Yeah, that is sad. But that is not my motivation. I was afraid of God's wrath. Plus, I find relationships online extremely shallow since I don't know anyone on here. And using people on here, especially people you don't know, to make you feel special is going to end up someone disappointed.
Indeed.
I don't disagree that I try to get attention. But I don't do it online. They way I try to get attention is by telling people about my success, like at school or something. I do that with my teachers, friends, and family. It does make me feel special. But that may not be right as well. I don't usually go around talk about how miserable I feel and I want to die. That would seem to obvious that I was trying to get attention. So, I act happy and brag about my success, which is hard to come by in school because it is a struggle to become successful in school.
Have you thought to find significance in your membership in God's family and in your relationship to Christ?
To be perfectly honest, I did not understand what that would look like. I am looking for truth. So, I have been doing this Bible study with Benham Brothers. One of the things they said was that you can't pray away sin. It does not work like that. And so, I am now realizing that there is a remedy. The remedy is to hide God's word in your heart. Everyday I need to meditate on God's word and what he says.
God's word is a vital part of the equipment the Christian has in battling against the devil, the world he rules, and the impulses of the flesh. But this isn't the key to living in victory over sin. The truth of God's word illuminates the lies we adopt when we think to sin; scripture also exposes the maneuvers of the devil in our lives, stripping away his deceptions, revealing his evil counterfeits of spiritual living and truth; the Bible informs us, too, of the truth and how to live in it.
But you can memorize Scripture all day, making yourself able to quote entire books of the Bible from memory, and not live in victory over the world, the flesh and the devil. Why? Because as vital as Scripture is, victory isn't found in it. God's word
points to the only, true Source of the Christian's victory:
Jesus Christ.
John 16:33
33 "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Hebrews 2:14
14 Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil,
Romans 6:6-8
6 knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin;
7 for he who has died is freed from sin.
8 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him,
In the Person of the Holy Spirit, called the "Spirit of Christ" by the apostle Paul in
Romans 8:9, God gives to us all we need to live in victory over all sin. It is by
the Holy Spirit that we are made "new creatures in Christ" (
2 Corinthians 5:17; Titus 3:5-8) and given new spiritual life, redeemed, justified and sanctified in Jesus (
1 Corinthians 1:30).
But the Holy Spirit is God and comes to us as such. He doesn't take a lesser place than God in our lives. He is not our "co-pilot"; he is not an accessory to our lives; he is not a kind of spiritual battery from which we draw power as we think we need it. No, he is God and enters our lives as Lord, King and Ruler of it. But the Spirit is not a tyrant; he will not force his will and way upon us. He connects us to God by living within us, but he won't compel us to be who God made us to be.
We must choose to walk in submission to him throughout every day.
This is the key to spiritual victory: constant submission to God. It is the only way, really, to walk with Him - though most Christians today don't seem to understand this. Believers try all sorts of combinations of things to achieve in their lives spiritually what God says in His word only
He can achieve: self-effort and scripture, will-power and asceticism, rituals and regular confession, accountability groups and prayer, and so on. These all may provide some short-lived "successes" in living rightly before God, but inevitably they fall short. Many Christians, though, think such small success is all that can be expected this side of the grave.
God's way to victory, however, isn't just about moving into a holy life;
it's about living in way that allows intimate communion between the Christian and God. Victory over the world, the flesh and the devil isn't an end in itself; God doesn't offer victory in Himself for its own sake.
A holy, righteous life is just the pathway to delighting in God, to enjoying Him fully every day. Too many Christians, though, get caught up in what's called moralism, which is thinking that righteousness is the apex of Christian living and that it can be achieved by rigorous self-effort, self-discipline, human willpower and spiritual activities.
We can only walk with God and enjoy Him in the midst of a life that is lived in constant surrender to Him.
Romans 6:12-13
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts,
13 and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.
Romans 6:22
22 But now having been freed from sin and enslaved to God, you derive your benefit, resulting in sanctification, and the outcome, eternal life.
Romans 8:14
14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
Romans 12:1
1 Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.
James 4:6-10
6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE."
7 Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.
1 Peter 5:6
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,
John the Baptist put it this way:
John 3:30
30 "He must increase, but I must decrease.
This is the only way one can truly fellowship with the God of the Universe, the Creator and Sustainer of All Things. Too often Christians want God's
stuff - His power, His peace, His love and forgiveness - but they don't want
Him. Many Christians are willing to live better lives but not lives totally given over to God to do with at every turn as He wills. That's just crazy talk, they think, too radical a way to live. But it is actually the only way to walk with God, to fully and truly enjoy Him as He made us to do. And it is the only way to live in consistent, enduring spiritual victory that brings one deeper and deeper into communion with God.
You see, God
is the love, and peace, and power that we desire from Him (
Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:13; Ephesians 3:16; Romans 8:13, 1 John 4:16, etc.). We can't obtain these things apart from Him, though many Christians pray thinking that they can. God hears their prayers but cannot answer because they don't want
Him, they don't want His total rule and control of their lives, but only the
things in the present moment that they want from Him: peace, power, purity, comfortable conscience, etc. You can't have one without the other, however. We can be filled by God but only
with God; He is Himself the answer to our prayer for victory, and stability, and peace, and so on.
So, don't accept the idea that Scripture is the key to victory over sin. It isn't. It is important, yes; it is necessary to healthy Christian living, definitely; but it is not itself the means to spiritual victory.
Philippians 2:13
13 for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
23 Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.
1 Corinthians 1:7-9
7 ...awaiting eagerly the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ,
8 who will also confirm you to the end, blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
9 God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. 
