I love my wife, but she talks too much...

What have you done to address the situation? Other than pray your heart out and respond tersely to her? I mean, if anything calls for a - say it with me now - CONVERSATION (ha) with your wife, this does. Take a few minutes when you're not feeling irritated with her and explain what you did here, that you need to work and study, that you need a quiet area to do so, and that when you're in that area you need to not be interrupted during working hours. It would also help if you made an effort during non-working hours to engage with her in the kind of conversation that she needs, and express to her in this discussion that you will do so (then follow through).

Ironic as it sounds, you should talk to her about it. Be kind and loving, gentle in tone, without accusing. Just tell her what you need.

DaveHTexas said:

I can't possibly be the only guy like this.

I am a pretty quiet, reserved sort. I write a lot, but I don't really talk much. And when I do, it's straight to the point, I make my point, I move on.

I am also a technical professional that is working at home due to the pandemic, and I NEED time where I can continue studying to hone my craft as it were. (I work in IT, and need to stay on top of new releases, and technologies).

Here's the problem. My wife, wants to converse with me, from the moment she opens her eyelids, to the time she falls down from absolute exhaustion. Irrespective of what I am needing to do, or even my need for sleep etc...

And she goes over the same subject repeatedly. We should do blah in the kitchen. Then 5 minutes later, we should do blah in the kitchen, then 5 minutes later. lather rinse and repeat.

This whole process has left me feeling VERY disrespected, and honestly, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. And my responses to this behavior are honestly getting far too terse for me to be happy with, and I know she can't be happy about it.

Aside from praying my heart out, is there anything I can do to curb this behavior?

This is interfereing with my studies, my work, and my sleep. And if truth be told, leaving me with uh... less than optimal desires for my wifes affections.

Help!

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Your wife is like my wife. She likes to talk.

And I am like you. When we were dating, I would have to find something to do while we were having telephone conversations, because they would go on for hours.

As a side note, this isn't reserved to women. My wife has a brother (and had a mother) who could outtalk her. Their family gatherings (at least a dozen a year) ... were all half-day affairs.

We've now been happily married for 20+ years.

To be honest, we are a good match ... she fills in the gab and, sometimes, serious converation ... and I'm much better at sitting still and mulling things through. She'll be the first to get hot under the collar, but also the first to say she's sorry.

You don't really want to suggest that your wife talk less ... as it's a part of her, and it would be like saying that you aren't satisfied with her. And she's not disrespecting you ... she's actually trying to be close to you, and not understanding that sometimes that's suffocating.

You need something to take her attention ... at least some of the time. My wife enjoys her own pursuits every now and then, but she really likes to be in the company of people. She has cultivated a number of people who she can call up when she feels the urge, so we seem to be handling this pretty well. My wife is also a big fan of Hallmark movies ... which she can watch every day of the year, if necessary. I watch with her sometimes.

I, too, think that you should speak to your wife, and simply explain to her that you need a little alone time every now and then, ... but that, at other times, you are happy to share a pleasant conversation with her. Really, it's probably part of the reason you married her.

And, when she suggests that she might look into something that will take some of her attention at times, encourage her.

This is something you can work out ...

DaveHTexas said:

I can't possibly be the only guy like this.

I am a pretty quiet, reserved sort. I write a lot, but I don't really talk much. And when I do, it's straight to the point, I make my point, I move on.

I am also a technical professional that is working at home due to the pandemic, and I NEED time where I can continue studying to hone my craft as it were. (I work in IT, and need to stay on top of new releases, and technologies).

Here's the problem. My wife, wants to converse with me, from the moment she opens her eyelids, to the time she falls down from absolute exhaustion. Irrespective of what I am needing to do, or even my need for sleep etc...

And she goes over the same subject repeatedly. We should do blah in the kitchen. Then 5 minutes later, we should do blah in the kitchen, then 5 minutes later. lather rinse and repeat.

This whole process has left me feeling VERY disrespected, and honestly, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. And my responses to this behavior are honestly getting far too terse for me to be happy with, and I know she can't be happy about it.

Aside from praying my heart out, is there anything I can do to curb this behavior?

This is interfereing with my studies, my work, and my sleep. And if truth be told, leaving me with uh... less than optimal desires for my wifes affections.

Help!

Click to expand...

I'm a woman, and you need to tell her exactly what you've told us. Tell her you need time to do the things you need to do, and can only give her a certain portion of your day if you are to stay gainfully employed.

If she doesn't understand try to get some marriage counseling because your right, if this doesn't change then your marriage is in serious trouble.

us woman need to use so many words per day which is way more than men; it's our nature

my suggestion is to leave house for work...get a room @ library or somewhere to do your work

husband worked from home for 9 wks last year...I'm up @ night/sleep mornings so wasn't a problem for us

"According to a theory of sociologists who study human nature, the number of words spoken by the average man in a given day are about 10,000.

The average woman uses about 25,000 words in a day.

If this is true, then on arriving home, the average woman could have a verbiages back log of up to 15,000. Of course, it would be a waste to not use them. It goes without saying, their best use would be with the one she loves."

My late husband was a talker. I am rather introverted and don't really talk alot unless I have something important to say. He'd start nattering at me no sooner my eyes opened in the morning and would NOT shut up until bedtime. I finally, calmly (thank you Jesus) explained to him that his incessant jabbering was driving me NUTS and I'd had quite enough...especially since he'd be over and over the same subjects like work and his boss that he hated. My solution to those sorts of issues was to either tell the boss off or ask for a transfer or look for another job. I mean, what else can you do? However he would do none of the above. I finally told him that if he wasn't going to lift a finger to change the situation, I really didn't want to hear it anymore. He'd do things like barge into my office to tell me about some TV show that he was watching that I didn't give a hoot about. That got a sign on my office door "unless the house is on fire, someone is bleeding badly or you're bringing me coffee, STAY OUT". I understand now that his incessant jabbering was his way of connecting with me...but it didn't stop me from going BONKERS about it. Now, I'd love to have him talk my ear off again...he died 2 years ago.

DaveHTexas said:

I think the issue is we are communicating in different love languages I guess. I think if the Average woman speaks 25K words a day, then my beautiful bride must be around 75K...

It's literally so fast I cannot absorb it.

It's very difficult to pay attention when I am worn to a nub mentally and spiritually... I mean she literally follows me to the toilet to keep talking.

I don't want to go into detail here, but she had an, uh... incident a few years back now, that required hospitalization and therapy. It had a big impact on me as well. Within the span of one year, we suffered the loss of 24 friends, and family including both our fathers, a brother, a neice, several aunts, long time friends etc...

I think this has caused her a tremendous amount of anxiety and maybe she's trying to talk it out, and me, I guess being a man, I dunno I need to sit in the quiet and process things. I live in the wrong place for it, but honestly what always worked for me when I lived out west was literally to go into the mountains for a week or so, just being where I can think, and hear the voice of God as it were...

Yes I am pretty sure we both need to go see a counselor. I don't think she's agreeable to that though. Again, anxiety...

Click to expand...

Unless she has family she can visit ... and talk to, ... you going off and leaving her for a week would not work. My wife nearly had a breakdown when I went and spent an extra hour with my brother. We've gone through a lot of trauma over the past decade also ... the loss of (3) parents, a brother, and some family friends. Even before that, my wife was, clearly, connected to my hip. Every now and then, she'll go and spend some time with her sister, ... at all other times, I am on call.

Fortunately, she still works, and believe it or not, when she is working, she is totally invested in it. She's been working from home now for more than a year, ... and when she's working, it's best not to interrupt her. Of course, once working hours are over, ... she comes looking for me. It's not the worst problem to have.

Talking through your past traumas with a therapist ... is probably a good idea.

Perhaps you could convince her that, with all that you both have gone through, ... you need to talk to someone professional ... and that you need her there for moral support. That might appeal to her.

Get a pet.

Though seriously, as a guy, I love to talk. Drives my wife nuts lol. Even when we were dating online, I'd send long messages and she would send very short ones. But oddly enough in front of people, I am the silent one. I only talk when I trust someone. My wife never gets mad about it though. Though I am receptive can tell when she doesn't really want to hear anything or is busy. She is the same with me.

But we still make time to talk about things.

Joe Jones You talk too much - YouTube

Sorry, that just popped into my mind reading this. Others have said it, but you need to talk to her about it.

There are many areas in marriage where one spouse has a higher desire and the other a lower desire. It is certain there are some things you want more than her. Those areas are opportunities to serve each other (within limits of course). Generally, willingly serving each other, even enthusiastically, tends to also lower the need the higher desire spouse feels because they then sense connection as well.

In this case, it sounds like your areas of higher needs are pretty much polar opposites of each other. Perhaps you'll need to converse with each other to work out an agreed way you can each have your opposite desires met.