Life has its negatives. But I never saw this insanity coming. Chronically ill spouse one year into marriage, THREE major national financial crisis' in my adult lifetime. I can't even function anymore and feel insane. I'm told to trust, well, I can't. Not anymore. I'm burnt out on faith. Every single day I'm ready to just say screw it all and give up. Ready to let it all go and hope He's faithful on Judgment Day. I'm a drug and alcohol abuser. I regret being born. This life is a major mess and I just can't anymore. If you've been around long enough to know me this is all crazy. I definitely have mental health issues and my therapist says divorce my wife and do best for me. Well God says NO. I still believe, But can barely trust. Haven't been to church in two and a half years since that started this mental crisis of faith and being fired from my home church as youth pastor. ( Due to my wife's health BTW.) I just don't know anymore and I'm burnt out on life.
Dear one,
I once faced a depression when I hated what I had become and I don’t know how to pray!
I was told to wait for God like the way I wait for a doctor. Every night I wait for Him one hour to 3 hours ; sometimes I dozed off waiting for Him. Eventually, as written the Scripture in Isaiah 40:31 and Psalm 28:8-9, I gain God’s strength.
I tried to pray what is written in the Bible. I came across this and inspires me to understand more about God’s strength ;
that according to the riches of his glory he may
grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, -Ephesians 3:16
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith'that you, being rooted and grounded in love, -Ephesians 3:17
I have not perceived this way and understand God’s strength the way apostle Paul have spoken. I intrigued me to find out about everything about God’s strength.
For I have tried my ways, my strength, my thinking and resources is no avail to help me in my distress ! So I rely on God’s strength to help me out of this distress. Despite my distress, eventually I gain strength to pray according to His words and according to Holy men and women of God whom I respect.
Eventually, I gain faith.
Dear one, let me share with you two testimonies whom my friend share with me.
These man and woman of God may have shared similar circumstances like yours. I hope you may find encouragement in Christ Jesus.