I believe, but barely can trust anymore.

pressingon17

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.
 

chevyontheriver

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.
Are you able to just get out and walk? And spend some of that time in prayer?
 
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SkyWriting

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.

You can actively help others. This is the solution you seek.
If you fail to do this, then you always get those symptoms you listed.
It's a given.

I used to pick up my wife and put her in her wheelchair every morning and I kept that up for 10 years straight. My back was hurting so much I'd steal her drugs for myself for the pain. I was burnt out and tired of life too. But I was willing to keep going until I'd collapse and I felt good about the accomplishment of keeping getting her to work every day. Even if it meant my downfall. When you are doing good for others, you can keep going no matter what. That was about 20 years ago, and I survived it with no backpain today. Having gone though Hell allready, this worlds not so bad.
 
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pressingon17

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I'm an IT Pro. I live a life of helping others even at insane at times of the day. That's not it. I'm battling so many internal demons I can't even pickup a Bible anymore without anger. My preacher Bible has sat under my driver seat for almost to three years. I haven't moved it since I was fired. My mental health is in shambles My wife had a major surgery in May that may ruin our lives and make her unable to ever work and do anything again. How am I supposed to deal with this? My depression is so bad I drink 2 12 packs a day now.
 
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Basil the Great

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I'm crippled. That's the truth. My faith is waivering. Watching a spouse suffer and slowly die has destroyed me. She's only 27.
I am deeply sorry for your pain. You have endured more than most of us ever will. There is no easy prescription for your situation. I only wish that were so. I will pray for you. No matter how bad things get, remember that this life is not the end. We all have a chance to live again in Heaven, where there will be no pain or sorrow. Try and take life one day at a time. God bless.
 
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SANTOSO

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.

Dear one,
I once faced a depression when I hated what I had become and I don’t know how to pray!
I was told to wait for God like the way I wait for a doctor. Every night I wait for Him one hour to 3 hours ; sometimes I dozed off waiting for Him. Eventually, as written the Scripture in Isaiah 40:31 and Psalm 28:8-9, I gain God’s strength.

I tried to pray what is written in the Bible. I came across this and inspires me to understand more about God’s strength ;

that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, -Ephesians 3:16
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith'that you, being rooted and grounded in love, -Ephesians 3:17

I have not perceived this way and understand God’s strength the way apostle Paul have spoken. I intrigued me to find out about everything about God’s strength.

For I have tried my ways, my strength, my thinking and resources is no avail to help me in my distress ! So I rely on God’s strength to help me out of this distress. Despite my distress, eventually I gain strength to pray according to His words and according to Holy men and women of God whom I respect.
Eventually, I gain faith.

Dear one, let me share with you two testimonies whom my friend share with me.
These man and woman of God may have shared similar circumstances like yours. I hope you may find encouragement in Christ Jesus.

 
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paul1149

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Essentially, the trials of this fallen and difficult life will either draw us away from God or draw us to Him. That is the bottom line. The devil will do everything he can to discourage us and turn our attention to the problems or to our failures; anything to distract us from God.

No matter how low you go, God is there. Ps 139 brings that out clearly.

Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,"
Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. -Ps 139:7-12​

It goes on, and I hope you will take a minute and refresh yourself with the entire thing.

Even in your pain and anger, you can turn to the Lord. You don't have to clean yourself up first. Just turn to Him as you are and ask for help. Remember His offer of peace that passes understanding and of rest for your soul. Somehow the problems you are up against will work out, and there is no sense to letting yourself get dragged further down over them. I know, we're human and can't help but be affected. But remember God in your affliction. He is the answer, not the problem.
 
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Norbert L

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Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born.
I know this self analysis all too well, however I'm convinced that God is working through my mess to accept me into His kingdom. Here's some scriptures I find handy:

Philippians 1:6
Matthew 6:34
Matthew 24:13

Plus there is such huge gap in what we are capable of understanding now as compared to what will be. Paul hints of that in 1 Corinthians 13:12. Things can look like they don't add up and that tends to whittle away our confidence in God. Nothing should be further from the truth, He is on your side. Here's a page full scriptures talk about what God is like:

What Does the Bible Say About God Is Faithful?
 
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GOD Shines Forth!

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My preacher Bible has sat under my driver seat for almost to three years. I haven't moved it since I was fired.

Walking or cycling + a good audio Bible will work wonders for you to "reconnect". Let God's word just pour in while you journey outside. I worked out a lot of frustration and anger that way, adventuring on my bike and listening to Scripture. The Psalms address the frustration and anger side of life very well, but always lift up God and His goodness. I experienced a lot of joy as well, just listening to the Spirit tell me how wonderful the Lord is and all the blessings we have IN CHRIST.

The Lord understands you and your frustrations like no human being can. He will see you through. May you be blessed today.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.
Sounds like you are blaming your wife for her illness. I will pray for her.
I am sure she is suffering immensely.
 
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Maria Billingsley

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.
Cont...I will also pray that your heart be restored to your first love.
Be blessed.
 
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pressingon17

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Sounds like you are blaming your wife for her illness. I will pray for her.
I am sure she is suffering immensely.
I'm not. Sin has caused sickness for all of us. Its just been a severely tough road over the last 7 years. Being a supporting husband, caregiver, and provider tends to wear me down.
 
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CoderGMA

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Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.

So very sorry to hear of your struggles. Being a youth pastor, you know that the enemy will use any possible way to attack you and keep you from giving your best to GOD's plan for your life. Once we accept Christ into our lives, we are no longer our own, and he never promised us an easy path. Job is a good example of how we must be faithful despite losing everything. I don't know where your shoes have been exactly, but I know that my shoes have been and still are on a very similar path without the drugs or alcohol, one that I have been on for a little more than 16 years. My story includes betrayal at the deepest levels by not only a spouse with infidelity, but by everyone I have ever known, at one point or another within this last 15 years, that has been a part of my life for even a little bit, and then a bunch of churches and strangers and professionals on many levels. Never have I seen the devil use such wickedness to try and destroy as I have this past 16 years. And I have kept the faith. Why? Because I know that GOD's plan is so much better than anything I could ever think or dream of. On top of the betrayal and slander and financial loss and family walking away and friends walking away and divorce, I am now losing my health (not to speak death on myself but to explain where I am as I am trusting GOD to heal me). I have a very serious autoimmune disease with not a very good prognosis. I am trusting GOD for healing and for his plan to be fulfilled in my life. I am hoping the GLORY HE gets from my challenges far exceeds the difficulty I go through. I know MY GOD is my rock and fortress and my deliverer and my redeemer and my vindicator. We are to love God and love others and forgive, not so for them but for us to be healed and not carry bitterness around. That bitterness is not of GOD and can keep us from GOD's best in life if we allow it to linger in our hearts. I choose life and love and freedom in Christ Jesus! I am praying for you! I know that you would not be walking through the challenges you are unless GOD had an amazing plan for your life! Will you trust HIM today?
 
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