How do I make my wife feel loved when I don’t love her anymore?

KingFisher97 said:

I think a huge issue is a very very selfish root in myself is that I miss my single life more than I love her.

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Selfishness is the root of all of our sin. It is a sign that you are seated on the throne of your heart, not God. There is no way, really, to love anyone properly when this is so. Your love will always be contingent and very finite when it comes from a heart ruled by Self. Self is only ever truly occupied with itself, however selfless it may appear to be on the surface.

What is God's remedy for Self? Death. Not remediation, not improvement. Death. (See Romans 6) In fact, it is only by the crucified life that we are able to properly follow after Christ.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.
25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

John 12:24-25
24 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
25 "He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal.

No man can crucify himself. Not physically and not spiritually. God has to put us - put our Self (the "old man") - to death. And so, we were united spiritually with Christ in his death on the cross, his burial and his resurrection to new life. See Romans 6. It remains for the follower of Christ to know this and to "reckon it so" (Romans 6:11) by faith and to live in accord with the truth that the "old man is crucified with Christ that the body of sin might be destroyed that henceforth we should not serve sin." (Romans 6:6)

It is God, though, who brings us fully into this reality by the power of His Spirit (Philippians 1:6; Philippians 2:13; Romans 8:13; Ephesians 3:16; 1 Corinthians 1:8-9, etc.). And He does so only as we submit, yield, surrender ourselves to Him throughout each day. (Romans 6:13; Romans 6:22; Romans 12:1; James 4:7; 1 Peter 5:6)

The key to a good marriage is the God who instituted it at the very beginning. But He offers His power to us, the power that is supposed to be the "engine" that drives every marriage, only His way. Will you take it? Will you yield yourself to God, to His will and way, and be transformed? I pray so.

I'm so glad my post was helpful, Kingfisher.

KingFisher97 said:

. There are things I do that she does not like but they are my hobbies. I understand to an extent that you need to give up part of who you were to love your spouse but she is way too dependent on me and has nearly robbed me of everything I am outside of work and our marriage which makes things difficult.

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If you are doing something that your wife doesn't like, while knowing she doesn't like it, it is withdrawing love bank units from your account in her heart and causing her to fall out of love with you, which then is a self defeating cycle in the marriage.

This is called "independent behavior", or behavior you do in spite of your wife's displeasure about it.

Now you may say that it's your right, and that if you can't do that one thing it will rob you of who you are. However, being "who you are" is often just a selfish statement that you will have your way in purposeful disregard of your wife.

What are these hobbies, and how much time do they take? Is there anyway that she could participate in them? If you were to have 4 of those long dates with her, would she feel satiated enough with regards to time with you that she'd be enthusiastic for you to maintain your hobby? Are there any conditions under which she'd be enthusiastic about supporting your hobby?

Also, it seemed like in your answer to another post you were using inappropriate content. Did I misunderstand that?

@KingFisher97

I didn't see your answer to my question about whether or not you have angry outbursts at your wife when you feel angry or frustrated?

KingFisher97 said:

I do not feel emotions of love towards her and resent her but I still want to fight for our marriage.

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KingFisher97 said:

Truthfully I believe this to be true. I think it was a form of lust but I also do love her as a friend very much. I will keep building on that friendship.

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Loving someone like a friend does not include holding resentment towards them. If you resent a friend, that friend is not going to hang around you for long. No one wants to be around someone who resents them. So... I kind of question whether you really do love her like a friend. If you want to fight for your marriage, the way to do that is to examine yourself for all your various resentments you have towards her, and forgive her for whatever ills you think she is guilty of that you resent. Let it go! I mean, who wants to live with resentments? Life is too short to waste it on resenting someone you're supposed to love. You can never fully love her until you get rid of your resentment. You can read "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman. Resentment leads to contempt, and contempt is a marriage-killer.

tturt said:

You [Kingfisher] said "...feel like Satan has already come into our marriage and has infected my heart."

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No. Resentment entered your heart and you let it. Don't blame Satan for something you are responsible for.