I hate going to church

BNR32FAN said:

Yes and satan and demons believe the Bible to.

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If they actually did they wouldn't be demons. They know that God exists and that Jesus bore the sins of men, but they don't believe in Jesus. They are rather angered by the Bible saying that God is merciful and just. They are jealous of God being loving and gracious. That is not what we mean when we say "I believe the Bible".

awfulone said:

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

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Hi sounds like she is right about having the same values and that this is a red flag for her. You say this church is boring and you don't like the music/ so may I ask where were you going to church before you met her? If you were not going that says a lot more about you than if you just switched to join her church.


Can you sit down and write down all the ways you have grown as Christian and how it has changed your life say from last 5 years to now and what direction you see the LORD leading you?

Agreeing on what is a fact like history and saying you believe Jesus is much different than believing where you are transformed by this faith and it permeates your life.

If you are engaged you are supposed to be a spiritual leader in the house so how are you leading at this time of your engagement? Whining about not going to church and not seeking a church that suits you says a bit about that issue. I would encourage you to define what verses are life verses one that you memorize and keep you on track. If my daughter came to me with this same problem I would certainly have a strong conversation with you and find out out you intend to be the spiritual leader and where you are at with your faith. You are coming off in my opinion as selfish and immature as if you were mature you would have already found a suitable church and fixed this problem.


The church is a group that gathers to worship Jesus and to share and grow in our faith and discover and develop our gifts so we can serve the LORD too. You seem to be looking at this as a consumer and do not like the product. If you are uncomfortable with assembling with other believers that is not good.

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

If they actually did they wouldn't be demons. They know that God exists and that Jesus bore the sins of men, but they don't believe in Jesus. They are rather angered by the Bible saying that God is merciful and just. They are jealous of God being loving and gracious. That is not what we mean when we say "I believe the Bible".

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The demons know who God is better than we do they’ve seen Him and lived in heaven with Him. Where does the Bible say that they are angered by the Bible saying that God is merciful and just? This seems like an assumption to me but in any case Jesus spoke of wheat and tares and the tares surely don’t go around saying that they don’t believe in the Bible. Your acting as if I’m implying that this person is not a Christian which I’m not. I’m presenting possible explanations to the situation while asking questions to get more information before I make any assessment.

Brian Mcnamee said:

Can you sit down and write down all the ways you have grown as Christian and how it has changed your life say from last 5 years to now and what direction you see the LORD leading you?

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That's a joke, right?
Are you his judge? No? Then he doesn't have to justify his actions towards you in any way.

I know more real Christians who fully trust God's word who don't go to a church than those who still force themselves to congregate with self-righteous people like you.

BNR32FAN said:

Your acting as if I’m implying that this person is not a Christian which I’m not. I’m presenting possible explanations to the situation while asking questions to get more information before I make any assessment.

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It did indeed sound to me as if you were trying to say he isn't a Christian yet. Sorry if I misunderstood you there

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

That's a joke, right?
Are you his judge? No? Then he doesn't have to justify his actions towards you in any way.

I know more real Christians who fully trust God's word who don't go to a church than those who still force themselves to congregate with self-righteous people like you.

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Wow he just asked a simple question and you just jumped all over him making wild accusations.

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

It did indeed sound to me as if you were trying to say he isn't a Christian yet. Sorry if I misunderstood you there

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I appreciate you standing up for him even though it was only a misunderstanding. Good job brother. If I had been implying that he wasn’t a Christian then your actions were noble. God bless.

BNR32FAN said:

Wow he just asked a simple question and you just jumped all over him making wild accusations.

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The awfulone joined the forums yesterday and is already asked to "sit down and write down all the ways you have grown as Christian and how it has changed your life say from last 5 years to now". To be honest, that is impudent.

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

That's a joke, right?
Are you his judge? No? Then he doesn't have to justify his actions towards you in any way.

I know more real Christians who fully trust God's word who don't go to a church than those who still force themselves to congregate with self-righteous people like you.

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I know many who hold that same position and after a few years out of fellowship teaching and accountability they are completely backslidden more often than not. Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as is the manner of some... I am not condemning this guy but challenging him to man up. The Bible encourages exhortation and rebukes, If he is solid he should not be offended but be able to see that his awe mom I don't want top go to church attitude is not congruent with being a spiritual leader in the home.

His girlfriend has expressed these apprehensions and by challenging this young man I hope to benefit him. The more serious you get about your faith the better off you are. The scriptures are clear we are to serve in the body and use the gifts given for the benefit of all. The church is for the equipping of the saints for the work of the ministry. The lone ranger approach is foolish. If you cannot find a good church you can start your own home fellowship.

I just don't like it is very week and a mature guy would find a solution on his own and not whine. This is an important part of his fiances life and he wants to beg off. How is that loving your wife as Christ loved the church? He wants her to understand his feelings and let him stay home while she can go on her own. He would be cool with that and she has a right not to be cool with that. This is a fork in the road and he needs to figure it out.

Brian Mcnamee said:

I know many who hold that same position and after a few years out of fellowship teaching and accountability they are completely backslidden more often than not. Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together as is the manner of some... I am not condemning this guy but challenging him to man up. The Bible encourages exhortation and rebukes, If he is solid he should not be offended but be able to see that his awe mom I don't want top go to church attitude is not congruent with being a spiritual leader in the home.

His girlfriend has expressed these apprehensions and by challenging this young man I hope to benefit him. The more serious you get about your faith the better off you are. The scriptures are clear we are to serve in the body and use the gifts given for the benefit of all. The church is for the equipping of the saints for the work of the ministry. The lone ranger approach is foolish. If you cannot find a good church you can start your own home fellowship.

I just don't like it is very week and a mature guy would find a solution on his own and not whine. This is an important part of his fiances life and he wants to beg off. How is that loving your wife as Christ loved the church? He wants her to understand his feelings and let him stay home while she can go on her own. He would be cool with that and she has a right not to be cool with that. This is a fork in the road and he needs to figure it out.

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Perhaps some encouragement would've served better than a curtain lecture. In the end he came here to ask for advice, not to whine.
The Bible says "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Mt 24:35). The Bible is the only thing we can rely on, not the church. Most churches today are far away from God. Only very few pastors preach the gospel today. They say what makes people feel good and comfortable while none of them knows what the life of a Christian should actually look like.

Whether someone goes to church is not what defines them as Christian. Awfulone's fiance might be a reason for him to go to church, but I fully understand that the music, the shallow sermons and the whole atmosphere there isn't appealing to him. This has nothing to do with maturity, this is about the nature of today's church.

"My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married."



"I'm not a 'feeler' either though, so i have never really 'felt' God, and probably never will."

What about Romans 5:5? You do say >

"However, i DO believe the bible and what it says."

If we have God sharing His own love with us, "in our hearts" . . . I offer you that we do feel this

"She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess."

There are churches I have not benefited from. But others have been essential to help me get more with God and discover how to love in close sharing. But . . . within a same church . . . I have needed to be able to tell the difference between the real ones and the ones just charmers and Bible talkers.

I have greatly benefited from ones who are good examples of how to relate in God's way of loving - - - in my experience, I mean > gentle and humble, sensitive and good listeners but also able to say good things to encourage me and help me get real correction by God Himself . . . not merely my own self-reforming efforts!!

And we need mature leaders to feed us their example, not just to give us Bible-correct sermons.

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

But I have needed correction by God, so I am capable of being honest enough to know who is for real and so I can benefit from their example.

So, my opinion > it seems like you need to make sure you find who is a really good example for you, who can give you the right message plus the person's example of how to relate in marriage and other close sharing. Because our relating in Jesus is in our Father's family sharing and caring way - - not picking choosing some one or two people who suit our fancy so we can isolate with them and use them for what we want > Matthew 5:46.

Do you know things which God's word says, about sharing in intimate relationships? Have you been feeding on this and sharing in this with various other Christians . . . like His word says for us to do??

You need to be with more mature Christian couples who can feed you how to relate and share in marriage . . . not isolate with some one favorite woman who is more like you and acceptable to you! We need what is acceptable and pleasing to God through Christ.

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

Perhaps some encouragement would've served better than a curtain lecture. In the end he came here to ask for advice, not to whine.
The Bible says "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away" (Mt 24:35). The Bible is the only thing we can rely on, not the church. Most churches today are far away from God. Only very few pastors preach the gospel today. They say what makes people feel good and comfortable while none of them knows what the life of a Christian should actually look like.

Whether someone goes to church is not what defines them as Christian. Awfulone's fiance might be a reason for him to go to church, but I fully understand that the music, the shallow sermons and the whole atmosphere there isn't appealing to him. This has nothing to do with maturity, this is about the nature of today's church.

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Now in general I would agree with you on the overall state of the fluffy church but since we have not heard any teaching or listened to any of the songs you are now judging that this is the case. Now the fact is she is worship director and he does not like the music; this is now a very personal difference in taste and if she is going to be speaking and he considers this group to be shallow it is a deal breaker for her to have a husband that does not support her in this calling. Its much different than being pew potatoes and finding a new church. By criticizing the music and teaching when she is leadership how could she not take that personally?

Brian Mcnamee said:

Now in general I would agree with you on the overall state of the fluffy church but since we have not heard any teaching or listened to any of the songs you are now judging that this is the case. Now the fact is she is worship director and he does not like the music; this is now a very personal difference in taste and if she is going to be speaking and he considers this group to be shallow it is a deal breaker for her to have a husband that does not support her in this calling. Its much different than being pew potatoes and finding a new church. By criticizing the music and teaching when she is leadership how could she not take that personally?

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Agreed. It was just the way you put it ("sit down and prove to us that God is indeed active in your life") that made me react the way I did.

Perhaps you'd like to read my original reply to understand my opinion:
I hate going to church

Friedrich Rubinstein said:

The awfulone joined the forums yesterday and is already asked to "sit down and write down all the ways you have grown as Christian and how it has changed your life say from last 5 years to now". To be honest, that is impudent.

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I think given his current situation it’s not a bad idea to examine how Christ has changed his life. Not for our examination but for his.

corinth77777 said:

Also It's not about you waiting to get something out of it. Get in there to see the needs of others. Rather it homeless ministry, missionary work going house to house or on the street, visiting the sick. Becoming a teacher who makes it unboring. I agree the church stuff is full of many traditio nd but it's the best thing we
have right now...You be the change it needs.

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This^^^ Lot's of good advice in the thread so far, but this^^^ takes the cake.

I was going to say that maybe, just maybe, the issue isn't the church but you. Now, I don't know the whole situation, but with me I started thinking about finding a church that would benefit me. What can it do for me. What am I getting out of it. Then... after struggling with this I realized that I needed to be the change and impact those around me. I serve on the tech team where I go, but I see a lot of things that aren't done right and just feel God has called me there to help out how I can.

As corinth77777 said, you be the change! What are you doing for your church? What are you doing for your community. What are you doing for God?

Just wanted to give you something to think about as you go on your journey...

awfulone said:

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

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I really think the issue here is that your wife is deceived into believing false doctrine. The Bible makes the roles of a man and woman, the roles within the church very clear.

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." 1 Corinthians 11:3

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Ephesians 5:22

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” 1 Timothy 2:12 (A good example of woman's role in the church)

YOU are to be the head of your household, the one who leads your wife and family. Many people misconstrue this as God giving man some sort of leeway to "abuse his wife". Which is a lie. The man is called to love his wife the way Christ loves the church. And Jesus gave His very life for the church. God is pleased with a woman who does not battle and quarrel with her husband every time she feels like she needs to get her way. For a wife, obedience to Christ is also obedience and respect and honor and trust in her husband. To honor his decisions as head of the family, while to also trusting in his decisions.

Your fiancée cannot please God while trying to be pastor in a church, because that directly goes against the very teachings within the scriptures. I would recommend sharing these verses with her. Read the entire chapters so that way you can get the full context. There are many verses that talk about this. And if she wants to lead a whole flock, well then she's going to have to ignore some pretty detrimental verses within the Bible, just to continue pursuing being a "pastor". Even though that isn't the role God has assigned for her.

If she continues to fight you after you share these things with her, well then that's a good glimpse as to what your marriage will be like. If she's trying to lead a church, who then will lead your children? Who will have the final say with what they learn doctrinally, if your wife has been given so much authority already? If they see mom up there teaching everyone and dad being silent in the church, that's a clear distortion of the roles God set in play for man and woman. And in turn can confuse your own children.

Really think this through and discuss these things with her. Because once you marry, there is no room for divorce unless adultery was committed.

awfulone said:

so basically the title says it. I can't stand going to church. My fiance is the worship director and shes going to start preaching after we get married. I also sometimes volunteer for the tech stuff. I recently told her how much i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.


She was really upset by me telling her this and she feels like we need to share the same values and etc if we are going to be married. I told her we DO share the same values, i just don't like going to church, but she is still bothered by this and says it's important to her because its a big part of her life and she wants us to share that i guess.

I wish i could just flip a switch and like it, but i can't. I'm not sure what to do about it, i just needed to vent and get some advice. I'm also not the best at communicating, so if something is unclear, let me know please

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Your fiance is the worship leader....and you said you don't like the worship? That's probably one big part of the fight right there lol. I'll be praying for you. Of course, don't forsake the assembly of the believers. It sounds like you just may not like that church specifically.

awfulone said:

My fiance is the worship director

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What's a worship director?

awfulone said:

shes going to start preaching after we get married

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To who?

awfulone said:

i really don't like going to church ( I've told her this before, but i really drove home the point this time). I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it and I'm very introverted. Ive been to many churches in my life, and church always feels like a chore. I'm not a "feeler" either though, so i have never really "felt" God, and probably never will. However, i DO believe the bible and what it says. I'm just a very logic brained person.

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Being very introverted and not a "feeler," and not liking to go to what sounds like a church oriented to entertainment and social life seem to go together.

Being very "logic brained" and not liking boring or shallow messages also seem to go together. It also seems to go together with the feeler and music comments.

You "DO" believe the Bible: Do you read it? Do you study it? Do you have a strong desire to learn from it? Have you ever been to Bible studies led or taught by mature/learned Christians and oriented to maturing Christians? Have you ever been to a church oriented to in-depth teaching?

How long have you believed, or do you believe that Jesus is the resurrected Christ, the Son of God?

Having been to "many churches," what kinds of churches - what denominations - and in what part(s) of the US?

A few have brought up Hebrews 10:25 about not forsaking assembling together. Many will focus on this part of the verse. Few will focus on 10:24 which is a command to pay attention to one another for a purpose: to literally provoke/stir-up (the word ranges into irritate) one another to love and good works. This is a command to help one another to maturity as Christians, which out to tell us something about the reason for assembling.

Many churches have turned into baby-sitting and entertaining assemblies and are assembling to do the opposite of what this verse speaks of. This is just 5 chapters after this same writer was rebuking Christians for their prolonged infancy in being unlearned/unskilled in the "Word of Righteousness" and thereby not able to judge both good and bad.

Honestly, I would pay attention to what you're thinking and observing about yourself. If church has not made sense to you, there's a reason. Your making things clear to her and her to you can be a gift you're both presenting to one another before a consummation.

I didn't like church much either (I'm introverted as well) but since I started going to this new one (Reformed) I feel at home. I am much more expressive during our Theology sessions at night...I think maybe you just need to find the right one.

awfulone said:

I don't like the music, the messages are boring, or too shallow, i never get anything from it

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Curious. What would you like to hear instead?