Best way to handle death of non-believing family member?

Wayne1980 said:

In my experience, in every situation where a church member tells of a non-believing family member who is deceased someone will always suggest that they must have repented on their death bed and thus they are in heaven now.


The teachings of Jesus simply do not suggest this. Before writing this I took just about 5 minutes and looked up(Matthew 7:13-14, Luke 13: 24-30, The parable of the weeds from Matthew 13, and Revelation 20:15). This is just a small sampling of New Testament teaching that express anything but “Everyone goes to Heaven”.


Saying that the non-believing relative is in heaven helps comfort the grieving church member but I believe there is a negative side effect to this in that many other church members can start to get the impression that we all go to heaven. This gives the impression that the Christian life is kind of cheap.


What about simply telling the church member this: “I am sorry that your non-believing relative died. While they may not be in heaven you have an eternal father who is in heaven and you can live in heaven forever with the body of true believers in Christ.” Or something like that.



Personally, I left the Church in my early twenties. My last pastor was a man who said often that everyone goes to heaven. So for most of my 20’s and 30’s I just saw being a Christian as kind of a nice thing but not worthy of a huge degree of my time and effort since I would just die and go to heaven anyway. Only by Gods grace has he brought me back in the last 2 years to a real relationship and an understanding of the narrow door.


When I hear a church member tell about a non believing deceased relative I want to comfort them, but also to express to them that their Christian life is not cheap and just because a relative might have missed their calling doesn’t mean that they have to also. Any ideas’s or suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.



Thank You

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I've had a couple family members who were not following Jesus when they had died. Perhaps there was an epiphany when they were on their way out, and they repented at that moment. Perhaps not. Either I will see them in Heaven again, or I will not. But it doesn't do to dwell on it, because nothing I can do now can change their fate. It's in God's hands.

Wayne1980 said:

hen I hear a church member tell about a non believing deceased relative I want to comfort them

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Then offer them comfort of a listening ear, offer sympathy, be honest and realistic
If that grieving person is close to you make a permanent note to send or speak to them every aniversary of that loved ones death.

There is no need to lie or offer false hope.

Hello,

I would recommend reading Romans 2.12-2.16 in this letter by Paul he mentions gentiles who have the law in their heart and also for judgement day.

God wants us to be holy. Some of these unbelievers may have been failed in some way because some people did not tell them the gospel or did not show them a fruitful Christianity. God will review each case for it is not our place to judge who will go to heaven or who will go to hell.

I think one would have to differentiate between those who didn't know Christ but believed in God (people of other religions) and those who simply refused to accept Christ. There were many pagan yet righteous men in the Bible (Job 1:8, Acts 10:1-3) who followed Christ in their invincible ignorance (Job 42:5, Acts 10:4) and were approved by God (Job 42:12, Acts 10:4-5). Hope that helps.

Wayne1980 said:

In my experience, in every situation where a church member tells of a non-believing family member who is deceased someone will always suggest that they must have repented on their death bed and thus they are in heaven now.


The teachings of Jesus simply do not suggest this. Before writing this I took just about 5 minutes and looked up(Matthew 7:13-14, Luke 13: 24-30, The parable of the weeds from Matthew 13, and Revelation 20:15). This is just a small sampling of New Testament teaching that express anything but “Everyone goes to Heaven”.


Saying that the non-believing relative is in heaven helps comfort the grieving church member but I believe there is a negative side effect to this in that many other church members can start to get the impression that we all go to heaven. This gives the impression that the Christian life is kind of cheap.


What about simply telling the church member this: “I am sorry that your non-believing relative died. While they may not be in heaven you have an eternal father who is in heaven and you can live in heaven forever with the body of true believers in Christ.” Or something like that.



Personally, I left the Church in my early twenties. My last pastor was a man who said often that everyone goes to heaven. So for most of my 20’s and 30’s I just saw being a Christian as kind of a nice thing but not worthy of a huge degree of my time and effort since I would just die and go to heaven anyway. Only by Gods grace has he brought me back in the last 2 years to a real relationship and an understanding of the narrow door.


When I hear a church member tell about a non believing deceased relative I want to comfort them, but also to express to them that their Christian life is not cheap and just because a relative might have missed their calling doesn’t mean that they have to also. Any ideas’s or suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.



Thank You

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Only God knows the heart .... we really don't know who is or is not saved. We DO know God will save as many as possible.

Saving is entirely up to Jesus .... and AMEN to that one ;o)

We are to continue to spread the gospel and walk humbly with our Lord always.

One's "saved" condition is not something we should dwell on (as we have know idea) .... lead people to Christ and He will do His work ;o)

Remember the the thief on the cross ;o)

God Bless.

Pray for them.

My brother in law was not a Christian and opening mocked Christians at times. He has since passed, and frequently my sister will say "I can just see Bill in heaven looking down at us". While I have no idea if he repented or not, it makes me sad that she, as a Christian must believe in some way that we all go to heaven because we are basically good.

The Christian walk is guided and dictated by the Holy Spirit that leads and guides the Christian into all truth, John 16:13. Once a Christian believes, he/she is sealed with the Holy Ghost, Ephesians 1:13-14, and then it becomes the work of God, and we are not our own, 1 Corinthians 6:19. The Holy Spirit reveals the truth to the Christian’s spirit, and bare witness that we are the children of God, Romans 8:16. If there is no Spirit of Christ, we are none of His, Romans 8:9. Without this Spirit of Christ (Holy Spirit), there is no Spiritual revelation, Ephesians 1:17, and 1 Corinthians 2:10; there is no renewal of the mind, Ephesians 4:23, and there is no growing up in Christ, Ephesians 4:15, and no regeneration, Titus 3:5.

God the Husbandman, John 15:1, James 5:7, and the Holy Spirit makes it so that there is no guessing about salvation because the work of Holy Spirit is to place all believers in situations of suffering, 1 Peter 4:19, Romans 8:22, 1 Peter 4:13, where they know they are saved. If we are not subjected to God’s chastening and scourging, we are considered bastards, and not sons, Hebrews 12:8. To be chastised, is difficult, and we must endure, which is testament of God’s love for us, Hebrews 12:7.

God reveals to the Christian they are saved, the Holy Spirit bare witness with the spirit of the believer, and a believer knows another believer because the gospel says there is one body, one Spirit, Ephesians 4:4.

So, for someone to continue to say a loved one is in haven without consideration to the work that’s required in the gospel, to be transformed into the image of Christ, based on the work of the Holy Spirit, and the Husbandman (God), then the question is not whether the loved one who died was saved, but is the person saying such things is really saved?

Offer love and offer to discuss the gospel with them.

If you are trying to comfort a Christian you can suggest that God's love and mercy are so far past our understanding that we can trust in his care. While the deceased may not have made a profession of faith or have even been hostile to religious matters, no one ever truly knows what is in another person's heart.

If a Christian is upset by the thought of their loved one being in hell, you can suggest that we may not have a complete understanding of hell. The Greek word translated "eternal" is aionos and means "age". It is like the English word "tall". A mountain can be tall or a man can be tall.

In the account of the rich man and Lazarus the rich man describes "torment". The Greek word means both touchstone and the torment used on Geek slaves to testify in court to bring out truth.

You could suggest that for the unsaved, the torment of Hades is to bring them to understand truth so that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. If the lost "perish" and the saved have eternal life, it may be that the lost do not suffer eternal torment.

If the person you are trying to comfort is not a Christian. It can be difficult. You might suggest that they savor their good memories of the other person.

timf said:

If a Christian is upset by the thought of their loved one being in hell, you can suggest that we may not have a complete understanding of hell. The Greek word translated "eternal" is aionos and means "age". It is like the English word "tall". A mountain can be tall or a man can be tall.

In the account of the rich man and Lazarus the rich man describes "torment". The Greek word means both touchstone and the torment used on Geek slaves to testify in court to bring out truth.

You could suggest that for the unsaved, the torment of Hades is to bring them to understand truth so that every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. If the lost "perish" and the saved have eternal life, it may be that the lost do not suffer eternal torment.

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The bible was translated over four hundred years ago, in 1611, and some translations were done some years before this. The Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit. It's Ok not to understand, but we can't change the word of God.

The Lake of Fire is a real Lake of Fire. To understand why there must be torment for unbelievers in the lake of fire is to understand the original plan of God in Genesis. Man was made by God to be Spirit, to live forever. But man had to posses a fleshly body first - like a seed, 1 Corinthians 15:37-38 (1 Corinthians 15:37-44). But with Adam's sin, the flesh became corrupt. Therefore, being though the flesh would become a Spirit, that corrupt Spirit would live forever. God would not permit this, Genesis 3:22-24.

There is no Greek word that can change the meaning of the Lake of Fire.

Revelation 20:10, "And the devil that deceived them was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone, where the beast and false prophet are, and shall be tormented day and night fore ever and ever.

Psalms 11:6, "Upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup."

The Lake of Fire is mixed with fire and brimstone. Brimstone is sulfur. Sulfur is a property that burns/melts at 115.21 degrees celsius, and the boiling point is 444.6 degrees celsius.

The devil has a Spiritual body and cannot die. The way the devil will die is to be placed into the Lake of Fire to burn forever. Therefore for all human beings with a fleshly body who will later have a Spiritual body that cannot die, 1 Corinthians 15:37-38, that unbeliever will suffer the same fate as satan.

Matthew 25:30, "And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Why weeping and gnashing of teeth? This is an indication of pain that is causing an individual to cry. This crying and gnashing of teeth will not stop, and will be for forever.

The planets that are considered to be "Outer Darkness" in compared to Earth: Most are filled with methane gasses, sulfuric acid, and extreme heat. Consider what's below the earth: Consider the earth's surface and how hot it is.

Matthew 10:28, "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."

The soul in this verse is the soul of the fleshly man who now has a Spiritual body that has been resurrected and cannot die.

Lazarus and the Rich man: Lazarus was carried away in Abraham's bosom by the angels, Luke 16:19. Abraham's bosom is where those who died before Christ was taken. They waited for Christs to redeem them from that place of safety. After Jesus resurrection, graves opened, and the saints that slept rose, went into the city and appeared to man, Matthew 27:52-53. We know that after the graves were opened, and after they appeared to many, when Jesus went to heaven they went with Him to heaven because they were referred to as "saints," "many bodies of the saints which slept arose." Do we understand this? No! The bible does not explain how this can be possible. However we are told to believe in God's word, not change it simply because we don't understand it, or don't want to believe it.

The Rich Man had not been taken to Abraham's bosom, but was in the fire, and said he was being tormented in flames, Luke 16:24. Lazarus wanted to warn his family but it was too late, Luke 16:27-31.

If the place where Lazarus was was just a place to contemplate, what is the warning for? No, we are to contemplate Christ's salvation as we are alive now, so that we won't suffer everlasting punishment by fire after we die. When we die, it's too late like Lazarus.

Consider what the verse says, in Luke 16:26, "There is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot: neither can they pass to us..." This has to do with what we are dealing with on earth: Gravity that keeps us planted on this earth, and prevents us from leaving, and from being able to touch the other planets we see. Consider the gravity on those other planets full of sulfur: if that great gulf is one of those planets in "outer darkness," once there, how will anyone leave?

Consider that the Lake of Fire was prepared for the devil and his angels, Matthew 25:41, Peter 2:4, Jude 6. So if the unbelievers are to go to the same place that the devil and his angels go, it would stand to reason they will suffer the same fate as the bible says.

Hebrews 12:29, "For God is a consuming fire."

Jude 1:7, "Even as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, and set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

God rained on Sodom and Gomorrah, brimstone and fire from the out of heaven, Genesis 19:24. Sodom and Gomorrah was an example of the eternal fire/Lake of Fire that burns with fire and brimstone.

There is no Greek word that can change the meaning of the Lake of Fire and that can change the meaning of eternal hell fire!

Revelation 20:14, says that death and hell (Hades) was thrown in the lake of fire, which is the second death. It looks like when death and hell is thrown where satan is thrown, in the lake of fire, those in hell will be moved to the same Lake of fire, because it was originally reserved for the devil and his angels, Matthew 25:41.

We are God's servants. We are to pull our brothers and sister out of the fire. We must speak the truth of the gospel because that is the purpose of Jesus dying on the Cross; to save us from His Father's everlasting punishment, who God is a consuming fire!

Wayne1980 said:

In my experience, in every situation where a church member tells of a non-believing family member who is deceased someone will always suggest that they must have repented on their death bed and thus they are in heaven now.


The teachings of Jesus simply do not suggest this. Before writing this I took just about 5 minutes and looked up(Matthew 7:13-14, Luke 13: 24-30, The parable of the weeds from Matthew 13, and Revelation 20:15). This is just a small sampling of New Testament teaching that express anything but “Everyone goes to Heaven”.


Saying that the non-believing relative is in heaven helps comfort the grieving church member but I believe there is a negative side effect to this in that many other church members can start to get the impression that we all go to heaven. This gives the impression that the Christian life is kind of cheap.


What about simply telling the church member this: “I am sorry that your non-believing relative died. While they may not be in heaven you have an eternal father who is in heaven and you can live in heaven forever with the body of true believers in Christ.” Or something like that.



Personally, I left the Church in my early twenties. My last pastor was a man who said often that everyone goes to heaven. So for most of my 20’s and 30’s I just saw being a Christian as kind of a nice thing but not worthy of a huge degree of my time and effort since I would just die and go to heaven anyway. Only by Gods grace has he brought me back in the last 2 years to a real relationship and an understanding of the narrow door.


When I hear a church member tell about a non believing deceased relative I want to comfort them, but also to express to them that their Christian life is not cheap and just because a relative might have missed their calling doesn’t mean that they have to also. Any ideas’s or suggestions on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated.



Thank You

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I think the best thing to do is just avoid the topics relating to that person’s salvation. Probably best to just give comforting statements like “sorry for your loss” or “God have mercy on him/her”. I tend not to say much in situations like this.

BNR32FAN said:

I think the best thing to do is just avoid the topics relating to that person’s salvation. Probably best to just give comforting statements like “sorry for your loss” or “God have mercy on him/her”. I tend not to say much in situations like this.

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True! It is truly the work of God and He places us in situation to help people who want understanding!