What do you look for in a potential spouse?

Sincerity, compassion, femininity, honesty, respect, value, a genuine heart for God, passion, gentleness.

2 years down the road, she will not nag me 24/7 to become something I'm not

Nor shout at me at the top of her lungs.
Really, some basic, practical stuff!!

I like guys who are friendly,funny,and Godly.

I like traditional. Going to church, close to her family.

I think I need someone who 'gets' me. I have a history of anxiety. I've come a long ways, but I need someone who understands that history. That's a big one for me.

So interestingly I did a little bit of thought on some of that as I've been going through the online dating experience. What I will be looking for versus what I put on my profile may be different, so as not to close off potentials that the Lord might have for me. The Lord can always change my thought process on somethings. As I date and have gotten closer to a serious relationship things have become more and more defined and I've been able to figure out what probably will work for me.

First of all someone who is compassionate and will understand the rest that I need for systemic lupus or the unpredictability of what can happen with that. Also a compassionate heart to be by my side when the time comes to take care of my parents and their land.

Humble and teachable heart

Fruits of the spirit demonstrated in some way and their life and growth.

Fiscally conservative and making plans for retirement.

Our conversation just flows and we never grow tired of talking with one another and listening and learning from one another.

They're different in some way that I can grow and they can grow.

Patience, an area I'm lacking in. Also patience with my lack of experience in relationships. Not having the expectations you might with someone who has been married before or in a long-term relationship. I don't come with the past hurts of past relationships but I do come with more hesitancy than maybe some others. It takes a lot to get into my bubble.

Active lifestyle and long-term plan for health.

Some kind of demonstrated Faith history that shows development and equal yoking. I prefer that he would be more of the teacher but I'm not going to be picky about that.

They have to be willing to relocate to where I live, since I cannot relocate for the next 10 years as I plan to look after my parents.

Big bonus, a nice voice. I'm usually attracted to certain types of voices. Another bonus would be if he is taller than me, I'm 5'8. I would love if he has traveled or lived abroad like myself, but I won't be picky about that either. I don't think I've dated or gone on dates with someone that is similar in that area. I just need someone with an open sense for adventure and has a willingness to understand a childlike spirit that I have.

......

- Be a born-again Christ follower.
- Must not have a living spouse/ex spouse, no exceptions (Matthew 5:32, Matthew 7:24-27). If this means I remain single, then I'm going to remain single because I am not going to build my house on the sand of a union that is even potentially illegitimate.

- Be respectful, part of this is giving me space.
- Honor agreements, even if you don't feel like it.
- Be kind and forgiving.
- Be honest, trustworthy, and open.
- Take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions.
- Be faithful to me and to God.
- Don't overspend.
- Give me bedroom fun freely and often.
- Cook well (I'll even cook with you).
- Be a good and responsible caretaker of children.
- Have good, conservative values.
- Avoid pseudo-factual conspiracy theories and hearsay.

- Be understanding and patient with me; I will probably be fighting some deep issues I have tooth and nail just trying to get a relationship established with you. Do not mistake this for desperation or for an unwillingness to work on myself.

• Self-awareness with a commitment to growth and change and an adaptable spirit.
• Faith in God. I won’t tell you how it looks or what it means. That’s between you and the Lord.
• Grounding, practicality, and a strong work ethic.
• Calm and sober-minded. Not prone to complaints, rants, or negativity.
• Healthy self-esteem with experience working through failings and a willingness to tackle problems head on.
• No codependency, excessive need for validation, hero or white knight complex.
• A love of travel, adventure, and working towards shared goals.
• A passion for life of his own volition. Not because of me or anyone else.
• An ability to fail, start again, and own his mistakes.
• Comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t try to change me.
• Someone who values a lady and desires a princess.
• Wholesome. I appreciate poise, good conversation, and laughter.

Bonus points if he’s good with photography and video.

~bella

Good chemistry
Low-key
Not easily swayed
More of a saver than a spender
Imaginative
Not given to smoking, drinking, or drugs
Likes nature, but also appreciates modern conveniences
Stays in shape, but isn't competitive about it
On good terms with her family
Personal faith
Long-term single, rather than recently out of a long-term relationship
Never married
Doesn’t have kids, but might want to someday
Informal lifelong learner
Has artistic, crafty, or musical hobbies
An old soul
Young at heart
Doesn’t see a contradiction between the previous two

-Youthfulness, preferably a woman at least several years younger than myself.
The most important preference for me by far. Vital to the masculine/female dynamic.

-Friendly.
I do not want to deal with a woman who has emotional issues, nor one who likes to engage in drama. In this increasingly infantilized culture a woman who is genuinely a nice person is worth more and more in it's weight of gold.

-A woman who naturally doesn't form too many independent thoughts of her own.
These last few years I've discovered that I really cannot deal with outspoken women. Two people with strong opinions in a relationship end up clashing and have drama. While probably not best for future offspring I wouldn't even mind being with a woman with a slightly below average IQ, as long as she's bubbly, friendly and a joy to be around.

Reminds me of a song from the movie Mulan. Where Mulan who is dressed as a man suggests to the other guys that a woman who speaks her mind could be an attractive trait to men.. and the other guys think about it for a second.. then go... "naahhh".

When I was younger and watched that film I thought that scene was ridiculous and incredibly sexist. As I have gotten older I've learned to appreciate such sentiments more and more. A strongly opinionated woman can also yearn for a man who doesn't have a very strong drive to voice his own thoughts.. it's simply a preference and one that is actually probably healthy to want relationship wise.

As someone who finds it rather easy to be single and sleeps like a baby alone.. while I do want to get married.. I'm not really desperate for marriage either. So if a woman does not meet the criteria listed above.. she'd most likely end up being mostly a burden and would only lower my quality of life. I'll happily just be single instead. An unusual amount of relatives never married (all women who were decently attractive, wasn't for the lack of options). Like me and probably genetic.. they never had a strong need to have to be with someone.

I've had proposals. When I contemplate this question I'm referencing the two who brought me nearest to the altar.

It's difficult to articulate my needs. I've had it more than once. But I've learned I won't marry a man I can't follow.

I've met my share of nice guys. They say the right things. But they don't stir my soul. I thought I could live without it. I can't.

There was a time I dd as I pleased. But my grandparents deaths changed me. Who am I to balk tradition. Their sacrifices created my plenty.

My grandmother told me to find a good man who was an excellent provider. Simple words on the surface. But I knew what she meant. Get someone like your grandfather.

He's a patriarch. You don't find that in every corner. But her words remain. I have a duty. I've come close.

That's what I'm waiting for. I don't care about the narrative. I want to honor them.

I don't know if most are seeking someone like a grandparent. He took the ball of clay and made it beautiful. There would be no bella without them. All that I am I owe to their vision.

~bella