Nanny/husband problems

Elin1212 · Jul 10, 2021

We have a family friend who started helping us on some evenings with our baby and toddler. It has been working out pretty well until this past time. To give some background..my parents and aunt have also helped in the past - often leaving our place in the evenings. My aunt even came from a foreign country when our youngest was born to help for 5 months. My husband has never walked them to the car. Even when my parents have many bags to carry to the car or when my aunt left to return to her home country after helping us for so many months (on her expense). I was offended and pointed out that he should have at least walked my aunt out for a proper good bye. He made some excuse like he wasn't feeling well. I let it go after that conversation. Since then, he has not changed an walked my mom to her car in the evening when she leaves. However, he walked our friend/babysitter to the car without me even saying anything. I am so annoyed with the fact that he can't treat my family with more manners after everything they have done for us. Am I in the wrong to feel this way? I don't want to confront him until I calm down. Please advise, thanks in advance!

thecolorsblend · Jul 10, 2021

pdudgeon · Jul 10, 2021

My guess is that he was miffed that your family had to come and step in, in this situation.
As a new Dad, he should have been providing you with the help that you needed to take care of your children.
But chances are that he didn't fully realize what an impact a new baby has on a home and on the relationship that the two of you have with each other.
It was his job as a husband to step up and help you in this situation.
But instead my guess is that he was preempted in doing so by your family's
intervention, and possibly shoved aside by them.
If that was the case, then I can see why he was glad to see the last of them, so that he could finally become a Dad.
Yes, it was good of your family to offer to help, but that help went beyond the boundary of help, and instead drifted into "take-over"/ usurping your husband's fatherly rights.

A_Thinker · Jul 10, 2021

Elin1212 said:
We have a family friend who started helping us on some evenings with our baby and toddler. It has been working out pretty well until this past time. To give some background..my parents and aunt have also helped in the past - often leaving our place in the evenings. My aunt even came from a foreign country when our youngest was born to help for 5 months. My husband has never walked them to the car. Even when my parents have many bags to carry to the car or when my aunt left to return to her home country after helping us for so many months (on her expense). I was offended and pointed out that he should have at least walked my aunt out for a proper good bye. He made some excuse like he wasn't feeling well. I let it go after that conversation. Since then, he has not changed an walked my mom to her car in the evening when she leaves. However, he walked our friend/babysitter to the car without me even saying anything. I am so annoyed with the fact that he can't treat my family with more manners after everything they have done for us. Am I in the wrong to feel this way? I don't want to confront him until I calm down. Please advise, thanks in advance!

Your husband is acting like a fairly typical man. He has demonstrated that he's not looking to change. You've brought it up before ... to bring it up again would only be engendering strife.

What I am saying is that ... unless you think that your husband is apt to listen to you and try to do better ... you're likely to be wasting your breath.

We all have to overlook foibles in our spouses. If we can't see past them, ... the marriage will likely not last.

Pray for your husband. I have learned that God is better with stubborn hearts than we are.

Also pray for God to comfort your heart ... I will pray for both of you ...

Tolworth John · Jul 10, 2021

Elin1212 said:
am so annoyed with the fact that he can't treat my family with more manners

You need to sit down with him, TV turned off, phones turned off and tell him how you feel about his lack of basic manners.
Don't get or be cross, just tell him it was bad manners and very rude.
If he offers excuses and reasons why, listen to him, hear him out and point out if he can walk a pretty girl to the car he can walk your relatives to the car and help with luggage etc.

If/when your family visit again, give keep him informed or even give him the task of arranging the visit.

As some posters have said he may have resentted there taking over in his home.

Last point do reasure him of your respect and love for him.

honestal · Jul 10, 2021

As for your husband walking the babysitter to the car (especially since he didn't walk anybody else to the car): Just keep your eyes open.

You don't want to be evil-surmising... but neither do you want to stick your head in the sand.

snoochface · Jul 10, 2021

Why didn't you walk your family to the car when they had a lot of luggage to deal with?

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Nanny/husband problems

Elin1212

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thecolorsblend

If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

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pdudgeon

Traditional Catholic

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A_Thinker

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Tolworth John

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honestal

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snoochface

Meet the new boss -- same as the old boss.

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