Why Do I Feel Like Everything I Do is a Sin?

Kenadi said:

I definitely understand. In the past i committed a sin where i knew it was wrong and repeated it over and over. The Holy Spirit was convicted me, but I still did it. I finally stopped and of course asked for forgiveness but now everything I do i feel wrong . Lately I feel like I can't eat anything and when I do i feel guilty , i don't know if its because i shouldn't be or convicton. I always feel like i'm deliberately sinning and just don't feel like I do anything right anymore. It's honestly scary to always be in fear and not feel like my repentance is genuine and feel like God is mad at me.

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Anihilus said:

I don't know what to do anymore, it seems that everything I do is a sin. I cannot go to school, do homework, study, eat, or go on a walk without this brooding feeling of condemnation. When I try to resist it increases and if I do the "sin" anyways it is almost as if I feel my heart harden beyond repentance, because I am never sorry for what I have done.

I am unable to tell the difference between my thoughts and convictions or the Holy Spirit, if he is even at work with me anymore. I fear I am resisting Him. I don't know what to do anymore. Anybody else deal with this?

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Anihilus said:

I don't know what to do anymore, it seems that everything I do is a sin. I cannot go to school, do homework, study, eat, or go on a walk without this brooding feeling of condemnation. When I try to resist it increases and if I do the "sin" anyways it is almost as if I feel my heart harden beyond repentance, because I am never sorry for what I have done.

I am unable to tell the difference between my thoughts and convictions or the Holy Spirit, if he is even at work with me anymore. I fear I am resisting Him. I don't know what to do anymore. Anybody else deal with this?

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Kenadi said:

I definitely understand. In the past i committed a sin where i knew it was wrong and repeated it over and over. The Holy Spirit was convicted me, but I still did it. I finally stopped and of course asked for forgiveness but now everything I do i feel wrong . Lately I feel like I can't eat anything and when I do i feel guilty , i don't know if its because i shouldn't be or convicton. I always feel like i'm deliberately sinning and just don't feel like I do anything right anymore. It's honestly scary to always be in fear and not feel like my repentance is genuine and feel like God is mad at me.

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Aaliyah said:

I have the same problem! I feel like everything I do is wrong. Is this OCD?

I feel like I have to ask God before I can do anything...Idont know what causes this. I wish it would stop though. But seriously I feel so condemned I feel like I can't make my own decisions or they'll be wrong or something.

What do you think causes it?

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Kenadi said:

I definitely understand. In the past i committed a sin where i knew it was wrong and repeated it over and over. The Holy Spirit was convicted me, but I still did it. I finally stopped and of course asked for forgiveness but now everything I do i feel wrong . Lately I feel like I can't eat anything and when I do i feel guilty , i don't know if its because i shouldn't be or convicton. I always feel like i'm deliberately sinning and just don't feel like I do anything right anymore. It's honestly scary to always be in fear and not feel like my repentance is genuine and feel like God is mad at me.

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Nicole Roberson said:

That's exactly how I feel right now. It's horrible...

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public hermit said:

It is horrible. And, yes, OCD is often the problem. There are resources and means for getting help with OCD, which I think should be pursued if the compulsion is debilitating.

I will add that having a robust sense of God's love and grace is also essential. Find people who actually believe in God's love and talk about it. Avoid those whose conversation is condemnatory and judgmental. They are poison to a mind obsessed with guilt and judgment. God loves you. God is love. And always remember, the same one who is to be your judge is the same one who gave his life so you would have abundant life now and forever. God loves you. Kick the naysayers, legalists, and judgmental ones out of your life and mind. Find messages about God's love for you and feed on that. And, yeah, if needed please see a specialist for OCD.

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public hermit said:

It is horrible. And, yes, OCD is often the problem. There are resources and means for getting help with OCD, which I think should be pursued if the compulsion is debilitating.

I will add that having a robust sense of God's love and grace is also essential. Find people who actually believe in God's love and talk about it. Avoid those whose conversation is condemnatory and judgmental. They are poison to a mind obsessed with guilt and judgment. God loves you. God is love. And always remember, the same one who is to be your judge is the same one who gave his life so you would have abundant life now and forever. God loves you. Kick the naysayers, legalists, and judgmental ones out of your life and mind. Find messages about God's love for you and feed on that. And, yeah, if needed please see a specialist for OCD.

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Nicole Roberson said:

Yes...I'm just way too hard on myself. I'm striving to walk in God's grace but really I'm letting myself be under condemnation from the enemy or myself. It's the same thing over and over again and I just cry so much...I stress myself out to the point of feeling sick and worried about everything. Worried about even taking advice from my own pastors and my mom (who I normally trust, as I trust in the Lord that I can go to them for counseling and sound advice) because of people online---stuff draws back to people online and I'm praying every day for God to help me purge out the stuff from the internet that messed up my head...people that are like, "We're in the last days and people will be deceived, there will be false teachers..." All these things I read and I'm so paranoid about everything. I know at the end of the day I have to trust God to lead me in everything...it's so hard. I just feel so exhausted...

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public hermit said:

I'm sure you must be exhausted. Our minds are the gateways to our hearts.

I don't in any way intend this to replace good therapy if you can find it. But, for what it's worth:

"The active prayer of the heart and mind can be accomplished in the following way: Sitting on a chair, bring your mind into the heart and hold it there; from there call with your mind and heart, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!" Regulate your breathing also, because rhythmic breathing can disperse distracting thoughts. When you are aware of thoughts, do not pay attention to them regardless of whether they are good or not. With your mind enter your heart and call on the Lord Jesus often and patiently and in this way you will soon overwhelm and destroy these thoughts through God's name. St. John Climacus says that wit the name of Jesus you can destroy the enemy, for a more powerful weapon does not exist either in heaven or on earth." St. Gregory of Sinai

If you must obsess, obsess on the name of Christ and be free. Christians who don't know won't tell you, but monkey mind is ubiquitous.

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Nicole Roberson said:

Yes...I'm really trying to keep asking advice or questions to only my mom and Pastors, people close to me in my life, and then I've actually spoken to people here that have really been helpful and provided very valuable advice...but that's as far as I'm going. I'm still trying to be careful.

It's just...one day I'm at peace, with confidence moving forward, the next I'm filled with the same thoughts again. I know now it's OCD. Because I ask people the same questions over and over again, get reassurance, but then go back to tripping up over stuff in my head and it's frustrating. Then I'm paranoid about following the doctrine of men like the Word says. Then I stress out all over again. I'm making sure to ask God to help me keep Him center and draw back to Him no matter what, know that His hand is over everything. It's just like that other person on this thread said. I was never so paranoid and worried about the things i watch on tv, movies, music (I still tried to be careful, though I didn't always look at stuff that was good) but I'm asking God to help me to know where to draw the line with things. I'm a writer and I have ideas for different stories (horror, fantasy, sci-fi, thriller, action-adventure, and coming of age) and I know now that OCD has kicked into high gear as a result of trying to let other people be my conscience when that was my worst mistake. So what I didn't have a problem with before, suddenly now I'm worried over everything being wrong and worried as to whether or not God doesn't want me having to do with anything. Feeling so condemned and feeling like I can't enjoy anything or somehow, like the person who started this thread, I'm just sinning and putting worldly stuff before God, which is the last thing I want to do. This honestly is just killing my peace. I'm afraid of this being my conscience and then getting the idea that if I don't listen to all this in my head then I'm going against my conscience and sinning all around and I realize I'm getting really extreme with this...

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public hermit said:

My friend, you are not going to think your way out of the hole. You must throw caution to the wind and begin to trust. But, you can't trust if doubts keep cropping up. Every single time you have a doubt, begin to repeat, "Lord Jesus, have mercy." Focus on the words, the grace, the hope, until you are no longer attentive to the nay-saying thoughts. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds. Give yours a rest. Lord Jesus, have mercy. Let that become your mantra, and gently push out the nay-saying thoughts!

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Nicole Roberson said:

You're absolutely right...I need to calm myself down. My asthma kind of got to me today and I believe it's probably from stress because I was crying a lot earlier. I need to take break from stuff.

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public hermit said:

I'm sorry for your pain and wish I had words to make it better. I'm just some idiot on the internet, lol. But, Nicole, I will pray for you. I will pray the same peace for you that I would want for myself. Be strong, my friend, God's love lasts forever.

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Nicole Roberson said:

Thank you so much, my friend. You're definitely not an idiot, you've been very uplifting...God bless you. Would love to chat with you in private some time.

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Anihilus said:

OP here, it is interesting that this thread has gotten a few hits in the years since I originally posted it back in 2009. I haven't logged in since 2012 until a reader PMd me about this long forgotten thread and it showed up in my inbox.

I can report that the Lord, in His kindness, has brought me out of that state of mind. It is much like the psalmist said:

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He lifted me up from the pit of despair, out of the miry clay; He set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD." Psalm 40:1-3

2009 to 2012 was a very difficult season of my Christian life due to many spiritual struggles I was having (as seen in the OP). I had a LOT of wrong ways of thinking and hard views of God back then. God, in my mind, was to me as the sun to a man lost in the desert without water. That man can agree that the sun is good and necessary for the life of the world, but to him, it is a scorching heat that would eventually kill him. Sure I could repeat the gospel and say God is love and quote a bunch of Bible verses about it, but I didn't really believe that God actually loved me. I didn't really understand what it was to trust Christ or rest in Him.

People would tell me to repeat phrases or rush to assure me that God loves me, but none of it helped. My eyes were shut to the gospel and I could not see it for what it is.

There was no single point of deliverance from this state I was in. I did have a few points of "revelation" during that time that gave me some key victories in areas, but it was a gradual reading and meditating on God's word over the years along with the Lord demonstrating Himself to be who He has said He is in the scriptures through various trials that has brought me to where I am today.

I have come to "taste and see" that the Lord Jesus Christ is indeed kind and I have a whole lot more peace and rest than I did back then. Those years are now are a distant landmark in the rear-view mirror.

What would I say to myself back then when I was going through this? I would say that your help is not found in any single person that can tell you the magic words that will make everything ok. Your help and deliverance will not be found in anyone on this forum, or in a YouTube preacher, or a super holy pastor. Your help is to be found in the Lord Jesus Christ. You may feel He is against you and is your enemy but He promises to not cast you out if you come to Him. Take Him at his promise and believe it. Your feelings will lie to you all the time. Why believe a liar when you could believe Him who cannot lie? Go to Him and keep going to Him, and never stop going to Him for all things and all difficulties.

Secondly, get your eyes off yourself. The Israelite in the wilderness who did nothing but stare at the snake bite on his arm and never gazed at the bronze serpent lifted up for his healing would certainly die a needless and painful death. Stop sitting around and moaning about how bad you are and stop naval gazing and doing in-depth analysis on all your motives, looking for the "hidden" sin in everything. It is not a godly thing to do and there is no command in scripture to live like this. Set your mind on God, His character, works, ways, His promises. Spend time daily meditating deeply on the scriptures. Read all of it from cover to cover, again and again, and ask the Lord to show you how kind and gracious He is.

Also know that the kingdom of heaven is taken by force (Matt 11:12). That is not to say salvation and entrance is obtained by works of righteousness or a set level of obedience, but that it will require effort on your part to fight through all the difficulties that stand in your way of getting there. Satan has no desire that you enter God's kingdom and will oppose those who were once his subjects from getting there. He will seek to reclaim you if he can. The Son of God did not escape temptation in this world, neither will you. Difficult is the way that leads to life and there are few who find it. It is worth obtaining. It is worth pressing through. Successfully navigating through this trial when you feel that God is against you will make future trials when you KNOW and FEEL God is for you much easier.

I suppose more could be written but these are some things that I would say to myself. It would probably fall on deaf ears and be swallowed up by the mire of despondency I was in, but it doesn't change the truth of the advice.

Overall, keep going and keep seeking the Lord. Don't give up. Press on. He will come in due time and help. I never though in those years I would ever get out of that state and that I was doomed to be there for all eternity, but that was not the case. Praise God for His help!

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