Is it a sin to write romance?

bèlla · Aug 3, 2021

MaddKat said:
Good posts from both of y'all.

Bella, how do you compartmentalize?

Thank you for the compliment.

I write off the cuff. I never draft. The words come through like a stream of consciousness. I recognize the difference through the voice and output. When the Holy Spirit writes through me His verbiage is different and tight. He's the master chessman. He usually comes forward when I'm dealing with the lost. Especially atheists.

I find myself imagining myself in my characters' positions when I'm lonely or trying to fall asleep; they have each other for comfort, and I don't have anyone, so I just sort of put them in scenes in my head where they're there for each other.

I understand. I dated someone who wanted to make my private journals public in the past. He thought my words would comfort others. I developed my voice in that period but I needn't express the problem with his suggestion. It wasn't time.

I tend to put a lot of myself into my characters. I wrote an entire novelette about a girl struggling with anxiety, and her mentor helping her, and it just made ME feel good, sort of being able to indirectly talk to someone. I feel like I can kind of feel what they feel, because they exist in my head. But... I worry I'm crossing a line.

That's nice. I write on both ends. The novels will come later. The Holy Spirit had me increase my reading and develop an apprenticeship. It strengthened my writing demonstratively.

I'll pray for your continued success and the Lord's leading. If you ever want to talk feel free to message me.

~bella

SeventhFisherofMen · Aug 3, 2021

MaddKat said:
The book actually needs to have less romantic moments in it, I'm realizing. It's not like it's one of those trashy novels, but it's a sci fi adventure, starting a married couple who are trying to escape the harsh constraints of their culture and a war, in order to keep their baby from being taken from them and so they can start a family. They got married young, because they realized there was a good chance they'd die young, too, and they knew that marriage was the purest thing they could do. (This is an alien race, like space elves, kinda, so it's not, like, overtly Christian.)

Anyway. One of my favorite sci fi series has a romance, but it's TAME. It doesn't detract from the science fiction genre. And so I'm just trying to figure out how to dial back the romantic aspect even more, I guess without making it weird ("how come they never hold hands?") But without it being very overt. And trying to figure out what crosses the line, like how do I determine what's ok for ME to be writing, and how do I change my viewpoint so I'm not getting so emotionally involved myself?

Am I making sense...?

Perfect sense! Honestly as someone who loves the idea and freedom and creativity given by writing your own novel (could be so much better books out there tbh) I think it could be a good thing you writing this novel. I think just pray about it and be honest with Jesus. He knows you best and knows your passion for writing. Just ask for His inspiration He will give you the words to say and way to write I'm almost sure of it. Also by trial and error. If it becomes a stumbling block or temptation more than it is a healthy outlet you will know. I don't think anyone here unless they know God's Will for you can truly determine to write or not to write the novel, but just being honest with Jesus and the rest will fall into place

Reluctant Theologian · Aug 3, 2021

So many good contributions so far, just thinking what I'd like to add to that ...

@MaddKat:
Writing romance (possibly even with steamy elements like in Song of Songs) in itself cannot be sinful if the main characters are in a Biblical marriage (or betrothed). Otherwise Song of Songs would be sin.

However, it is common knowledge romance novels are regarded as 'soft-inappropriate content for women' in that many women use this kind of material to satisfy unmet emotional and/or physical needs. As you are single and without serious relationship experience, unknowingly you may be in that category yourself. By imagining and writing the protagonists lives, you create the emotions you may be craving yourself. Of course that pops the question: is that helpful/productive or sinful for you?

Let's throw in some Jewish thinking in order to get an answer: is the imagination, creation and writing of the storyline solving things for you while not taking you further from God, or is it worsening the emotional/relational craving you already have? To me the answer to that would be the distinctive element in deciding whether it's wise to write that kind of stuff in your situation or not.

It's pretty similar to the perennial masturbation question for Christians; when it happens occasionally (for singles); does it solve something and make life a little bit more livable, or does it make the craving and suffering afterwards worse by polluting our mind? For some it may be the 1st, but for others the 2nd
- so be very mindful of the effect is has on you; does it harm your relationship with God in any way?

rockytopva · Aug 3, 2021

It can be a sin to write romance. I believe the late JRR Tolkien could write romance without it being sinful.

com7fy8 · Aug 3, 2021

MaddKat said:
What I'm struggling with/worried about is how I can put myself so much into the heads of the protagonists when I'm writing, and when it comes to romance, it feels wrong, even when it's PG and there isn't much of it. Living vicariously through my made up characters and all that. :/

Well, you're a unique person; so I shouldn't tell you what romance should be, for you. This would be for you and the right man to discover with one another . . . I would say.

In my case, I have been in love with various women, have hoped to marry maybe thirty or more? But then I let that go, and simply trusted God to do what He pleases with me.

And I invested in how God's word says to relate > things like mutual submission > Ephesians 5:21 > and not trying to lord myself over her, not try to control her, not try to only use her for what I want > 1 Peter 5:3. And we have Ephesians 4:31-32 about not accepting anti-love things like bitterness, but be "tenderhearted" and forgiving "even as God".

And Jesus wants us to be ready to love any person . . . not just some romantic favorite >

"if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" (in Matthew 5:46)

So, from this I could see how Jesus would have me with someone who is all-loving, and He would have me love others by welcoming her to be good for others, not only for me. I would be loving others as myself

, by sharing her with them

I learned that real intimacy is in God's all-loving way of relating. And this is with any child of God who knows how to love. By relating like this, I have intimacy with God and anyone who is into this. And so, also, real romance will be with this kind of relating first.

And any scripture can be used somehow by God to help us discover how to love. And this brings the quality and stability of safe and sound and wholesome romance.

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14)

I could see I needed to stay committed to not arguing; I mean how arguing can be controlling and nasty and abusive. This way, I would be in the goodness of God's love blessing romance and affection. So, I would need to stay ready to not give in to any of that wrong sort of arguing stuff, no matter what she does or how she might get the last word. And relate like this with anyone, be a good example of this. And this helped get me ready for my sweetie.

But when I got with my honey, I found out quickly how I was not so ready and mature as I had supposed. I was with her so I could better find out how to love, and get necessary correction. And the quality, now after years, of affection seems better, not depending on how much affectionate activity there is. We go through things together. There can be hard things, and I just enjoy her, and encourage her.

So, it is not an only when things go our way thing, after all.

And we discover as we go . . . not planning the way we can. But trust God, as we go. He brings us to more and better than perhaps we had hoped for, and could have thought.

So, may be you making up what a romance is . . . while you are the way you are now . . . could be limiting things? What you can hope for, now, could be limiting things.

But trust God and invest in His word, plus share with mature Christian people; make a point of sharing with mature senior Christians who help you grow and find out how to love.

EtainSkirata · Aug 3, 2021

ReluctantTheologian said:
So many good contributions so far, just thinking what I'd like to add to that ...

@MaddKat:
Writing romance (possibly even with steamy elements like in Song of Songs) in itself cannot be sinful if the main characters are in a Biblical marriage (or betrothed). Otherwise Song of Songs would be sin.

However, it is common knowledge romance novels are regarded as 'soft-inappropriate content for women' in that many women use this kind of material to satisfy unmet emotional and/or physical needs. As you are single and without serious relationship experience, unknowingly you may be in that category yourself. By imagining and writing the protagonists lives, you create the emotions you may be craving yourself. Of course that pops the question: is that helpful/productive or sinful for you?

Let's throw in some Jewish thinking in order to get an answer: is the imagination, creation and writing of the storyline solving things for you while not taking you further from God, or is it worsening the emotional/relational craving you already have? To me the answer to that would be the distinctive element in deciding whether it's wise to write that kind of stuff in your situation or not.

It's pretty similar to the perennial masturbation question for Christians; when it happens occasionally (for singles); does it solve something and make life a little bit more livable, or does it make the craving and suffering afterwards worse by polluting our mind? For some it may be the 1st, but for others the 2nd
- so be very mindful of the effect is has on you; does it harm your relationship with God in any way?

Hmmm.
I sat and thought hard about this, and what I think it boils down to is:
-I have an emotional desire to be in a happy relationship
-I'm single and that's not changing any time soon (or at least that's what it looks like)
-I write a story that involves characters in a happy relationship, creating the emotions in me that they feel in the story
-I feel happy

(I feel like i need to reiterate that I'm not out here writing 50 shades of grey, btw)

But... I feel like it is sinful to turn to my imagination instead of God.

And don't get me wrong, not everything I write is romance. This novel is meant to have action, suspense, grief, emotional healing, and humor; I really DON'T want some publisher to put Romance on the spine. If they do, I've done something wrong.

I have a huge passion for writing--although lately I haven't been working on it because the rewrite is just too much work. So I haven't felt very motivated. But now that I analyze it and realize... I might be better off giving this up l altogether... I'm angry at myself for ruining it, so to speak. Now all I want to do is write, since suddenly it might be going away.

Reluctant Theologian · Aug 3, 2021

@MaddKat: It sounds you have a pretty good understanding of yourself, the challenges and limitations that may come with this genre; so I don't think there is too much to worry about if you keep that all in mind when writing.

Even when your writing is maybe mostly action/suspense oriented, fantasizing about romance is just as natural for women as it is for young girls to imagine they're a princess. But don't let the fantasy ruin your real and spiritual life, or ruin the expectations you should have from real men including their many rough edges; otherwise later no real men can match that perfect novel hero. Sometimes life is about managing expectations

EtainSkirata · Aug 3, 2021

ReluctantTheologian said:
@MaddKat: It sounds you have a pretty good understanding of yourself, the challenges and limitations that may come with this genre; so I don't think there is too much to worry about if you keep that all in mind when writing.

Even when your writing is maybe mostly action/suspense oriented, fantasizing about romance is just as natural for women as it is for young girls to imagine they're a princess. But don't let the fantasy ruin your real and spiritual life, or ruin the expectations you should have from real men including their many rough edges; otherwise later no real men can match that perfect novel hero. Sometimes life is about managing expectations

Good points; the pastor this week did go on about how he had to sit through a Hallmark movie with his wife--and how obviously those dudes have a script to make them perfect, and that he should get points for watching it with her lol. Not sure why the pastor's wife is watching them, but I guess there's a lot more to take away from this than "boo I can never write again."

Thanks for your responses.

SeventhFisherofMen · Aug 3, 2021

MaddKat said:
Hmmm.
I sat and thought hard about this, and what I think it boils down to is:
-I have an emotional desire to be in a happy relationship
-I'm single and that's not changing any time soon (or at least that's what it looks like)
-I write a story that involves characters in a happy relationship, creating the emotions in me that they feel in the story
-I feel happy

(I feel like i need to reiterate that I'm not out here writing 50 shades of grey, btw)

But... I feel like it is sinful to turn to my imagination instead of God.

And don't get me wrong, not everything I write is romance. This novel is meant to have action, suspense, grief, emotional healing, and humor; I really DON'T want some publisher to put Romance on the spine. If they do, I've done something wrong.

I have a huge passion for writing--although lately I haven't been working on it because the rewrite is just too much work. So I haven't felt very motivated. But now that I analyze it and realize... I might be better off giving this up l altogether... I'm angry at myself for ruining it, so to speak. Now all I want to do is write, since suddenly it might be going away.

Honestly I completely understand the need for closure. I'm someone who asks a question and sometimes feel it's almost easier to scrap something and start over, clean slate.

That being said if it's at all possible to keep the novel on the backburner you could write short stories to start, see if you can write something else.

And I totally hear you I know just cause you asked the question doesn't mean you're writing some mushy gushy soft inappropriate content or something (excuse my language I'm exaggerating a bit to get the point across of how ridiculous it would be if people thought that about what you're writing based on the question).

See over time if things change, you are able to get past the thought that it might be sinful, and if it's still there then in all honesty it might be easier to like I said at the beginning scrap the whole thing and start new. Though just in case you get more insight or mature or find someone in the future and come to terms with the romantic aspect it might be good to keep a copy on a thumb drive and put it away for safe keeping, praying to Jesus and explaining that you're keeping it not to be a temptation but in case you are able to write it.

I'm reminded of the verse "One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables." Romans 14:2 Maybe you're at a stage right now that you can only eat vegetables, and later will be able to eat more, or maybe you can eat more now and need someone to show you that you are mature enough to eat more (write your novel).

Sketcher · Aug 3, 2021

MaddKat said:
This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

I don't know that it would be sinful, but how can you know that you're actually writing the material well?

Mercy Shown · Aug 4, 2021

MaddKat said:
This is about writing romance into stories, not reading romance novels.
I'm currently working on a science fiction story, where the two main characters are married. There's no smut or anything, their romance isn't what drives the story (but the fact that they want to escape a situation they're stuck in and start a family is what drives them). Mainly there's hugs, kisses, tender moments; it would be rated PG.
My problem is I worry that this is bad for me. I'm single and have never been in a real relationship. When I write about or think about the characters' close moments, I myself can feel what they're feeling. I feel at times that I wish I had their relationship. I worry that I'm living vicariously through these characters. I feel good thinking about them. Sometimes when I'm anxious or upset, I imagine the one character comforting his wife, and that makes ME feel better, as though I was her, almost.
The Bible says list is a sin. Is this lust? The Bible also says to fix your minds on what is pure and good. I want to write them being in a loving relationship, and being good to each other.
So I'm struggling because on the whole I don't think the concept is bad, but I'm having trouble drawing the line as to what is or isn't good for me. I'm prone to over thinking things, not sure if I just need to chill.

Have you read The Song of Solomon?

EndTimeTCC · Aug 4, 2021

Song of Salomon. Is that sin?

Joined2krist · Aug 5, 2021

If your romance novel has sexual content, yes, it's a sin.

SeventhFisherofMen · Aug 5, 2021

Mercy Shown said:
Have you read The Song of Solomon?

If you are willing to hear it when I was single and struggling with lust I would have times when reading the Bible that I felt God did not want me to be reading Song of Solomon if it would cause me to stumble. So the argument that just because there is sensual content in the Bible makes it ok for us to focus on or write about doesn't actually work.

This reminds me of when Paul says Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats." Romans 14:20

Reluctant Theologian · Aug 5, 2021

Joined2krist said:
If your romance novel has sexual content, yes, it's a sin.

Your opinion is appreciated, yet your argumentation even more! That's an invite

...

I may not fully agree, but I'm interested in learning about your way of reasoning here.

subtlecollision · Aug 5, 2021

Oh man, I love romance. I watch romantic shows, read romance books, and write romance novels. Is that sin? I don't like explicit stuff.

One of the romance novels I'm working on now is about not being obsessed with romance...

SeventhFisherofMen · Aug 5, 2021

subtlecollision said:
Oh man, I love romance. I watch romantic shows, read romance books, and write romance novels. Is that sin? I don't like explicit stuff.

One of the romance novels I'm working on now is about not being obsessed with romance...

Can't tell if this is a troll

subtlecollision · Aug 6, 2021

SeventhFisherofMen said:
Can't tell if this is a troll

LOL! I'm not a troll. It's hilarious you thought that, though. Rereading it, I can see why you did, LOL!

I'm a 30 year old married (can't figure out how to update my status from engaged) Christian woman. I've always loved romance. I wrote my romance novel about not being obsessed with romance because I think that's unhealthy, but yes, it's still a romance novel.

I've thought about it before-- I think being obsessed with romance is a sin. But I'm not sure if enjoying romance is. As long as it's not explicit. And you don't fall in love with the romance more than God or your spouse.

I am thinking and praying about the role of romance in my life right now and was intrigued by this post. Maybe it is a sin... I'm just curious what people's thoughts are. Since I myself am a huge romantic.

I think romance is a good thing.... It's a healthy part of marriage.... And I think romance stories are often more lighthearted and positive than other types of stories... but I can also see how a certain relationship with romance could be sinful...

SeventhFisherofMen · Aug 6, 2021

subtlecollision said:
LOL! I'm not a troll. It's hilarious you thought that, though. Rereading it, I can see why you did, LOL!

I'm a 30 year old married (can't figure out how to update my status from engaged) Christian woman. I've always loved romance. I wrote my romance novel about not being obsessed with romance because I think that's unhealthy, but yes, it's still a romance novel.

Oh for sure, good for you!

I think that's the great thing about this world despite the bad there is so much good that we can do, read or engage in there's so much room for finding that one thing that makes you happy (without it being sinful ofc) and in my case I have a bunch of things I do a little bit of so that I stay interested in each new day.

Wasn't trying to be rude about the troll comment lol just thought it was a really funny post about writing a romance novel while you love reading romance novels but this novel is about not being obsessed with romance hahahah

bèlla · Aug 6, 2021

subtlecollision said:
I'm a 30 year old married (can't figure out how to update my status from engaged) Christian woman.

Create a ticket with support and ask them to do it.

~bella

Is it a sin to write romance?

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