About praying for the dead

Please ask a priest for a definitive answer, here is my understanding (which might be flawed, so take it with a grain of salt)

As I understand it the dead do not go to heaven straight away, they experience an intermittent state that provides a foretaste of their judgement. A very pious Christian would for the sake of this illustration be granted a place of peace and rest, whereas a boldly unrepentant sinner would experience more torment as a foretaste of hell. In this state souls very much benefit from our prayers.

Orthodox believe that Christ comes to judge the living and the dead, and there is no concept of soul sleep or anything like that in Orthodoxy, nor is there the idea that you skip forward to the judgement and to heaven or hell. Souls go to Hades where they await judgement day and we pray for them because up until the final judgement our prayers can be of great benefit.

My priest told us that we pray for them because we love them. God also isn’t bound by time and space - so it could help anytime. Ultimately though, we don’t know the exacts of how it helps - but we know it does.

because it's never too late to pray to a timeless God

Well, I think the first thing to note is that we pray for these people because we love them. Why wouldn't we keep praying for each other even after the end of the world, when we're in heaven together? I think we'd be constantly doing so, asking God to shower His blessings on each other in love. If the only thing worth praying for is stopping somebody from going to Hell, that would be odd.

How do we know they're experiencing a foretaste of Heaven? We pray for them to feel relief from any pain they are experiencing and, if possible, to be moved from Hades to Paradise.

Goodhuman said:

Because we pray for them they will say good to God for us and he will accept us.

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God already knows our hearts.

Goodhuman said:

I mean it matter for God they to accept us.

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yes it does, as He loves us and them

Goodhuman said:

Why do they need our prayers if they are in heaven with Christ?

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It's called the communion of the saints. Our love is not severed by death.

I get confused and want to make sure I pray correctly with this commemoration from the Jordanville prayer book morning prayers. My notes in red:

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For the Departed:
Remember, O Lord, those that have departed this life, Orthodox kings and queens, princes and princesses, most holy patriarchs, most reverend metropolitans, Orthodox archbishops and bishops, those in priestly and clerical orders of the Church, and those that have served Thee in the monastic order, and grant them rest with the saints in Thine eternal tabernacles. Bow.

Remember, O Lord, the souls of Thy departed servants, my parents (my parents are living, should I just not say this?), Names (I assume this is parents-names - my family is non-Orthodox, so I've taken to putting in the Orthodox I know who have reposed and who I pray for), and all my kindred according to the flesh (then I feel uncomfortable here, because they are non-Orthodox - see end), and forgive them all transgressions, voluntary and involuntary, granting them the kingdom and a portion of Thine eternal good things, and the delight of Thine endless and blessed life. Bow.

Remember, O Lord, also all our fathers and brethren, and sisters, and those that lie here, and all Orthodox Christians that departed in the hope of resurrection and life eternal, and settle them with Thy saints, where the light of Thy countenance shall visit them, and have mercy on us, for Thou art good and the Lover of mankind. Bow.

Grant, O Lord, remission of sins to all our fathers, brethren, and sisters that have departed before us in the faith and hope of resurrection, and make their memory to be eternal. Bow.
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After that prayer, so I don't feel "confused", I will ask a general prayer for the departed members of my family and friends (with first-names) who fell outside of the Church, with "thy will be done on" or "Remember O Lord, according to thy will," and for the suicides "count not this prayer for me a sin, thy will be done on__"

Some references:
The lot of the departed is not considered decided until the general Last Judgment. Until then, we cannot consider anyone as finally judged; and on the basis of this we pray, convinced in our hope in God’s immeasurable mercy!” (St. Theophan the Recluse, Collected Letters, v. 6, letter 948).

Optina Elders:
Have mercy, O Lord, if it be possible, on the soul of Thy slave (name) who has departed into eternal life in separation from Thy Holy Orthodox Church! Unsearchable are Thy decrees. Do not account this my prayer as a sin, but may Thy holy will be done!

On a father who committed suicide, Optina elder Leonid:
'O Lord, watch over the perished soul of my __, and if it be possible, have mercy upon him. Thy judgments are unfathomable. Do not consider this my prayer to be a sin, but may Thy holy will be done.'

you can still pray for the non-Orthodox, just make sure you defer all judgment to God.

All4Christ said:

My priest told us that we pray for them because we love them. God also isn’t bound by time and space - so it could help anytime. Ultimately though, we don’t know the exacts of how it helps - but we know it does.

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Exactly, that is my view as well.

Time and Space are meaningless to God, those are constructs of THIS world. If you want to get into the physics of the matter, Albert Einstein noted that Time and Space are interrelated in this physical existence. But God created them for this physical existence, not for everlasting paradise.

What transpires after we pass from this existence is a mystery to man, but I have Faith that it transcends the physical limitations of our current universe. A second to God is a Billion years to mankind, you can't correlate the two.

All4Christ said:

My priest told us that we pray for them because we love them. God also isn’t bound by time and space - so it could help anytime. Ultimately though, we don’t know the exacts of how it helps - but we know it does.

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Exactly. The academic approach about praying for the dead to release them from sins is not the actual experience of the Church. Such explanation is simply academics trying to tie it to some obscure doctrine. I don't submit the name of my deceased grandma or bring kollyva to church for her memorial because we think she's in some gloomy state but quite the opposite, because she is now closer to God and through her and the memory we participate in that communion of the saints triumphant.

buzuxi02 said:

The academic approach about praying for the dead to release them from sins is not the actual experience of the Church.

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actually this isn't correct. St Xenia of St Petersburg did it, as did St Joseph the hesychast to name two saints who did it. it is in the experience of the Church.

ArmyMatt said:

actually this isn't correct. St Xenia of St Petersburg did it, as did St Joseph the hesychast to name two saints who did it. it is in the experience of the Church.

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Yes but it's not the experience of the common laity. This Sunday or whatever Sunday memorials are offered it's unlikely any of them will tell you they are doing it to pray grandpa out of hell because he was a wicked curmudgeon.

buzuxi02 said:

Yes but it's not the experience of the common laity. This Sunday or whatever Sunday memorials are offered it's unlikely any of them will tell you they are doing it to pray grandpa out of hell because he was a wicked curmudgeon.

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well, that's correct, since we don't judge where grandpa is even if he was really wicked. unless we are a very illumined member of the laity.