Voice of Jesus inside your own heart. He lives in your heart through His Spirit, and the truths of the Word you believe in. It is Him, The Living Word within you, you want to lead you into the promised land.

Honest Jesus speaks the truth through His Spirit in our hearts. He speaks through the truths of Scriptures in the Spirit of love for God and neighbour, that is how you recognise Him.

The truth of God's word, spoken in love for God, myself in sin, and my (fallen) neighbour chased all my inner torment to hell and brought within me love, rest and peace, as well as self control and a discerning mind. The Word of God in spirit has completely rebuild me over the years.

It is awesome to be lead by His Spirit, and He took all my doubts and fears away. You know how He did that? He taught me to go to Him in my fears, worries and insecurities and lay them down at His feet and learn to trust the truth that Jesus would look after me far better than those horrible feelings and thoughts firing me ever would.

So when fears about you not being good enough come - go to Jesus and tell Him those feelings and thoughts - share yourself completely with Him - being like you are, openly and honestly, don't hold back, especially not sin, and then let the Word correct you in His love, and place truth of His love within you in the place the lies you believed scaring you so now dwell through His loving grace.

Do this each time fears or worries swamp you, or are cast upon you. Go to Jesus straight away, and share yourself with Him, asking Him to renew you in His loving truth even as bad life is trying to rule you more bad life. Honest you will be amazed at the outcome when you do that.

It is the truth of God that will set you free in the end. Please don't give up. Keep going to Jesus. Our fears are far to great to have in one go, that is why we get panic attacks, to bring ourselves to Christ at those times, and find new life in Him and with Him, bit by bit, each panic attack a little more. It will be His love growing in you while you are bringing yourself to Him which will cast the spirit of fear out of you in the end, and comforting you the scared one, making you fearless instead.

i swear to God that this is so. That is how He dealt with me in my fearful ones, He loved me more than than fear could throw at me, and then His love truth living in me cast out my fear altogether. It is great not being fried with fear and worry no more.

Jesus is my real time Hero!

(i found that Scripture music is an excellent way to get the word in to us.)

SaltandLightTeacher said:

I've been obsessing over past mistakes and getting scared of hurting my students.

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Two suggestions.
When past mistakes arise in your mind, rather than getting all mixed up with fears etc praise God for the fact that those mistakes, those errors, those sins have been dealt with. The account has been wiped clean.

2nd, It sounds like you are experiencing intrusive thoughts. A thought will appear that accuses you of something. Simple acknowledge that thought. Say yes that's right and move on.

SaltandLightTeacher said:

Hi all, lately I've been obsessing over past mistakes and getting scared of hurting my students. I work at a Special Ed school, which is a rather high risk environment. I find myself obsessing over every mistake I make. Today, an incident that happened when I was working as an assistant of sorts at the school before I became a teacher is haunting me.

This was months ago. I was with a more experienced and regular working assistant who asked me if I could help her with taking a student to the toilet. At one point we tried to get them to stand, and I ended up supporting their weight rather awkwardly. I apologised to the student for all of the trouble, but I'm haunted by the fact that I might have accidentally hurt them in the process or left a bruise.

The student was non-verbal, but they didn't show obvious pain. This student is incredibly kind and loving and I would hate to hurt them in any way. My co-worker didn't seem to think anything of it either. I didn't hear of any injuries later, and it honestly slipped my mind until now. But it suddenly came back and even though I know my sins are forgiven I'm just one ball of fear and anxiety right now. I have no way of knowing if I accidentally caused harm or not at this point, and can only pray that I didn't hurt them.

Sorry for the long post, I just really wanted to get this fear off my chest. I'm really sick of feeling guilty all of the time because of this loop of obsessing over my mistakes. Every time I work through one, another mistake pops up. It's exhausting. Even though I know intellectually I'm forgiven I still feel terrible. Please pray for me.

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Are you a mother?

Generally fears of accidental injury to children lessen when you learn just how resilient they can be.

It sounds like your inexperience is causing you undue stress, but I can assure you that had any harm come to the child your worried about you surely would have known immediately. That you don't know means you didn't hurt anyone, not even the tiniest bit.

Try taking a few deep cleansing breaths when you feel stress, and hand everything over into God's most capable Hand. Consciously give your worry over, as well as your actions... Let Him be the guide, and you'll never go wrong.

That you have a beautiful caring heart means your perfect for this job whether you realize it now or not...

May God's Hand ever be upon you as you work with these children, these most precious gifts from God... In Jesus name I pray, Amen, and Amen.