How can we tell the difference between godly sorrow and the sorrow which produces death?
Well, God's word says godly sorrow brings death, right? So, I understand that if I am sorry the way God wants, I am going to be encouraged to do better, and know how our Heavenly Father is the One to change me so I do better.
And "the goodness of God leads you to repentance" > in Romans 2:4.
So, God will help us and encourage us to the change we need, which He does in us. Or else, yes any of us will have major trouble in trying to get our own selves to change, right? I would say any of us has been through how things can be when we try to change our own selves. What we try does not work; so in case all we have tried has not worked, this could be because what we are able to do does not work!
"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you." (James 4:7)
One thing I think of is if we are sorry for what is wrong, we can know and be encouraged how our Father does desire to deeply correct our character so we do better. God does not only expect us to reform our own selves.
So, even if God is not pleased with us, He Himself has hope for us.
So, in case you have been negative and confused, I would say do not accept that, and do not keep feeding on that, though it might be true. Trust and seek God to have us doing better. Actively seek God to correct us. You might read and feed on Hebrews 12:4-14 about real correction and how we are wise to actively seek our Father to really correct us however He knows He wants. And do not try do-it-yourselfing.
Now, I would like to offer a sample of how Jesus relates with people when we are wrong. And, "of course", who might be that example of who Jesus would be dealing with while he was wrong?
Peter, yes.
Yes, Jesus would rebuke and even criticize Peter, but Jesus also would say things to help Peter. With godly sorrow, then, I would consider that you will see where your help comes from, and that there is hope.
By the way, our Apostle Paul says love "hopes all things", in 1 Corinthians 13:7. Godly sorrow will bring us to hope for ourselves. But also God expects us to have hope for others, loving them as ourselves. So, beware of sorrow which has you mainly or only focusing on yourself and your own failure and not having hope.
Consider how Jesus related with people who were wrong > for example, what happened in Luke 22:31-36 >
"And the Lord said, 'Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.'
"But he said to Him, 'Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death.'
"Then He said, 'I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know Me.'
"And He said to them, 'When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, did you lack anything?'
"So they said, 'Nothing.'"
I notice here, a few things. Peter was boasting what he would do. He was not worried about if he ever had been under conviction; he was not trying to examine himself, but he was trying to tell Jesus what is true. And Jesus tells Peter the exact opposite is true!
But Jesus has hope for Peter. Jesus says He has already prayed for Peter > even before Peter messed up so much, already Jesus had prayed for Peter! And not only did Jesus pray for Peter to come back to Jesus, I understand, but Jesus tells Peter to strengthen his brethren > to me, this means that the prayer of Jesus for Peter would not only rescue Peter and make him a stronger and humble person, but also the strengthening by Jesus' prayer would make Peter able to strengthen others.
And God's word says Jesus is now praying for us!
"Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us." (Romans 8:34)
So, about how you need to discern . . . right now, you could be confused and uncertain, but Jesus has hope for us. Jesus Himself is praying for us according to His faith. But He is not going to bless you only for your own assurance and peace. But like with Peter, Jesus makes us strong so we also may bless others, encourage and even strengthen others! So, there is all-loving purpose with how God blesses and encourages and assures us.
And I notice how Jesus does not seem to dwell on how Peter will fail. But right away, Jesus moves on to talk with His disciples about how God provided for them.
I think of this now . . . how godly sorrow can have our attention not only on how we have failed, but also on where God desires to take us. Yes, Peter so failed, but Jesus was thinking about where He wanted to take Peter > not only out of his weakness but also to grow strong so he could strengthen others in Jesus.
Because salvation is about all which is possible with God.
This has not been possible with any of us. No one has been somehow so superior that we have gotten our own selves right. The thanks is purely to You, O God our Father. The glory is to You, in the name of Jesus Your own Son. So, please now keep blessing Blaise . . . along with all of us. Prove Yourself to him, how You are able.