When you see a verse that says “born again” (John 3:5-9), keep in mind that this one isolated verse does not teach who, how, why, or when the Spirit gives the new birth.
Other Scriptures do teach us all about this, just as well have seen. So, before assuming an opinion onto a Passage, the wise thing to do would be to check to see if the Scriptures explain how it all happens that have to do with the born again experience. They do explain.
Lord Jesus did not leave Nicodemus hanging without a full answer to Nicodemus’ question “How can this be?” (Verse 9).
Read the rest of what Lord Jesus replied in response to Nicodemus’ question in John 3:13-18, and we see that it is by faith in Lord Jesus that a sinner is given eternal life – the life of the Spirit.
This is the life of the Spirit that those who believe would receive after Lord Jesus was glorified.
John 7:37-39 (WEB) 37 Now on the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink! 38 He who believes in me, as the Scripture has said, from within him will flow rivers of living water.” 39 But he said this about the Spirit, which those believing in him were to receive. For the Holy Spirit was not yet given, because Jesus wasn’t yet glorified.
John 4:13-14 (WEB)
13 Jesus answered her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again, 14 but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never thirst again; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”