Hard to find like minds

Alistair_Wonderland · Jun 22, 2021

I am a dude in his 30s, but I have the interests of a twelve-year-old kid, and even then a lot of the shows and stuff I like are considered "girly". I personally just like the stuff because I like things that are cute; I'm perfectly straight and I don't identify as a woman or any of that stuff. I just like stuff like that because it's happy and cheerful, and I need something happy in my life. I like Minecraft and funny videos and being silly and making people laugh. In short, I'm basically a big kid.

The problem is, everyone around me grew up, while I'm stuck here bored as people talk about boring grownup things that I literally couldn't care less about. I get that responsibility is important, but are these people so dull that they must spend their free time discussing things like computer stats or vehicle maintenance?
I get people have their passions, but nobody seems to share mine, and I have no idea how to find anybody who does. I get along better with women, and I know there are lots of young-at-heart women my age out there who would love cutesy, silly stuff like I do, but it's hard to find any. I don't even know where to look. And I'm not talking about dating; while I would like to find a nice girl to marry, I'm quite content with just making some good friends. And I don't even know how to do that, or where to go. My community is a dry well in that regard; I thought I could try and make friends online, but I don't know where to go to meet people like me.

And as for the folks telling me I should just "grow up"... that's not an option. For one, I see no reason that adult responsibility should require loss of childhood wonder. And for second, I struggle with thoughts of ending my own life commonly because of depression, and I can think of no more depressing thought than the idea that I must leave the joy of childhood behind for the drudgery of adulthood.

I'm kinda just ranting here, but if there's anybody who knows any sites or ideas to find grown-up kids like me, let me know. Also, I'm really bad at making friends, but if you are an adult (preferably a girl, I don't get as nervous around girls) and you like Minecraft, Monster High, PreCure, Winx Club, MLP:FiM (I don't have to explain the abbreviation if you like the show), Miraculous, or classic Disney animated movies, I would be willing to give a few written conversations a try and see if maybe I could overcome my social anxiety enough to make a friend or two.

Worst that can happen is a bunch of sanctimonious people could tell me to grow up and the admins ban me for soliciting or something like that. I'm cripplingly depressed and lonely anyhow. I've learned to be very cynical of this site, and I'm aware what I'm saying sounds creepy and weird, but what the heck. Maybe one person with a common mind will respond, or at least someone may direct me to some site where I can find that. Whatever. Worth the shot, I suppose.

(Also, if I turn you down, please don't take offense. I have issues, and I know when I'm not compatible with someone. Yes, I'm being a choosing beggar. But when you need Vitamin C, a steak won't help, to use a metaphor.)

Natto · Jun 23, 2021

I guess I might partially understand what you talk about. While advancing into middle age; I lose the some of my child interest. Some of my child interest just dies down. Although I grow up with some professional knowledge through working, I remain pretty much the same like I was 16 in term of personality.

I still enjoy video game I played in kids, I still like opposite sex just like I was child. But I developed more interest into real estates or long for economy freedom as being old, although it seldom happen. Through course of life, part of interest went away, parts of interests remain the same.

You can perfectly be yourself as long as no one else is being affected. Sometimes, one may feel lonely because of incompatibility of interest with others. It's totally fine. Remember, that happiness comes from inner self, and it sometimes can be peaceful state of mind such as economy freedom, or safety of family members, or stable health condition of self. Happiness is one define it. Human beings are a social species. But the definition of happiness does not necessarily have to come from value, perception, definition of others, one define one's own happiness

GospelS · Jun 23, 2021

I do hope that you find a few like-minded but that wouldn't solve any of your issues. Is that what you want? I hope not. To be child-like is what Jesus wants us all to be.

Sketcher · Jun 23, 2021

angelsaroundme · Jun 24, 2021

I think I understand. A lot of Western media has become increasingly dark and depressing. This can be true with anime as well but I think anime is better at keeping things balanced. Take Demon Slayer for example. Tanjiro has sympathy even for the demons that he must slay. There is also a good amount of lighthearted humor. If you haven't seen that show yet, it is one I think you may like.

bèlla · Jun 24, 2021

I think its fine to appreciate things from earlier times. Whether it's adolescence, historical periods, or topics along those lines. You can emphasize the positive, learn new skills, and glean from practices that aid you in today's culture.

But it's important that appreciation doesn't veer into escapism or a stasis. Where you're stuck in a place and unable to move forward. I believe I was called for this time. While I delight in earlier eras; God needs me in the present and that's my barometer.

So the question is how to employ the lessons and behaviors I value in a modern sense without withdrawing from the period He called me to. That begins with why.

Why do I like this?
Who does it attract?
How is it bettering me as a person?
What can I pass on to others from my experiences?

In my case, I'm attracted to Regency attire and sensibilities from that time frame. I'm not wholly in that camp. But the spirit I'm evoking is clear: soft, feminine, elegant, and domestic.

As an aspiring designer, it's important for me to present an image that's wholesome and honors my spirit. Being a visible example of a woman who values modesty, ladyship, and the home is important. It's a positive utilization of my platform that allows me to instruct others.

I cook, bake, sew, decorate, garden, write, and run a business. I'm professionally trained in most of it. What I'm articulating is the possibility of being accomplished without forsaking loveliness. You can be successful and delight in simple past-times. You don't have to follow the crowd.

My interests haven't hindered my growth. They enhance my craft and allow me to share the same with others. That's the tipping point. If the activity is isolating or deepens negative feelings I have to question whether its continuance is best.

The bible tells us: All things are lawful [that is, morally legitimate, permissible], but not all things are beneficial or advantageous. All things are lawful, but not all things are constructive [to character] and edifying [to spiritual life]. —1 Corinthians 10:23

Meaning, the activity on its own isn't good or bad. But in light of my condition (thoughts, feelings, behavior) it may be detrimental. When you're feeling despondent the last thing you need is separation. You don't want to feed the outcast. You want to be included.

Considering who it attracts is key. Likemindedness isn't always good. Sometimes you draw others in a rut or worse off than yourself. Making an honest assessment of its impact is a must.

There's a time and season for all things. We have to consider if we're in a season for engagement or if waiting or denial is best. My bottom line is simple: is it edifying or not? If it isn't, something needs to change. And that something is me.

~bella

DragonFox91 · Jun 25, 2021

You're just struggling w/ self-esteem. These days a lot of people are still 'young at heart.' I love classic Disney movies, for example. I still like cartoons. I still like riding my bike around the neighborhood. I know lots of men & women my age who still like stuff they did when they were kids. It's not a big deal AT ALL. Yeah, you have your crowd that 'grew up' & abandoned all stuff they did when they were kids & just have, as you said, boring adult conversations, but a lot didn't tho. As for you liking girly things, not really sure what you mean, but I love rom-coms too & those aren't considered the most masculine thing in the world.

W/ all that being said, I don't know what 'adult' stuff you're doing, but pick one or 2 'adult' things & try getting involved/interested/working at those things. You can still have "kiddy" hobbies but if you have some adult interests or aspirations too, that's the best of both worlds.

ReesePiece23 · Jun 25, 2021

Take my advice: move to Japan as soon as possible. You'll never believe how many people I met out there who were JUST like you. So absolutely do NOT change, you're in good company.

Scholarships, internships and apprenticeships are always available, and often with accommodation thrown in. It'll just take some digging around on your part.

Social anxiety burns like a blister until a callus is formed. It's a lot of pain getting there, but once you ARE there, the callus is there for life. I actually forced myself to take freezing cold showers everyday for six months to get me mentally and physically used to discomfort.

sampa · Jun 26, 2021

Alistair_Wonderland said:
I am a dude in his 30s, but I have the interests of a twelve-year-old kid, and even then a lot of the shows and stuff I like are considered "girly". I personally just like the stuff because I like things that are cute; I'm perfectly straight and I don't identify as a woman or any of that stuff. I just like stuff like that because it's happy and cheerful, and I need something happy in my life. I like Minecraft and funny videos and being silly and making people laugh. In short, I'm basically a big kid.

The problem is, everyone around me grew up, while I'm stuck here bored as people talk about boring grownup things that I literally couldn't care less about. I get that responsibility is important, but are these people so dull that they must spend their free time discussing things like computer stats or vehicle maintenance?
I get people have their passions, but nobody seems to share mine, and I have no idea how to find anybody who does. I get along better with women, and I know there are lots of young-at-heart women my age out there who would love cutesy, silly stuff like I do, but it's hard to find any. I don't even know where to look. And I'm not talking about dating; while I would like to find a nice girl to marry, I'm quite content with just making some good friends. And I don't even know how to do that, or where to go. My community is a dry well in that regard; I thought I could try and make friends online, but I don't know where to go to meet people like me.

And as for the folks telling me I should just "grow up"... that's not an option. For one, I see no reason that adult responsibility should require loss of childhood wonder. And for second, I struggle with thoughts of ending my own life commonly because of depression, and I can think of no more depressing thought than the idea that I must leave the joy of childhood behind for the drudgery of adulthood.

I'm kinda just ranting here, but if there's anybody who knows any sites or ideas to find grown-up kids like me, let me know. Also, I'm really bad at making friends, but if you are an adult (preferably a girl, I don't get as nervous around girls) and you like Minecraft, Monster High, PreCure, Winx Club, MLP:FiM (I don't have to explain the abbreviation if you like the show), Miraculous, or classic Disney animated movies, I would be willing to give a few written conversations a try and see if maybe I could overcome my social anxiety enough to make a friend or two.

Worst that can happen is a bunch of sanctimonious people could tell me to grow up and the admins ban me for soliciting or something like that. I'm cripplingly depressed and lonely anyhow. I've learned to be very cynical of this site, and I'm aware what I'm saying sounds creepy and weird, but what the heck. Maybe one person with a common mind will respond, or at least someone may direct me to some site where I can find that. Whatever. Worth the shot, I suppose.

(Also, if I turn you down, please don't take offense. I have issues, and I know when I'm not compatible with someone. Yes, I'm being a choosing beggar. But when you need Vitamin C, a steak won't help, to use a metaphor.)

Have you considered cosplay? I know there are meetups. I don't know much about it but I'm sure there's all kinds of groups. I would think that is a kind of community that likes to play. And maybe some interesting conversations for you.

Christian Bowler · Jun 26, 2021

Nothing wrong with that. I like Veggietales.

MehGuy · Jun 26, 2021

You remind me of my youngest sister. She has stuffed teddy bears and loves watching kid shows and films. Although I wouldn't recommend dating her.. much less marrying her since her personality is pretty rancid.. lol.

We're the same age.. there are plenty of women out there that would fit your personality.. might have even more success if you date younger much younger.. like Zoomers (the legal ones.. I'm thinking of early 20s here.. lol). Try some anime conventions (where psychological neoteny is hyper intense), Disney conventions.

Although you should also consider that kid orientated media does not have a monopoly on "wonder". Do not be blinded by nostalgia. As someone who prefers more adult orientated media.. it provides plenty of wonder as well.

timewerx · Jun 28, 2021

I like minds!

angelsaroundme · Jun 28, 2021

Related to this, I've heard a lot of people are watching shows they grew up on, whether it's cartoons or sitcoms like Friends. The more serious the world gets and the more heavy current Western media is the more many will seek some kind of alternative.

You see it in gaming too. Nintendo Switch has sold like crazy even before the pandemic. I think the games being mostly colorful and upbeat attracts people to Nintendo even if they don't always consciously realize it. A lot of guys got into Animal Crossing. New Horizons has sold over 30 million copies. I put in over a hundred hours and I'd never played the series before.

Alistair_Wonderland · Jul 11, 2021

Thanks, everyone. Even if I don't reply directly to your comments, I do read them. It means a lot to see the support you give. Well, most of you. (GospelS, when a man is starving, if you give him God but don't give him food, that's not helpful, that's just pious. Same deal here.)

Alistair_Wonderland · Jul 11, 2021

DragonFox91 said:
You're just struggling w/ self-esteem. These days a lot of people are still 'young at heart.' I love classic Disney movies, for example. I still like cartoons. I still like riding my bike around the neighborhood. I know lots of men & women my age who still like stuff they did when they were kids. It's not a big deal AT ALL. Yeah, you have your crowd that 'grew up' & abandoned all stuff they did when they were kids & just have, as you said, boring adult conversations, but a lot didn't tho. As for you liking girly things, not really sure what you mean, but I love rom-coms too & those aren't considered the most masculine thing in the world.

W/ all that being said, I don't know what 'adult' stuff you're doing, but pick one or 2 'adult' things & try getting involved/interested/working at those things. You can still have "kiddy" hobbies but if you have some adult interests or aspirations too, that's the best of both worlds.

I actually have tried several adult things, and you are right, I quite enjoy them. For example, I really enjoy cooking.

Thanks for the advice. Even if it's strangers, it's nice to know people care.

Alistair_Wonderland · Jul 11, 2021

ReesePiece23 said:
Take my advice: move to Japan as soon as possible. You'll never believe how many people I met out there who were JUST like you. So absolutely do NOT change, you're in good company.

Scholarships, internships and apprenticeships are always available, and often with accommodation thrown in. It'll just take some digging around on your part.

Social anxiety burns like a blister until a callus is formed. It's a lot of pain getting there, but once you ARE there, the callus is there for life. I actually forced myself to take freezing cold showers everyday for six months to get me mentally and physically used to discomfort.

sampa said:
Have you considered cosplay? I know there are meetups. I don't know much about it but I'm sure there's all kinds of groups. I would think that is a kind of community that likes to play. And maybe some interesting conversations for you.

I actually might try and consider these options. I like acting silly in public and wearing costumes, and Japan does seem to have some cool stuff. Though I have to keep the pessimist in me from saying it will end up like this:

Expectation

Reality
https://www.[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]postbot.com/img/sourceimages/only-weebs-5934792124130.png

I'm weird, but I'm not that weird. :freeze:

sampa · Jul 11, 2021

Alistair_Wonderland said:
I actually might try and consider these options. I like acting silly in public and wearing costumes, and Japan does seem to have some cool stuff. Though I have to keep the pessimist in me from saying it will end up like this:

Expectation

Reality
https://www.[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]postbot.com/img/sourceimages/only-weebs-5934792124130.png

I'm weird, but I'm not that weird.

@ReesePiece23 is correct about japan. I lived in Japan for 4 years, one of them north of tokyo. There was a place where a group of young people would play dress, I forget the name, in Tokyo on a Sunday. It was so much fun. There are girls, especially in the cities, that dress and kids clothes. Cuteness is abound there.

On a side note, some people like to be a kid for most of their life. I'm one of them. I love the opportunity to do some kind of costume. During the pandemic I did a thing called wacky wednesdays. I would find a wig or something to create an outfit, take a picture and send it to my friends to bring about cheer. It first started to cheer friends kids up, but I found the adults liking it a lot more. I like hats and wigs and different outfits. Once I started running out of ideas I looked up bizarre holidays and went with those themes to create outfits. I was planning on starting it up again this year, but unfortunately my time has been short and I will have to put my creative energies elsewhere. Best of luck and prayers with that. Keep us posted if you ever do decide to make a trip to Japan. I'm pretty sure that there are meetups you can find near you that are like that.

GospelS · Jul 12, 2021

Alistair_Wonderland said:
Thanks, everyone. Even if I don't reply directly to your comments, I do read them. It means a lot to see the support you give. Well, most of you. (GospelS, when a man is starving, if you give him God but don't give him food, that's not helpful, that's just pious. Same deal here.)

@Alistair_Wonderland I agree. So I do hope you find some like minds. Everyone is childlike in their own sense. Your uniqueness is your calling. Be yourself. Don't give up on believing you will find some. It's not hard if you believe and just keep interacting with others with that hope. There is someone out there just like you, looking for people like you and for you. Don't be let down. Take heart.

Thanks for sharing and reaching out with your concern here on CF. We sure need more like you everywhere. I would encourage you to start making threads/posts with your interests in related forums here. I'm sure you will soon find some that are like you. That's some food (for thought) I could offer and I'm sure it's would be helpful.

sampa · Jul 12, 2021

Alistair_Wonderland said:
like acting silly in public and wearing costumes

so I was just thinking of you. For 2021 I decided to have more bright colors. I didn't think much about it but one of my co-workers kept coming by and saying things like he's expecting to hear a ribbet or something. He couldn't get over my bright lime green colors. I don't know if the other coworkers were just making me feel comfortable because it's sort of an in thing, but I did feel a little playful with my colors today. His 66 years old... So generationally it probably is too bright. The others that were around my age or 29 didn't think much of it. I'm 2 years away from being 50, so just know that even as you get older you can still be playful. Praying that you find that girl that has the same sillyness.

ReesePiece23 · Jul 12, 2021

Alistair_Wonderland said:
I actually might try and consider these options. I like acting silly in public and wearing costumes, and Japan does seem to have some cool stuff. Though I have to keep the pessimist in me from saying it will end up like this:

Expectation

Reality
https://www.[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]postbot.com/img/sourceimages/only-weebs-5934792124130.png

I'm weird, but I'm not that weird.

LOL, expect both... Because you'll see both.

You'll also want to keep your guard up if you're in Shinjuku at night. You'll be fine so long as you're NOT making any eye contact with anyone who approaches you talking English.

Hard to find like minds

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