Might be potentially triggering. Dunno if this can be posted here.

Do you believe the scriptures? I mean *really* believe them? Then how can you say you're not special when God put such a great price on you? His only-begotten Son? If you really believe this, then you should know you're holding a lie in your right hand and you should refuse it.

I mean, think about this. You say you need Jesus, but then you devalue his gift by saying he died for a worthless cause!! Who's right? Him or you?

There are many different therapist. I would seek out a therapist that uses cognitive therapy. Your depression seems deeper than can be dealt with on a open forum.

The secular media puts out a lot of negative messages, about people being terrible and humanity being a mistake and such. This influences how people think and makes them more likely to treat others poorly. God does not see people as worthless.

"What is man that You are mindful of him, or the son of man that You care for him? You made him a little lower than the angels; You crowned him with glory and honor."

What do you want Jesus to do for you?

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 1 Corinthians 1

Neostarwcc said:

This has gone far enough, I need advice and I need Jesus and he just isn't there for me during whole my life. I'm sick of feeling like I'm worthless and like I'm a waste of space. Whenever I inconvenience someone else I get so depressed I feel like smashing my head into the wall yet I have no problem inconveniencing myself for others or basically being their slave. Whenever someone says I'm not worthless and I'm not a waste of space I get angry because I feel like I am. I mean, I've only been deemed the least likely of being special my whole life. I've only endured a near lifetime of physical and verbal abuse. I'm so used to people saying that I'm nothing that I've come to completely believe it.

I care nothing about myself and yes, God never blessed me with good looks so I don't see the point in even taking care of myself. Everytime I look in the mirror I just wonder how God could love something like me or basically the age old question "Why would God have bothered to die for someone like me?"

I have no clue. I'm not special, I'm not talented, I'm not anything. I just exist to be a slave of others. Can someday explain to me why I feel this way and why I suffer so much in my everyday life. I want to know why.

I was in counseling for years but just recently stopped talking to my counselor because I felt like she did nothing for me. I only even started counseling because I was mentally hospitalized a few years ago because a psychotic and manic episode and they asked me if I had a therapist, I said no and they were like "Why?" I didn't have an answer so I started therapy. Now I know why, because therapy and everyone's new age buhddist mumbo jumbo way of treating psychotic people doesn't work. I don't need a counselor. I need Jesus and I need my family. Not my mom or dad or sister but my REAL family.

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Yes, you are right. I noticed after coming to CF that people in the West run to the psychiatrist for the slightest feeling of stress. That's not the case in other parts of the world.You are right that they do not work but only makes it worse. Its a demon whispering negative things about yourself in your head. It happens to many of us. Here is a video that I just saw 'bout 2-3 days back and could be helpful for you to realize what you are dealing with. Oh! and by the way, lately I too have been wishing for my REAL family and not the one I have been born into. I have been praying for that too. God Bless.

GospelS said:

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 1 Corinthians 1

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Correct! Also the last will be first and the first will be last Matthew 20:16

longwait said:

Yes, you are right. I noticed after coming to CF that people in the West run to the psychiatrist for the slightest feeling of stress. That's not the case in other parts of the world.You are right that they do not work but only makes it worse. Its a demon whispering negative things about yourself in your head. It happens to many of this. Here is a video that I just saw 'bout 2-3 days back and could be helpful for you to realize what you are dealing with. Oh! and by the way, lately I too have been wishing for my REAL family and not the one I have been born into. I have been praying for that too. God Bless.

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I'm curious, what makes you think that mental help professionals don't work, and what qualifies you to say that? Reality is they have a tremendous track record of helping people. I don't discount that reality of demonic activity, but one needs to open themselves up to it. Normally this happens when messing with sorcery in any form.
As for her feeling her therapist did nothing for her. When that happens she needs to find one that she can work with. Christian therapist are sometimes difficult to find, and many specular therapist believe that fundamental Christian beliefs can be part of the patients problem, and that is so wrong.

Neostarwcc said:

This has gone far enough, I need advice and I need Jesus and he just isn't there for me during whole my life. I'm sick of feeling like I'm worthless and like I'm a waste of space. Whenever I inconvenience someone else I get so depressed I feel like smashing my head into the wall yet I have no problem inconveniencing myself for others or basically being their slave. Whenever someone says I'm not worthless and I'm not a waste of space I get angry because I feel like I am.

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Forget about the opinions of the people around you; what does God say about you? It's really His view of you that truly matters. Trying to live on the basis of meeting the expectations of everyone else is a recipe for constant frustration.

Neostarwcc said:

I mean, I've only been deemed the least likely of being special my whole life. I've only endured a near lifetime of physical and verbal abuse. I'm so used to people saying that I'm nothing that I've come to completely believe it.

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And so, it sounds like it's time to start embracing God's perspective on you. Again, His perspective on you is, by far, the most important.

Neostarwcc said:

I care nothing about myself...

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Uh, this is baloney. Re-read the first paragraph of your OP.

Neostarwcc said:

Everytime I look in the mirror I just wonder how God could love something like me or basically the age old question "Why would God have bothered to die for someone like me?"

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But if you truly care nothing for yourself, why are you asking such a question? You're deceiving yourself, it seems.

Neostarwcc said:

I have no clue. I'm not special, I'm not talented, I'm not anything. I just exist to be a slave of others. Can someday explain to me why I feel this way and why I suffer so much in my everyday life. I want to know why.

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Because Self is in control of you, not God. We only get bent about ourselves when we are self-centered; we only wish we were more when Self is on the throne of our hearts. When God rules in us, we aren't looking inward at ourselves but at God, joyfully preoccupied with Him and His excellency.

Neostarwcc said:

Now I know why, because therapy and everyone's new age buhddist mumbo jumbo way of treating psychotic people doesn't work. I don't need a counselor. I need Jesus and I need my family.

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Not quite: You only really need Jesus. God is determined that we should come to understand this as fully as possible. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. And he is these things alone, not in connection with anything else. Any time you start thinking its Jesus plus x, y, or z, you are headed for trouble.

RBPerry said:

I'm curious, what makes you think that mental help professionals don't work, and what qualifies you to say that? Reality is they have a tremendous track record of helping people. I don't discount that reality of demonic activity, but one needs to open themselves up to it. Normally this happens when messing with sorcery in any form.
As for her feeling her therapist did nothing for her. When that happens she needs to find one that she can work with. Christian therapist are sometimes difficult to find, and many specular therapist believe that fundamental Christian beliefs can be part of the patients problem, and that is so wrong.

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Its not that they don't help at all but I noticed that in the West its so normal to run to the psychiatrists for everything. That's all. Some emotional issues we should try to fix ourselves with God's help and not run to humans for every answer. In the modern era we turn to everything else other than God to fix our minutest of problems.

Rachel20 said:

Do you believe the scriptures? I mean *really* believe them? Then how can you say you're not special when God put such a great price on you? His only-begotten Son? If you really believe this, then you should know you're holding a lie in your right hand and you should refuse it.

I mean, think about this. You say you need Jesus, but then you devalue his gift by saying he died for a worthless cause!! Who's right? Him or you?

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I get what OP is saying. A lot of people need an experience with God for the word to get in thwir hearts. For it to become a reality. Your experience creates your beliefs.

Macchiato said:

I get what OP is saying. A lot of people need an experience with God for the word to get in thwir hearts. For it to become a reality. Your experience creates your beliefs.

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What does it mean, then, for the "just to walk by faith"? There are a great many things God says are true of us spiritually for which we will have no supporting concrete experience. We are "crucified with Christ" (Romans 6; Galatians 2:20; Galatians 5:24; Colossians 3:1-3, etc.), the Bible says. How do you know this is so but for the claim of Scripture that it is? The Bible indicates that the Christian is a "co-heir with Christ" (Romans 8:17), that the Christian is seated with him in heaven (Ephesians 2:6), that they are freed from the power of sin in Jesus (Romans 6:1-11) and so on. How do you know any of these things are true except by the proclamation of Scripture? You must take them on faith as being true; you must trust what God says in His word, regardless of what your experience might be. Doing so is a fundamental part of spiritual maturity.

God does "show up." He did so in the Person of Jesus Christ 2000 years ago, of course, and He reveals Himself to us in the Person of the Holy Spirit today. I'm not talking about the crazy, roll-on-the-floor, laugh-like-a-maniac stuff of the hyper-charismatic fringe but what the Bible clearly says will be the common, day-to-day experience of the Spirit by every truly born-again believer:

Conviction of sin (John 16:8)
Illumination of God's truth (John 14:26; 1 Corinthians 2:12-13)
Strengthening in times of temptation and trial (Ephesians 3:16; Romans 8:13)
Transformation of desires and behaviour (Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:13)
Discipline (Hebrews 12:5-11)
Peace and rest (Matthew 11:28-30; John 14:27; Romans 8:6, etc.)

Does this describe your life in Christ? Has this been your experience of God?

aiki said:

What does it mean, then, for the "just to walk by faith"? There are a great many things God says are true of us spiritually for which we will have no supporting concrete experience. We are "crucified with Christ" (Romans 6; Galatians 2:20; Galatians 5:24; Colossians 3:1-3, etc.), the Bible says. How do you know this is so but for the claim of Scripture that it is? The Bible indicates that the Christian is a "co-heir with Christ" (Romans 8:17), that the Christian is seated with him in heaven (Ephesians 2:6), that they are freed from the power of sin in Jesus (Romans 6:1-11) and so on. How do you know any of these things are true except by the proclamation of Scripture? You must take them on faith as being true; you must trust what God says in His word, regardless of what your experience might be. Doing so is a fundamental part of spiritual maturity.

God does "show up." He did so in the Person of Jesus Christ 2000 years ago, of course, and He reveals Himself to us in the Person of the Holy Spirit today. I'm not talking about the crazy, roll-on-the-floor, laugh-like-a-maniac stuff of the hyper-charismatic fringe but what the Bible clearly says will be the common, day-to-day experience of the Spirit by every truly born-again believer:

Conviction of sin (John 16:8)
Illumination of God's truth (John 14:26; 1 Corinthians 2:12-13)
Strengthening in times of temptation and trial (Ephesians 3:16; Romans 8:13)
Transformation of desires and behaviour (Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:13)
Discipline (Hebrews 12:5-11)
Peace and rest (Matthew 11:28-30; John 14:27; Romans 8:6, etc.)

Does this describe your life in Christ? Has this been your experience of God?

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Even when God interacts with us. Whether speaking to us, answering prayer, perform healing on our behalf those are all experiences.

Macchiato said:

Even when God interacts with us. Whether speaking to us, answering prayer, perform healing on our behalf those are all experiences.

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Yes. Very true. But why do we pray? Why do we think God will interact with us at all? Because His word, the Bible, says He will. As we believe the testimony of Scripture, as we put our faith in the promises of God's word, we then act in accord with it. We pray because the Bible tells us to do so; we believe we are born-again spiritually by faith in Jesus Christ as our Saviour and Lord because the Bible says so; we believe we have been crucified with Christ and freed from the power of sin because the Bible says so. As the Christian trusts those things the Bible says are true of them spiritually, it is then that they begin to experience the reality of them in their daily living. But, typically, it is always faith first, then experience.

Rachel20 said:

Do you believe the scriptures? I mean *really* believe them? Then how can you say you're not special when God put such a great price on you? His only-begotten Son?

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I find this argument false. God did not sacrifice his son for one person. He sacrificed his son for hundreds or thousands of billion people who would come to live on earth after his death.

RBPerry said:

There are many different therapist. I would seek out a therapist that uses cognitive therapy. Your depression seems deeper than can be dealt with on a open forum.

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The OP does not seem to suffer from depression. Instead he seems to suffer from self-deprecation / low self-evaluation.

mkdrive2 said:

The OP does not seem to suffer from depression. Instead he seems to suffer from self-deprecation / low self-evaluation.

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I don't see why they're mutually exclusive. I have family members who struggle with depression, and in many cases, they are caused by a feeling of worthlessness due to being unable to achieve their dreams, goals or whatever standard of success they have hung themselves onto, and/or being underappreciated by others, especially loved ones.

mkdrive2 said:

I find this argument false. God did not sacrifice his son for one person. He sacrificed his son for hundreds or thousands of billion people who would come to live on earth after his death.

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And just because his sacrifice managed to save many, he cannot demonstrate individual love/concern for an individual? That mindset is flawed. We tend to think "a million is statistics" because it is humanly impossible for a person to care for a hundreds and thousands and millions of individuals. That is not so with God, who is almighty, and is capable of showering an individual with all the care that they need, while attending to billions of others (Luke 12:6-7).

Especially since the OP is a Calvinist, I assume that he believes in "definite atonement", i.e. that God's salvation is applied to specific individuals, of which he is a part.

Admittedly, when we see other Christians (or even non-Christians) whose lives seem more fruitful and whose faith seems to shine brighter, it's tempting to see ourselves as merely an afterthought, a useless reed accidentally caught up among the truer harvest. I have a similar tendency to think like the OP (of not wanting to be a burden to others, to be quick to be despondent and self-loathing whenever I intrude to another's life), though perhaps not to the same extent.

But a friend of mine once said, and it might do well to reflect on it, is that we are made in the image of God, and He had chosen us to dwell among and within his people, and identifies with us to such an extent that any good/harm done towards His people is also directed at him (Matthew 25:31-46; Acts 9:4). To say to ourselves that we are stupid, weak and nothing, is the same as saying that God, who had made and then redeemed us, is likewise stupid, weak and nothing.

"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in your midst?" (1 Corinthians 3:16)

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;" (1 Corinthians 6:19)

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well." (Psalm 139:13-14)

Neostarwcc said:

I was in counseling for years but just recently stopped talking to my counselor because I felt like she did nothing for me. I only even started counseling because I was mentally hospitalized a few years ago because a psychotic and manic episode and they asked me if I had a therapist, I said no and they were like "Why?" I didn't have an answer so I started therapy. Now I know why, because therapy and everyone's new age buhddist mumbo jumbo way of treating psychotic people doesn't work. I don't need a counselor. I need Jesus and I need my family. Not my mom or dad or sister but my REAL family.

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Well, I hope we can serve as that family to show guidance, Biblical counsel and general support you as you struggle with your personal issues and how it affects your relationship with Christ. However, the fact that we are not physically with you means that we won't be able to give tangible help where you need it, and I pray that you find a community (whether from church or an informal Christian fellowship) that could do so.

When my mother was hit with depression, being a part of a bible study group and small group was one of the things that helped her to recover.