Female inappropriate content addiction, can't stop

Jaxxi said:

It reads like you are a inappropriate content addict who watches inappropriate content all night. There is no indication of anything different so my apologies for not reading into what isn't there. How could I know differently? Have you given her advice on how to quit? How did you rewire yourself to not think about it?

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Jaxxi said:

Just quit going to it. Realize that every person you are watching on the screen is going to hell without question. You must do everything in your power to not go to hell to be raped by demons and burn in fire forever. No [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] in the world is worth going to hell where you are absolutely so terrified at all times that you are literally going crazy and have no one to care or help you. No one. You are naked there and the stench is unbearable. There is no getting out , you will be eaten alive only to have your body grow back and have it happen again. Do everything in your power. No Filth is worth that. Please believe me.

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Gregorikos said:

Perhaps you could try reading the entire thread? In post #17 I clearly stated that I've been clean 4 years. (5 now.) And I did give her advice on how to quit. This is a Recovery forum for support of those recovering from addictions and substances. Why do you think we're here?

To be frank, your responses are the last thing a sex addict needs:



You know what? Everything you said there is true. But it isn't helpful here. It's full of judgement. She already knew this, that's why she came here for help. Judgement only increases shame and hopelessness, which is what drives this addiction to begin with.

She needed empathy. I was trying to give that to her. I've been in the same pit. I know what it's like. I know how to get out of it. I don't believe you do.

Seriously, thank you for trying to serve the Lord here. I'm sure you have the best intentions. But some training in how an addict gets better goes a long way toward making them better rather than worse. I hope you will look into that.

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sdk80 said:

I don't know how to start this other than I think my inappropriate content addiction is causing a great deal of anxiety and emotional upheaval in my life. It's a sin that I keep reverting to, no matter how many times I pray for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. Just doing quick browse of this board, it looks like inappropriate content addiction is the #1 struggle here, but it's hard to find women struggling with it.

It started when I was around 16 and inappropriate content was becoming pervasive on the internet. Finding erotic fiction online was fairly easy, and my parents accidentally caught me reading it one day. I wasn't at the computer, but I'd forgotten to close out the window, and I was the only who'd been home using the computer. I fiercely denied it had been me, and tried to make some excuse about a spam site coming up. They dropped it and I didn't get in trouble, but I think they knew the truth.

Soon I discovered inappropriate contentographic pictures and videos, and even stole my parent's credit card once to sign up for a inappropriate content site. It had a free trial, so I made sure to cancel the subscription before their card was charged and it showed up on their statement. Eventually, I got my own credit card and signed up. Then sites like inappropriate contenthub came along, and suddenly everything was free, more plentiful, and easier to access.

To this day I switch up between erotic fiction online, video, and audio inappropriate content...whatever I'm in the mood for. It's desensitized me to sex, to foul language, and I've used it to replace a real relationship. In fact, I've never been intimate with another person, even though I crave that closeness. There are other issues that have affected my choice to remain single, so I think I've been relying on inappropriate content to provide that stimulation that I'm lacking in reality.

Part of me tries to justify it with being single. Married people and people in relationships can rely on one another for sexual stimulation, and it's almost impossible to achieve with basically no external source. However, I know the Bible is against lust and God intended sex to be shared within marriage...which is why I've not actually had sex with another person. Despite everything else, I'm still a virgin. That's really hard to admit at 39.

I can remember being instinctively fascinated with "sex" even as early as 4 years old. I had no idea what sex was until I was around 11 or 12, but you know how kids get curious and experiment. Well, that happened with other kids my age. It was all innocent, but I remember having lots of thoughts and desires as a kid skewed towards things of a sexual nature. I never had any adults abuse me or molest me, and none of the adults I was around would have ever approved of some of the stuff us kids did - even if we never went THAT far with things.

So here I am 20+ years later still stuck in a inappropriate contentography addiction. Every time I reach for my phone when I'm in the mood, I know I'm sinning and I know I promised God I wouldn't keep doing this. I know I'll feel bad about it later, and I'm afraid of punishment from God for continuing this sin. One thing I don't know is what to do about it. It's almost like I don't want to give it up because then I'll be forced to either be alone, or face the terrifying prospect of having to find a real partner. Today's been awful. I've felt anxious and depressed all day, which isn't uncommon after indulging in this addiction.

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Jaxxi said:

Here is a good prayer you can say.

Lord, I confess there is sin in my life I can’t shake. I’ve struggled silently for so along against it. I’ve dismissed it, justified it, tried to convince myself it isn’t as bad as I know it really is. Lord, I know Satan desires me to leave my sin in the dark. I confess it to you, and bring it to light.

Lord, I need your strength to defeat this sin. I am thankful that your power is made perfect in my weakness. I don’t boast in my sin, but boast in you who works in my weakness to make me more like you. I know that I have the opportunity to glorify you by fighting against this sin in my life. Give me wisdom and perspective in the moment I am tempted to sin – help me in that moment see my sin as you see it, and not do the sin my heart longs to do.

Oh Lord – who will save me from this body of death! Thanks be to God! Thank you Lord for rescuing me and saving me from my sinfulness. It is only in your grace that I am saved, and I am so thankful.

In Your Name I pray, Amen!

I really do hope for the best for you as I have my own as addictions I struggle with and I never meant to judge you. I am sorry if it came across that way.

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sdk80 said:

I don't know how to start this other than I think my inappropriate content addiction is causing a great deal of anxiety and emotional upheaval in my life. It's a sin that I keep reverting to, no matter how many times I pray for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. Just doing quick browse of this board, it looks like inappropriate content addiction is the #1 struggle here, but it's hard to find women struggling with it.

It started when I was around 16 and inappropriate content was becoming pervasive on the internet. Finding erotic fiction online was fairly easy, and my parents accidentally caught me reading it one day. I wasn't at the computer, but I'd forgotten to close out the window, and I was the only who'd been home using the computer. I fiercely denied it had been me, and tried to make some excuse about a spam site coming up. They dropped it and I didn't get in trouble, but I think they knew the truth.

Soon I discovered inappropriate contentographic pictures and videos, and even stole my parent's credit card once to sign up for a inappropriate content site. It had a free trial, so I made sure to cancel the subscription before their card was charged and it showed up on their statement. Eventually, I got my own credit card and signed up. Then sites like inappropriate contenthub came along, and suddenly everything was free, more plentiful, and easier to access.

To this day I switch up between erotic fiction online, video, and audio inappropriate content...whatever I'm in the mood for. It's desensitized me to sex, to foul language, and I've used it to replace a real relationship. In fact, I've never been intimate with another person, even though I crave that closeness. There are other issues that have affected my choice to remain single, so I think I've been relying on inappropriate content to provide that stimulation that I'm lacking in reality.

Part of me tries to justify it with being single. Married people and people in relationships can rely on one another for sexual stimulation, and it's almost impossible to achieve with basically no external source. However, I know the Bible is against lust and God intended sex to be shared within marriage...which is why I've not actually had sex with another person. Despite everything else, I'm still a virgin. That's really hard to admit at 39.

I can remember being instinctively fascinated with "sex" even as early as 4 years old. I had no idea what sex was until I was around 11 or 12, but you know how kids get curious and experiment. Well, that happened with other kids my age. It was all innocent, but I remember having lots of thoughts and desires as a kid skewed towards things of a sexual nature. I never had any adults abuse me or molest me, and none of the adults I was around would have ever approved of some of the stuff us kids did - even if we never went THAT far with things.

So here I am 20+ years later still stuck in a inappropriate contentography addiction. Every time I reach for my phone when I'm in the mood, I know I'm sinning and I know I promised God I wouldn't keep doing this. I know I'll feel bad about it later, and I'm afraid of punishment from God for continuing this sin. One thing I don't know is what to do about it. It's almost like I don't want to give it up because then I'll be forced to either be alone, or face the terrifying prospect of having to find a real partner. Today's been awful. I've felt anxious and depressed all day, which isn't uncommon after indulging in this addiction.

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SANTOSO said:

It is a beautiful prayer, sis. I love it. When pray wholeheartedly, I believe it will please the Lord.

We are thankful to God for giving us strength to die to sin, and live in His righteousness and by His wounds we are made whole.

I just remember what has been written to us :
I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one. -1 John 2:13

I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one. -1 John 2:14

Let us continue to do what has been written for us.
May the Lord keep us from all evil.

Sis, your words are encouraging. Keep up the good work.

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Jaxxi said:

Thank you. I am working on trading human emotions for Godly compassion and empathy and though I fall so very short, it is what I am working towards. Sometimes I read back my posts and I think I have come across completely different than I actually intended or thought at the time I posted it and I'm like..." Wow...that's kind of mean and sounds insensitive. " so, thank you for the kind words! It means a lot.

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SANTOSO said:

Dear Jazzi,
This is what I have heard, touched me and I would like to share with you:

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. -Romans 13:8

It is hard for me to perceive God’s steadfast love and compassion before till I know I owe Him much love !

As our Lord have related a parable :
"A certain moneylender had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. -Luke 7:41
When they could not pay, He cancelled the debt of both. Now which of them will love Him more?" -Luke 7:42

How do I come to know the Lord’s steadfast love and compassion?

This is the goodness and loving kindness of our Savior that we have heard:

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, -Titus 3:4
He saved us, -Titus 3:5

What our Savior saved us from ? This is what we have heard:

For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. -Titus 3:3

So, I reaffirm from time to time what the Lord has done for me so that I won’t forget His goodness and loving kindness for me.

when the goodness and loving kindness of God my Savior appeared,
He saved me from being foolish, being disobedient, being led astray.
He saved me from becoming slaves to various passions and pleasures,
He saved me from passing my days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.

I thank God that He saved according to His mercy.
I thank God wash me and gives me a renewal of Holy Spirit that He pour on me through Christ Jesus, my Lord.

When I believe this, I call this to my mind daily. I know what the Lord has done for me. I begin to identify His goodness and loving kindness. I become aware to appreciate what He has done for me.

This is how I draw close to His steadfast love and compassion. I hope what I share can help you reach God’s compassion that you are looking for.

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Jaxxi said:

He has not saved me from some of those things yet and I have been foolish and led astray. I pray to Him but I do not feel He hears me very well, and I wait on Him in prayer, but He does not show up. I read His word and love Him so much. I have been called to fast but I do not know how to do it safely and have never done it. My husband has become a naysayer and I am not happy. When I pray for him it gets worse. I am at a crossroads.

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SANTOSO said:

Dear Jaxxi,
This is what I have heard:
Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and thrown into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. -Mark 11:23

So, when I believe and say this :
when the goodness and loving kindness of God my Savior appeared,
He saved me from being foolish, being disobedient, being led astray.

I just believe and it will come to pass. It will be done for me.

I just have in faith in God, that is, believe in the the words that the Son of God have said.

How I don’t become foolish and led astrayed ?
I just hold onto His words. I submit His words daily and believe God give me wisdom on how to live aright. If I make mistake, I just pray for forgiveness because I know Jesus is a holy man who plead for me before His Father. He will help me. He will forgive me his child for the sake of His name.

Until today, there are things that I have been foolish doing, that is, holding onto my self righteousness and self love — that offend family whom I love. I didn’t know many things that I have done — wrong them so much — pain them. I just ask them for forgiveness, seek their mercy and tell them I need help because there are things that they ask of me — that I can’t do yet — I am emotionally fatigued— may be eventually I can do if God gives me the strength and wisdom.

So don’t be downcasted, jaxxi. Don’t be dismayed. For this is what we have heard:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

Jaxxi, I understand if your loved one is naysayer. It hurts. It pains. Many crying moments. Yes, afflicted in every way. I have the same resistance from my papa, and he can talk for hours with he disagrees with me on many things and remembered so well past events.

But I just choose a path to humble myself. I don’t insist my own righteousness. I want to be thoughtful to him; putting aside my rightness or his rightness, I just choose to make peace with him. Be first to confess wrong. This strength I get from the Lord because I keep asking God to give me strength to forgive those who wronged, offended me, distorted what I have said and done. I just keep pressing to release forgiveness in prayer and took courage to meet him. When my papa boils anger and frustration, I am just emotionally fatigued to be close to him or talk to him. Eventually God gives me the strength to push away anger and frustration with the strength of His love. I just press and believe that I can do things to love my papa. I believe God is with me. For God is love. I just tell myself how much I owe my papa and God love— I just need to work something to pay back this love. I believe God can help me build many memorable memories of love and affection though I didn’t see yet I believe there will be many.

Dear Jaxxi,
I understand your cross road. I have been naysayer husband, too. I am ashamed. But God changed me, humbled me.

Before I never appreciate the little things my wife has done for me and children ; eventually I see her thoughtfulness and diligence.

We just need to believe God gives us His people strength. In His righteousness, He can bring us out of distress. He can bring us relief and favor.

Jaxxi, I come to understand more about God from what I have heard:

steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD. -Psalms 32:10

So we need to trust in the steadfast of love of God in the journey of our life, then the manifestation of His love will surround us.

So who need to act first to trust ? We are ! Why ? Because it mean much the manifestation of His love to surround us in our afflictions. His love bring comfort to us that we dearly need.

That is how we become overcomer through Christ who loved us.

Jaxxi, just trust God gives you the strength.
Remember you are dearly loved — called chosen because the Lord have loved you and gave Himself for you.

Remember in your afflictions, you are not alone if you have taken the Lord’s yoke. Why? Taking His yoke means that the Lord suffered with us. That is how much we owe our Lord Jesus Christ our love.

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Jaxxi said:

He has not saved me from some of those things yet and I have been foolish and led astray. I pray to Him but I do not feel He hears me very well, and I wait on Him in prayer, but He does not show up. I read His word and love Him so much. I have been called to fast but I do not know how to do it safely and have never done it. My husband has become a naysayer and I am not happy. When I pray for him it gets worse. I am at a crossroads.

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Jaxxi said:

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this to me. Seriously thank you.

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bèlla said:

Remembrance is a powerful tool you don’t see utilized as it was in the past. Testimonies were an integral part of church and the Christian walk. They were declarations of remembrance. A personal recounting of God’s redemptive power in us.

We shared them publicly with friends and strangers. Celebrating His goodness on one accord. In seasons of dryness in the valley; you must remember from whence you came.

When you recall how far He’s brought you, you understand He’s not done. This is another leg of the journey. What you require for nourishment at the beginning may be insufficient when you’ve grown. The Physician prescribes a different remedy.

If the Lord led you to fast look for others doing the same. Start a thread and share your concerns. Ask for input from experienced fasters. And keep your husband on the prayer list. Submit your request to your church and favorite ministries every month. Some situations require many voices storming heaven on our behalf.

For a time it may get worse as God deals with him. But don’t relent.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

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