29 & Never Dated

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VCR-2000

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"making pudding at four in the morning"

Wow, that reference joke meme is extremely relatable to me and a few of us on here now that I read you mention it here. My sleep and schedule has been in the toilet lately so I am even literally up frequently at four in the morning and even sometimes preparing/eating something too.
 
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VCR-2000

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But it is still heartbreaking at times. I was once so heartbroken that I still had this "hole inside of me" feeling linger for a day to week after. Actually, that feeling happened to me twice. I had a crush on this girl that I knew in HS that was going through stuff and she became a Christian afterwards. Flash-forward several years later and I'm talking to her on messenger for a weekend and on the last night, I found out that she was pregnant and somebody else already taken her instead. She wasn't married to him yet even though he planned to marry her to raise the baby together. Also she was model-level league in terms of looks, and she was also a Christian. So it broke my heart bad and also made me feel more disenfranchised in Christianity.
 
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DragonFox91

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But it is still heartbreaking at times. I was once so heartbroken that I still had this "hole inside of me" feeling linger for a day to week after. Actually, that feeling happened to me twice. I had a crush on this girl that I knew in HS that was going through stuff and she became a Christian afterwards. Flash-forward several years later and I'm talking to her on messenger for a weekend and on the last night, I found out that she was pregnant and somebody else already taken her instead. She wasn't married to him yet even though he planned to marry her to raise the baby together. Also she was model-level league in terms of looks, and she was also a Christian. So it broke my heart bad and also made me feel more disenfranchised in Christianity.
I am sorry. I know what it's like.
 
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VCR-2000

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It sucks that I just have nothing to do but to accept the cold hard truth (according to most people) that my desire comes from the other one and not from God, and that he can do or declare literally anything whatever he wants to anyway simply because he is God. It's almost like a joke or an optical illusion.
 
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Tone

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It sucks that I just have nothing to do but to accept the cold hard truth (according to most people) that my desire comes from the other one and not from God, and that he can do or declare literally anything whatever he wants to anyway simply because he is God. It's almost like a joke or an optical illusion.


You're speaking as if He hasn't shown His Character.

He doesn't do things arbitrarily, but for good as He is Good.
 
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VCR-2000

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You're speaking as if He hasn't shown His Character.

He doesn't do things arbitrarily, but for good as He is Good.
That is the part I don't grasp. Even if he and/or his rules are good, it still goes back to him because he's God. It's like going around in a circle.

Besides, you can talk to me in a message if you want, I don't want this specific threat to get too derailed from it's original topic.
 
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Sketcher

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But it is still heartbreaking at times. I was once so heartbroken that I still had this "hole inside of me" feeling linger for a day to week after. Actually, that feeling happened to me twice. I had a crush on this girl that I knew in HS that was going through stuff and she became a Christian afterwards. Flash-forward several years later and I'm talking to her on messenger for a weekend and on the last night, I found out that she was pregnant and somebody else already taken her instead. She wasn't married to him yet even though he planned to marry her to raise the baby together. Also she was model-level league in terms of looks, and she was also a Christian. So it broke my heart bad and also made me feel more disenfranchised in Christianity.
This seems to indicate that her walk was nothing special. She's not worth as much as you imagined. She had looks and presumably forgiveness, but you gave no indication that she had integrity or character. I hope this helps you move on.
 
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Sketcher

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Have you ever had the thought that God may be protecting you from something?
The logical conclusion of that is that it's safer to be single for life. If that's the case, there's no point in putting any effort into attracting, pursuing, or dating women, which will mean for quite a few guys out there, that they will never get married. For them personally, that means no legitimate outlet for sexual pressure. And if there are good women in the church who would have noticed them, these guys checking out is bad for them too. But if pursuing a woman is a bad risk, might as well check out.
 
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DragonFox91

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I had a rough sleeptime last night. Very inordinary for me. Lots of dreams/thoughts about women/singleness: failing, running out of time, making no progress, frustration & jealousy of couples I know, strange fantasies, being a loser. Now it's morning & everything feels wrong & I feel exhausted & like a total loser & failure. I've been doing so good the past few months but it's all a lie. It's just a mask over the problem.

Mind if I ask in which way?
Seeing all the couples my age. It hurts. I know you've said similar things about church. I feel it too.

It seems like church is a trigger.
 
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ReesePiece23

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I had a rough sleeptime last night. Very inordinary for me. Lots of dreams/thoughts about women/singleness: failing, running out of time, making no progress, frustration & jealousy of couples I know, strange fantasies, being a loser. Now it's morning & everything feels wrong & I feel exhausted & like a total loser & failure. I've been doing so good the past few months but it's all a lie. It's just a mask over the problem.


Seeing all the couples my age. It hurts. I know you've said similar things about church. I feel it too.

It seems like church is a trigger.

You've got to do something now to stop this dive. Absolutely NOTHING good will come from a revolving thought loop. Usually I'd encourage someone to challenge their perceptions, but YOU just need to switch off entirely. Forget 'cookie cutter expectations' forget your purpose, forget yourself. Just be an inanimate object for a while.

If you have any holiday owed, take a few days - or even a week, and switch off the internet, put the phone on flight mode and get out into nature. You absolutely need to channel into a new frequency and break the cycle.

Whenever I have depression, the first thing I try to identify is my current routine. Ten times out of ten, my issue WILL reside within the construction of my day. Did I bounce straight out of bed and go to the park for silent prayer? Or did I hit snooze, roll over, and then slowly come round while checking Instagram?

Sometimes entire days have been built on poor behaviour. All it takes is ONE positive change and the domino effect will ripple down the line and will turn my entire outlook around.

As humans, we are the problem and the solution.
 
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DragonFox91

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You've got to do something now to stop this dive. Absolutely NOTHING good will come from a revolving thought loop. Usually I'd encourage someone to challenge their perceptions, but YOU just need to switch off entirely. Forget 'cookie cutter expectations' forget your purpose, forget yourself. Just be an inanimate object for a while.

If you have any holiday owed, take a few days - or even a week, and switch off the internet, put the phone on flight mode and get out into nature. You absolutely need to channel into a new frequency and break the cycle.

Whenever I have depression, the first thing I try to identify is my current routine. Ten times out of ten, my issue WILL reside within the construction of my day. Did I bounce straight out of bed and go to the park for silent prayer? Or did I hit snooze, roll over, and then slowly come round while checking Instagram?

Sometimes entire days have been built on poor behaviour. All it takes is ONE positive change and the domino effect will ripple down the line and will turn my entire outlook around.

As humans, we are the problem and the solution.
No! Trying to bury it by finding distractions accomplishes nothing. It doesn't solve anything. It's just a mask. It helps w/ some symptoms but doesn't solve the overall problem! I was doing really well the past few months. Spring/summer is here so been able to get outside more, trying to set up an aquarium, biking, golfing, seeing my friend every weekend, etc. Then yesterday it just struck that it's really all fake.

I have vacation days coming up. I am seeing some family from out-of-state. They are about my age & married to middle school sweethearts w/ great jobs, 3-4 kids each, houses, dogs, white picket fence, very faithful to God, the whole 9 yards, & I am super-anxious about that. I don't want to see them b/c it's always a massive trigger. My brain just shuts down around them. One family member my age is kind of in a similar situation to me, but he has a disability so unfortunately I am not able to not participate in this b/c I know I need to provide him company. But I have a really bad thought: I can't help feeling something's wrong w/ me, like I'm not 'normal' enough to get GF so it's like I have a freakin' disability too.

Then it's a long weekend for the 4th so I decided to play some video games, which is something I don't do a lot, but I couldn't help but feeling like I'm still just a little kid who has to play video games, like I'm the nerd girls don't want to date b/c they're too nerdy. I know lots of married/dating men my age play video games, but it seems to be the default thought: oh if you don't have a girlfriend then you must play video games all day. I used to have those kinds of thoughts all the time, not as much anymore b/c I stopped playing video games, but they resurfaced this weekend.

If you lose at your dreams then what are you but a loser.
 
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ReesePiece23

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No! Trying to bury it by finding distractions accomplishes nothing. It doesn't solve anything. It's just a mask. It helps w/ some symptoms but doesn't solve the overall problem! I was doing really well the past few months. Spring/summer is here so been able to get outside more, trying to set up an aquarium, biking, golfing, seeing my friend every weekend, etc. Then yesterday it just struck that it's really all fake.

I have vacation days coming up. I am seeing some family from out-of-state. They are about my age & married to middle school sweethearts w/ great jobs, 3-4 kids each, houses, dogs, white picket fence, very faithful to God, the whole 9 yards, & I am super-anxious about that. I don't want to see them b/c it's always a massive trigger. My brain just shuts down around them. One family member my age is kind of in a similar situation to me, but he has a disability so unfortunately I am not able to not participate in this b/c I know I need to provide him company. But I have a really bad thought: I can't help feeling something's wrong w/ me, like I'm not 'normal' enough to get GF so it's like I have a freakin' disability too.

Then it's a long weekend for the 4th so I decided to play some video games, which is something I don't do a lot, but I couldn't help but feeling like I'm still just a little kid who has to play video games, like I'm the nerd girls don't want to date b/c they're too nerdy. I know lots of married/dating men my age play video games, but it seems to be the default thought: oh if you don't have a girlfriend then you must play video games all day. I used to have those kinds of thoughts all the time, not as much anymore b/c I stopped playing video games, but they resurfaced this weekend.

If you lose at your dreams then what are you but a loser.

What I'm suggesting is a pit stop to top up the tank, refill the water reservoir and grease the bearings. Because at the moment you sound like a clapped out motor that's about to drive cross country without a full service.

Ever seen an engine overheat? You don't just grind your journey to a halt but you also write the vehicle off about two miles in. A full service NOW prevents that. And the only way you EVER become a loser is by being mule-headed and stubborn.

But what would I know? Nothing apparently.
 
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