The Excuse Game

Sorry, I only eat corndogs if they're carbon-neutral.

Please, just send the $400 processing fee, I am ready to deposit the $6 million into your account, ok?

I am opposed to perpetuating outdated monarchical forms of rule in the third world.

Go out and enjoy yourself.

Just read the books, you philistine. Men are from Mars, not to it. Next you'd want to send womanned missions to Venus.

Name your children after obscure figures in the book of Judges.

I can't as they're already named after obscure figures in the book of Nehemiah.

Sing, sing a song
Make it simple to last
Your whole life long
Don't worry that it's not
Good enough for anyone
Else to hear
Just sing, sing a song.

I demand my supper up front.

Finish your homework.

I would, but my teacher complained about the å and ö, though she thought the Kalavela miniatures I drew in the margins were nice.

Get to work

The ice road melted in June, there's no way I'm schlepping through 300km of mosquito-infested bog.

Tell me a story

Rod Stewart said that every picture tells a story, so I'll give you this story:



Be my character witness at trial?

I am not supposed to tell lies.

Find me a psychiatrist.

Um, you have no idea how good they are at hide and seek! I mean, the second they said we all needed to pitch in more hours for the covid pandemic, you don't see a single one.

Make me warm and cozy.

Sorry, I don't have enough coffee to share.

Touch your toes.

What do you think this is, dance class?

Throw away that banana peel.

I'm collecting them to make a collage.

Tell me the time, please.

You didn't specify what timezone, standard time or local time, universal coordinated time or Julian time etc.

Be more specific

Ugh, too many variables.

Could you tell me what you'd like for lunch today.

I only do Brunch and Lupper.

Could you show me around?

I'd love to but I'm a stranger here myself.

Ask me something about politics

I'm too busy cataloging my fingernail clippings.

Would you please turn off that cuckoo clock!

I'm scared of cuckoos, it might peck my eye out.

Can you pick me a peck of pickled peppers.