My sweet ^Nova^ and ^Andromeda^ left on May 26th and May 27th. It was devastating. Since 2004 I have lost 9 cats now (including ^Nova^ and ^Andie^). It never gets easier. I can say it get harder! I suppose the older I get the more I forms bonds or realize just how precious a life is? What ever the reason, this time felt chest crushing and the depression/sadness/sense of loss was worse than ever. The darkness has slowly been lifting and I have not been in tears daily for several days, which I suppose if good, and I know that it will continue to get easier with each day. Nights still stink, I keep waking repeatedly and not getting enough sleep, each time I sort of expect ^Andromeda^ against my side as she was for so long and ^Nova^ at my feet or other side of the bed.
I picked up their urns at the vet 2 days ago. That was hard. I did cry having to drive them home for the last time in urns in bags.
I know that the loss of ^Orion^ Dec. 15th hastened their illnesses as often is the case for lifetime mates (and husband/wives for people). I should have paid a lot more attention to them after that and perhaps it may have helps some for a short time. I did go through the gambit of begging, pleading, threatening, bargaining and wishing with God over them for a couple months. Of course I know that is silly and useless, but I think we all do it. God DID grant ^Nova^ a good last day, he was hungry and ate and he kept me and ^Andromeda^ company on the bed most of the day and ^Andie^ had a decent last day as well, sleeping with me by my head on the bed all day. (well I AM tearing up while I continue this).
I have been trying to give a lot more attention to Apollo (^Andromeda^s actual brother who will be 17 end of the month) and Perseus (he turned 11 on June 1st) who was very close to ^Nova^. I fear that the 3 losses the last 6 months will cause Apollo to start on his road to the end and it scares me now. He has been roaming the house at night crying out for the others (and Apollo has about the loudest voice on the planet, it even startles the vet). He and Perseus have been acting
different as well.
I have a vet appointment for Apollo on Saturday. He needs a full checkup and to check his medication levels (he has had an auto immune disease [pemphigus] for a long time and so takes meds to suppress his immune system some). I am pretty sure he has cataracts as well now as his eyes seem hazy like ^Orion^s did his last year.
On all my past cats, I KNOW that I will see them again in the afterlife. I know many people do not believe animals have that kind of soul, but aside from psalm 36:6, I KNOW that God would save the bond/love that we can feel with them, as it can be unconditional and pure. Why would He NOT keep something that can be the cause of so much love and happiness? Some people will say that the bible does not state that there animals will be saved (and I'll agree that not all will, but just the ones that have that special bond with people), but I say the Bible was made for MAN not animals and to help direct us with our salvation, not an animals. But hints are there if you look. After all, why would I expect to learn how to make an automobile after reading a book on building a house? My thoughts.
Anyway, thank you for reading my ramblings over my feelings, thoughts and losses. Writing it out helps the healing.
If you have any cats, make sure to give them a hug and nice chin scratch from me and make sure you sit with them tonight and play with them. If you have any dogs, give them a hug and belly rub from me and also sit and play with them. One day you will be glad you had.
Sincerely,
David
