- Dec 13, 2015
- 5,254
- 4,227
- 37
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Calvinist
- Marital Status
- Married
This has gone far enough, I need advice and I need Jesus and he just isn't there for me during whole my life. I'm sick of feeling like I'm worthless and like I'm a waste of space. Whenever I inconvenience someone else I get so depressed I feel like smashing my head into the wall yet I have no problem inconveniencing myself for others or basically being their slave. Whenever someone says I'm not worthless and I'm not a waste of space I get angry because I feel like I am. I mean, I've only been deemed the least likely of being special my whole life. I've only endured a near lifetime of physical and verbal abuse. I'm so used to people saying that I'm nothing that I've come to completely believe it.
I care nothing about myself and yes, God never blessed me with good looks so I don't see the point in even taking care of myself. Everytime I look in the mirror I just wonder how God could love something like me or basically the age old question "Why would God have bothered to die for someone like me?"
I have no clue. I'm not special, I'm not talented, I'm not anything. I just exist to be a slave of others. Can someday explain to me why I feel this way and why I suffer so much in my everyday life. I want to know why.
I was in counseling for years but just recently stopped talking to my counselor because I felt like she did nothing for me. I only even started counseling because I was mentally hospitalized a few years ago because a psychotic and manic episode and they asked me if I had a therapist, I said no and they were like "Why?" I didn't have an answer so I started therapy. Now I know why, because therapy and everyone's new age buhddist mumbo jumbo way of treating psychotic people doesn't work. I don't need a counselor. I need Jesus and I need my family. Not my mom or dad or sister but my REAL family.
I care nothing about myself and yes, God never blessed me with good looks so I don't see the point in even taking care of myself. Everytime I look in the mirror I just wonder how God could love something like me or basically the age old question "Why would God have bothered to die for someone like me?"
I have no clue. I'm not special, I'm not talented, I'm not anything. I just exist to be a slave of others. Can someday explain to me why I feel this way and why I suffer so much in my everyday life. I want to know why.
I was in counseling for years but just recently stopped talking to my counselor because I felt like she did nothing for me. I only even started counseling because I was mentally hospitalized a few years ago because a psychotic and manic episode and they asked me if I had a therapist, I said no and they were like "Why?" I didn't have an answer so I started therapy. Now I know why, because therapy and everyone's new age buhddist mumbo jumbo way of treating psychotic people doesn't work. I don't need a counselor. I need Jesus and I need my family. Not my mom or dad or sister but my REAL family.