so even if my ultimate goal is to be free from it and not do it forever and i stay repentant during my struggles its still not me getting real forgiveness?
I don't believe so. After all, even Paul admits that he struggles with his sinful nature when he wrote to the Romans 7:14-25:
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.
For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
"So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
And remember, that when we act as we shouldn't, we are sinning against God, who once teaches to forgive a brother who had sinned against us up to "seventy times seven times" (Matthew 18:22).
As long as you are sincere and you don't start to take God's forgiveness for granted or start to abuse it as a permission to stop walking righteously, then "he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)
Personally, I wish we could simply lose all our desires to sin and gain all the moment we accept Christ, but that isn't how the Christian life works. If we liken our coming to faith (or "justification") as a new birth, then I suppose the subsequent process of sanctification is like the newborn child's slow growth into maturity, where we'd repeatedly stumble and fall before we can stand upright.
God promises to be there in the steps we take, though, working in us both to "will and work for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13). Sometimes, we get frustrated by our lack of progress and start to feel that changing is impossible, but Jesus assures us that, ""What is impossible with man is possible with God." (Luke 18:27)
Perhaps it's also good to cry out to God and ask for his help when temptation comes and we feel overwhelmed by the desire to indulge in the flesh, because our self-produced efforts and will-power to truly come to God is not enough to reach Him. But He is enough to reach us.