Hello All, i need opinions again

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Hello,

To get to the point: a 'friend' of mine has invited me to his stag doo in a few months time.

This friend (an the majority of people that will be there) are people that i went to school with and hung around with until around a year ago.

I will say that i have never really been comfortable in their company and they are non christians (the engaged friend, even refuses to get married in a church because of how much he 'hates' religion).

I will also say that since the pandemic we haven't even spoken (and i havent missed any of them either); and to get an invitation now, i feel as though he is doing it from feeling obligated to invite me because we have known each other for so long.

My gut instinct is to decline the invitation; however this would effectively mean me 'cutting him' and those people out of my life.

* i am also invited to the wedding, which i would not attend, if i were not to go to the stag doo.

this is a big decision and I wanted to get Christian opinions over this, as to whether i would be doing the right thing by declining, telling him why, and having them 'on the boundaries' of my life.

thanks,

James.

Halbhh · Feb 24, 2021

Well, I don't think one has to go to a 'stag party' in order to go to a wedding -- one could just arrive later. To me, I'd have to consider more things to figure out whether I'd attend the wedding itself.

(examples: Is the friend someone that loves other people widely? If so, then he might well turn to God one day, because those that love can come to know God. (epistle of 1rst John) If it's less clear though, you have to ask whether you could do well there at the wedding, such as when talking with people at the reception, if you could tell them how happy you are to be in a church, for instance, or otherwise convey the good things you have found. But you don't necessarily have to attend a wedding to do that, of course. )

Albion · Feb 24, 2021

I'd say that you could go either way with this and defend the decision. It depends mostly on what you think "stag" party will be like. But if you have reason to think it'll be a dunkfest and feature strippers and that sort of thing, don't attend but do decline politely and possibly reconsider your decision to not attend the wedding which, I assume, will be a more dignified event, albeit not religious.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Halbhh said:
Well, I don't think one has to go to a 'stag party' in order to go to a wedding -- one could just arrive later. To me, I'd have to consider more things to figure out whether I'd attend the wedding itself.

(examples: Is the friend someone that loves other people widely? If so, then he might well turn to God one day, because those that love can come to know God. (epistle of 1rst John) If it's less clear though, you have to ask whether you could do well there at the wedding, such as when talking with people at the reception, if you could tell them how happy you are to be in a church, for instance, or otherwise convey the good things you have found. But you don't necessarily have to attend a wedding to do that, of course. )

Hello Halbhh, thank you for the message.

As to whether he loves other people widely, i'm not sure how to answer that. he is opposed to God, though i do sense empathy from him at times.

Unfortunately, he is so against God that he wont have the wedding in a church. Most the people there are hostile toward God, and to be there and steer conversations in that direction would create a lot of ill-feeling.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Albion said:
I'd say that you could go either way with this and defend the decision. It depends mostly on what you think "stag" party will be like. But if you have reason to think it'll be a dunkfest and feature strippers and that sort of thing, don't attend but do decline politely and possibly reconsider your decision to not attend the wedding which, I assume, will be a more dignified event, albeit not religious.

Hello Albion, thank you for your message. It will 100% be a drunken mess with strippers and who knows what else.

The issue i have with attending the wedding is that i am not close to these people anymore, and i feel like our relationship is only due to the length of time we have known each other and not through any true friendship. i'd feel uncomfortable, out of place and a bit of a fraud if i went there.

Sophrosyne · Feb 24, 2021

I agree with others you have to use your knowledge of those involved to see what could be ahead and pray and see if God gives you the "nudge" to attend. It is not always wise to go where God is not welcome it can be a hostile area as I work at times with people very ungodly I have to listen to very toxic conversations at times I have had to grit my teeth to not speak up knowing that is what they truly want..... a confrontation.
I would lean towards not attending at all myself as a default but a marriage is sometimes a life changing event and people who are normally not wanting to be serious about life suddenly are thrust into a permanent relationship and end up thinking a huge amount more. If you think you would feel uncomfortable I would consider finding someone to go with you so you aren't alone. I was once best man at a wedding and knew only the groom and nobody else and it was not a good time for me at all.

Leet · Feb 24, 2021

If you think going would have a more negative affect on you than it would a positive experience on them, don't go. You don't owe him/them. Go to the ceremony though, is my advice.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Sophrosyne said:
I agree with others you have to use your knowledge of those involved to see what could be ahead and pray and see if God gives you the "nudge" to attend. It is not always wise to go where God is not welcome it can be a hostile area as I work at times with people very ungodly I have to listen to very toxic conversations at times I have had to grit my teeth to not speak up knowing that is what they truly want..... a confrontation.
I would lean towards not attending at all myself as a default but a marriage is sometimes a life changing event and people who are normally not wanting to be serious about life suddenly are thrust into a permanent relationship and end up thinking a huge amount more. If you think you would feel uncomfortable I would consider finding someone to go with you so you aren't alone. I was once best man at a wedding and knew only the groom and nobody else and it was not a good time for me at all.

Hello Sophrosyne, thanks for the message.

I will definitely pray over this and seek an answer in scripture. I have the same experience at work, and i feel your pain over that; though i ha not considered tat they want a confrontation, but it is something that i will give thought to; why do you think that they want a confrontation?

I am definitely leaning towards attending, as the keeping up of 'false friendships' seems wrong.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Leet said:
If you think going would have a more negative affect on you than it would a positive experience on them, don't go. You don't owe him/them. Go to the ceremony though, is my advice.

Hello Leet, thank you for the message. i'm not sure what good me going would do them (or anyone else) though.

Sophrosyne · Feb 24, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello Sophrosyne, thanks for the message.

I will definitely pray over this and seek an answer in scripture. I have the same experience at work, and i feel your pain over that; though i ha not considered tat they want a confrontation, but it is something that i will give thought to; why do you think that they want a confrontation?

I am definitely leaning towards attending, as the keeping up of 'false friendships' seems wrong.

I don't really think that they want one but when you are a known believer among people that either outright hate God because they like evil or have been wronged/abused by people who claim are Christian being the rare Christian among unbelievers you can find yourself "attacked". Some people may not believe this but I've been attacked I think on a level that points to mental illness by people that the only explanation that makes any sense is that they are spiritual (demonic) influences that detect the Holy Spirit in me and it irritates them to attack me.
If you have not experienced this it can be overwhelming and can stun you to where you just sit there and are verbally "beat up" and leave feeling drained and worn out and stressed that can lead to other issues like tiredness and depression until you realize that it isn't about who you are that you were attacked but who lives in you.
Most of the time among people that are "anti-God" you come across people "baiting" you into discussions that they use to harass, embarrass, and belittle you. This is why I recommend bringing someone along as it makes it harder to become blindsided they can "watch your back".

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Sophrosyne said:
I don't really think that they want one but when you are a known believer among people that either outright hate God because they like evil or have been wronged/abused by people who claim are Christian being the rare Christian among unbelievers you can find yourself "attacked". Some people may not believe this but I've been attacked I think on a level that points to mental illness by people that the only explanation that makes any sense is that they are spiritual (demonic) influences that detect the Holy Spirit in me and it irritates them to attack me.
If you have not experienced this it can be overwhelming and can stun you to where you just sit there and are verbally "beat up" and leave feeling drained and worn out and stressed that can lead to other issues like tiredness and depression until you realize that it isn't about who you are that you were attacked but who lives in you.
Most of the time among people that are "anti-God" you come across people "baiting" you into discussions that they use to harass, embarrass, and belittle you. This is why I recommend bringing someone along as it makes it harder to become blindsided they can "watch your back".

I agree. The gospels out-rightly state that people are possessed by demons and i don't see why people today would be exempt unlike those in Jesus's day. I sense this in people in my life too and have so far not provoked/confronted them.
I am sorry tat you have experienced this but am reminded of certain scripture that will hopefully help you:

2 Corinthians 12:9

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

and:

Matthew 5:11

“Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.

You pointing out that they are not hostile towards us, but rather Him who is in us, is really helpful to me and is something that i will try and remember.

So you would attend, if i could find a Christian friend to go along with me?

Sophrosyne · Feb 24, 2021

jameshjr said:
I agree. The gospels out-rightly state that people are possessed by demons and i don't see why people today would be exempt unlike those in Jesus's day. I sense this in people in my life too and have so far not provoked/confronted them.
I am sorry tat you have experienced this but am reminded of certain scripture that will hopefully help you:

2 Corinthians 12:9

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

and:

Matthew 5:11

“Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.

You pointing out that they are not hostile towards us, but rather Him who is in us, is really helpful to me and is something that i will try and remember.

So you would attend, if i could find a Christian friend to go along with me?

I don't truly know. I am not familiar with any of these people or you and trying to "feel" my way around through reading text on the internet is way too little information to decide. I would pray and if you do know someone that is pretty wise that you would consider asking to attend with you I would discuss it with them and decide more based upon their advice as you could go a lot more in depth than is possible here.
I'm pretty strong against people that spiritually "attack" me as I'm not new to it happening at all. I know when to talk and when to be quiet and say little and when to walk away. I'm not great at spiritual warfare but am good at defending myself from the damage that can be done to you from attacks. If you know that what people are saying and doing to you isn't because of you personally you can sort of detach your feelings from it all and be a lot more logical and objective but it you aren't you can use someone else watching from the outside what is going on and cluing you in as to what action to take (if any).
Basically a Christian going to places that are hostile to God expect the unexpected.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Sophrosyne said:
I don't truly know. I am not familiar with any of these people or you and trying to "feel" my way around through reading text on the internet is way too little information to decide. I would pray and if you do know someone that is pretty wise that you would consider asking to attend with you I would discuss it with them and decide more based upon their advice as you could go a lot more in depth than is possible here.
I'm pretty strong against people that spiritually "attack" me as I'm not new to it happening at all. I know when to talk and when to be quiet and say little and when to walk away. I'm not great at spiritual warfare but am good at defending myself from the damage that can be done to you from attacks. If you know that what people are saying and doing to you isn't because of you personally you can sort of detach your feelings from it all and be a lot more logical and objective but it you aren't you can use someone else watching from the outside what is going on and cluing you in as to what action to take (if any).
Basically a Christian going to places that are hostile to God expect the unexpected.

I will pray over it and seek an answer. i've also thought about contacting my vicar over this to get his opinion.
I appreciate your comments, and i wish you well.

God bless.

Albion · Feb 24, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello Albion, thank you for your message. It will 100% be a drunken mess with strippers and who knows what else.

The issue i have with attending the wedding is that i am not close to these people anymore, and i feel like our relationship is only due to the length of time we have known each other and not through any true friendship. i'd feel uncomfortable, out of place and a bit of a fraud if i went there.

Yeh, that pretty much settles it.

jameshjr · Feb 24, 2021

Albion said:
Yeh, that pretty much settles it.

Thanks, that does help to make it clearer.

Heavenhome · Feb 25, 2021

I totally agree with Albion.

As you are not close to the person, that makes it even easier.
We are not here as Christians to please everybody else.
The important thing is to please God.

You sound like quite a sensitive person and one that takes their faith very seriously (well done!), putting yourself in that position would do you no good at all.

You say your gut feeling is not to go, have you thought rather that it is the Holy Spirit prompting you?
He is our promised helper who guides us on behalf of God.

May God bless you and give you much peace.

jameshjr · Feb 25, 2021

Heavenhome said:
I totally agree with Albion.

As you are not close to the person, that makes it even easier.
We are not here as Christians to please everybody else.
The important thing is to please God.

You sound like quite a sensitive person and one that takes their faith very seriously (well done!), putting yourself in that position would do you no good at all.

You say your gut feeling is not to go, have you thought rather that it is the Holy Spirit prompting you?
He is our promised helper who guides us on behalf of God.

May God bless you and give you much peace.

Thank you for the compliment. I don't think being a christian is something that you can do half-hearted.
I hadn't considered that it might be the spirit prompting me. I've only been a christian for about a year and still don't recognise the spirit with any clarity.

Thank you, and you also.

Sketcher · Feb 26, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello,

To get to the point: a 'friend' of mine has invited me to his stag doo in a few months time.

This friend (an the majority of people that will be there) are people that i went to school with and hung around with until around a year ago.

I will say that i have never really been comfortable in their company and they are non christians (the engaged friend, even refuses to get married in a church because of how much he 'hates' religion).

I will also say that since the pandemic we haven't even spoken (and i havent missed any of them either); and to get an invitation now, i feel as though he is doing it from feeling obligated to invite me because we have known each other for so long.

My gut instinct is to decline the invitation; however this would effectively mean me 'cutting him' and those people out of my life.

* i am also invited to the wedding, which i would not attend, if i were not to go to the stag doo.

this is a big decision and I wanted to get Christian opinions over this, as to whether i would be doing the right thing by declining, telling him why, and having them 'on the boundaries' of my life.

thanks,

James.

Is a "stag doo" like what Americans call a "bachelor party?"

jameshjr said:
Hello Albion, thank you for your message. It will 100% be a drunken mess with strippers and who knows what else.

You know this? These people will do this even though you are invited?

I've been to my share of bachelor parties. None of them involved any hired strippers, let alone prostitutes. I'm sure such bachelor parties exist, but the people I associate with didn't have them at theirs.

If you know for a fact that they will hire such entertainment, or if there will be so much alcohol that it will be a problem for you if you go, then it's best to stay away. You're on a new track now, and you need to not be derailed by that. If you can go and there won't be strippers and if you can drink in moderation but not to excess, to the point where you can even take some of the guys home, then I would encourage that instead. Taking a drunk person home is an act of mercy, and keeping drunk drivers off the road is a public service.

Also, if a smaller number of the guys will be engaging in debauchery at a later part of the night, and if you can excuse yourself before that begins, that might be another option.

jameshjr said:
The issue i have with attending the wedding is that i am not close to these people anymore, and i feel like our relationship is only due to the length of time we have known each other and not through any true friendship. i'd feel uncomfortable, out of place and a bit of a fraud if i went there.

Dude, you were invited to the wedding. Why would you be a fraud? Not going to either of them will be burning a bridge. 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 teaches that you were born again for the purpose of living for Christ, and that Christians were given his message of reconciliation and therefore became Christ's ambassadors. A good ambassador does not burn a bridge unless absolutely necessary as an absolute last resort. If you have to decline going to the "stag doo" for religious/moral reasons, at least go to the wedding. Many secular people will respect that.

1watchman · Feb 26, 2021

jameshjr said:
Hello,

To get to the point: a 'friend' of mine has invited me to his stag doo in a few months time.

This friend (an the majority of people that will be there) are people that i went to school with and hung around with until around a year ago.

I will say that i have never really been comfortable in their company and they are non christians (the engaged friend, even refuses to get married in a church because of how much he 'hates' religion).

I will also say that since the pandemic we haven't even spoken (and i havent missed any of them either); and to get an invitation now, i feel as though he is doing it from feeling obligated to invite me because we have known each other for so long.

My gut instinct is to decline the invitation; however this would effectively mean me 'cutting him' and those people out of my life.

* i am also invited to the wedding, which i would not attend, if i were not to go to the stag doo.

this is a big decision and I wanted to get Christian opinions over this, as to whether i would be doing the right thing by declining, telling him why, and having them 'on the boundaries' of my life.

thanks,

James.

It sounds like a bunch of non-Christians who can only corrupt the Christian testimony. Why would you even consider going to join with them? Are there no Christian friends to associate with for you?

jameshjr · Feb 28, 2021

1watchman said:
It sounds like a bunch of non-Christians who can only corrupt the Christian testimony. Why would you even consider going to join with them? Are there no Christian friends to associate with for you?

My mind is made up that i will not be attending the stag doo. I think i know that it will cause a rift with them if i dont go.
I currently have no christian friends, but am becoming more involve din my church and am hoping to develop friendships there.

Hello All, i need opinions again

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