I'm not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion, maybe I am but at this moment in time I don't feel that way.
I'm not the one that usually checks the bank, its probably been almost a year since I looked in it. My wife knows this. Today I wanted to invest some money and wanted to check my bank and found a few western union transfers that she has been making and sending it to her family in her country. I asked her about it and she just looked at me, I told her that I wouldn't deny sending money to her family if she asked me. In my eyes she is stealing from me and stealing behind my back and keeping quiet about it.
Do you guys see it as stealing or am I blowing it out of proportion? I also have caught her in the past, long long ago doing this and I asked her to please stop and ask me, that I wouldn't deny her the money to help her family. I'm willing to bet that if I went further back in my account I would find more, I've also sent her family thousands when she asks me to help them in the past so she knows I wouldn't say no
Thanks in advance/.
Not stealing. Before God, you and your wife are one flesh. What is yours is hers and vice versa. So, all she has done is taken money you share and not consulted you about its distribution. Why hasn't she? It sounds like she's being generous, which is always a good thing (
1 John 3:17). You don't sound opposed to her generosity. Maybe she's just so used to doing the banking without your input that she doesn't think to consult you about it. In any case, don't assign evil motives to your wife, condemning her, before you've talked to her about what she's been doing with the money.
We both agreed to always speak of any purchase. I am the only one that puts money in the account but she can do what ever she wants, buy what ever she wants as well. I considered it stealing and lying because it was done behind my back many times in the past.
If you were to send someone thousands of dollars behind your husbands back, you dont think he would feel something? i just dont see how that would be considered normal.
It is certainly odd that she is not communicating with you about sending money to her family. Does she know you would object to what she's doing? Do you suspect your wife's family of taking advantage of her? Whatever the case, talking directly to your wife about the situation is vital. Don't stew and build stories in your head - often very wrong stories - about what your wife's been doing and why.
It isn't about control, its about communicating our needs. She has had jobs and she used to use a lot of it to send it and i never cared about it, i still don't care, all i wanted was to stay in the loop of what happens with the money we are saving. If you think that equals to control then you sound like you shouldn't be married.
My wife's parents immigrated from the Philippines in their early twenties. The "sending money home" thing is a VERY big deal for many Filipinos. My wife's Mom has sent many tens of thousands of dollars over the years "back home" to her relatives. Anyway, there have been times when her relatives have deceived her, claiming need that was illegitimate, clearly taking advantage of their "rich" relative. Seeing this, being objective about assessing the claim of need is always easier, when husband and wife do so together. But the lead is yours to take, Ramon. You are the God-ordained "head of the home" (
Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Timothy 3:4-5) and should not be passive about fulfilling that role, expecting your wife to initiate with you. You be the initiator, the leader, of your family, as God has called you to be. You'll head off many of these things going on in secret - or, at least, without your knowledge - if you do.