29 & Never Dated

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DragonFox91

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The Sunday School/Bible Study class I attend wants to do a 'unit' on areas we find challenging in adulthood. The leaders asked us what areas we find challenging. You had the usual 'finances', 'job hunting', 'time management,' etc. responses people brought up. The leaders asked what about dating. Everyone just kind of responded jokingly.

It's the area I struggle w/. I'm not even really meeting single girls tho. That feels embarrassing to say.

Evidently dating in general isn't something my peers in the class struggle w/ or want to focus on.

I don't think other people get as frustrated about it as I do. They just kind of take a 'if it happens, it happens' or 'it'll happen when it happens'' kind of attitude.

I'll also be honest: I don't know if this


Volume. Just because you have a large circle doesn’t mean there’s a suitable prospect. Widening the net allows you to communicate with prospects you wouldn’t meet otherwise.
Yeah, but stadium size? Keep in mind your network gets bigger & bigger too.
 
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DragonFox91

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It hurts today.

IDK if it's b/c I had company over all day yesterday & was at church & Sunday School this morning, but now I just feel sad. It's not lonely. It's more of an unfulfilled feeling.

Maybe later I can run to the store or go to Dave & Busters to play some arcade games. I have a pile of DVDs to watch & video games I want to play, but just feels....unfulfilling.

Saving exercising for tomorrow.
 
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bèlla

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Certainly x2

Since the topic was raised by the small group leader, maybe you should talk to him and share your concerns. He could introduce it without singling you out.
 
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DragonFox91

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Since the topic was raised by the small group leader, maybe you should talk to him and share your concerns. He could introduce it without singling you out.
I'm not sure I'm comfortable enough w/ the leaders to bring it up, even privately. It's too sensitive. Plus, it's evidently something no one else in the group wants addressed. Different issues for them. And my problem w/ it is probably different from their problems w/ it, if they have any problems w/ it
 
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Isaiah 2:22

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Evidently dating in general isn't something my peers in the class struggle w/ or want to focus on.

I don't think other people get as frustrated about it as I do. They just kind of take a 'if it happens, it happens' or 'it'll happen when it happens'' kind of attitude.

Maybe they're struggling just as much with it and they thought the same as you, so no one brought it up. Or maybe they're sick of talking about dating. I sometimes hear singles complaining that they go on tons of awful dates with people they met on the internet, so they get sick of modern dating culture and give up.
 
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DragonFox91

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So I finally saw my literal next-door neighbor that moved in in December. She walked right by, pretty much w/ her nose in the air. Pretty sad. She's my age & I believe went to my alma mater.

If there's anything I don't like, it's how non-neighborly people are. Especially people my age. My neighbors that live above & to the left of me, my age, are the exact same way. My neighbors that live directly above me in their 50s, friendly as can be. They'll at least smile or make a joke when we pass each other.

I just don't see that neighborly hospitality from people my age no matter where I live, whether it was when I was in college or here. It's depressing.

Older generations tell me 'oh why don't you go meet those neighbors your age. Maybe you can have a beer once in a while' & it's like :expressionless:

Maybe they're struggling just as much with it and they thought the same as you, so no one brought it up. Or maybe they're sick of talking about dating. I sometimes hear singles complaining that they go on tons of awful dates with people they met on the internet, so they get sick of modern dating culture and give up.
Nah, they're in their early 20s. In college and/or working "front line" jobs. It's not till after you graduate it becomes impossible to meet single women. Seems like a lot of them could get dates easily if they wanted to. I'm not sure they do want to.
 
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DragonFox91

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I am so frustrated
How many times do you initiate conversation with your neighbors? Are you waiting for those your age to notice you first?
Kind of hard to initiate when someone's giving a 'leave me alone' or 'you don't exist' vibe.

My neighbors my age above me, I just rarely see them. I remember during the beginnings of the COVID crisis their car sat in the parking lot & I never saw it move for 3-4 months.
 
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bèlla

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I am so frustrated

Kind of hard to initiate when someone's giving a 'leave me alone' or 'you don't exist' vibe.

Break the ice and say hello. Make a habit of saying good morning, wishing them a pleasant day or nice weekend. They’ll associate your behavior with courtesy. If they reciprocate make small talk.

You’d be a great candidate for Toastmasters. They’ll boost your confidence and help you read body language and communication. You’ll be less inhibited and that will help your encounters.
 
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VCR-2000

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Also, many Christian single women aren't even virgins either. Why should I continue to be a good man in the Christian context when women can't save anymore? Several, if not most women I have met that are single right now has been with at least one guy in the past already, though I admit that might be stretching a little. I'd say it's still a norm.

What could I do if I don't think Christianity is providing me any consolation in this area?
 
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DragonFox91

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Also, many Christian single women aren't even virgins either. Why should I continue to be a good man in the Christian context when women can't save anymore? Several, if not most women I have met that are single right now has been with at least one guy in the past already, though I admit that might be stretching a little. I'd say it's still a norm.

What could I do if I don't think Christianity is providing me any consolation in this area?
I've seen it too. Especially in college I saw it. I struggle w/ the similar thoughts. ('they had their fun. Big surprise they're now Christian warriors after that & weren't before') Just try focusing on yourself & be the best person you can be. Me & you both make mistakes, aren't perfect, have our own problems. Jesus could point to our long, long list of sins. We need to be the men God called US to be. Know that if their claiming to be Christian, God has a plan for them too & is working in their life & calls all members of his flock to him. He is the Good Shepherd & cares for each lost sheep, just like the ones already in the fold.

In regards to your question, Christianity isn't about short-term emotion. It's a long-term commitment. Are you going to church? Attending Bible studies? Listening to sermons? Reading devotionals? Praying?
 
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VCR-2000

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For the virgin "waiting game" for until marriage, keep in mind that even if you do eventually get married, you will most likely not get to be anybody's "first". And I know I am going to get a lot of hate on this, but I do believe that men experience this issue disproportionately more than women in the same stage.

The life when there are those who want a companion and/or sex but unable to obtain it for life, they wait their entire lives until they die alone, and the only consoling God has for them is that their original desire would be removed and taken away when they finally do get to see Heaven, and also be with those who had all that fun back down here that they wanted but missed doing. Being "brothers and sisters" doesn't provide the substitute and it's like a participation trophy or having a destroyed house substituted by some Wizard of Oz-esque certificate. I am bad with some analogies. :grin:
 
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ReesePiece23

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For the virgin "waiting game" for until marriage, keep in mind that even if you do eventually get married, you will most likely not get to be anybody's "first". And I know I am going to get a lot of hate on this, but I do believe that men experience this issue disproportionately more than women in the same stage.

I've never thought that deeply about it. I wasn't a Christian until the age of about 22 so sex isn't a novelty to me. It wouldn't even cross my mind to worry about being someone's first.

I think that's one of the benefits of being 30 with a sinful past. If I were to marry the focus would be siphoned off into more important areas. I literally don't care about their past.
 
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DragonFox91

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For the virgin "waiting game" for until marriage, keep in mind that even if you do eventually get married, you will most likely not get to be anybody's "first". And I know I am going to get a lot of hate on this, but I do believe that men experience this issue disproportionately more than women in the same stage.

The life when there are those who want a companion and/or sex but unable to obtain it for life, they wait their entire lives until they die alone, and the only consoling God has for them is that their original desire would be removed and taken away when they finally do get to see Heaven, and also be with those who had all that fun back down here that they wanted but missed doing. Being "brothers and sisters" doesn't provide the substitute and it's like a participation trophy or having a destroyed house substituted by some Wizard of Oz-esque certificate. I am bad with some analogies. :grin:
I know what you mean, but you have to trust God is doing what's best for you.
 
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Paulie079

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Also, many Christian single women aren't even virgins either. Why should I continue to be a good man in the Christian context when women can't save anymore? Several, if not most women I have met that are single right now has been with at least one guy in the past already, though I admit that might be stretching a little. I'd say it's still a norm.

What could I do if I don't think Christianity is providing me any consolation in this area?

I don't want to assume anything by your question, but your question itself does seem to indicate that following biblical principles of sexuality only adds value to your life if everyone else is doing it, but that isn't the case. The way that I see it, the Bible was inspired by God, and God is the one who created us. I also believe that the Bible makes the case that God is for our good and our joy because in our joy He is glorified. So when we receive direction from Scripture regarding our life, we are receiving it directly from the one person who knows exactly how we are wired and what will bring us joy. In obeying God's guidelines, we are actually just preserving and accumulating joy in our lives. So then, whether we behave in the Christian way or not shouldn't depend on what other people are doing. If other people's lives aren't being dictated by God's Word, that is to their detriment. It might seem more "fun" externally, but it is an empty existence. This is something I have wrestled with and experienced personally over the last several years.
 
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trophy33

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I've seen it too. Especially in college I saw it. I struggle w/ the similar thoughts. ('they had their fun. Big surprise they're now Christian warriors after that & weren't before')
The same here in Europe.

"I had my fun with at least one guy (frequently more) before you, but no fun for you, I burnt" attitude among Christian single women.
 
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VCR-2000

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The same here in Europe.

"I had my fun with at least one guy (frequently more) before you, but no fun for you, I burnt" attitude among Christian single women.
It makes me want to even give up on God or Christianity, except for the only other alternative is Hell and eternal damnation. Which is why I wish or like to think that God has some kind of console for me and other people like me that struggled in a certain area.
 
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