Prayers and advice please

ArmyMatt said:

all I can really say is prayers for you. hang in there.

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ArmyMatt said:

I made mistakes like that back in the day. then I stopped actively looking and I met my wife.

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tryphena rose said:

Don't be hard on yourself brother. Take your grievances and cast your cares upon the Lord. A wounded heart takes time to heal, but God is faithful. I'd take this time to better focus on growing in Christ and in relationship with Him. Meditate on His word, grow deeper in prayer, memorize scriptures which really comfort your heart. When you feel you are ready and able to move forward in seeking a wife, that'd be a good time to bring that to the Lord in prayer.

My husband wanted a Christian woman to marry and as a child he always prayed for his future wife. I find this so sweet and touching as I had a rough childhood, felt very much alone and it's amazing to think someone was always praying for me. He wasn't looking for anyone to date at the time he met me. But low and behold, I was also an atheist. My husband says he definitely grew in feelings for me, but it was hard since I wasn't a believer and he knew he had to tell me the truth if he really loved me. God used my husband in a mighty way to witness to me and show me the love of Christ, despite how hard I fought against it. All this to say, God's timing is perfect and His plans are far different then ours. His plans for us are far greater then we can imagine.

It can be a cliché line, but I do believe things work out or don't work out for a reason. She may not have been the woman God means for you to be with, despite you coming to believe so. This may also be a time God wants you to grow in a different way. Don't be too down. There could be a lot of positives to this. Praying for you.

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tryphena rose said:

And that's really rough...I can only imagine how hurt you must feel. Especially considering the journey to marriage is an exciting one. But have faith and God will supply for you brother. God saw that Adam wasn't fit to be alone and gave him Eve, and if you so strongly desire to marry, I'm sure the Lord will answer your prayers.

Another thing I'd like to share is I lost my baby brother at the age of 8 in a major car accident. It's one of the main reasons I rejected God and became a atheist in the first place. But the moment I accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior, he healed my heart that instant and gave me full understanding of Him being King and Lord over all the earth. Since then, I haven't cried over my brothers death. From my experience, God can truly heal any wound and mend any broken heart. Trust Him.

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ArmyMatt said:

I just let God take over when I would go out to pubs or whatever. and usually I would go out with friends.

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rusmeister said:

As an old dog that looked for years, I’d echo Fr Matt. Stop looking means “Do other things”. I’m not so hot on pubs as a recommendation. Charity and volunteer work is great, though, and doing stuff with friends is good, too. When you are somewhere doing that something else, the people you meet won’t feel like you are “hunting”. You will really be busy somewhere doing some good, and not for profit. I spent my late teens and early to mid twenties in useless searching. It was when I was volunteering as an older university student (I did my military time before college, making me one of those older and more mature undergrads) for the university to help (and live with!) visiting Russian exchange students that I met my future wife. I was doing those other things (taking them to the state parks, getting free tickets to concerts for them, finding what they needed and solving their problems, learning their language while they were learning mine, so everybody felt safe.

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ArmyMatt said:

I didn't actively look for a girlfriend.

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Lawrence87 said:

Heartbreak is tough, before converting I had a series of relationships that didn't work out in the end. So whilst I might not be an expert in sustaining relationships, I am well versed in picking yourself back up after a broken one...

Stay busy, the worst thing you can do is wallow in the sadness. Try to fill your time with things. Learn a language, pick a Gospel and study it in depth, learn an instrument... Find things to take your mind away from your sorrows. This is not going to work 100% you will feel low at times, but with more and more time those feelings will past as you adjust to your life without them.

Try not to give in to the voice of despair, just because it didn't work out with one person doesn't mean you are doomed to a life of solitude. And try not to allow the voice of despair to push you into putting yourself 'out there' too soon. You've had a period of time where your focus was on another person, and that can be great, but you have some time for yourself now, don't rush to fill the void with another person. Heal a bit first. A reasonable marker for being ready to start thinking about someone else is that you find yourself moderately content (of course nothing is ever perfect) you should wait until you are more balanced and the pangs of sorrow and pining for your lost love have diminished substantially.

Closure is rare. We all want things to be tied off neatly in a bow, and we tell ourselves that is what we require in order to be able to move on. But such a neat ending to a relationship is rare if not non-existent. There is no email to send that will make you feel okay, no last conversation that will give you closure. The best way to move on is to say 'well that was messy, horrible, and traumatic, but it is done now' there is nothing to add, or take away. The closure has already happened, you just have to accept that it wasn't as neat as you would have hoped. Once a relationship is definitely off, remaining in contact is rarely ever a good thing, it just prolongs the heartbreak.

That is some of what I learned through my pre-Christian life. In terms of what I would suggest as a Christian; speak to your Priest. Having someone to talk to about everything, every feeling and temptation etc. will help greatly. He may well have counselled many people in similar positions, and will probably have some decent Christian advice.

Above all else trust God.

I will pray for you.

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Dorothea said:

Everyone has given such great advice. I think Lawrence is spot on. Also, try to be patient. The last thing you want to do is rush into a relationship and end up in an unhealthy marriage. Just from my past rocky experiences. Prayers for you!

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