Hello Topher694, I rarely disagree with what you have to say, but what you just said doesn't seem to line up with what the Bible says. For instance, the Lord Jesus told us this by command,
Luke 17
3 “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and ~if~ he repents, forgive him.
4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, ~saying, ‘I repent~,’ forgive him.”
This passage
(and others like in it) are concerned with "
forgiveness", not reconciliation, yes?
(certainly not directly anyway)
The Lord Jesus doesn't tell us to forgive those who have sinned against us so that we can "feel better" and/or feel better about ourselves, rather, He tells us to "
rebuke" them, yes, for ~their~ good (and hopefully, for ours as well).
Where does the Bible/Christianity ever teach us to look to ourselves/to our own needs, while intentionally choosing to forgo the needs of others, even the needs of those who have hurt us
(does the Lord Jesus not tell us Christians to follow in the footsteps of the Father instead, to love & pray for/to seek the good of those who persecute us .. cf Matthew 5:43-45?)
What the Lord commands us to do 'before' we offer forgiveness to someone who has sinned against us is to "
rebuke" them,
1. to make sure that they know what they've done and how we feel about it and why, and
2. to give them the opportunity then to either repent and seek our forgiveness, or to refuse to do so.
I'm certain that the first part
(the truly painful part) of the Lord's command to us, to "
rebuke" those who have just hurt us
(to get the process of forgiveness started), is what we so desperately want to avoid
(I am just as guilty of feeling this way and just as guilty of sinning against this command as anyone else is, being the natural people-pleaser that I am, so unfortunately, I get it ), and I believe that's why the church, in general, has taken this modern-day, non-Biblical stance of ~"forgiving" others w/o actually forgiving them~, so that we, the hurt party, can begin to "heal".
But do we ever 'truly' heal when we remain silent, while the dark cloud of dislike/hatred that separates us from the other person remains in place?
So, instead of trying to make ourselves "feel better" (
by offering a silent "forgiveness" to those who offend us, w/o regard for them or for the Lord's command to us), we need to ask the Lord to forgive 'us' instead,
1. for disobeying His command to us to begin the process of forgiveness by "rebuke" and
2. for hating the person who hurt us by seeking our good instead of trusting God and seeking their good instead/as well.
God bless you!
--David
p.s. - the position that we find ourselves in when we've been hurt, combined with the command that we are given by the Lord to begin the process of making things right, can be daunting for us, but that's where trusting the Lord comes in, yes .. e.g.
Proverbs 3:5-6.