Im sick of talking about this but I... Just cant.

It's very strange that on the one hand your wife appears to want you to take control, be the head of the home and yet on the other hand she's being dismissive or punishing you for taking control of your life, making decisions and sticking to them.

I was in a similar position about 10 years ago with WoW and it isn't healthy. I still play games every day or every other day but that's just my primary form of entertainment. That said, I'm glad I stopped the grinding on games like I used to because at some point you have to grow up and attend to other responsibilities, like you have done.

Have you sat down with your wife specifically to discuss the relationship, who you are, who you intend to be and ask her if she can accept that? Sometimes that's what it takes; devoting time to nothing other than putting all the cards on the table for a brutally honest conversation.

Neostarwcc said:

Im worthless and she means the world.

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There's the pesky little splinter that wants prising out.

The rest should fall into place from there.

Calvinist men who don't want to be "boss" but also don't want to be bossed are obviously meant to lead a celibate life. (1 Corinthians 7)

Yet for such a man who finds himself married then he has to find some way to 'count the situation as joy" meaning he has to look beyond his wife for assistance. And it begins with prayer and face-to-face counsel with a mature Christian brother.

Neostarwcc said:

I've made far too many topics about this over the years but with each day that passes things get worse and worse. I'm not in a happy marriage. I mean, I'm probably as happy as I'm ever going to be but my wife just isnt. She isn't happy that she took "my life" away and that I'm not the same person as I was before. Well first off, I dont WANT to be that conning, manipulative jerk who hated the world and spent his eternity conning people and basically playing WoW in his mothers basement. I want to change that and I want to live around my wife. It mostly doesn't bother me that im not the anime loving 36 hour grind loving WoW player she fell in love with.

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God didn't make you for your wife, or even for yourself. He made you for His purposes, to fulfill His will and to live His way in the world. When you neglect to order your life around this truth, when you live for your Self, or for your wife, the abundant life God promises to His children will remain largely a fantasy to you, a mere theoretical thing. If you want the rich, joyful life your Maker promises to all who walk rightly with Him, He must be in your life what He is in the universe: God Almighty, Ruler of Heaven and Earth. The more that He is truly God in your life, the more stable, holy, wise and restful your life will be.

God is the joy, the peace, the rest, the purity He offers to us. When we ask Him for peace, we are asking Him for Himself; when we ask Him for joy, we are asking Him for Himself, and so on. But so long as we remain seated on the throne of our heart, so long as we think we can rule our own lives, or be a "co-pilot" with God, sharing control of our thinking and living with Him, God stands back and waits. He has told us repeatedly in His word that the only way to truly walk with Him is as an inferior to a Superior, as servant to Master, creature to Creator, branch to Vine, and so on. As John the Baptist put it, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30)

How do we begin to "decrease" in our relationship with God? How do we put ourselves into the proper dynamic with God so that He might fill us with Himself and transform us? Submission. Yielding. Surrender. Humbling ourselves under His mighty hand.

Romans 6:13
13 and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.

Romans 6:22
22 But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.

Romans 8:14
14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

Romans 12:1
1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.

James 4:6-10
6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."
7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

1 Peter 5:6
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,

Most believers resist constant submission to God because they know changes will result - potentially significant ones. But our "job" is to submit, not change ourselves. We are to "let go" and "let God." He works in us as we submit to Him the ability and desire to do His will. (Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13) As this is so, we change naturally, even joyfully, giving up our cherished sins, the "gods" in our lives that compete with God, without strain and torment.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because submission to God, constant, conscious submission to Him, is the bedrock of walking with Him. Nothing else I could tell you about dealing with your wife, or being a spiritually-mature believer, is of any use until you are living in persistent, consistent surrender to your Maker.

Neostarwcc said:

I've made far too many topics about this over the years but with each day that passes things get worse and worse. I'm not in a happy marriage. I mean, I'm probably as happy as I'm ever going to be but my wife just isnt. She isn't happy that she took "my life" away and that I'm not the same person as I was before. Well first off, I dont WANT to be that conning, manipulative jerk who hated the world and spent his eternity conning people and basically playing WoW in his mothers basement. I want to change that and I want to live around my wife. It mostly doesn't bother me that im not the anime loving 36 hour grind loving WoW player she fell in love with.

She wants me to become more spiritual and to lead her into spiritual things. She wants me to yell at her everyday to clean this house and to do her chores since I do mine everyday. She wants a husband that isn't afraid of telling the truth even if it hurts instead of me who lies all the time in my vain effort to get her to stop worrying about e because I'm nothing and she is everything.

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It sounds like you have been growing in a positive way, and she wants you to grow in a different, positive way but she seems to have trouble expressing what she wants, and/or you seem to have trouble processing what she wants. Is that fair?

Neostarwcc said:

I just... wish my wife was as happy as I am with her being the dominant one instead of me. I'm not worth it enough to be dominant... Really. Plus if I was I would be torn apart in todays feminist world and by her family. I just... Cant take that im way too afraid. What do I do to keep my marriage? I cannot afford online therapy and she isnt responsive to it even when i give it to her. She just yells at me everytime i try and i grt afraid that sje will hit me as she's done before too.

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This is an unhealthy picture. If neither of you can shake the image of "dominant" meaning yelling and hitting to get your way, forget about being dominant. Be benevolently strong instead. How that benevolence and strength is expressed in your relationship is not something I can tell you, but "dominance" as described here is weak. It can do damage, but not a whole lot of good, and what you want is good rather than damage.

I am reading a book called Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, by Pete Walker. It is helping me, and you mentioned you have a 30 year history with an abusive father. It may help you as well. Please check it out on Amazon, maybe it will help you along the process of getting better.

Neostarwcc said:

Oh yeah, I've since grown up. I don't play video games that long anymore. My wife and I do play together but we generally only play for maybe 6 hours a day (We live alone together 24/7 so I think that's a big cut off compared to what I used to play)

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Would you stop playing altogether? Could you? What do you think God's view is of so much time devoted to something so useless and utterly distant from what He wants to do in and through you?

Neostarwcc said:

Honestly? I think you're right. I haven't had a talk with my wife in years. We've been married for seven, eight years however long its been now I forget. But, it's like I lost a large part of myself. Before I met my wife my mother was my world for almost 30 years and now that I'm married my wife is my world.

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And what about God? You really can't be anything like a good husband to your wife unless God is your world - as He is supposed to be.

Neostarwcc said:

Honestly, I don't know what the problem is. If I could identify it I could probably talk to her about it. I've done nothing but talk to God about this. He knows exactly what is wrong yet, I cannot read his mind either. It would be great if we could lol.

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I don't think you really want to know God's mind on your situation. Do you daily study His word as He's commanded all of His children to do? There's no way, if you were doing so, that you could miss where you're going wrong with Him - and with the rest of your life, as a result.