The not so friendly neighbour

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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Start singing praise music, maybe they will join in.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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5 Best Noise Cancelling Machines (Reviews) - Soundproof Expert

Hopeful37 said:

I'm speaking to several people and so far the advice I got was good. The thing is I dont want to be a terrible neighbour because of my aggression. I want to act normally without the bad feelings or bad intentions and I especially want to live the way Christ wants me to live. I certainly didnt mean to excite these people on purpose. All the advice I've gotten so far is good. I particularly liked Sketchers advice because I never tried to start a war so I can just live my life normally without reacting and if it was me that was getting them upset to begin with then they would continue to war till they eventually get exhausted because I dont want to war. I'm just living my life normally.

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But we aren’t professionals. Yup should be working with a professional if you want to address the anxiety and anger you mentioned.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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Go and TALK to them! Go and introduce yourself and ask them if they notice you being loud, and don't mention their noise. Ask them to come tell you if you are being too loud or if you are angering them because you want to be a good neighbor. That will give you a chance to see if they have kids, if they are dirty and messy, and get a better feel of what's going on. They might have 20 people living there for all you know! Go talk to them. Smile, be friendly, and I promise you will feel better when you leave their place. Let me know how it goes. Passive aggression is nobody's friend.

Pray for them. Do something nice for them like knock at the door and leave them a nice cake or a dish you cooked.

Try to get out of this cycle of being extra loud to provoke them. It doesn't harm you to try to do things a bit more quietly. Provoking them is not going to solve anything IF they are indeed reacting to your noise levels.

Wish them good things, pray for their wellness and salvation and try not to condemn or curse them in any way in your thoughts.

I've had a similar thing happen but maybe worse. Back in the Winter 1993 to early 1995 I had some upstairs neighbors move in. They were these heavy metal guys that worked at a chemical plant in the next nearby town in the desert area I lived in. Anyway these guys would go on binges at times, where my friend thought they were doing speed. They could blast music, or play video games with the volume cranked up and do that all the way almost to 5 am in the morning..

I tried a variety of things but mainly politely knocking on the door and asking them to turn it down was the main thing I did. This mostly worked but it was annoying because they did not learn or wanted to test my limits. Doing that at 2 am in the dead of winter when it is raining outside got old really fast! I also called the police on them at least once. That worked really well on the short term. But they started to get back to their old ways. If I called the police again the lead officer said that they would confiscate their stereo if the music is blasting at the same volume, and I was really encouraged and tempted by that... But I had a gut hunch of getting in some kind of feud with them and that they would sabotage my car that was parked outside on the drive way in front of my apartment so I held off.


Anyway I think you got to talk to these people but how you do it is up to you, but there are at least two different ways.

1) The straight forward conversational approach where you knock on their door and just say as diplomatically as possible what you said in the OP and see if it is true.

2) You could go more of a Conspiracy of Kindness / Friendship Evangelism approach. In this approach you do something nice, like baking lots of cookies (biscuits in the UK), or other kinds of goodies, and hand them out to your immediate neighbors, including and especially them and if they are up to it chat them up. Depending on how things go, you might ask them about the above, or simply try to make a good impression. People often assume the worst for people they don't know so letting them see you as the nice neighbor that occasionally brings them goodies or does some other nice thing might actually change things by itself. But in general follow your gut and best judgement.

A_Thinker said:

This situation will continue until some (probably christian) person decides to try and make peace. There's really no victim here.

It likely started as a misunderstanding ... and has escalated into a war. It's time for someone to stop fighting. Let God avenge and protect you.

Romans 12

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

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My question is how’d they build the apartments so flimsy that they could hear you drop a spoon from your apartment, in a separate building?

I’d just live life normally without purposeful extra noise, and not worry about it, and pray for them.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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Hello Hopeful37,

Been there, done that. Sharing the same wall, floor, or ceiling with a neighbor can be a very challenging experience. From my experience, most neighbors are not noise-sensitive to the point of making noises behind your noises. But such noise-sensitive neighbors do exist.

What should you do if you share a wall, floor, or ceiling with a noise-sensitive neighbor?

1) If they make a noise after your noise, do not respond back by making a noise. This will only lead to a power struggle, making matters worse. Instead, simply say to yourself "When the going gets tough, the tough get going." Also, say this whenever you feel fearful for whatever reason.

2) Face adversity rather than run from it. Facing adversity makes you bigger and stronger. Whereas running from adversity makes you smaller and weaker.

3) The great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche was famous for saying "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Adopt this as part of your life philosophy. Make this part of your morning and bedtime affirmations.

Please understand that the Good Lord created adversity to make us stronger, tougher, wiser, and better problem-solvers. Adversity is actually a good thing.

Regards,
Al A. Gammate

Have you seen these neighbors before? I have little doubt that they have seen you. Something about you is driving them crazy. I am speaking from experience. Mine was a work related issue that made it's way all the way back to my apartment. Virtually the same scenario as yours.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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Something that I’m confident will work to help clear up the issue and has worked for me and others follows;in truth, pray for that neighbor from the heart as best you can for two weeks as see what happens.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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People need to sleep at night. It is important to be quiet at night. I found myself turning down my TV to low volume after 8:30 PM. I decided I should not start working in my kitchen until 6:00 AM. This reduced noise as the mfg. homes are close together. I would not want to get in a noise war, I would rather forgive and try to be quiet.

When I was in a college dorm people used to blast their music through huge speakers on high volume at night. I found myself doing that too. I had to drop out of college after too much partying. It is better to respect others and not get in noise wars. Years later I wished I had been quietly studying in a library like others.

Hopeful37 said:

Guys, I need help. I'm starting to think my neighbours are attacking me by their household noise. Ordinarily, I'm not so much affected because I know it's just ordinary sounds but as of late, everytime I make a sound in my home, I'm hearing another sound just after. Whether it's a spoon dropping on a plate or a cupboard slamming. I dont live in the apartment complex like they do but I do have a house next to the apartment. This has been happening for just over a month. I always get the feeling that they are trying to get the message across that I'm being too loud but I live in my own place and i dont do it on purpose. However, because they are making these reactive sounds (which never happened before since I'm here for the past three years) this is why I feel attacked and because I feel attacked, i feel angry and when I'm angry I'm aggressive. Guys, I've been lashing out by being even more noisy like dropping spoons on plates and banging basins, pots and pans while cooking. I was never so rowdy in the kitchen. I often think that if I was such a disturbance, they could have asked and I would have tried to be quieter. I never meant to disturb others because I'm in my own home and they live on the other side. A little christian advice would be appreciated. I hate being such a turd when I'm thinking they are attacking me. My bf says that it's all in my head and I take it personal when I hear the reactive sounds, which I do. Sometimes, they stomp the ground and slam cupboards during the day and late at night and then I get [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ed and in the morning the cycle starts all over again because I wake up angry, try to stifle the anger and vent with making noise all over again. Can someone with experience on these issues help? I hate being angry all the time and I hate venting the way I do because I know its hurting others intentionally. I just hate being the victim all the time.

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Ask them, Always ask if that's what's happening.

Hopeful37 said:

This is a gated community next to my house with a series of 3 story apartments. They can see me from their window when I'm on my porch but I cant see them as they are inside and my home is at the side of one such building on the opposite side of the road. My area is pretty quiet and I live slightly higher up a hill so I'm guessing my noise travels and theirs upwards

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Regardless, it will ease your mind to go and talk to the ones who you think can hear you or are responding to your noise. Seriously, you will be able to determine if it is your noise or a coincidence.

I recall once when I first moved into a new place, every unit surrounding me was really really loud. So I cranked some loud music to drown it out, then stopped after a while and it was coincidentally quiet.

Some practical solutions to your issue:
If you don’t have a fence, get one preferably a solid fence like wood.
Add more insulation to your home. It will not only weather seal it for temp, but should reduce the sound transfer as well.
If you think they are attacking by retaliation with noise, try sitting very quietly do about an hour. If you hear the same kinds of noises, they are probably just going about their day making similar noises to you. If it is dead silence from them, and it starts up again when you make noise, then you may be correct.
Move. Neighbors THAT petty are best avoided.