Back in the Church. And a total mess.

May God give you strength!

Welcome home. You're right in that it absolutely does not work though many younger folks are optimistic, and believe that it can; it's a fairly common mistake. Keep in mind even Abbot Tryphon of All Merciful Saviour Monastery was a staunch communist in the early 1970s as he's mentioned it many times.

I pray that Christ illumines your path away from things like the occult.

SeraphimSarov said:

I finally got my rotund behind to the ROCOR parish I used to attend, confessed on OC Dormition (which took nearly an hour and a half -- oof), and received Communion the next day.

I got into the occult and communism and all sorts of fun things while I was away from the Church. I can't even show my arms at church because of how tatted up I am. I don't know how I'm going to shed some of these beliefs I've come to hold. It's almost like my heart accepts Christ as the Truth, but my brain doesn't. I followed my brain for awhile there and got into a lot of nasty stuff. So I dunno, perhaps doing everything by reason and logic isn't even logical in itself.

Communism doesn't work. Never has, never will. There, I said it. It's a start.

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You're in a better place now. Take the time necessary to heal and recover.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you experience communism ?

SeraphimSarov said:

Through leftist movements in America. (And no, I don't mean the centrist Democrats.)

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What was the nature of the communism you experienced?

Before I came to Christ and was a Christian, I was into everything. I tried everything and if I didn’t try it, I knew a lot about it (like Judaism, Islam, and Zoroastrianism).
I tried Buddhism and Hinduism.
But I was into the occult. Not really practicing. But I know so much.
Even after becoming a professing Christian, I couldn’t see the harm in it.
After I was baptized into the Orthodox Church, I quickly realized how evil it was. It is strange how quickly it happened. It’s hard to describe.
I digress. The point is this.
The amount of information I know about the occult is scary.
I wasn’t just a “oh I’m only going to learn about this one branch”.
No. Folk paganism, East Asian shamanism, Shinto, western esoteric, high, low, ceremonial, alchemy, free masonry, Rosicrucianism, Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, Thelema etc. You name it. I’ve heard about it and learned too much about it. To the point that there was only one gate left. To which I knew enough to avoid like the plague: Satanism/Luciferianism

But it still wasn’t enough because I did still sign my name over ten years ago. Literally on a blank piece of paper because a voice told me to. Does it mean anything? Who knows.
But I praise The Lord that he save me and you and all of us.

But it still doesn’t take the knowledge away.
I literally see the occult *everywhere*.

But knowledge is power and while we have been scarred from the evil of the occult, our knowledge of it: of their symbols, signs, methods, thinking can help protect our brothers and sisters in Christ.
And because we have seen the occult, it’s not guessing or hearsay or a conspiracy theory. We speak truth when we scream something is occult, pagan, and/or demonic at the top of our lungs.

Yes, some sins damage our souls more and the occult is one of them.
Yes, we will always have to wrestle and refute the evil one in that area.
But the only way I can think of how to atone for the knowledge and participation in the occult is the protection of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
(Atone in the sense of healing, not in a Protestant sense of atonement)
Of course after we confess & repent (which I mean you said you did and me too)

I truly hope this blog helps you.
This has been weighing on my heart as well.
God bless you.

edit: also I don’t really know much of anything except that I was *told* some sins hurt the soul more than others by someone in orthodox who said he was told by a Monk.
Also if you need any helpful articles or information with overcoming the occult from an orthodox Christian perspective, I have a bunch of links.
And I’m here if you ever want to message me.

welcome back home!

In Orthodoxy, the Lord works through us at the pace He wants us to go to find healing and illumination. For me, some of my former addictions and habits took around 8-9 years to finally shed. And there was no one night where I was given a Road to Damascus moment. It came steadily, slowly, like sediment gathering in a great river.

Don't let guilt get to you. Follow the Divine Liturgy. Attend Matins. Attend Vespers. Go to Confession frequently. Pray constantly. Go to Communion as often as you can (and are prepared for), and invoke the help of the saints. I ask St. John of Shanghai/SF as well as the Theotokos, my patron St. Joseph, and others.

Keep your eyes toward Heaven and the Holy Mysteries. Avoid your former temptations as best as you can.....and hang out with us here! God bless you!

yep, it's okay if we still struggle with former things we did. God calls us to be faithful, when and how we are successful is His business. our faithfulness in spite of that other stuff is all He needs.

SeraphimSarov said:

I've literally got it tattooed on me. My priest said I should praise God every time I look at it to thank Him for delivering me.



It'd be great to talk to someone with similar experiences to mine.

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I’d ask your priest if it would be okay to have it covered up(I know tattoos are kinda controversial but I think this is a special circumstance) or if it would be possible financially to have it removed. Cause you and I both know certain symbols and signs can be a magnet/lightning rod for evil spirits.
I’m always lurking here if you wanna talk lol.
God bless.

SeraphimSarov said:

I've literally got it tattooed on me. My priest said I should praise God every time I look at it to thank Him for delivering me.



It'd be great to talk to someone with similar experiences to mine.

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Also I’m traveling right now but once I get back home I’ll link you some articles if you’d like; I get back home tomorrow

Welcome back home!

Take it all one step at a time. Attend the services you're able to and follow the guidance of your priest or spiritual father.


As someone with some traditional Navy tattoos on their arm I pretty much always wear a jacket at church. Oddly enough my leather jacket breathes the best of all my jackets in the mid-Atlantic humidity. If yours are indeed occult in nature, there's ways of covering them up if you can't remove them.

Remember the Desert Calling forum that a member here had started years ago? There was one poster there who had had something pagan tattooed on her back from her pre-Orthodox life and found an artist who was able to cover it up with a three-bar cross.

SeraphimSarov said:

Yeah, I was one of the founding members. That seems like ages ago. I don't remember who you're talking about, though.

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I forget the user name, but I'm pretty sure it was the lady who made incense.

SeraphimSarov said:

Through leftist movements in America. (And no, I don't mean the centrist Democrats.)

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I notice you have a Gentoo Linux tatoo. Although there are Eastern Orthodox Christians and Other Christians in IT, the occult and atheism are also extremely common, with Eric S. Raymond, who is a friend of mine, being into witchcraft, kyrie eleison, another IT professional I know was a LaVeyan theoretically atheist Satanist, than a member of the Temple of Set, now I think he is a Rosicrucian or Theosophist because he wanted access to their library for some reason...kyie eleison! Please pray for their souls and the souls of others like them who are trapped in the quicksand of prelest. As I see it, with God all things are possible, and if he can convert all of Kievan Rus in one day, and 700-680 years previously, over a 20 year period, He converted the city of Edessa, Armenia, St. Constantine and following his lead, the greater portion of the population of the Roman Empire, and then Georgia and Ethiopia, he can facilitate the conversion of people in the IT industry from the occult to the Eastern Orthodox faith

And within roughly that same period, St. Constantine’s mother, St. Helena, with the aid of the Holy Spirit, discovered the Holy Sepulchre, and the Holy Cross, and restored Jerusalem, which had been renamed and left partially in ruins after the Bar Kokhba Revolt in the early 2nd century, with new churches being built, such as the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. If through the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life, who spoke by the prophets, who proceeds from the Father, and with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified, can guide St. Helena in all of those miracles, the Holy Spirit, if you hace faith in Him, together with the Almighty Father from whom He alone proceeds, and our glorious savior, the Only Begotten Son, God incarnate, the New Adam and the Logos, Jesus Christ, and if you pray to God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, one God, as your priest instructs you, seeking the intercession of the Theotokos and your patron saint and other appropriate saints as directed by your Father Confessor, it will help you.

My day job is in the IT industry, as a systems programmer on Linux and UNIX operating systems and as a developer of embedded systems using OpenBSD and related OSes, and Linux with BusyBox, and some real time OSes, and if it would help you in any way to take your mind off the occult, communism, and other things that distress you, to talk about Linux and related subjects, feel free to send me a direct message.

May God bless you and continue to heal you, and welcome you home to Holy Orthodoxy.

SeraphimSarov said:

I finally got my rotund behind to the ROCOR parish I used to attend, confessed on OC Dormition (which took nearly an hour and a half -- oof), and received Communion the next day.

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Welcome back! May God have mercy on your soul.