Singles Ministry

ThisIsMe123

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No, just feels like I'm spinning my wheels. I have male friends & don't mind meeting other men, it just NEVER leads to GF & rarely leads to meeting single women. :(

Right, because chances are...those men want to also date the women YOU want to date. LOL
 
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ThisIsMe123

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My local church has a single ministry and there are about 400 young people involved in it, varies from age 17 to 30. We meet once a month for The Singles Meeting on the second Friday of the month. The Singles' Pastor usually preaches about topics that are common for young people such as relationships, clubbing, drinking, clothing, media, etc. It's basically learning about practical ways to honor God with our daily youthful life ;)

And we also have a weekly meeting on Tuesdays for caregroup accountibility. This is a smaller setting like 10-20 people in a group. We discuss various things like Sunday messages, confess sins to one another, fellowship and learning topics straight from the Bible. It's lotsa fun and very informative, I get to build real friendships with my caregroup fellow members while deepening my understanding about God and His words.

I honestly don't see this Singles Ministry as a matchmaking service. Even if God allows me to meet my future spouse in this Ministry, I don't see anything wrong with it. I actually prefer to meet my future hubby in this Ministry (where we can grow & serve together in the same church) rather than meeting him in random places like bars or parties, u know... But of course, my primary intention to be involved in this ministry is not to find a "potential spouse".

I thank God for my church and the leaders in my church because they give a strong emphasize on relationship and Godly roles of man and women...and the reason why we are at church and involve in this Singles Ministry is because of Cross. I do not feel like the guys at my church are out there looking for girls to date. They are so humble and serving the girls. No one have ever served me better than these Godly guys at my church! And their attitude just provoking me to love my Savior more. It is simply awesome!

You know what I find in common here, it is the women that don't go to the singles ministries with the intent on finding a future spouse, but men...they are intending to do so. Wonder why this is? I would say, but I may keep it close to the vest for now, as it may come off as mysogonistic.
 
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bèlla

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Women don’t have to work hard to be noticed. From the time you step out until you return someone will look your way. Her potential for contact is demonstratively higher.

It isn’t do or die for most. You don’t have to be on the lookout for the person eyeing you while grabbing coffee or grocery. It happens so frequently. Many are oblivious unless you say something or she notices you.

For a man, it’s easier to get her attention at church than outside of it and less risky. Fellowship provides a reason for contact and hides your motives more so than approaching her elsewhere.
 
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DragonFox91

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Funny you mentioned this, and with the previous poster saying that their group fizzled, well, that's pretty much common when it comes to singles, some for obvious reasons. They typically last a 1 year or 2 tops, then it dies off
Do you mean my post? No, nothing I've been part of fizzled, that I'm aware of.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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I don't think I'd ever get involved in a singles' group simply because that sounds too much like a matchmaking service, which is not something that I'd be interested in. In fact, I would have stayed away from this board except that it specifically said that it isn't to be used for matchmaking purposes.

I get what you mean, but really...since whenever was a venue not a place to meet other singles. I mean even in situations outside of church.

Some people (not to be sexist, but women) say "I don't go to the gym to date, I go there to work out, not get hit on" even though some men have made attempts.

Or when they are out grocery shopping, they say that they aren't there to be hit on, they are there to get in and get out with their product.

So where and/or when can a guy approach a woman these days?...outside of online dating of course.

Of course, she may instantly switch gears if he's cute enough. LOL
 
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ThisIsMe123

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For a man, it’s easier to get her attention at church than outside of it and less risky. Fellowship provides a reason for contact and hides your motives more so than approaching her elsewhere.

I'm no so really sure about that, women in church can have the same amount of stranger danger going on for them regardless of where it is.

Like if you take notice of a woman, by herself, at services on a weekly basis, I mean, would it be kind of creepy in an attempt to try to sit in the same area she is, until you eventually wind up next to each other. Or...following her out to the parking lot and introducing yourself after services? (creepy).
 
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Isaiah 2:22

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I'm no so really sure about that, women in church can have the same amount of stranger danger going on for them regardless of where it is.

Like if you take notice of a woman, by herself, at services on a weekly basis, I mean, would it be kind of creepy in an attempt to try to sit in the same area she is, until you eventually wind up next to each other. Or...following her out to the parking lot and introducing yourself after services? (creepy).

This is why formal introductions used to be a thing. I wish it still were. Makes it even harder to meet people when you can't easily just walk up to them and start talking without seeming creepy. I think there are single men at the church I just started attending, but I don't know anyone there, so how would we ever meet?
 
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Isaiah 2:22

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Women don’t have to work hard to be noticed. From the time you step out until you return someone will look your way. Her potential for contact is demonstratively higher.

It isn’t do or die for most. You don’t have to be on the lookout for the person eyeing you while grabbing coffee or grocery. It happens so frequently. Many are oblivious unless you say something or she notices you.

For a man, it’s easier to get her attention at church than outside of it and less risky. Fellowship provides a reason for contact and hides your motives more so than approaching her elsewhere.

Is this really true? I very rarely get approached or noticed by guys out in public. Maybe I'm just oblivious, though. Or maybe Canadians don't do this sort of thing very often. Women on the internet constantly complain about being catcalled, but I've only ever been catcalled when I was abroad or in the States. Never, never at home in Canada.
 
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bèlla

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I'm no so really sure about that, women in church can have the same amount of stranger danger going on for them regardless of where it is.

You can say good morning in a religious setting and make a comment about the service without causing alarm. You may be making small talk. But outside of that space if you approach someone and aren't asking for directions, there's little else to assume save interest. That's the difference.

Like if you take notice of a woman, by herself, at services on a weekly basis, I mean, would it be kind of creepy in an attempt to try to sit in the same area she is, until you eventually wind up next to each other. Or...following her out to the parking lot and introducing yourself after services? (creepy).

Both are odd.
 
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bèlla

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Is this really true? I very rarely get approached or noticed by guys out in public. Maybe I'm just oblivious, though. Or maybe Canadians don't do this sort of thing very often. Women on the internet constantly complain about being catcalled, but I've only ever been catcalled when I was abroad or in the States. Never, never at home in Canada.

Possibly all three. Some men don't approach women unless they're in a comfortable setting. They want to minimize rejection. That's more commonplace with your generation than previous ones.

As for the US, conversation between strangers was the norm until the Walkman was invented. When you walked down the street people said good morning, hello, talked about the weather, etc. Small talk was common. We didn't tune people out unless they were weird. You had no reason to.

Then the Walkman came. You could listen to the radio or a cassette tape with headphones. That was the beginning of ignoring your neighbor. You weren't expected to be chatty or polite if your ears were covered.

That morphed into mp3 players and the iPod. Now tuning people out is the norm and you don't want to be bothered. That's where obliviousness began. People used to converse in grocery stores, restaurants, and so on. But it stopped.

Men would approach women for help when shopping. A subtle pickup tactic. They'd ask for input. Women would ask men to reach things on higher shelves. Notice the intro. Both requests assume the positive. Something the other would take pride in. That's why it worked.

People were better conversationalists. It hadn't gone out of fashion and the skill was highly prized. Gen X is the last. Lack of initiation is a modern problem. Men and women initiated discourse with strangers. They weren't afraid to say hello or make small talk. They were less self-conscious and their body language wasn't closed.

If you never open your mouth you're forcing them to judge you on your looks. That's all they have to go on. Conversation widens the scope. Personality comes out. You discover common interests.

I'll give an example. :)

There's a guy in high school I was attracted to. We flirted but never dated. We were seeing others. We made small talk but it never went further. He was a year ahead and we never had classes together. But I wanted to get into a science class and spoke with the teacher. He came in while we were talking. I asked was he in the class and he grinned and said yes.

The extra course would give me an overload. She made sure I understood and wanted the extra work. I could take it next term instead. But I didn't because Mr. Fine was there. Hello! I said yes and we exchanged looks.

On the first day he sat beside me. By the end of the term the attraction was solidified. We knew it was mutual and discovered more about the other in the process.

A couple of years later I walked into a store during holiday season. I used to cut through the men's department. There was less foot traffic. And he was there. We recognized each other immediately. I went over and said hello. We embraced and he kissed my cheek. We hadn't seen each other since school. He'd filled out and we complimented each other's appearance.

We didn't make a move. There was no pressure. All holiday jobs ended after the first of the year. I'd worked at the store in my teens. I knew how long he'd be there. And I came back. But I didn't see him. I shopped and returned to the department and asked where he was.

I was laden with packages and said he's helped me before. And they told me his schedule. The next time I came in I saw him. He was surprised and I mentioned my previous visit and told him what happened and he laughed. He asked for my number so he wouldn't miss me again. And I bought some stuff to help his commission.
..........

Male/female relationships require serve and volley. Each party must take action. You can't sit on your hands waiting for one person to do it all. And it's boring. There's no intrigue unless he's pursuing you like a conquest. Otherwise it feels flat. Reciprocity encourages continuance.
 
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DragonFox91

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Is this really true? I very rarely get approached or noticed by guys out in public. Maybe I'm just oblivious, though. Or maybe Canadians don't do this sort of thing very often. Women on the internet constantly complain about being catcalled, but I've only ever been catcalled when I was abroad or in the States. Never, never at home in Canada.
I never see men approach women or say hi to them in public, & I'm constantly going to restaurants, the mall, the gym, etc.
 
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DragonFox91

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I get what you mean, but really...since whenever was a venue not a place to meet other singles. I mean even in situations outside of church.

Some people (not to be sexist, but women) say "I don't go to the gym to date, I go there to work out, not get hit on" even though some men have made attempts.

Or when they are out grocery shopping, they say that they aren't there to be hit on, they are there to get in and get out with their product.

So where and/or when can a guy approach a woman these days?...outside of online dating of course.

Of course, she may instantly switch gears if he's cute enough. LOL
All correct.
 
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bèlla

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So where and/or when can a guy approach a woman these days?...outside of online dating of course.

I touched on that in my reply. My mother has three sisters. Two were single and I spent a lot of time with them growing up. They didn't take me to kiddie places. When went out to eat or shop most of the people around us were adults. I was able to observe their interactions and others.

Men were more forward and women were more receptive. You didn't ignore gestures of kindness like eye contact, smiles, and nods. You reciprocated. People weren't tuned out. They didn't limit responses to physical attraction. You were polite regardless of interest. Courtesy was a big deal.

People are less forthcoming now. They don't want to be embarrassed or ignored.

Of course, she may instantly switch gears if he's cute enough. LOL

That's true.
 
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ThisIsMe123

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Men were more forward and women were more receptive. You didn't ignore gestures of kindness like eye contact, smiles, and nods. You reciprocated. People weren't tuned out. They didn't limit responses to physical attraction. You were polite regardless of interest. Courtesy was a big deal.

People are less forthcoming now. They don't want to be embarrassed or ignored.

True...when I came back home from college, in my 20s and continued some of my education at the local community college...I would sometimes attempt to approach women who were sitting in the hallways, studying (asking them what their class was, if I recognized she was in the same class as me,even better).

Sometimes I'd wander the library or computer class between classes to see what ladies were sitting alone. At a university, we had a 24/7 computer lab, so that was primo place to find the ladies, or the commons area. People just randomly sitting, reading and studying.

They were KIND of receptive, as they it wasn't as creepy because we all were there for the same thing (all of us students).

But when I came back home, and say...wandered the local mall to talk to store clerks or talk to a random lady sitting alone, I would just get short answers. This was before even smart phones.

I stopped doing that, and would just do it on occasion when in line waiting on coffee or whatever, that way it didn't seem AS awkward. One time it was the holidays and I ordered a cup of coffee there...then the woman behind me did the same...then... we were BOTH waiting together on our coffees. It was during the holidays and I had asked if she got her Christmas shopping done, and she just briefly looked at me,and looked forward again...the attempt at small talk was immediately thwarted. It was like "Why is this person talking to me?!" Short, abrupt answers, until she got her order and left. not even a good-bye.

Stranger danger I guess.

Plus the community college I went to, most women there were on their way to marriage or newly married or still clung on to their high school boyfriends, since they were STILL local.
 
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bèlla

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They were KIND of receptive, as they it wasn't as creepy because we all were there for the same thing (all of us students).

I used to go to class with my best friend on occasion. She was a year ahead. The students were friendly and the same was true when I went to college.

But I suspect it’s significantly easier for a woman to approach a man in today’s culture without suspicion than for him to do the same. When you’re in school or taking a class the barrier lowers because you’re there for other reasons.

And that may be the best place to meet prospects. Doing things you enjoy fosters friendliness and people are more relaxed. My sewing class was that way. We spent a lot of time laughing and didn’t get much done on some days. But the camaraderie was priceless.

The neat thing about classes are the reviews. You’ll get a sense of the demographic. Food and fitness always draw a crowd.

And a communication expert never hurts. I think everyone should see them. You get unbiased input about your body language and discourse. That can be eye opening and shed light on experiences. Improving your interpersonal skills is never bad. You’ll see gains in the workplace and in your relationships. That’s a win/win.
 
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dayhiker

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Ya, people are much more open in college. Tho it was later in life when I started to be able to start a conversation. Now that I'm single and older I can start a conversation. That makes it so much easier to meet people. I've been meeting people on the computer for since my divorce. But I also meet people at workshops and meetups. Right now I am using FB dating on my phone. Tho I find being late 60s most people on their are in their 50's .. I have my age limited set to 50 and older since there were limited numbers over 60.
 
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DragonFox91

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I felt like college classes were a giant meat market where the men would swarm the women like animals.

I can't really remember any opportunities in college classes I had, but I'd see it happen around me all the time. I guess I was always at the table or row girls would avoid. :( It was depressing. Story of my life, I suppose.

I thought I'd have better luck attending church groups in college. Made a couple female 'friends', so that was good. One I didn't think we'd be compatible, the other, it just never really took off.
 
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DragonFox91

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The only single girl in the SS class I attend now has a boyfriend. Guy to singles girl ratio in the class is now 14-0. But really, this isn't anything new. This happens every time I try to expand my network, going back to high school groups.
 
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