Trust is Low

Gentle Lamb · Apr 16, 2021

My trust is low right now. In my dating history, several of the men came back and confessed, after we had dated, that they had cheated in those brief periods of dating (few short months). Married men have come after me and tried to have affair with me, though I ran once I discovered they were married. One was my neighbor right across the street, and I haven't yet been able to move away. (I never knew he was married, he lied when I asked about his marital history.) Now I have a Christian friend who was once quite close who is now committing adultery, knowingly. Then, in general with my friends I notice a lack of concern. Though they know I have an illness that I've been hospitalized with multiple times in my life, I don't really hear from them to check on me. Text messages to check in with friends go unanswered, offers to hang out go unmet. I mean I know people are busy but people find time for and prioritize what matters to them. On top of that I've had horrible experiences with people in churches to the point where I no longer want to be active in church anymore. How do I rebuild trust when trust is low?

musicalpilgrim · Apr 16, 2021

It is important in my life to be Christ centered.
Life is difficult at times, look to the Lord as people are not so reliable. They have their own concerns.
Reading Christian books can help a lot,1spend a lot of time reading. Starting Always daily Bible readings with meditations.
Spurgeon's verse for the day is Proverbs 10:24 "The desires of the righteous shall be granted"
As Spurgeon says 'Our chief desires are for holiness, usefulness, likeness to Christ, preparedness for heaven'.
"Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart'.
I pray that the Lord will bless you richly as you seek more of him in your life and his peace.

Hazelelponi · Apr 16, 2021

Gentle Lamb said:
How do I rebuild trust when trust is low?

I was physically abused and trusting any man that wasn't my son was an impossibility for me at one point. I was actually single for well over a decade (no dating, no sex, no male friends), while I worked it all out.

During that time I examined myself, what was I doing to attract such a person into my life? What could I do differently?

And then I examined how can I ever trust a man again... what are the warning signs to watch out for etc?

For the most part I got fairly deep into psychology and psychological profiling (both of myself and others) in order to figure it all out...

However, when I was done learning, I was able to find the man of my dreams, trust him implicitly - and know he's worth that trust - and feel safe with him. We are currently happily married, something I never thought I'd be able to have at one point.

It's just a road you have to travel to get there, just you, God and lots of books, but the upside is that when you lack trust you can learn the who, of who can be trusted, and along the way change things about yourself that are negative and/or attracting the wrong people.

Freth · Apr 16, 2021

Gentle Lamb said:
My trust is low right now. In my dating history, several of the men came back and confessed, after we had dated, that they had cheated in those brief periods of dating (few short months). Married men have come after me and tried to have affair with me, though I ran once I discovered they were married. One was my neighbor right across the street, and I haven't yet been able to move away. (I never knew he was married, he lied when I asked about his marital history.) Now I have a Christian friend who was once quite close who is now committing adultery, knowingly. Then, in general with my friends I notice a lack of concern. Though they know I have an illness that I've been hospitalized with multiple times in my life, I don't really hear from them to check on me. Text messages to check in with friends go unanswered, offers to hang out go unmet. I mean I know people are busy but people find time for and prioritize what matters to them. On top of that I've had horrible experiences with people in churches to the point where I no longer want to be active in church anymore. How do I rebuild trust when trust is low?

I've been dealing with this issue with people my whole life. The breaking of trust, in friendships, in relationships, in family. I've had a lot of time to reflect on it, having been through the pain of it all. Here are my own conclusions.

If someone breaks your trust, by all means be cautious with them, even remove them from your life if you deem it necessary.
People breaking your trust should not keep you from trusting new people in your life. Be the eternal optimist.
Hurt is a part of life, caused by sin. It will always come at you from some angle. It's how you deal with it and move forward that makes your life easier.
Take it to the Lord and let the weight off of your shoulders.
People are going to be who they are and you can't control that.
Just because someone breaks your trust doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad person. They may be struggling with their own issues of trust.
We are called to love others, so we should ever strive to love someone despite their faults and how they treat us.
Always take the high road. Don't allow yourself to become engaged in the drama.

Gentle Lamb · Apr 16, 2021

Freth said:
I've been dealing with this issue with people my whole life. The breaking of trust, in friendships, in relationships, in family. I've had a lot of time to reflect on it, having been through the pain of it all. Here are my own conclusions.

If someone breaks your trust, by all means be cautious with them, even remove them from your life if you deem it necessary.

People breaking your trust should not keep you from trusting new people in your life. Be the eternal optimist.

Hurt is a part of life, caused by sin. It will always come at you from some angle. It's how you deal with it and move forward that makes your life easier.

Take it to the Lord and let the weight off of your shoulders.

People are going to be who they are and you can't control that.

Just because someone breaks your trust doesn't necessarily mean they are a bad person. They may be struggling with their own issues of trust.

We are called to love others, so we should ever strive to love someone despite their faults and how they treat us.

Always take the high road. Don't allow yourself to become engaged in the drama.

@Freth as always, than you for your deep insight as always. I'm learning to love, which has been a particularly difficult area in my life, not having been shown much of it or how to give it throughout my life. Learning to love also brings learning how to forgive. I'm also learning to have compassion - I'm learning that people are people and just that - not nearly perfect, prone to mess up and make mistakes. I reflect on the compassion of God and it helps me. I just want to learn from my own personal mistakes and understand where it stems from. And I'm learning to let God help me with the bitterness of things done against me. That I have to keep praying about. But God is helping me.

Gentle Lamb · Apr 16, 2021

musicalpilgrim said:
It is important in my life to be Christ centered.
Life is difficult at times, look to the Lord as people are not so reliable. They have their own concerns.
Reading Christian books can help a lot,1spend a lot of time reading. Starting Always daily Bible readings with meditations.
Spurgeon's verse for the day is Proverbs 10:24 "The desires of the righteous shall be granted"
As Spurgeon says 'Our chief desires are for holiness, usefulness, likeness to Christ, preparedness for heaven'.
"Delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart'.
I pray that the Lord will bless you richly as you seek more of him in your life and his peace.

I read the Bible a lot, and I have some Christian books and a recovery from ptsd book that I am reading now. The books are helping. They are pointing to some things in my life that I need to address. Delighting myself in the Lord is the most important thing. In truth, walking with Christ is a bit lonely. It has never been easy. But I have to focus on Jesus.

Gentle Lamb · Apr 16, 2021

Hazelelponi said:
I was physically abused and trusting any man that wasn't my son was an impossibility for me at one point. I was actually single for well over a decade (no dating, no sex, no male friends), while I worked it all out.

During that time I examined myself, what was I doing to attract such a person into my life? What could I do differently?

And then I examined how can I ever trust a man again... what are the warning signs to watch out for etc?

For the most part I got fairly deep into psychology and psychological profiling (both of myself and others) in order to figure it all out...

However, when I was done learning, I was able to find the man of my dreams, trust him implicitly - and know he's worth that trust - and feel safe with him. We are currently happily married, something I never thought I'd be able to have at one point.

It's just a road you have to travel to get there, just you, God and lots of books, but the upside is that when you lack trust you can learn the who, of who can be trusted, and along the way change things about yourself that are negative and/or attracting the wrong people.

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful testimony and I am happy at your triumph in Jesus, praise God, God is good

I have to take a deeper look at what is going on with me. From the last church I was in to the present one I am in, I have been harassed by some church members in similar ways. I am the only common denominator. I am learning that there are things that I should not put up with and that I need to be more firm/assertive --- among other things. A history of incredibly poor and neglectful parenting left me ill prepared for the realities of life. Facing the real world in my adult years has been so painful, as I have not had the maturity to deal with many of the situations that have come my way. It's a process... But I'm willing to keep working on things because there needs to be a change. If there are any book suggestions you could make, I would be really grateful, thank you.

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Trust is Low

Gentle Lamb

"Let there be sheep!"

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musicalpilgrim

pilgrim on the sacred music pathway

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Hazelelponi

:sighing:

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Freth

Well-Known Member

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Gentle Lamb

"Let there be sheep!"

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Gentle Lamb

"Let there be sheep!"

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Gentle Lamb

"Let there be sheep!"

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