So maybe I have been through a false conversion, been through the motions, that leaves me trying to live some kind of christian life while inside I am unchanged - but its a bit complicated because I have been into so much philosophy. And now I feel trapped in unbelief and hypocrisy.
I stayed in some philosophy forums for an extended period of time, till I was banned from most popular forums. I do speculate what their problem is. Philosophy in today's world is a poison. It's like being trapped into a kind of dreams and can hardly be awaken. Spiritually speaking it's a world "conquered" by the devil.
Faith is not complicated. It is tied to the question that if God does exist, how would you know.
An analogy is, if aliens do exist how would you know? If aliens are far more advanced and they have a good reason to hide from humans, then the only remains for humans to get to know their existence if by means of those happened to have encountered them. The rest of human kind will have to rely on faith in their testimonies to approach the truth of the aliens' existence. There's no other way round. Truth is presented in those testimonies for you to believe or reject with faith. That's the only way such a truth can be approached by humans.
All left is
has God explicitly encourage for His truth to be revealed this way? Has "faith in testimonies" been explicitly introduced by the Bible God when this remains the only way for humans to approach such a truth. In comparison, has the muslin God explicitly mentioned that faith from testimonies of eyewitnesses is needed? Witnesses, testimonies etc. are terms of the Bible, not the terms of the Qu'ran. Only the Bible has shed some light on this only way for humans to approach a truth.
Humans apply faith all the times on a daily basis. Humans rely on media (a gatherer of facts from eyewitnesses) to approach a truth with faith. Maybe to your surprise. This is the same process of faith in testimonies. Humans in majority don't verify daily news (not to mention that they are incapable of verifying histories recorded in history books). That's why Trump can make his "fake news" claim. Fake news is possible because news are faith based (again maybe to your surprise). That's why you only know that fake news are possible but you can never tell which piece of news is actually fake. Gospel (the good news) can be fake too, as it is with the same exact nature.
There are two more factor which may lead you to confusion. The Bible resembles more of a history book than the daily news. Daily news is about the recording of activities currently happening, such that you can still verify if you wish. History about recordings of activities happened historically long ago. You can hardly verify any of them (to your surprise again?), especially the parts related to individual activities. Human historical individual activities can hardly be verifiable. An example is,
have you ever eaten any eggs before the age of two? Only your own mom can tell, that is, this kind of truth can only be conveyed by testimonies. Whether you ate eggs as a piece of truth can only be conveyed by your mom's testimony. That's what it is.
Other than philosophy, the much larger human establishment being "conquered" by the devil is our education system. They consider the so-called "evidence" being the only way for humans to approach a truth. "No evidence no truth" becomes the only approach humans can reach a truth. This however is a big lie which plagues modern humans including the smartest. It sounds as if whether you ate eggs before the age of two can be proved by evidence, while the reality is only your mom's testimony but not evidence can convey such a truth!
Plagued by modern education which has already been conquered by Satan remains the reason why people's faith drops.
The second factor is, what history conveys is testimonies on human activities occurred in the past. They are facts easily understandable to us as they are
human activities. The Bible on the other hand is more on activities of God. Not only it is normal that the activities of God may not be fully understandable by humans, but also that the only way remains for both the truth of human activities and God's activities to convey is through testimonies from eyewitnesses. There's no other way round.
You don't doubt daily news from TV channels or news papers even in the situation that they can be fake news. You however doubt about a history book on God's activities mostly because the devil is not fighting on the field of daily news. The devil is fighting on the field of faith in God and Jesus. Subconsciously most will fall for the trap that "it is not believable because it's not evidenced". Well the irony is, even your daily news are never made evident to you either if you are willing to think deeper philosophically.